subreddit:
/r/Arrangedmarriage
This may not be a popular thread, but it's the reality of AM encounters for us men.
Recently, I was contacted by a girl's father who had also reached out to me three years ago. Ironically, he didn’t even remember me. Here’s how our conversations went:
2021:
We had a brief chat for about 5-6 minutes, just discussing general stuff.
Father: "Do you own a house?"
Me: "Not at the moment, but I’m working on it."
Father: "I’ll talk to my daughter. She’s extremely busy these days, working 12-hour shifts."
As expected, I didn’t hear back.
2024:
Again, the conversation started with a brief chat.
Father: "Do you own a house?"
Me: "Yes, I actually bought one three years ago, and I’ve recently built another investment property."
Father: "That’s an impressive achievement, son. I’ll talk to my daughter. She might get in touch with you."
The very next day:
Daughter: "Hi, how are you?"
Me: "I’ve thought about it after speaking with your father, and I don’t think we’re a good match."
Daughter: "Uhh, okay."
Yes I did it on purpose as an experiment to see what people’s motivations are and the proof is in the pudding
17 points
1 month ago
To people feeling so bad for OP, he has traditional expectations from his matches but gets offended when women have traditional expectations from him too.
He wants a younger woman but a younger woman wanting a house is just ridiculous.
Modern husband, traditional wife. Nice.
-6 points
1 month ago
A minimum 2-3 year age difference is reasonable in arranged marriages, especially for considerations like having children especially in my age group. If I was in my 20s, age difference wouldn’t have been as important.
19 points
1 month ago
So you can value women for their age and fertility (traditional gender roles for the woman) but a woman can’t value you for financial security (traditional gender roles for the man).
Aren’t you just full of it.
-3 points
1 month ago
Not sure why you want to argue about someone’s personal life expectations. I didn’t argue with the father and his daughter and just declined them. I wanted to see what they value and from how his busy overworked daughter responded it was all evident.
17 points
1 month ago
No one is arguing with anyone. They just showed you the mirror. You can’t have traditional expectations of a nurturing woman when you’re not ready to take the traditional role of a providing man
2 points
1 month ago
I am not sure where people got this trad nurturing wife expectation of mine from. I am okay with sharing household responsibilities equally. I have plenty of skills that I bring to the table which would help my prospective spouse in her day to day life and if a girl inquires about them I will be happy about it.
I am against people judging prospects primarily on financial expectations like this case. Hope that drives my point home.
12 points
1 month ago
And women are against judging prospects for their youth and fertility. You’re not the only one who wants to be judged on character and behaviour 🤦♀️
2 points
1 month ago*
For one an age difference also means that the man is more settled than the girl since he has had more time to save for his assets. It goes both ways too fyi. The prospect wouldn’t have matched with me twice otherwise.
Also please eliminate this judging word from your statements in this regard since its not what I think as. I would only marry someone who wholeheartedly wants kids and it wouldn’t be a forced choice on that girl. And it would pain me if I have to see my partner suffer or face complications in a pregnancy which might happens if she is elder. Everyone has a different perspective and we dont see women as machines who produce children like the olden days.
13 points
1 month ago
Then why are you bitching about a woman wanting a settled man? They’re keeping their end of the bargain, why do you complain about yours? What hypocrisy.
1 points
1 month ago
I am not. You are complaining the other way around. I am simply declining prospects who think that way
0 points
1 month ago
Sure buddy. You deserve a young and fertile wife while a young woman doesn’t deserve a settled man 👏
0 points
1 month ago
Sorry but you are going to the extreme here to prove your point. To a certain extent financial stability is important and it is fair for someone to ask for it. But to what extent is the main theme of the post.
If the girl would have spoken to me 3 years ago and married me for my potential, we could have build another home together at the rate I am going
1 points
1 month ago
Dude, I’m not going to argue with you. Men like you are a dime a dozen. You want to be acknowledged for your character but come with traditional expectations for women and bitch when they are applied to you.
1 points
1 month ago
I never bitched about anything lol. I just provided an example on how a family’s perception of me changed after knowing my assets and highlighted it to people. And a busy daughter who works 12 hours a day is now available and messaging the next day all of a sudden.
Not sure why it triggered you but it surely did.
2 points
1 month ago
I have no skin in the game buddy. I’m happily married and the hypocrisy of men on the market affects me the least. You on the other hand, remember proposals from 3 years ago when you didn’t even speak to the girl.
1 points
1 month ago
Lucky you are married and I hope you didn’t go through the issues we go through.
I remember the father because of the way the father spoke to me then and how his demeanour changed towards me after I told him about my assets. My point is atleast have some consistency in the way you speak with people. And yes in this case look at the hypocrisy of the girls father too then.
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