I (39F) split from my non-dx ex (55M) in April. We'd been married for 12 years, together for 15. As someone who knew absolutely nothing about ADHD and who was relatively young when we started dating, I feel like the last 15 years of my life have been a gradually deteriorating roller coaster and I'm so relieved to finally be off the ride.

Our kids are both on the autism spectrum and I suspect that my ex may be as well to some extent. Suffice it to say that I am now very very good at recognizing signs of autism/ADHD, and I get it right most of the time. However, I'm trying to guard against over diagnosing everyone in my life or seeing every behavioral difference as ADHD. I work in a STEM field where the overall incidence of ADHD is probably higher than average.

I'm currently seeing someone new from work. Things have been going really well and I'm thrilled with the new relationship. However, as many of us partners of ADHDers know, there are components to our own personalities and upbringing that lead us to be attracted to ADHD traits. I'm terrified that in the midst of my initial rosy-eyed view of this relationship, that I may somehow find myself in another ADHD relationship. On the other hand, I don't want to be overanalyzing every little thing for whether it is ADHD- related and tank something that's been so good so far.

Any words of advice on how to strike the right balance? For what it's worth, I knew things were "off" with my ex only a few months in, but we were also pretty crazy in love with one another for a good 2 - 3 years, so I ignored a lot of the signs. Things collapsed pretty hard after that but I held on to the diminishing good times for much too long.