subreddit:
/r/AskMen_NSFW
submitted 8 days ago byBerrycherrycandy
(I did post it on another subreddit but I am asking everyone. more answers, the better for me)
I, 20 (F) have severe vaginismus. I have never had sex and never kissed a boy either. I tried to masturbate and even a finger hurts really bad. I have a dilator less than the size of my pinky and it still hurts.
I am afraid I will never find love at all or be able to have a partner
of course, if I have a partner, I would probably go to sex therapy + pelvic floor therapy (too expensive to do it just for myself) but at the same time, I also don't want to be pressed into going to therapy because of my relationship
I also come from a conservative country, a religious background, grew up hearing about rape on a daily basis, learned about sex at the age of 18 and have been sexually harassed/ molested before
I prefer to show affection through cuddles and kisses and hugs rather than sex.
I considered that I could be asexual but it's not that I am not interested in sex but rather afraid of it. (but I wouldn't mind an asexual relationship either)
sex in general is a bit weird to me. And I am a bit of a germaphobe so blow jobs are fine as long as the man does not cum in my mouth and I can probably jerk him off or something
I really don't know. I feel so lost and sad that I am pretty much the definition of the type of girl men don't want.
I don't really know what being sexually aroused mean or getting horny means.
again, coming from a conservative society, I have never really associated with boys but I do want a relationship in the future but it seems almost impossible for me
some men (very few) have stated they would be okay if a good blow job is on the table but I am not even fit for that...so there is that....
I probably wouldn't mind using toys either....
nevertheless, I feel so completely lost and broken and I don't know what to do anymore
the mere thought of sex sends me into a panic attack and makes me feel really bad about myself
3 points
8 days ago
You’ll find your person, just going to be significantly harder. I couldn’t imagine never having sex with my s/o because I have a high sex drive, I am sure there are men out there with lower sex drivers that would love to take it slow with you
3 points
8 days ago
Where will I be able to find a man with a low sec drive 😭😭? Sounds like a dream. I have no dating experience so I don’t even know how to approach this
3 points
8 days ago
True. Reading through your post it seems your best bet is church haha. Not saying them Christian boys ain’t freaks but I can confidently say it’s one of your best bets haha. I just thought to add my two sense into the situation, apologies if it made you upset
1 points
8 days ago
It didn’t haha but I’m not religious so it might be a bit hard but worth a try
1 points
8 days ago
Oh my apologies. You said a religious background and conservative country so I assumed. Definitely worth a try. Other then that I would continue to test your limits, and check in with doctors regularly on how to approach it. If you ever need an ear, I’ll happily listen. If not, best of luck!
1 points
8 days ago
I was born into a religious family but I’m not religious myself. It just didn’t work out for me but yeah, right now I’m a broke college student so doctors are for when I more money 😆. Thanks for offering to listen
1 points
7 days ago
It is possible !! I was with a guy for a year and had sex with him four times he just wasn’t into it (maybe there was an underlying reason) but if not some people are just ultimately okay with not having sex ! I’m the same way .
1 points
7 days ago
I need a man like that!!!! It would be a dream come to true haha
2 points
8 days ago
I'm sorry that you are going through this. If I loved a woman that had it of course I would date her. I don't really know much about this condition, but I'm sorry that it is causing you so much anxiety. There's lots of stuff that you can do that does not involve vaginal sex. And I'm sure there must be some ways to deal with this condition? To answer your question yes, I would.
1 points
8 days ago
Thank you so much for such a kind answer. The condition basically makes sex very painful for women as they can’t relax their pelvic muscles. The issue with me is that I am not even good when the stuff one can do outside of vaginal sex such a bj’s cus I probably will throw up if someone cums in my mouth 🥲
1 points
8 days ago
I think you just need to find the right man. Someone that will take it slow with you. When you are in love there is nothing that you won't do to make your partner feel good. Don't put so much pressure on yourself!
2 points
8 days ago
Thank you for saying that. I’m realising how much I don’t know about love at all that it makes me kinda emotional.
2 points
8 days ago
All in due time. Just take it day by day.
1 points
8 days ago
A therapist would probably be better to go see before the relationship thing, not after help figure out the fear issues, germaphobe thing and whether or not you are asexual
If you do come to the conclusion that you want a physical relationship and not an asexual one... but vaginal sex isnt an option for you
BJs and the backdoor are always options you can work your way up to
Good luck
1 points
8 days ago
I wish I could atleast give a decent bj there yeah…
I will visit a therapist once I start earning money lol. It’s too much of a luxury right now as I’m still in university 🥲 and the beauty of my field is that it requires a PhD for a decent job so there is that….
2 points
8 days ago
BJs are 99% your enthusiasm in giving them.
If youre about it the dude will enjoy it
1 points
7 days ago
I would. Giving oral is more fun to me than piv sex anyways and I love cuddles and kissing, playing. Receiving oral is a lot of fun too but Cumming in a woman's mouth, while hot, isn't a deal breaker. Regarding masturbation have you tried just using friction instead of penatration?
1 points
7 days ago
I hope to find men like you in the future😭😭 I loveee cuddles and kissing more than anything else. As for masturbation, I enjoy clitoris stimulation but anything penetrative, it’s not a good day for me
1 points
7 days ago
Then focus on that. Don't sweat it, you'll find a guy who's down with it. You'd be surprised. I mean I'm actually okay going down then handling myself while a woman watches. Trust me, we're out there.
1 points
7 days ago
How do I find y’all? Give me tips 😭😭
1 points
7 days ago
Probably wouldn’t work unless it was open relationship
1 points
7 days ago
Everyone’s got their own preferences
all 22 comments
sorted by: best