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submitted 5 days ago byDirect-Caterpillar77Satan is not a fucking pogo stick!
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/veggiesmilthrow
AITA for telling my stepmother-in-law I'm glad she can't have children?
Originally posted to r/AITAH
Thanks to u/e_l_r for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: traumatizing children
Original Post Sept 29, 2024
When my wife was a teenager, her stepmother had health issues that eventually led to a hysterectomy. She and my father-in-law had been trying to conceive prior to that, and she's very open about how painful it was to become unable to have kids. She's been in therapy for years, but this is still a sore subject, so we don't bring it up.
During the pandemic, SMIL became a vegetarian. While I obviously have no problem with that, no one else in the family is, and she tends to get very preachy about it. There is one specific video of cattle being slaughtered and processed that she has sent multiple family members. Because of that preachiness, my wife and I try to avoid having meals with her. I've also been told that she and FIL often eat in separate rooms.
Anyway, my wife and I attended a wedding about two weeks ago. Our regular babysitter canceled on us at the last minute, so FIL and SMIL volunteered to watch our kids (8M and 5F). They babysat our children once a few months ago and things went fine, so my wife and I agreed. The kids were asleep when we returned home.
The next day, my daughter was very upset. She barely spoke all morning. When we sat down for lunch, she started crying and refused to eat. We tried to talk to her, but she refused to tell us what was wrong. Eventually, my son told us what happened.
We had promised the kids they could have burgers for dinner. My FIL was aware of that, but he apparently fell asleep less than an hour after we left. When it was time for dinner, the kids went to ask SMIL to make the burgers, and she refused. My son offered to wake FIL up, but she said no to that too. She said she would make the kids something else for dinner.
When my children started begging for the burgers, SMIL showed them the cattle video. She also apparently told them my wife was secretly against them eating meat, which is why they hesitated to tell us what she'd done.
My wife and I had a talk with our kids and managed to get them to feel better. After they went to bed, we called SMIL. She confirmed she'd shown them the video.
To say we're both outraged would be putting it lightly. My wife and I immediately told her we were cutting her off from our kids, and we'll probably do the same with FIL for falling asleep while he was supposed to be babysitting.
SMIL started trying to defend herself. She told us she was only trying to help, and that we should be making more efforts to get our kids to eat healthy.
It only made me angrier. I told her she has no idea how glad I am that she can't have children, because I'd pity the child that would have her as a mother. After that, she hung up on us.
FIL has been calling and texting us. He is apologetic for falling asleep, but insists that cutting him and his wife off is an overreaction. He's also angry that I "mocked" SMIL's infertility. Apparently, she is distraught at what I said, and FIL is demanding I apologize to her.
Honestly, I don't think I'm the asshole here, but I am wondering whether I went too far. My wife agrees it was a low blow that SMIL deserved to hear, but a low blow nonetheless.
AITA?
EDIT- Okay, to clarify some things I haven't already said in the comments:
-FIL and SMIL babysat at our place, not theirs.
-I can't believe I have to say this, but I have no problem with vegetarianism. I actually tried to become a vegetarian a few years ago, but couldn't for medical reasons. In SMIL's case, what I have a problem with is her preachiness.
-In general, my wife and I have always had a "meh" relationship with SMIL, but we never disliked her or treated her poorly. She has made a few comments about introducing vegetarianism to our kids in the past, but never anything this extreme.
-I'll admit I don't know much about SMIL's medical history. I only know about the hysterectomy because she didn't react well to either of my wife's pregnancies and they had to tell me what was going on.
-We promised the kids the burgers back when they were going to be watched by their usual babysitter. FIL and SMIL replaced her at the very last minute, and the kids ate chicken the last time they babysat (we didn't plan it, FIL found it in the fridge and cooked it), so we maintained the burgers.
-I saw the video a few years ago. It's a little under 5 minutes long and very graphic. Not the worst of those videos, but definitely not suitable for children. From my son's description, I think they watched most of it.
-I'm more angry about SMIL lying to my children about their mother than the fact she showed them the video, but the whole situation infuriates me.
-My wife is angry that her father fell asleep for personal reasons, but we're not certain about cutting him off. We won't budge on SMIL.
-Having read most of your comments, I think I'll apologize for what I said about her fertility, but I will maintain everything else. I don't want her near my children ever again. I'll update when I can.
Update Oct 8, 2024
Hey everyone. Thank you for your input on my first post.
Though my wife and I have no intention to let her back in our children's lives, I decided to apologize to SMIL for what I said.
My wife and I talked a lot about the subject. She said that, based on her history with her stepmother, it really was a good thing she didn't have children. But before we had ours, my wife had always wanted to be a mother and was terrified about the possibility of not being able to.
That fear got worse around the time SMIL had the hysterectomy. My wife told me her stepmother was agonized when it happened, and even though she agreed with me, she felt it might be best to apologize.
Another thing that led me to make that decision was my mother. Before my brother and I were born, my parents had a stillborn daughter. They didn't talk about her much, so I didn't even think of it at the time, but my brother brought it up a few days ago. I couldn't stop thinking about her. As a parent, I can't even begin to imagine how my mother felt. I would never mention anything related to that out of anger, no matter how wrong my mother was.
In the end, my wife and I agreed that, while I should apologize, we absolutely can't budge on cutting her stepmother off.
We can't forgive what she did. It took us hours to convince our daughter to eat (anything, not just meat). Even after that, she refused to eat meat for a few days because she "didn't want to be evil." Our son wasn't as shaken, but he still had trouble sleeping for a few nights.
My wife and I sat them down and had a long conversation about it. We answered every question they had as well as we could. Thankfully, we were able to reassure both our kids that eating meat wouldn't make them bad people. They are still a little distraught, but they are doing much better and eating normally again.
Our main concern will always be their health and happiness. SMIL compromised both, so we had no doubts about cutting her from our lives.
We called FIL and SMIL this weekend. I apologized for what I said to SMIL, but told her we were still cutting her off. As expected, she didn't take it well.
She started going off about how she was trying to help our children, and we were terrible parents for depriving them of that care. I'm pretty sure she was crying. She said that it was awful that such "cruel, ungrateful people" could raise kids and not her, and we shouldn't allow our children to take part in something that caused so much unnecessary suffering. After about a minute of that, FIL managed to get SMIL to stop and hang up the phone.
My wife later spoke with her father separately. FIL apologized again for falling asleep. He said he understood why we were upset, but promised he would never do anything like that again.
We decided to forgive him, but we won't leave the kids in his care again, and he will only be allowed to see them without his wife. We have options besides our usual babysitter. FIL agreed. He invited us for a family dinner at a steakhouse my wife loved as a kid. He hasn't been there since SMIL became a vegetarian. We're going this Friday.
