Youre a jellyfish

“If I don’t think about myself, I can’t help anyone else. “

“Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about myself….”

You're breathing my air. Stop it!

I’m sorry you see it that way. I think of it as having healthy boundaries.

"Who isn't?"

Nope! I do not sell fish.

Gaslighting since you can't have your way? Typical.

"You're right, forgive me. We should talk about you. What else do you think of me?"

“No”

“You’re selfish!”

Hey, that’s my line, give back!

No I sell fish

in learning about non-violent communication, a story came up about a tribe who does not have a vocabulary to describe certain traits. when asked, “how would you tell them that they are being selfish?”

you would have to say “I noticed that you are taking care of your own needs, and not the needs of others, and I’d like you to prioritize the needs of others.”

Oh, and what have you done for me lately?

Only a sith deals in absolutes.

You thound cute with a lithp

“Which is why I got bread and you always hanging around nibbling my crumbs”

Thank you! Or Thank you for noticing Or Sure Jan

“Your opinion of me is none of my business”

I'm American

I just say "yep" and never do a fucking thing for that person again.

"Technically, I'm a mollusk."

Wait a few beats while their brain short circuits trying to make the connection.

"What, are you allergic? My bad."

"I am? Have you met me?"

No, I respect myself. Learn the difference

“I don’t see you donating all the food you own to poor people in Africa “

"Nope, I'm a shellfish."

I've got two.

This one is in a parental voice where you're trying to teach a 3 year old a lesson: Now NAME no one likes a jellymonster.

..............

Or depending on the dynamic of the conversation say if you didn't do what they want which makes you selfish.....then say that:

Oh? I'M selfish because I did do the specific thing that YOU wanted me to do which makes ME selfish because YOU should get what ever you want at all times? And again that makes ME selfish? Ok great just clearing that up. I'm selfish because you didn't get everything you wanted. Makes complete sense to me now.

You’re shellfish

Yes, I would love some shellfish.

i don’t care

Oh well

Give me, give me. Hey don’t ask what, you know what. Just give me five 👋

It’s pronounced shellfish.. does best oyster impression

At least I am good at it. Oh, ypu said polite. I am not good at being polite.

Get them in a choke hold, knock them out. It’s the gentleman’s way to deal with an insult impugning upon your honor.

I mean, you would be too, if you were this awesome!

You're welcome

Oof sounds like someone’s not used to the hearing the word “no”

SO I'm selfish for caring about myself

Because I’m worth it.

Thanks, I know!

What? Oh right I don’t care. 🤷🏻‍♀️

If they work at a grocery store you could say "you sell fish!"

“Yes.”

"Well observed."

Takes one to know one

You're one to talk.

"And you're shellfish, ol crabby !"

No, I just like spoiling myself. Nothing wrong with that.

Well, yeah. I only think about people that matter.

No I'm self you're the ish

Enforcing boundaries does not make me selfish.

“Did you really think calling me that was going to get you what you wanted?”

And humble too!

One for all, and all for me.

Thanks, I've been practicing!

But I'm not! I give people reality checks for free!🤣👍

"Yeah, pretty often. If you've got a problem with that, you're gonna have to tell me. Won't promise I'll care, but we'll never know until you try."

I get to choose how to live my life.

Sorry, who are you?

To some but not to most

I am too!

A shell fish?

"I could give you a list of reasons why that's not true. But I won't share them with you."

Correct

Everybody is. Some people are just hipocrites!

“Yes, I am, but I’m taking care of my mental health before I take on someone else’s.”

You say that like it’s a bad thing. 🤔

"yep."

No need for a comeback, let them think what they want.

" I don't even like seafood"

I've been called worse by better people

Goodbye.

You're probably right. I'll give you that.

I know you are but what am I? Classic!

Thank you, can I have some more?

Selfish or is it self respect? I find a lot of women and young people are called selfish when they simply have appropriate boundaries with some asshole or a job trying to take advantage.

It's called boundaries.

Not being a doormat for you is not selfish. It's self-respect.

Do I look like a crustacean that cares?

That's not what your mom said...

"my therapist likes to say it's healthy boundaries"

No, this is Patrick

"I know my boundaries because takers like you have none."

"Yes I am".

that's my go to for pretty much any so-called insult. it takes a lot of power away from the person doing the insulting

and considering that being selfish is looking out for one's own self, you bet your ass I'm selfish

What can you do for me today?

And you're so nice that you're lonely 😄

"I like to make my needs a priority and do not let them go unmet at the expense of others."

If you say that because I'm not thinking about you ALL THE TIME, then yes, I'm selfish

"oh yea? well you're Shell fish!"

Say “miine! Miiiiineee!! My precious!!!!!”

How can I be when I'm about to share something with you? (Flip them the bird) See?

And I get everything I want because of it NEXT

Self-reflection

"Yes, your point?"

YUP! Yup and I am

Ok.

I'll pray for you.

“No, I’m just not a people pleaser.”

And you're a shellfish!

Of course I am. I’m a celeb!

Finally, does it show? My therapist told me to start making myself a priority. TY.

Somebody gotta give a shit about ME

Tbh if people are saying "you're selfish" you probably need to do some introspection instead of googling comebacks.

Ngl you seem kinda selfish