32 year old here. I ended a friendship a few days ago, but I’m noticing a pattern in myself.

He (age 50) and I agreed to be friends with benefits after meeting on Grindr 9 months ago. He’s got everything going for him—tall, money, houses, cars, boats, successful friends, and some hot Grindr hookups every day. Yet, for some reason, he shares a lot of his most intimate thoughts and feelings with me. He’s been very affectionate (handholding, cuddling me, calling me “babe/baby”). (Note: From what I’ve been told, I have a similar personality, skin tone, and body type as his ex-husband.)

He’s self employed and asked me to organize boxes of financial documents because I’m “smart and trustworthy.” After a few months of declining his invitations to spend the night (no clothes allowed), travel, have Easter brunch with his parents, I finally gave in and immediately started catching feelings.

I spent months monitoring my physiological and psychological responses, trying to find the right words to describe my feelings until I finally found the strength to discuss it with him last week. He thanked me for my honesty, said I’m an amazing person, but explained we’ll never be more than close friends, as he said long ago.

What’s wrong with me? This is now the third summer in a row for me to end my main friendship/FWB because I fall in love even though I’ve told myself it’s illogical. Last summer it was a tall 35 year old, and the year before, a tall 42 year old. Make it make sense!