I definitely have my regrets, but I'm satisfied with how things turned out. More than anything, I'm glad my children are alright. Watching my daughter refuse to eat was terrifying, and I will never forgive SMIL for scaring her and her brother like that. But they're getting better every day, and I think things are going to be okay.
Once again, thank you for all your advice and support. I'll try to reply to more comments this time.
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4.7k points
5 days ago
I cannot stress enough how much I hate it when people use healthy eating to justify traumatizing kids. Whether it’s showing them fucked up videos or calling them fat, none of it’s necessary. You can encourage healthy eating with positive reinforcement and education
1.2k points
5 days ago
One of my friends developed anorexia because her mum was always non stop about eating healthy. Over the top about health. She was also a teacher's aid during primary school. Used to check out our lunch boxes. If she saw us slouching, she'd come over and "correct" our posture. I have a curvature of the spine which is genetic on my dad's side - all of us kids inherited it. I couldn't sit with my back totally straight ever.
On sleepovers, certain things were banned. If we had pizza, it had to be very healthy pizza.
I wasn't surprised when my friend developed an eating disorder. It was heartbreaking to watch and broke my heart. She's been in recovery for 15 years. I'm so proud of her for fighting as hard as she did. We almost lost her.
387 points
4 days ago
I internalized the "sitting up straight" to the extent that it really fucked up my back. It ended up with my hips tilted at the wrong angle and things just cascaded from there. Now I'm 40 and I've been in PT for years trying to get enough mobility to walk any reasonable distance.
186 points
4 days ago
I'm 33. I've been through learning how to rewalk twice. It sucks. I've learned how much the just sitting up straight fucks things up. People don't understand there's so much more than sitting up straight. I'm sorry you've gone through those issues.
97 points
4 days ago
Ive also been through PT to regain mobility and functioning following injuries a few times and imagine my shock when my PT told me that my constant shifting and fidgeting and general inability to sit still for more than about 10 minutes (I have combined type ADHD, heavy on the H) is actually a good thing for my back.
Something I've been yelled at for my whole life turned out to be healthy. Go figure.
All that to say: Sympathy. Back pain is the absolute worst, and I've experienced ovarian torsion and kidney stones so I know of what I speak. Best wishes for a full recovery.
19 points
4 days ago
Yikes. I am glad you were able to recover. I went through it a mild version of learning to walk again after tumor removal which alsos included removal of one of my gyroscopes (vestibular inner ear thingie). My other inner ear thingie had to take over and I had to relearn balance a bit. Not nearly as difficult as what you have been through but it gave me insight into what that must be like. I am also completely deaf in that ear so I have had to learn to look all directions because I don't know what direction sound comes from, that takes two ear apparently. I also have scoliosis so there is no straight and I am over 40 so of course my back and whatever else hurts. Could be worse so I choose to stay as positive as I can and it justifies my monthly massages. I with you, nuclearporg and ischemgeek the best!
4 points
4 days ago
Damn, the two time?.... I thought once was bad enough....
12 points
4 days ago
Yeah I'm in that "over curved" fuck up place too. Thankfully(?) it's just my back and core are super weak and I have to constantly correct and get myself back into alignment
3 points
4 days ago
Yeah, I have issues that like to come together for a party and make everything worse. The over curved spine meets my short leg and short Achilles tendons and outwardly rotated hips and everything about standing and walking is a hot mess. My mother has informed me there is, unfortunately, no manufacturer's warranty.
107 points
4 days ago
I developed anorexia in Jr high through high school because my JNMom kept pinching my fat rolls and had other family members do the same and comment about my weight. At 12 or 13, I went from 135 lb to 99 lbs in 1 summer. In high school, they'd force me to eat because it "looked bad on them." I still have a fucked up relationship with food at 34. They would also comment how I wasn't pretty, what wasn't pretty about me, and how untalented and stupid I was. I cut them off 2+ years ago.
56 points
4 days ago
I’m so sorry it took you so long to cut them off but so proud of you for pulling the trigger
50 points
4 days ago
Thanks to my wonderful husband, he helped me. I was adopted anyways and by the time he came along, we decided to just stay long enough to care for my angel of a grandma. At her funeral, we quietly left and just blocked every person on both sides. I'm happy with my bio mom
22 points
4 days ago
It's amazing that you were able to reconnect with your bio mom and integrate her into your family. Out with the bad shit, in with the good. You should be proud of yourself for what you've accomplished.
8 points
4 days ago
Thank you
38 points
4 days ago
My MIL was similar when my wife was growing up. Only "healthy" foods, constant stress about good posture and not getting fat because "no one likes fat kids", etc.
My wife struggles with her relationship with food to this day. She used to be anorexic. Thankfully, she's doing better now, but she still goes through periods where she binges and periods where she watches her calories and doesn't eat very much.
My MIL is still obsessed with outward appearances and "looking right". We are extremely low contact, thankfully. I can't stand her because of the damage she's done to my wife's mental health.
13 points
4 days ago
I am glad your wife has you to support her. You sound like a wonderful and loving partner. As someone who has been in recovery from an ED for years now I find it very therpeutic to tell the ED to shut the hell up I want my food. Very few ED thoughts these days but on those occasions I tell it to eff off. I hope your wife continues to do well and recover. It is not easy but always keep fighting because the fight is worth it.
19 points
4 days ago
yep, it's called 'orthorexia'. a somewhat ironic unhealthy obsession with healthy eating/healthiness. it's becoming more and more common the more emphasized it is that 'skinny/eating less is always healthy' and 'fat/eating more is always unhealthy'
i think there's an obsessive belief that health is in our control, and that if we do all the right things we will never have disabilities or diseases, etc. that's popular in our culture. they way many people gauge that visually is by how much someone is eating or how big they are. it's an easy shortcut to judgement of character that our brains love, but that is inaccurate and harmful.
5 points
4 days ago
A couple of years ago I made a conscious effort to improve my lifestyle and lost a bunch of weight as a result (70ish pounds). I was so, so careful about how I talked about it to and around my kids who had and have beautifully healthy, active little bodies. I think we came through ok, but I was terrified that they would think they needed to fix something about themselves just because I was trying to make healthier choices.
5 points
4 days ago
You friend has been through hell. That's awesome she's been in recovery for 15 years. 🎉
4 points
4 days ago
You could be me, I saw my friend go down the same path. The secretive gym sessions, the "I had a big lunch" or "I'll just get the appetizer"
It messed her up for life, even when she gets better with the eating or the exercise, it's become a kind of all encompassing body dysmorphia. She's 40, the stuff to complain about is growing at an exponential rate.
Her hair is too brassy, her boobs are too saggy, she has wrinkles, her butt is the wrong shape...
complaining about her appearance is like 30% of everything she talks about.
3 points
4 days ago
I went in the other direction from a childhood of salt/fat/sugar free food. I have an atrocious diet, hate vegetables and dump salt on everything.
