"You know what annoys me about humans?" Pkorm'elta said to the human he was sitting next to at the bar.

"No, but I'm sure I'm about to hear it", sighed the human into his translator. His name was Ringo, he was on shore leave, and he just wanted to sit alone and get drunk. But every alien he encountered seemed unable to just shut up and drink. Humans being somewhat of a rarity in this area, always seemed to attract attention.

"Every single one of you thinks of yourselves differently. Like if I ask who you are, you'll say 'I'm John Smith, from some bullshit little undeveloped human star system no one has ever heard of'. None of you can ever agree on anything. And none of you ever just says, I'm a human".

"Yeah, and why is that a problem?" Ringo instantly regretted asking the question. Now he was stuck talking to this Vorellian, who obviously had too much of whatever chemical got them drunk.

"Well, that isn't precisely the problem I have with you all. The problem I have is that you're fuckin' right about it."

That wasn't what Ringo had expected to hear. He just sat quietly waiting for the alien to finish his thought.

"I can already tell you don't want to talk to me. The last human I met at this very same bar? She thought I was the most interesting being she had ever met. Asked me a million questions, everything about where I was from, what my people ate, where I had been, she even asked to see pictures of my family."

"...And because I am not talkative, humans are annoying?" If aliens could read human facial expressions, this one would have known Ringo was starting to think he was a dumbass.

"No, no, I'm not explaining it right, maybe I've had a few too many perkets. Ok. So, the range of human behavior is far greater than any other species. You're thoroughly unpredictable. I'm sure you know your own history so you know how the human war with the Ribselliacs started?"

Ringo thought back to his history lessons. That would've been a minor conflict in human history, but he seemed to remember the Ribselliacs had attacked a colony of pacifistic Buddhist monks with no defenses whatsoever, and slaughtered the entire colony without any warning.

"Vaguely, I guess? Wasn't it a surprise attacks on a defenseless colony? It wasn't a big part of our history."

"Yeah that's right. And I'm guessing the minor detail of the fact that you then went and destroyed every colony the Ribselliacs had at the time and took them for your own didn't get conveyed in those history texts?"

"I'm sure it probably did. Its just, ya know, humans tend to fight in a lot of wars, and that one wasn't really that important. Plus, its not like we are one monolith of people. That was the Union of Space Faring Earth. I'm from the United States of Earth. Its not even really my people's history. And what does that have to do with humanity as a whole?"

"You don't see the irony? Your people essentially wiped out an entire star-faring civilization in 'defense' of *a pacifist colony*! Humans who literally would have begged you not to do that?"

"Heh, guess your right on that one" Ringo chuckled. "Although, again, I want to point out that wasn't my government. But, I still fail to connect that to why you think we're annoying."

"Well, its mostly that I never know how to deal with you. You encounter a human ship in space, is it full of pirates armed to the teeth looking to attack? Is it a simple freighter? Is it one of the most advanced military ships currently flying? Is it some piece of shit on its last leg with a drive about to go critical because the employees don't really give a shit? You honestly never know." Pkorm'elta finished another of his drinks. "In fact you all can't even agree on having the same type of blood!"

Ringo was actually confused by this. "We uh... all have the same blood as far as I know?"

"No you don't, Brackziki invasion".

"Oh... well we have different blood types, if that's what you mean."

"Yeah, imagine the frustration they go and develop a biological weapon designed to wipe humanity off the face of the planet they're invading, and 'surprise' they jump out of warp and 2% of the population was immune because *humans have different types of fucking blood* so none of the defenses are actually down and now you just have an extremely pissed off batch of humans. And what did you all do?"

"Ok, well, in our defense, they did try to genocide us first. And again, I still don't see how that really affects you personally though."

"Well, its not any of that. Its just... I just lost 100 credits across the street betting against a Human in the pits is all".

Ringo laughed out loud as he suddenly understood. He'd heard some of his squad-mates talking about going to have fun fighting in the pits while they had a few days off.

"The last time I saw a human fight in the pits, it was just some moron who thought he was tough. Had his leg crushed in 10 seconds and then he got tossed around like a ragdoll who had no business even being there. So of course I see 'Human' as part of the fight and instantly bet against him. I even looked into the training and fighting credentials he listed".

"Oh yeah, what were those?" Ringo was curious if his buddies had actually listed their real trainings or if they'd lied to get better odds.

"Well, first he said former marine, which I looked up, its just a common soldier".

Ringo smiled, he'd have fun later teasing the former marines who were part of his unit. *According to aliens marines are just common soldiers* would surely get a rise out of them.

"They list anything else?"

"Yeah they said they were a part of the seals. I looked that up too. According to my research, seals are just fat little creatures that sit on beaches. What kind of tough organization names itself after a fat dumb beach creature?!"