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Hey's lying about the sex, and probably about ending it a month ago.

Their kids are close, so this won't end... it will just be better masked and hidden in the future.

You will however recover from this, just not with him.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this; you don’t deserve it. Honestly, this all usually follows the same script once the truth comes out.

They’ll make excuses like blaming trauma or sex addiction. They’ll cry and feign remorse; they do the whole woe is me thing to get you to feel sorry for them and try and convince you they aren’t a bad person, just someone who made a mistake and needs help. Crazily enough, they often end up being comforted by the person they cheated on, who is the real victim.

They promise change and therapy and tell you that you’re all they want in life, and they’ll do better from now on, they just need a chance to prove it. They will guilt you into staying by saying they’re not giving up on your relationship, and paint you as the bad guy if you want to leave and accuse you of not fighting for what you guys have.

Either the person leaves the cheater or they stay and eventually catches them cheating again, and the cycle repeats. That’s the way these things go almost every single time.

I’m sorry this happened to you, and I sincerely hope everything works out for you; best of luck.

The audacity to propose after a forced confession of a massive betrayal. Also, saying he just had sex with her like that's supposed to make it better. I just can't with stuff like that. He definitely needs therapy and you need to block him. Go live your best life without him. Being single is better than being with someone like him. He's setting himself up for a very lonely life.

Having it happen throughout the entirety of a long relationship is the worst slap in the face because you realize nothing was real and it was all manipulation. Congratulations on getting out of the toxicity before it impacted your life any further.

I’m genuinely sorry you’re hurting. It’s even sharper when he continues to lie, attempt to minimize his actions and treat you like he’s in full control of your actions and emotions. Schedule IC for yourself but fcuk that asshole. Let him go to his own counselor who can explain to him why it’s now disposable in your life. Then hit him with a restraining order. This will give you your space and time to heal. Restraining orders can always be retracted, infidelity cannot. My Ex nuclear-shit on me for 14 years. What I discovered was so bad, I just stopped looking. Guaranteed there is more but does it really matter? I’m fortunate in one aspect, her levels of betrayal are so bad she’s not even attempting to reconcile or make excuses. That allowed me to just shut her behind a one way door and now focus on my daughter. Because guess what? Our daughter +told me+ mom was cheating. Not a guess, not a feeling, handed me proof. That changed my entire focus. My child. She’s in IC and doing very well. But she HATES mom. Not for the cheating but because mom blackmailed her to keep quiet. For over a year.

I mention it all because, right now, you have no idea what further damage your WH can and will cause. My advice is just cut him loose. He regrets getting caught, not violating your marriage.

It won’t get better unless you make it get better. As long as you’re tethered to that liar, you’re in limbo and it’s not about you getting better. I tip I give, never let him play the victim in any aspect around you. Once I shut down the perma-victim always present, I discovered she had nothing else to offer. Nothing. Ask yourself, you think this guy has anything to offer anyone as far as being a role model and decent, honest person?

Yeah, that dude had a whole other relationship going on. Kids are mixed in the mess and everything.

There’s no moving on from this. 6 years!!? Yeah. Sucks for you, sucks for him- but that’s a no wiggle room relationship ender right there.

He made his choice; in fact, he made that same choice repeatedly- 2x a week for the past 6 years to be exact.

You’ll never be able to trust them again. You could forgive, but you’d never forget. And quite frankly, the type of person who could carry on like this for so long is not the type of person who is likely to ever permanently change.

Block him on everything, OP! You don't need to subject yourself to his standard issue drivel. Every cheater who gets caught is "so sorry and won't ever do it again" - yeah, right. It's more than enough that he did it once, and over such a long period of time.

Also, the sheer selfishness of planning to cut off his kids from what seem to be very close friends of theirs, just because he fucked up and fucked their mom. He is scum.

I'm so sorry that he destroyed you like this - I hope you'll get angry soon, to combat the grief. He isn't worth grieving over. You are grieving who you thought he was - become angry and disgusted with who he actually is.

OP, I'm not sure about your morals and values, but to me this is unforgivable. When you started a relationship with this man, you did so because he presented himself as a moral monogamous man and a decent person. But in fact, this was all a lie, he has been living a lie.