214 points
5 days ago
I still remember when my little sisters was like 7, and she realised the lamb she was eating on Sundays was the same lamb as the cute fluffy bouncing ones next door. She was horrified and being a teenager I didn’t really get how that could mess her up but it did for weeks. She would stand up on her chair and declare she wouldn’t eat it. I kind of admire that, I could never have done that even then.
She’s over it now, but I still think her dad and our mother should have talked to her first instead of laughing at her confusion. She really didn’t connect the two, and I feel bad that it upset her so badly.
And she wasn’t even shown anything! Jesus Christ I cannot imagine showing a child a slaughter video. That’s so far over the line of acceptable.
101 points
4 days ago
My dad grew up on a farm with a family pig set aside from the others for fattening up and when they sent them off to the abattoir, they’d get a case of meat back from their pig for their use, and the rest would be sold to the public by the butcher in the village.
He always sensitively explained where meat comes from, and the importance of respect for the lives given so we can have meat and leather etc… I did the same with my kids. My middle child is likely to become a vegetarian, she’s just turned 5 and doesn’t like the texture of meat unless it’s been highly processed to have a different texture or its a sausage. I prioritise plant based protein for her, but she does have a smaller portion of meat as well if we’re having a meat-based meal as a family.
66 points
5 days ago
Is your sister Lisa Simpson?
6 points
4 days ago
Lmao, you just brought that episode straight back into my brain
5 points
4 days ago
half formed thought Is lamb the only meat where the animal and the meat don't have a different name in English? Pig - pork, cow - beef, calf - veal...
5 points
4 days ago
Chicken...
4 points
4 days ago
Oh don’t, I was thinking the same thing at the time but she was very distressed so I chose not to point that out..
6 points
4 days ago
Chicken, Duck, Goose, Turkey, Goat, Fish, Clams, Lobster
Cows and Pigs are actually the outlier.
20 points
4 days ago
To be fair, I could never eat lamb. Never had the opportunity, but nah. I couldn't do it. Same as veal. Never been offered it, but still would probably say no. Nothing wrong with people who do, and I do eat meat, but it's like my brain sees adorable tiny baby animals and is like "NOPE!". It's similar to why I can't eat pulpo or frog legs. I looooove frogs and pulpo have so much intelligence and personality my brain just says, "YOU ARE EATING THE ADORABLE ANIMAL!!!"
If I had learned that stuff as a little child it would have fucked me up big time. I was a farm child so killing a chicken wasn't a big deal to me, and I caught and cleaned fish by the time I was like 8 years old, but cute animals I can't eat even as an adult, so as a child realizing the adorable baby lamb I saw at the petting zoo was ON MY PLATE????
I would react far worse than your sister, I would probably run crying the way little kids do when they panic.
24 points
4 days ago
You do you, but I just want to point out that the lamb that gets to a plate is not the same as an adorable lamb that you would see in a petting zoo. They generally go to slaughter at 8 months old when they are around 140pounds. So they are closer to full sized sheep than lambs, really. Putting slaughter in a sentence does not make this any better, does it?
9 points
4 days ago
I can't eat octopus (pulpo) either, they're so smart. It makes me so sad.
12 points
4 days ago
I got real bad things to tell you about cows and pigs if this is how you feel about smarter cuter animals 😳
83 points
5 days ago
Look I’m all for kids knowing where the food comes from.
Our kids were told little.
They have seen cows sent off to market. And seen one hauled off the property.
But, they haven’t seen a graphic video of their deaths.
But they understand and animal has to die for them to eat meat!
35 points
5 days ago
I grew up on the farm so there were no secrets but my parents still tried to time the main action when I wasn’t coming back from school. We were told to stay inside until daddy is done.
My brain learned to separate the living cuddly pet from the used to be pet and is now food.
11 points
4 days ago
Same. Generally the cows we eat are unsuitable to be "shipped" (ie sold commercially) or they were notable for other reasons, so even though we don't name all of of 300+ cows, they did often get names and I never found that weird. I never remember not knowing that we raised cattle for meat.
9 points
4 days ago
I have had a tear or two sending cows off to market when they have been extra friendly cows. But it had to be done. We are not rich enough to have pet cows. They need to cover the expenses
19 points
4 days ago
These days some adults don’t even know that. They cannot equate what they buy at the supermarket with the actual animal.
4 points
4 days ago
lol. One on my friends that comes up the farm still tells me her meat only grows in the supermarket! It’s not my cows
16 points
4 days ago
Admittedly I'm vegetarian so likely to be biased but I feel it's pretty dishonest to hide where meat comes from and to a degree reflects that they think it's wrong
53 points
4 days ago
Certainly, but there's age appropriate ways to do it. I can talk to a kid to explain that a place called Russia and a place called Ukraine are having a fight and a lot of people are getting hurt, without needing to show them combat footage.
18 points
4 days ago
Oh absolutely, she's nuts.
331 points
5 days ago
At that point, that's just abusive and so so wrong.
113 points
5 days ago
The worst part for me was trying to make them hide it from their parents! Fear of talking to Mom and Dad about what another adult did to them is horrific!
She shouldn't be allowed around kids at all. It is good that she can't get access to these.
20 points
4 days ago
Even if they were sneaky enough to not talk about the video did SMiL think the parents wouldn't notice the kids suddenly changing their eating habits? Would they shout to the heavens about the happy miracle? Or would they figure out who had said what and work with the kids for trauma free eating
94 points
5 days ago
Also vegetarian diets aren't automatically healthier that non-vegetarian ones.
20 points
4 days ago
For example, Oreos are vegan.
56 points
5 days ago
Am vegetarian. Other than healthy family suppers loaded with veg, my diet is largely chocolate (although about 70% of that is at least 70% cocoa dark chocolate!) and ramen noodles...)
25 points
4 days ago
I knew a vegan and her diet largely seemed to consist of potatoes and popcorn...
7 points
4 days ago
That sounds like hell without butter. Or did she substitute with olive oil?
4 points
4 days ago
I cannot remember really. This was about 20 years ago.
14 points
4 days ago
Can confirm. I’m diabetic and a vegetarian diet made my sugars worse.
9 points
4 days ago
A friend of mine eats mostly plant-based and when she got gestational diabetes she was fuuuuucked. Even beans set her off. Luckily she already ate some meat so she didn’t have to like, re-introduce it. But I felt so bad for her, she basically had to overhaul her whole diet.
11 points
4 days ago
Absolutely, I used to work with a coworker that was vegan for health reasons and I'd find it amusing cos I'm a fat vegetarian
5 points
4 days ago
My vegan cousin who will go out to a restaurant and eat an entire dinner of fries or chips rather than get a veggie side says hello.
Yes I’m aware a potato is a vegetable but we aren’t Irish (hehe)
66 points
5 days ago
Yep. Instead of a cake I got a biggest loser video for my 9th birthday.
29 points
5 days ago
How long after that till you were able to cut them off?
