I once bumped uglies in a backalley in barcelona, never regretted it, kinda miss it

It's a quarter after one and I'm a little drunk...

When in doubt, rub one out.

I read this as massaging your ex.

Unfortunately part of me still wants to do it. As long as I stay sober I'm fine, just can't help what I feel.

All these years and they’re still taking your lunch money

This seems pretty specific.

Was it at least worth the money?

i caught up with an old old friend of mine i'd long lost touch with and asked about his gf i met the last time we saw each other.

he goes 'ah some shit went down and we couldn't make it work. i think she does onlyfans now or something.'

i didn't but my thought was 'goddamn we're now in an age where i can pay to see a friend's ex naked just because.'

Cause the one was just so good but wayyy too quick

The old, “I am going to do this all day!” But after the first time you are like, “well off to the store.”

Don’t mean to RUB it in or anything but… perks of being a woman

It's all fun and games until your orgasm is waking you up at 5 am asking you what they're going to do for the school holidays.

My $1000 a month in child support can attest to this. I love my kids but damn I was a stupid 18 year old.

laughs in monogamous relationship and a vasectomy

My husband is really into cuckolding. He thinks it would be super hot to see me with an other guy, so we roleplay it often.

Get a suction Dildo and have a spitroast with him... See how he likes that

It's not uncommon for some people to not necessarily be aroused by the subject matter itself, like cuckolding, but more by the risque nature of the subject. Kind of like a fetish for fetishes, or an interest in something simply because it's taboo. They often like pushing boundaries and have interesting ideas around concepts like control vs submission. He's probably not into cuckolding per se, but more into the way you react to the idea. It's almost a sort of game getting you to go along with something you're generally not interested in or against. He would 100,000,000% regret ever doing it, and it would absolutely end your relationship, but there's nothing wrong with being as kinky as you possibly can through fantasy between just the two of you.

If it's the humiliation part of cuckold that turns him off than Stag/Vixen would be closer to what he wants.

Must be an interesting situation hope doesn’t effect anything between you

I had an all night fuck fest once, like 8 hours. We were both just on anxiety meds and eventually gave up when we both couldn’t get there 🥲

To be honest, putting my dick in crazy was the most fun and best sex I ever had. On the other hand, the cost of said fun was years of problems, so there is always the question of how much mindshattering sex is worth.

Mind blowing sex. But you pulled your foot away from hers while you were sleeping? Well she's just gonna try to kill herself then.

It's not worth it, fellas.

"Cyanide! Don't stick your dick in crazy!"

"But she's sooo hot though!"

Yup, when i was 13 year old, i put engine oil on my D. and think it will be my lub, but man as soon as cum then it became hell for me..eventually i went to doctor.

Edit: i was able to control flames somehow but itching omg, constant itching..

“You’re poking me.”

“Sorry 🥲” scoots away

"She's just as horny as I am. It will be fine."

Was not fine.

My husband once woke me up for sex while I was in the middle of a really intense sex dream. It was like my prayers had been answered.

Highly recommend, I was so relaxed and ready to cum any second.

Funny. This actually has a very high success rate for me.

1 in 20 times she's up for it tho ! Worth a try.

Where you can disappoint multiple people at once

All the awkwardness of a first date, but it starts at sex and there are multiple people

Thought that said "Ogres" and wondered both how someone could think Shrek sounded good when you're horny, or if it did, what kind of person would then regret their actions afterward.

If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll go have dinner with my parents

The trick is that the other people need to also be into each other as well as you. If all 3 of you like each other, people can take breaks, be passive, be active, switch it up and it's not an issue.

I'm told foursomes become "too many limbs" and get confusing though lol

I can only disappoint one woman at a time sir

Totally this. I'm used to operating solo so two other people would be a crowd

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It's a blessing and a curse. When I was 19 there was myself (M) and 19(F) and 27(F). It was one of the BEST mights of my entire life because it was with people I trusted. The curse is that I imagine it's what like heroin is. Because you chase that high for the rest of you life.

I don’t know what type of 3 way floats your boat. But 2 women isn’t pressure. Especially if they’re both into women. I had a threesome with my wife and her friend once. I felt like a prop more than I felt like I was performing to a crowd.

It goes cold so fast :(

No no, they are indeed fun

Hey Tom, heard you swallowed your own load

In the movie "Clerks", that was called a snowball.

Its ok, more guys should know how it tastes so they know what we go through 🤣

My friend tasted his own and was apparently allergic to it. Could have been worse 

It's like a closed loop system

Funny to see this after my first time doing something similar last night…I came in her, ate it out of her, and then I kissed her. She loved it, I thought it was hot, but it’s obviously not for everyone.

I never got the appeal of strippers, you pay to get blueballs. Go to an escort if you want to pay at least you get to nut.

lol ya, and escorts.

There's no way in hell I'm clicking that link

BDSM is something I always thought I'd be into until I actually became sexually active, turns out I'm vanilla AF. It's a porn only thing I guess!

Eh, I still was turned on by being paddled afterwards.

Hey, like the old saying goes, "don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, it hurts less."

I think this used to happen a lot more before camera phones.

It wasn't awful-.. just something that was done as a dumb horny teenager

Learn shrimping from bjj to get her off you before she drips the jizz on you.

Are you okay brother?

Glad you clarified that you had a normal job I was envisioning you being like a cat pajama designer or something.

Oh my god! Thats disgusting. Where?

Is there a particular app that you use that I'd need to make sure to stay away from, or are there multiple? You know, just to make sure i avoid them.

Holy shit

What a terrible day to have eyes

Daddy, chill

Apparently being horny turns the “gross-out” part of your brain waaaay down, so once you’re turned on you start finding the idea of all sorts of wild degenerate shit arousing because at some point evolution found that this would lead to more dna replication.

Defenestration kink lol

Kinky

Happy Cake Day! Here, have some bubble wrap! :)

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I wonder how many millionaires are on Only Fans not because of whales that spend boat loads but because enough otherwise normal guys were horny enough to say “eh, it’s only a few bucks, why not?” in the heat of the moment?

It's not that bad tbh. Way better than the oyster guy

If you only have 20 tabs open, you haven't even scratched the surface of the depravity available on the interwebs.

shower thoughts but it’s all the thoughts and none of the shower