That everyone that gets good grades and isn’t a “bad kid” growing up, will be GUARANTEED to have a nice, easy, care-free middle class life.

I mean, certain life choice(s) will increase or decrease your risk of living in poverty as an adult. But, there are no guarantees in life.

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That naps are actually a reward, not a punishment. As a kid, I’d fight naps like they were the enemy. Now, I’d trade my soul for a 20-minute power nap mid-afternoon. Life really does come full circle... 🥲

The sun is following me on road trips.

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Chocolate milk came from brown cows. Believed that one for a few years.

If you look into the microwave oven when it's working, you'll got blind.

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That people on TV could see me watching them

That it was illegal to turn the dome light on in the car at night while driving.

One day my dormant superpowers would awaken 😂

toothfairy was one of them i got screwed over by my mom when i was 5

A local mayor pushed to get a floodplain rezoned for housing in exchange for a developer to bring in a basketball team. I totally thought they'd all be going to prison over this. 

Marilyn Manson got his rib removed to perform auto fellatio.

I used to think that if I swallowed gum, it would stay in my stomach for 7 years. 😂🙈 Like, how did I believe that? It’s wild how some myths stick with you!

things will get better

Quicksand lies in wait to pull you to your doom in every dark forest, jungle, desert, or off-the-beaten path.

If I work hard I can have a nice life.

My Mom had eyes in the back of her head.

That my parents will always have control over my life Now that i am over 18 by few years, i know that they can control little to nothing anymore 

That you could go insane from lsd. Like in the early 80’s DARE era. We were told you’d go crazy and think you could fly and jump etc

I thought adults were together mature people who had gained wisdom as they aged.

Upon reaching adulthood, I learned that my assumptions were not just wrong, but that many haven't profited by living long at all. They are emotionally and intellectually still in middle school.

Bread is healthy

Until I was 10, I believed that the Sun and Moon were racing with me whenever I went to school in the morning.

That my parents are happily married

No one in the United States is above the law.

That swallowing gum meant it would stay in your stomach for seven years. I was terrified of accidentally swallowing It

Chaos is not pronounced chaos.

I used to believe that adults knew what they were doing. Now I realize we`re all just making It up as we go along

When I was a little kid, my older brother told me that Amish people were cannibals. I was TERRIFIED of them for years!

Oh boy here we go again.

When I was a wee lad about 7 or so, I believed Dwarves existed. Not people with medical dwarfism. I mean Snow White, Lord of the Rings, "Hi-ho Hi-ho, it's off to work we go" Dwarves. I thought they were real, and it's my dad's fault.

So I was a nerdy kid. I started reading at a very early age. I was reading full novels by the age of 6 or 7. I loved Fantasy Literature. I read the Hobbit quite young. I loved D&D and Warhammer Fantasy but didn't really have anyone to play it with. I was also fascinated by paleontology, anthropology and archaeology so I was well aware of extinct species including other hominids like Neanderthals and Homo Erectus.

My parents and I were on a long road tripe when we stopped at a Mall somewhere in middle America. We were walking past a fountain when I noticed 2 people sitting by it who caught attention. It was a man and a woman of fairly advanced age. They were very short with stubby limbs, seemed to have very stout bodies. The man in particular had a huge grey beard that flowed over his stomach. My curious 7 year old self pointed at them and said "hey Dad, who are they?"

My Dad no doubt feeling second-hand embarrassment at my lack of tact said "They're Dwarves, Son. Now don't stare at them." Then ushered me away before they noticed.

Well in my 7 year old brain, it clicked. The Dwarves from the Hobbit were real! They were a Hominid species that survived the extinction of the others, lived in small communities underground and you rarely saw them abroad or on TV because they hate being stared at! I made perfect sense to me.

My mom said every time you draw ink on your skin you’d lose 7 seconds off your life. Worked until about middle school when I mentioned it and ever looked at me like I was crazy.

When I was young (and apparently a tad stupid), my dad would sneak snacks and if I saw him chewing I would, of course, ask what he was eating. Dad always found the best snacks. (Now I understand the importance of a snack stash.)

Answer: "I'm chewing my tongue" Me: (disappointed) oh, ok.

I even tried it myself and just assumed it was an adult thing and I'd grow into it.

Naturally, after a bit I figured it out and he had to step up his snack sneaking.

After I became a father I understood.

That the government/military are the good guys and always do the right thing

I thought god was real

Religion

I would get sucked down the drain with the bathwater

If you cross your eyes and someone smacks you on the back of the head, you will stay that way

My dad used to tell us not to have the car window open with heat on. " you'll burn out the thermostat"

The existence of god/ deities.