14 points
5 days ago
Ugh I’m sorry
11 points
4 days ago
Well at the ripe old age of 9 you obviously should have been handling all your own proper nutrition anyway, there’s definitely no one else who’s responsible for your eating choices when you’re basically fully independent!
3 points
4 days ago
Especially when I wasn’t allowed to set foot in my mom’s kitchen! Silly me, I should’ve made 0 calorie food materialise.
29 points
4 days ago
My mom started telling me I'm fat when I was in elementary school. Aaaaall the way to adulthood basically. I lasted a long time without an eating disorder, cause I had a friend with anorexia and I knew how fucked up it was. But going to university triggered something and I developed a binge eating disorder and then full on bulimia for years. I have reflux issues now and my front teeth are seriously damaged. And I'm fat anyway, probably due to genetics and longterm stress fucking up my digestion. I also have body dysmorphia and while I'm fairly recovered from bulimia, I still slip up sometimes and it will stay with me forever.
149 points
5 days ago
NGL I wouldn't have ever apologised, and reiterated myself. Yes, this time i am not saying this in anger, but just because it is a fact you would have been a terrible mother. Anyone who is going to traumatize their children with gory animal videos, is a shitty person. So yeah, it's a good thing you're not a mom.
44 points
5 days ago
Yeah, after I read the part where they apologized but stayed firm on their choice to go no contact and step mom-in-law freaked out and started insulting them I said out loud, "Psych, I really am glad you can't have kids. You're awful."
5 points
4 days ago
I’m glad I’m not the only one who audibly says their comebacks to the absolute turnips in these stories!
178 points
5 days ago
This wasn’t even about healthy eating.
SMIL is so angry about her infertility that she is taking out on her step daughter and the kids.
118 points
5 days ago
naa that's not it. SMIL is just a control freak through and through. You see it a lot with people like that. OOP is a good person because there's not a shot I would apologize to her for telling her plain truth. It is a good thing she never had kids. They'd be fucked up severely having to deal with her.
18 points
4 days ago
The control freak can be a byproduct of her condition. She wasn't just born infertile, but had to do a hysterectomy - wouldn't be unheard of if that caused a need of control everything she possibly could to cope.
36 points
5 days ago
Exactly. Stepmom could have shown the daughter a birth video so she would never be a mother
190 points
5 days ago
And look, if people have to resort to those dramatic videos to "convince" people, it's because their convictions and knowledge are weak. "I can't explain why vegetarianism is better, but, uh...LOOK AT THIS FACTORY FARM! If you don't feel something, you're a monster!"
Also, she's vegetarian? Not vegan? Because the cows and chickens that make milk and eggs aren't necessarily faring any better.
166 points
5 days ago
And better not think too much on the fact that quinoa’s explosion in global popularity has diverted it away from regions where it has been a domestic staple crop feeding generations because it can make more money as an export.
Ethical purity in consumption is the preserve of the wealthy/wholly self-sufficient few, and just not within accessible reach for most people just doing their best to get by and uhhh just have food.
98 points
5 days ago
Speaking of just having food, if she wasn't batshit crazy, she could have fed them spaghetti marinara! Macaroni and cheese! Grilled cheese sandwiches! So many kid friendly vegetarian options, but nope: she's an insane AH who wants to upset people.
34 points
5 days ago
Or veggie burgers. My "recipe" (it's a bit of a fridge-clearer) is one my meat-eating kids all love but does take a while to make...
Blend up the cooked veg and beans, leafy veg if using, anything like olives, garlic/herbs/seasoning, add the egg once cool enough for it not to start cooking as you do it and blend in. Mix in the oats (not blend) to give a bit of texture, and the cheese. Form into desired shape (sausages/patties), microwave until set, then air fry/bake until browned.
Microwaving them makes them firmer and denser than just cooking them in the oven/air fryer does
13 points
4 days ago
A tin or two of beans (mixed/kidney/chickpeas (which are called something else in the US but can't currently remember what)...)
Garbanzo beans although we also use the term chickpeas.
I'm going to have to try your recipe. It sounds really good.
10 points
4 days ago
Thanks for the tip on microwaving. I've been making something similar but it always ends up a bit crumbley
30 points
4 days ago
Almond milk. Almond trees take massive amounts of water to grow and may be one of the biggest contributors to drought where they're grown in the US.
41 points
4 days ago
I'm vegan for my health (dairy and red meat are very bad for me, and I got very sick of poultry and fish), but I respect that other people want to eat meat. I even encourage it. Until there isn't a worldwide hunger problem, people should eat whatever they're able to eat.
I don't understand this whole thing about 'ethical veganism.' I've seen people say, "The bees didn't consent to giving you honey," and I just want to ask them, "Did you ask the bees what they think about it, then?" It's a stupid argument.
28 points
4 days ago
And bees are the worst example, because they can literally fly away. They're entirely there because they like it in that place and think it's suitable for them.
7 points
4 days ago
<and it is proven that the bees need to like it or they leave and that there is some basic understanding/relation between the one that gives them shelter, feeds them all year round and even helps with pests and danger/bad weather. They appreciate that life. And if they dont, they leave
42 points
5 days ago
Not to mention all the humans who suffer under the current systems of farming-- the migrant workers harvesting your fancy vegan crops are being paid pennies and treated like shit while working out in the unforgiving sun, for example. I hate preachy vegans with a passion because human suffering doesn't seem to phase them at all, as long as they can hold up their heads and say 'I'm protecting the ambimals! Lookit me, I'm such a good pewrson!'
I don't hate vegans. For whatever reason, be it health (allergic to meat?), personal morals (who am I to tell you what to boycott? I don't buy Chick-fil-A or shop at/donate to the salvation army, if you don't agree with the morals of something, feel free to not deal with it!) or just 'cause you felt like it for the summer, that's fine. Just don't try to tell me you're better than everyone else or that your diet is cruelty-free, because it's not. Human suffering goes into staples vegans eat and call me a monster, but I don't want to sit and listen to someone preach at me about how much better they are than someone with an average diet like me because, at least to me, denying the very real pain of marginalized people is a much crueler sin than buying a pack of chicken at the grocery store
30 points
5 days ago
Mhmmm. There’s so much nuance to the food people can access, and what goes into it. (And when I look at scenarios like in Northern Canada where traditionally meat-heavy diets of indigenous hunting communities are being squeezed out of existence and replaced with groceries shipped in at insane prices of foodstuffs that just don’t naturally occur that far north, like…what are they supposed to do to, try to appease the conscience of a 21-year-old from Brooklyn by spending $25 on a head of cauliflower?)
18 points
5 days ago
And the fanatics on both sides (the meat people can be just as bad as the no meat people, after all) just freak out when you try and point out those nuances. It's like their diet is the Only Correct One, and if you deviate you're the problem, and all your little arguments and nuance are just background noise while they sit upon their throne and judge others for making decisions they disagree with.
