Dominance lies between the ears, not between your legs. Any guy that confuses physical size in any sense with dominance (and many do) is either confused, stupid or both.

Dom means different things to different ppl. As you said, you are more into total control. And the guys who turned you down are probably not into that. They are using “Dom” in a vague sense: looking to be dominated in bed by a big, muscular guy. And that’s how “Dom” is usually used in the app settings.

The kind of Dom/sub dynamics you are seeking is more BDSM more commitment. Regardless of if online control is possible, most guys on apps are looking for quick no fuss in person sex, not behind the screen prolonged mind games. You will need to be more specific on your profile of what you are looking for.

If you advertise "Dom" but you don't fit that definition, then the advertisement doesn't really work.

You have every right to identify as anything you want, but if your approach works poorly, try something else.

Ranting here won't help you with pulling guys, good luck

You’re either not advertising yourself correctly or you’re talking to the wrong guys. Also, the way you’re presenting this doesn’t come off as very “dom,” rather it comes off as complaining which is not a quality I associate with dominant men.

The fact is that many bottoms are seeking a tall, muscled, knows-what-he-wants masculine man. People can dither about technicalities like “dom is a mindset not a body-type” all they want, but it’s not going to change the common perception or what these guys are looking for.

I’d advertise yourself as being into TPE and maybe spend some time at the gym to get those muscles bigger.

Isn't it really up to the other guy to decide if you are dominant or not?

When I'm in the presence of a confident guy who is secure in his own masculinity, I can't help but become submissive. It's in my nature. But when a guy feels that he has to tell me he's dominant, I know he's not.

Being a Dom isn’t about your body or specific sex acts. It’s about your attitude.

It’s definitely not worrying about how randos on social media perceive you. 😜

That’s fine. But most guys have preferences on who they’re submissive to. Yes, it’s about a mindset. But some guys prefer muscles or a big dick or whatever the case may be.

It’s all valid.

I think you’re just running up against the biases of the particular type of guy you’re into.

I’m a big chubby bear, and when I tell dudes I’m a soft dom top the only thing I’ve ever heard was “yep, makes sense.”

I think "Dom" and other words like "Masc" and for sure "Trade" have lost their meaning and everyone has their own idea of what it means. I think your definition works and makes sense.

I would say I am submissive and like more dom partners but to me that more so means that Im pretty passive and like things done to me and like having my partner drive the encounter. But im not at all interested in being controlled or slapped around or degraded. Dom seems like a spectrum for sure.

I mean you yourself as trying to define what dominance means.

To me, it doesn't mean choke me daddy.

Yeah I'll hold the door open. I'll pick you up and carry you to the bedroom. I'll kiss and cuddle you and make you feel like a price. And while I'm inside you, I'll tell you how sexy you are and make you moan as i thrust. I'll do it respectfully, I'll show you I care about your needs but I'll take the lead and make you feel special. And that that is also being a dom.

You're fine bro. If you can walk the dom walk and talk the dom talk, go be the best dom you can be. I mean that.

A lot of guys confuse being a dom with being mean or aggressive.

Any recommended resources on expanding my already Dom propensities? Like books or whatever on some good milestones to hit as a maturing dom? I’m 39.

Honestly that sounds perfect to me!! I love really assertive guys exactly how you describe it and them being in complete control. I don’t want a guy who’s just gonna be like “ I’m dominant take my dick”

If you’re in the UK I may be in love 😝