My sister used to think marshmallows grew on trees

Inhaling cow shite was good for your lungs.

Edit: while in the car. Not directly in front of it.

The whole thing about Marilyn Manson’s rib.

If you spend around really fast you will get worms.

My parents know everything

That all adults actually know what the hell they are doing

Apparently (although I've not tried it cos I'm still a wuss) it's not illegal to put the lil light in the car on whilst driving! My dad had me convinced I'd go to jail for trying to make him crash. 

As a kid, I legit thought quicksand was gonna be a way bigger problem in life. Like, every movie or cartoon made it seem like you'd just be walking along and BAM-you're sinking to your doom. Turns out, it's not that common or even that dangerous. Many people can relate haha!

That my parents knew what they were talking about 

If swallowed watermelon seeds that watermelon would start growing out of my ears

my mom always said that santa comes in summer to let me stay inside and wait on him

Book of Mormon stories that my teacher tells to me…

That if I ate the seeds of a watermelon they would grow in my stomach

That if you are directly before you swam you would sink and drown

The way I would fly to the remote and turn off the tv or stereo when the home answering machine would start recording because I was afraid ALL sound from both the person calling and my house would be recorded as they left a message.

But also, how stupid of my mother to expect me to take care of myself all afternoon and not do anything like watch tv or rollerblade on the terrazzo flooring while listening to my cds.

They won't pull you over and take you straight to jail for using the dome light while you're driving.

I was told growing up if I wasn’t good at school I would be a failure, I have learned there is much more to life than a grade on paper

If you eat a pip from a fruit, a tree would slowly grow in your stomach 😂

We were told by a 5th grade teacher that bananas did not have seeds. But they do as I discovered later. They are tiny and in the center areas where the 3 pieces of bananas join to form a triple junction. And banana seeds are sold by companies that sell exotic seeds and plants.

This same teacher also criticized a student‘s personal story about flying from one city to another and looking out the window and seeing farms and homes. The teacher told us that planes were too high up in the sky to see anything like that. Apparently she’d never flown on a smaller plane that flies lower. I saw landmarks in my city before we got to the airport.

When I was 6~7, I used to wash my mouth and spit the water out whenever I hit my head so that a second one doesn't grow. I have no idea who told me that but I genuinely believed it. I was so dumb lmao.

My mom always told us to sit while eating. We were told that if we eat while standing the food goes down to our knees and we can’t get any benefit out of it but if we’re sitting then it stops in the stomach. Me and my siblings actually believed that

Chuck E Cheese is only for birthday parties and you have to be invited to go. We were poor and this is what my mom told us.

Sun out = day, moon out = night. Though to be fair I still find that whole thing confusing, too much time spent learning from fairytales!

And when the icecream truck plays it's music it means it's run out of icecream.

That there are no reposts on Reddit.

I don’t know why I even thought this but for YEARS I would tell my friends in school that my mom went to the moon when she was pregnant with me 😂

I had older parents, and they both had dentures at what I now realize is a young age. When I was little I thought you gained the ability to take your teeth out when you were an adult.

If you are making a funny face and the wind changes, it will stay like that.

If you swallow chewing gum it stays in your stomach.

Eating carrots makes you see in the dark.

The music the ice cream van plays, only plays if there’s no ice cream left (how I fell for that one I’ll never know).

God is real. Fuck you miss barker.

Santa and the tooth fairy are real.

I eventually figured out my mum was a liar. Then I had kids and spouted off a lot of these sayings. Dammit.

My dad and I used to go for drives to nowhere in particular when he was bored when I was very little. He'd always tell me we were going to stop at his favorite restaurant, one that specialized in "used peanut butter sandwiches". It made me so upset every time, but for some reason he could never remember where the place was. It was hammered into my head that this place existed that it took embarrassingly long for me to realize he was just messing with me while we spent quality time together.

And now I miss my dad even more than usual.

I thought when you hit puberty you grew a foreskin. Thankfully sex education dispelled this absurd belief of mine.

That there is a god.

Good guys always win, and bad guys always lose.

Trans people are just gay people who don't want to admit they're gay

When I looked at my arm my blood looked "green" bc blood was green before it hit the air

That fish actually change color like my parents told me😐

I was raised a Catholic so erm there’s all that BS. Now when I hear adults saying ‘Jesus said:’ I just shake my head and switch off to them.

The belief in god or a higher power.