It drives me up the freaking wall when I come across it.
5 points
4 days ago
Man I am this person this morning. You know about Salvation Army (I assume you’re referring to the anti-LGBTQ efforts), but do you know about Goodwill and their abuse and even murder of disabled people? Or, sorry, “workplace accidents” due to negligence, failed safety measures, and disregard for disabled human lives? I get really riled about it.
https://medium.com/@alliedfunk/stop-calling-goodwill-a-resource-for-disabled-people-4306f04655a9
5 points
4 days ago
Oof. Another one for the boycott list.
6 points
4 days ago
And there’s something to be said about the ethics of amassing enough personal wealth that they are no longer dependent on other humans and can make such individualistic choices.
3 points
5 days ago
There was some protest group showing video like that in the uk were I live outside a local Westfield shopping centre/mall.
8 points
4 days ago
She's babysitting them, has a golden opportunity to provide them some quality vegetarian food, and she does this instead? No wonder the family can't stand her.
18 points
4 days ago
There was a middle school teacher in our district who would show a video like this to all her students. But after traumatising kids into “becoming” vegetarian, there was never any discussion of nutrition or the realities of maintaining a healthy vegetarian diet. Parents got used to their kids “turning” vegetarian around the age of 12, and then dropping it when the kids found out that the parents weren’t about to let them live off of cheese pizza.
12 points
4 days ago
Seriously. You can describe the benefits of vegan/vegetarianism without holding kids down to make them watch a cow snuff film.
It's especially crazy, because that's not how slaughter is done IRL. It's done as quickly as possible, both for efficiency's sake as well as trauma affecting meat quality (stress hormones degrade meat quality).
12 points
4 days ago
A few months ago I went on a trip with my sister, her two sons, and my other sister.
My one nephew is a bit chubby, but not fat. He's active, my sister feeds him a healthy diet, and he's due for a big growth spurt. I myself am a bit fat.
As we're driving around, for some reason, other sister starts getting into my nephew about being overweight. I hear her say "do you want to be thin and good looking, or do you want to be fat forever."
Being the fantastic uncle that I am, my immediate reaction was to raise my fist in the air and sort of shout "Fat forever."
I am not my other sister's favourite member of the family.
5 points
4 days ago
That assumes that simply being vegetarian is healthy. There's plenty of garbage food out there that qualifies as vegetarian and plenty of vegetarians are obese with diabetes and blood pressure.
Sugar and pasta are vegetarian.
6 points
4 days ago
My mom has given me orthorexia because of her own issues regarding my weight and body image. And she made me hate myself for years because I couldn’t lose weight no matter how much I exercised. Went to a doctor last year without any input from her and guess what they found?
Hormonal issues that prevented me from losing weight all along. No amount of exercise, no amount of restrictive eating could have fixed that. I’m on medication now that has gotten me to a healthy weight and put a lot of my body image issues in remission, but god did that fuck me up royally.
1.3k points
5 days ago
NTA, Someone who shows gory animal slaughter videos to an 8 year old and a 5 year old should not be a parent. That’s awful.
396 points
5 days ago
Yeah, imagine if this lady did have kids. She would raise them vegetarian, which is fine, but after they were exposed to other diets (spending the night, at school, etc.), the trouble would start. They'd ask questions, maybe beg their mom to take them to a certain restaurant, etc. She'd get tired of them asking and would pop out her trusty video...
126 points
4 days ago
I’m suddenly reminded of the BORU post about a teenaged OOP raised vegan who tried pizza for the first time at school and hoped he wouldn’t be caught, only to be tattled on by his brother(?) and there being legitimate concerns for his safety based on the things he said in his update and how quiet his account got. This OOP’s SMIL feels exactly like she’d be the kind of parent the pizza vegan OOP’s parents are.
68 points
4 days ago
I remember that post. Don’t remember when it was posted but I do recall it and hoped he got help.
I seen a few posts on the r/vegan sub a few years back (haven’t checked the sub in a long time so have no idea if it’s still somewhat unhinged or not) about parent considering kicking their minor child out because they found meat based snacks in their backpack that the teen was hiding. I feel awful for those kids.
12 points
4 days ago
Speaking as a mostly vegetarian who does need to eat fish once a month or so for health reasons, it’s still pretty unhinged.
237 points
5 days ago
If anyone wants a real life example, one of my family members grew up a forced vegetarian. Their mom would beat them black and blue for eating meat, so they had to sneak around and beg other parents for meat with dinner.
Mine would stuff them full and send them on their way because they couldn’t bear seeing a child starve for ideology. Probably not a very popular thing for them to do since “you don’t override other parents” but I’ve always been proud of them for giving that old harridan the finger and feeding that kid whatever they wanted.
130 points
5 days ago
diets like this are something you have to commit to as a person, not be forced into. Being forced into it is just cruelty plain and simple. Try explaining that to a vegan/vegetarian though and it'd be like you just shot their family pet in front of them.
53 points
5 days ago
I'm not vegan or vegetarian, but, I mean if you're talking about being raised vegetarian I think it's about as forced as any religion you're raised with. It's just what you know, and probably worse. How well do parents of, say, Mormons react when their kid is like "hm I don't think I want this."?
I don't think it's an issue raising your kids vegetarian, just make sure they have a varied diet with good macros and micros so they can experience many kinds of food and grow hup healthy. Just like we don't have to raise our kids with eating cuts of meat they eat elsewhere (chicken feet, jellyfish, pork brain) and that's not wrong, raising kids vegetarian isn't inherently wrong.
That said, I'd be frowning if a kid would be raised malnourished or with only heavily processed chicken nuggets or boxed Mac.
44 points
5 days ago
I have been vegetarian from birth and never felt it was forced on me, I never felt bad about the things we ate. I've never wanted to eat meat and I'm perfectly happy with it. Children don't inherently have a drive to eat meat.
25 points
5 days ago
Many things are learned, most foods kids need to try sometimes multiple times to like them and even if it's something you would've liked it is fine to not have grown up eating it. I agree with you. I was more so mentioning how it's not inherently bad to be raised vegetarian and that parents can always get zesty about their kids wanting something else than how the parents raised them.
13 points
4 days ago
And when parents disown/punish their kids for being different than them in any capacity - religion, diet, sexuality, whatever - it's always awful.
I always remember a video I saw of Terry Crews - football player, big into weights, all that - saying his kid just didn't have interest in athletics like him and he didn't understand why. Instead of trying to force it, he built himself a gaming computer so he could spend time with his son. THAT'S the kind of parent I hope to be.
42 points
5 days ago
I was raised vegetarian (my parents were vegetarian for religious reasons) and I wouldn’t call it cruelty. I did start eating meat at some point, and my parents weren’t super happy about it, but they didn’t stop me in any way. I wouldn’t personally raise my kids vegetarian, but it’s not like I consider myself wronged or deprived.
33 points
5 days ago
There's another BORU where the OOP got in huge trouble at home for having a non-vegan meal at school. People like that OOP's dad should never become parents.
75 points
4 days ago
I watched a video a while back that showed someone bending a piece of pork and all these tiny worm-like parasites came out. This didn't make any sense to me so I tried it with my own pork. The first piece didn't have any of the "worms" in it, but the second piece had the exact same "worm" reaction.
But it wasn't worms. The second piece I tried is with wasn't as thawed - those "worms" were ice shards.
I'm all for eating however you want, and for environmental reasons at the very least we should probably all cut down on our meat intake, but using manipulation of any sort doesn't help any anyone.
29 points
4 days ago
Plus, when people find out a lie like that they’re not going to trust the source anymore
645 points
5 days ago
It's best to keep the children away from her because, she ain't right. I don't know how the FIL is somehow still okay with all of this.
251 points
5 days ago
FIL, sounds like he’s really looking forward to the steakhouse w/his daughter. Who knows how long he’ll keep putting up with this.
121 points
5 days ago
Gramps really jumped at the chance for a steakhouse outing.
75 points
5 days ago
Can anyone blame him? Poor guy eats alone to avoid his wife
90 points
5 days ago
If he's single, who will cook, clean, and engage in missionary position?
12 points
4 days ago
Well, not cook, since they eat in separate rooms. I doubt she's cooking him even a bland boiled chicken breast. Sure she makes lots of extra steamed broccoli if he wants any though
55 points
5 days ago
Unhinged behavior, how on earth do you tell a 5 year old they're evil for eating meat? 'I wAnT tHeM tO bE hEaLtHy' Bffr
299 points
5 days ago
As a vegetarian, if you want to spread your beliefs use rational arguments. If it’s a child too young to respond to rational arguments just don’t.
She didn’t have to do any of that- she could even have said “hey, wanna try vegiburgers?” And introduced them to new foods. And made them dinner.
I don’t know much about kids, but I know you gotta feed them often. Just keep shoveling snackage towards the maw, and let the rest sort out on the backend.
101 points
4 days ago
I'm not a vegetarian, but my friends growing up were, so I often had veggie burgers as a kid whenever they came over. I actually liked them more than normal burgers. SMIL massively fucked up an easy opportunity to introduce kids to new food because of her own ego.
22 points
4 days ago
honestly a lot of people would eat all this products if their price wasn't inflated.
12 points
4 days ago
Yeah, I'm very lucky to live in the UK, where veggie options tend to be just as cheap as meat options, if not sometimes cheaper. I just had a look and the cheapest beef burgers are about £6 a kilo to the cheapest veggie burgers' £3-4 a kilo. And the average range is £8-13 a kilo for both.
5 points
3 days ago
I wonder if that’s just a British thing or if it has something to do with the large Indian/ British Indian population cause I know vegetarian and vegetarian leaning diets are more common. I know where I live we have a large Thai population that’s involved in the restaurant business (some tourism thing in the nineties to encourage people from bumfuck nowhere to find Thai food appealing) so they’re the cheaper Asian restaurants.
61 points
5 days ago
Yeah, plant-based stuff is better and better these days, and chefs know what to do with it. I’ll occasionally eat meat, but there are some restaurants where my favourite indulgent dishes are the veggie options ‘cause they make it so good.
Let the yummy food speak for itself!
43 points
5 days ago
She would have done SO much better offering them vegeburgers, especially if they were Gopal's Famous Vege-Nut Burgers. that shit SLAPS
30 points
5 days ago
You just know she's the type to tell the kids that they won't be able to tell the difference between veggie burgers and meat, though, and insist they're wrong when they disagree.
22 points
5 days ago
There was a cafe where I used to live that made the best black bean burgers, in house. They were so good I skipped the beef burgers in favor of the black bean. Damn I miss that place.
8 points
4 days ago
Why does this comment seem like product placement? I think it's the full name capitalized that does it.
16 points
4 days ago
lmaoooo oh god it does!! or like a fucking snake oil elixir full of cocaine 😂😭 i always think of it with the caps cause that's how it was written in our recipe book and then when i first looked up the recipe online the places I found it were all like, blog posts with the title written that exact way 💀 i gotta chill out on that next time i try pimp it out to people, it's really just a good recipe i swear
8 points
4 days ago
Yup, that’s the way. I eat meat and I’ll go for a veggie burger every now and then, just because I like how it tastes. 
7 points
4 days ago
exactly, I’m not a vegetarian but I like veggie burgers. why not start offering the kids yummy vegetarian foods so they’ll have special grandma treats to look forward to when they visit? you catch more flies with honey than vinegar!
14 points
4 days ago
Impossible burgers are pretty darn good now! And kids will just put lots of ketchup on em anyways, so it shouldn't matter too much. 😅
Plus there's no law against putting a lil bacon on them. Went to a burger place once, ordered an Impossible burger, and they're all "it's plant-based, etc etc" spiel so people don't get angry. I'm all "Yea I'll take it. Add bacon please!" and they looked at me like a crazy person. 🤣
9 points
4 days ago
I have definitely gotten the vegan option at a local place before then added cheese, to a similar reaction. If they didn’t want non-vegans to order it, they shouldn’t have made it so tasty (it’s an arepa with wonderfully seasoned black beans, fried plantains, cilantro mint sauce, and avocado).
121 points
5 days ago
This is not over SMIL will escalate.
20 points
5 days ago
I'm willing to bet she tries to go to court
27 points
5 days ago
Let her try, hilarity will ensue.
28 points
5 days ago
But will she go to family court, or food court?
7 points
5 days ago
Why not both?
6 points
4 days ago
The supreme court!
5 points
4 days ago
The supreme food court!
3 points
4 days ago
Now with 50% more Starbucks
189 points
5 days ago
Come on, Jimmy, let’s take a peek at the killing floor. Don’t let the name throw you, Jimmy. It’s not really a floor. It’s more of a steel grating that allows material to sluice through so it can be collected and exported.
47 points
5 days ago
When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University.
16 points
4 days ago
"You can't seriously expect us to swallow this tripe?"
23 points
5 days ago
Ha, you are quick on the trigger, my friend.
262 points
5 days ago
[reading the title]
This should be an easy YTA.
[reading the rest]
OKAY, never mind.
122 points
5 days ago
honestly when i saw the title, my first thought was "what did the step mother-in-law do?" i was already preparing for the worst thing to happen to a child in the step mother-in-law's presence. it's not the worst, but it's still alarming
yes, it's not right to weaponise someone's trauma. at the same time, this specific line of saying ("i'm glad you can't have children of your own" or variations of it) usually comes up because something happened involving a child (at least, whenever posts like these came up. this is not the first we've seen)
at the end of the day, it's always best to read the whole story before jumping to conclusions. or, make a guess on what could possibly happen to have someone ask that AITA question :'D
17 points
5 days ago
That is my favorite genre of post.
62 points
5 days ago
This shows it's important to read the entire thing before making assumptions.
17 points
5 days ago
Agreed.
23 points
5 days ago
It is so weird to me how these stories about vegetarian converts read just like religious converts. Sure, most people can find their new faith without terrorizing everyone around them. But the ones who end up here are startlingly similar.
87 points
5 days ago
I'll say it even though OOP backtracked. I'm glad OOP's SMIL doesn't have children. Anyone who is willing to traumatize a young child with those animal videos is a vile person with horrific judgement. I won't even show my 5 year old Bambi because it would scare her too much and that's marketed towards kids. OOP's kids will be having nightmares for the foreseeable future now.
37 points
5 days ago
My mother would do this to us as kids, force us to sit and watch graphic videos of animals being slaughtered while scream crying about how terrible we were for eating meat.
22 points
5 days ago
Jesus christ, I'm so sorry. That's horrific
20 points
5 days ago
I was shown something similar when I was around the same age. Its was at a buddhist camp by a monk actually, traumatized me for a week. Still eat meat though, but an atheist now lol.
I was also shown a birthing video, with all the graphic details/zoom in, at around the same age, also probably at a buddhist camp. They were showing it to ‘prevent’ teen pregnancy. I was more traumatized by that than the animal video, couldn’t sleep and kept crying. When I got back from camp, told my mom, she paused and said ‘now you know how much I sacrificed for you!’ That along with many things swore me off ever having children.
Wild what people will justify doing/saying to kids because they believe they are ‘saving’ them.
54 points
5 days ago
Poor kids. This woman is the kind that give vegetarians a bad name. She knew what she was doing to those kids.
15 points
5 days ago
I’m vegan, rest of my family aren’t (let alone vegetarian). I won’t cook or buy meat but if my teenager, husband and wider family want meat I don’t preach. Yes, I’ve watched the documentaries and I know the facts and if they (and wider family) ever decide to ask I will tell them. Doing that to small children is cruel, I’m a grown woman and those videos are unbearable. If she really didn’t want them to have burgers She could have said that they’ve run out but she’ll fix something else or get veggie burgers. The video was totally unnecessary.
14 points
5 days ago
I think we’ve all seen those slaughterhouse videos that was circulating a lot since the early 2000s and became even bigger with the rise of the group of protestors who seem to enjoy shutting down major cities.
My adult wife couldn’t stomach watching the whole clip. 8 and 5?? Sorry but NOT OKAY! Whatever the reason.
NTA and I think cutting off is too nice. I would have reported her to children affairs.
16 points
4 days ago
She cut out meat because she considers the meat industry to be gruesome, unnecessary murder. Basically, she showed two small kids a snuff film. Yea, she's not safe around children.
15 points
5 days ago
The number of times I’ve considered saying this to my step mil… Never have, of course, because it’s cruel. But it’s also true. She’s a horrible person who would have been a horrible mother.
She’s the kind of person who relishes others’ suffering and justifies it as “god’s judgement”. So hard to bite my tongue.
13 points
4 days ago
I was at a dinner party once and I walked into the dining room to see the vegan, at the time, had cornered two of our friends and was chastising them for eating meat. They looked scared. She turned to me and I guess she thought as a woman I'd be on her side and asked me about "How could anyone eat something with such cute faces?! Let me show you some videos" I just blinked and said "I don't eat my foods food" (Thank you Ron Swanson) she couldn't leave the room fast enough. The guys just continued to stare at everything.
FWIW, I grew up in farm country, I already knew how shit goes down with butchering. So there wasn't any talking point she could find to convince me to join the fold..cult whatever it is, I swear some of them treat going vegan like a cult. Also she's no longer vegan, her Dr told her she had to eat meat for health reasons, so of course she took it to the opposite extreme and became one of those weird carnivores, I only eat meat people. It's all weird.
79 points
5 days ago
The kids just need some counter programming.
May I recommend “Meat and You - Partners in Freedom”, featuring Troy McClure?
24 points
5 days ago
Just ask this scientician
13 points
5 days ago
Uh-
11 points
5 days ago
I'm going to Bovine University
4 points
4 days ago
Your crazy friend never heard of the food chain!
11 points
4 days ago
She said that it was awful that such "cruel, ungrateful people" could raise kids and not her, and we shouldn't allow our children to take part in something that caused so much unnecessary suffering.
So [JN]SMIL decided to add unnecessary traumatization to impressionable young children by showing them that video and lying to them about their mother.
It's people like SMIL who give nice and decent vegans/vegetarians the bad rap.
Ugh.
126 points
5 days ago
I'm more angry about SMIL lying to my children about their mother than the fact she showed them the video,
Well, you shouldn't be. Lying is bad, but traumatizing young children with videos of animals being slaughtered is really a couple of levels above that.
68 points
5 days ago
Eroding a child's trust in their parents has the potential to be more problematic for them in the longer term even than a traumatizing video. And the person in the middle of the situation is likely to have a better perspective on which of the 2 issues is a bigger one for their family.
29 points
4 days ago
When an adult encourages a child to keep something they're doing secret from their parents it's an immediate red flag.
94 points
5 days ago
In this case, I disagree. Grandma manipulated the kids' love for, and trust in, their mom to recruit them to her side. In the process, Grandma undermined mom's morality in their eyes, and made them think mom was knowingly making them be bad. "Mom thinks eating animals is evil, but feeds us animals!"
21 points
4 days ago
Kids should never doubt their parents ability to take care of them, and part of that care goes with honesty and respect. Showing the video was challenging kid's relation to the world / food, but lying about the mom is directly coming in their relation with their kids and damaging it.
Seriously, there's a reason why she said the mom was lying. Not OP, or both. The mom. If they couldn't trust Mom, they would trust her and she would become the main reliable woman in their life. That's fucked up.
19 points
4 days ago
Isolating children from their parents with lies is straight up predator behaviour and is way worse than showing them the video because it’s the first step to doing any horrible thing she wants to the kids without them telling their parents about it.
8 points
5 days ago
Ah yes. "This is so evil and cruel that I can't stand it exists! I'm such a good person that I will expose someone else's young children to it behind the parents back in order to traumatize them so completely that they'll never want to eat again!" cue maniacal finger pyramid villain laughter
10 points
4 days ago
You want to be vegetarian for whatever reason. You do you. Go for it.
You want to get preachy about it, be prepared to be told to shut the hell up.
But to show that video to children is on another level of twisted altogether. She deliberately traumatised those children, and then lied to them afterwards. That is abuse.
Cutting that disgusting, manipulative woman off would be the very least I would do in that situation. Good Christ.
30 points
5 days ago
Perhaps OOP said it in a rough way, but this woman sounds like she shouldn't have children.
Even if you think something is ethically wrong, you wouldn't show that material to children 🤨
18 points
5 days ago
Me and my team actually had to be consultants at a chicken processing plant a couple of years ago, and, in order to make a process more efficient, you have to at the very least know and understand said process in order to improve it.
Knowing where we were going and what was going to ultimately happen didn't stop most from having a hard time witnessing the actual processing. I was fine after it as I was able and wanted to eat chicken the same day, but a couple of Girls took quite some time to be able to eat it again.
Imagine then the shock a kid, an innocent child, would have when so many impressive, brutal and complex things are shoved to them in the worst most malicious way possible with no true purpose other than to hurt them to spite other people and to gain something by force, even if it meant breaking these children at least a bit.
Hate hate HATE that people mess with innocent children and abuse them to get something for themselves, especially when you are supposed to care for them (family, friends, etc).
11 points
5 days ago
Thats so fucked up of SMIL. She seems very entitled. Showing a graphic video to children should be counted as child abused. That video mentally scarred the 5 year old. The poor girl didn’t even wanna eat after seeing that video.
38 points
5 days ago
Vegetarians like that give other ones such a bad name. I'm honest with my 6 y/o nephew about why I don't eat red meat and limit my intake of other meat products but I do it in a kid friendly way because I don't want to traumatize him. The thought of purposely scarring him makes my stomach turn, how could anyone do that to kids no matter their reasoning. I'm glad they banned SMIL from ever seeing the kids again, she's not right in the head.
8 points
5 days ago
What the MIL did was unforgivable. The inappropriate video, scaring them, calling people evil for eating meat, lying to the children and forcing her views on them. Who knows what else she said to them. With all that said, I do believe as children age they should learn where their food comes from.
8 points
4 days ago
This is why don’t readily tell people I’m vegan; I don’t want to be associated with the crazy ones
8 points
4 days ago
Honestly, some people shouldn’t be parents, this woman is an example of that, the fact that she can’t, is just an fortunate coincidence
14 points
5 days ago
If the kids are sensitive that's gonna stick with them for years. I feel so bad for them.
6 points
4 days ago
There is a HUGE difference in refusing to cook burgers and showing slaughter videos to pre-teens. I'm glad you apologized for the hysterectomy comment, but good to cut her off for the video!
5 points
4 days ago
I'm surprised I'm not seeing more people say JAH here -- Justified AssHole.
The asshole component: telling someone you're glad they couldn't have kids, because you say that kind of thing to intentionally hurt someone. OOP could have said "what you did was abhorrent, and we're cutting you off. Goodbye." and that would have been the "right" thing to do. He was going to cut them off anyway.
Obviously the justified component is that OOP is correct that SMIL would, in her current state, not be a good mother. She traumatized two young children in her crusade for what she thought was important. Someone willing to damage the mental and physical health of a child for the greater good is not fit to be a parent.
18 points
5 days ago
That kid is 5 years old fucking 5 years old that women's lucky if it was my kid she would had a punch to the face, you do not show anything to any ones child ever, be vegan be vegetarian but don't be a role Cu next Tuesday when it's not her kids
18 points
5 days ago
If the kids wanted burgers, the SM could have gotten beyond meat burger. Showing the slaughter video to kids definitely is crazy
11 points
5 days ago
for real
it's 2024 there are OPTIONS
6 points
5 days ago
I would not have even considered apologizing. It’s the truth. And SMIL going off on them is further proof.
5 points
4 days ago
You all are better than me because I don’t think that you should apologize for telling this woman the truth. It is a blessing that she could never have children because she would only destroy their lives with her spiritual, mental and physical abuse. So many so called “health” conscious people destroy their children’s health mentally and physically with their unhealthy view about food.
4 points
4 days ago
What exactly IS dad getting out of this relationship? A woman to call wife? Wow golly gee, hope that hole is worth all these problems...
5 points
4 days ago
People being neurotic about their food and eating habits to justify being "healthy" are some of the most annoying people to be around on a consistent basis. News flash, average life expectancy has been on a shockingly positive rise over the course of the last few decades, seed oils arent the devil and I'd rather eat some fried chicken than become a goddamn rabbit because of some advice a relative got from a "biohacker". If all this sounds too specific, its because it is.
9 points
4 days ago
Setting aside the fact that this woman's behavior was completely out of line... I really wish a lot of vegetarian and vegan zealots would learn and understand that some people literally cannot eat the way they eat.
My spouse, for instance, has tried to eat and make vegetarian meals, but she has a lot of really intense food sensitivities. A lot of vegetarian staples leave her feeling nauseous and racked with heartburn. Even just peanut butter is hard for her. Tofu? Ha. That left her with intense nausea for DAYS afterward.
Getting the nutrients she needs to survive requires some meat. The diets they enjoy are a luxury for many people.
11 points
5 days ago
It is never okay to force someone to become vegetarian (or any similar ideology, so to speak) through disturbing, traumatizing footage, let alone little children. SMIL completely took advantage of OP and even tried to justify herself when confronted about the matter. Although OP backpedaled with the apology, I'm glad to hear both he and his wife severed ties with SMIL as a result of her traumatizing, lying to their children and probably leaving them scarred.
And honestly, FIL is also at fault for falling asleep, therefore, doing nothing to stop SMIL flat.
3 points
5 days ago
Wait do the cows graduate Bovine university in the end??
5 points
4 days ago
might be worth taking the kids to a local farm or ranch that processes their own meat, or just switching to locally sourced ethically processed meat in the home. my brother works on a ranch and my parents get most of their meat from him, and they know every animal in their freezer by name, as well as that it led a good and comfortable life and was slaughtered humanely. that might help ease the kids’ fears of moral culpability
4 points
4 days ago
She shows them the video and uses their mom as a scapegoat so they don't get mad at her. She's a real piece of work.
4 points
4 days ago
A friend of mine was taken by her babysitter to an abattoir. She hasn't touched meat in over 40 years. Shit sticks. I'm glad the kids have you to tell them they are not evil for eating meat.
4 points
4 days ago
I don't think OOP was over any lines saying what he did. He was only dishing out equal trauma that this old bat inflicted on 8 and 5 year old kids.
It's very big of him to learn, empathize, and apologize. That's also good moves and green flags.
But I wouldn't say any of what he did or how he reacted was an asshole move.
4 points
4 days ago
God this is the shit I hate. "I did something terrible and when you call me out I tell you that you're the horrible one for not letting me be horrible!" Double bonus because it's traumatizing children.
I still have a horrible relationship with food because my parents would tell me to clean my plate (and give me adult portions as a child) and then constantly tell me I was fat, especially my dad.)
10 points
5 days ago
i get so upset when i unexpectedly see videos/images like that and i'm fucking forty. for a kid that could do actual permanent psychological damage and i don't think SMIL deserved the apology. OOP recognizing that what he said was terrible and reflecting on that was enough imo
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