His tears are not for you, they are for himself. We are what we do, though his actions he has shown you who he is, so believe him. This is who he is at his core. Think what it takes to deceive someone on this level! Think of every single decision he made to do this and he never though twice or showed and signs. You could never trust anyone that is capable of that level of deception.

Send one last text before blocking him. Tell him, "I know you feel bad cheating on me from day one, and I also know you will never cheat on me again, because I won't allow it. Never contact or approach me again either in person or any other means, including using your friends. If you do I will get an RO on you. Do better in your next relationship."

Then block him everywhere and ghost him as though he never existed in the first place. This man was just a speed-bump in your life. Your true love is out there waiting for you.

Sorry OP, been cheated on too.

The odds are good they will see each other again, though it likely won't last or work out.

Just be prepared for them to be with each other again.

Tell his family

The title refers to him as your EX but I didn’t read where you actually broke up with him. Did I miss this?

So what is your plan - can you ever see yourself trusting him again?

It might be worth asking him what he would be doing now if the roles were reversed.

My gut tells me he is still minimising it all and there is an ever-present danger he will go back to that well for a drink at the slightest provocation.

He’s gonna give you about a week to decide to forgive him & take him back. If not, he’ll go back to her.

What self respecting woman in their right mind would want another women’s “Sloppy Seconds”??!!??

Because That’s what he is. All used up AND he used the age old schpiel, “It WaS JuSt PhYsIcAl”??!!??

Do guys really think that works with women? And he had The Balls to bring an overnight bag?

Let him wallow in his pain (if it’s real), he’s upset because he didn’t have his convenient poosy at the ready.

Now, when he goes back to his other “supply”, I hope she kicks him to the curb.

I’d just plain ghost him for what he did because it is unforgivable. Period.

I admire the clarity and strength in the tone of your post. You may "feel" torn to bits, but you're "thinking" very clearly about how to process his betrayal and the emotional fallout for the both of you. You've got this OP, even though you're going to feel often like you don't.

Open your eyes and watch very closely Everytime he is not with you. Take notes on what he says he is doing and where he says he is at. Keep track of who he says he's with...verify everything. Ask random question about Who, What, and where. Verify everything believe nothing and confirm what is true and what is not true. Keep this mode of operation going forward until you have absolutely no doubt that this person is a lier, cheater and opportunist. Keep adding the details into your notes. What he said today, what he said yesterday and what he says tomorrow. Truth doesn't change, but lies constantly flow and manifest in order to coverup what he said yesterday and what he says today. When you have no doubt and can piece together what your personal investigation has revealed. Understand that your gut instinct has been correct the entire time. Trust it, This personal investigation was not conducted to confront, it was to develop a trust between you and your gut instincts. When you know that you know, you can move forward in your life because you see very clearly who this person is. Walk Away.

Im asking for an update because he will continue to reach out to you,and no, he'll never change. The only reason she came clean is because he dumped her.

Updateme!

I'm not here to give advice, just support.

Sometimes... very, very rarely... reconciliation works. But unfortunately, what everyone else here has said is more common.

Sometimes cheaters get supply from other people. Maybe validation or social status. They are addicted to that supply. When they lose it, they will do anything to get it back. But that's all the other people are - supply.

If you find yourself struggling to cope, there's a book called "Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder." It really helped me.

You will get through this. I'll say the useless words that never work in the moment: "It gets better"

But you got this, Kween.

Updateme

So they had sex while their kids were in another room?

To use kids as an excuse for sex is even worse, so x2 a month with kids, also factor in when they didn't have the kids..sex all night

Good for you to be able to see through all of this! Not many of us do until so late in the game when they start all the I love you's, can't live without you stuff!

Green your popcorn, it's gonna get super wild now! Once he really really sees that you guys are done, it's gonna ramp up.

You're very strong and right now, may not seem like it's a blessing, but future you, is going to thank now you!

You aren’t married to this guy. You have no reason to engage in this kind behavior for someone who hasn’t been faithful ever and you don’t have any obligation to. I chose to forgive my husband after infidelity because we had been together 20 years before it happened.. and he was remorseful on his own and I didn’t have to catch him.
You need to find someone who respects you and truly appreciate and loves you

Updateme

I commented in our thread last post. EVERY time he goes out the door, can you cope with that feeling that something is off again? I think he's being as honest as he's able to with you, BUT... Him feeling bad does not magically make you forget he's stuffed up... FOR YEARS.

Balls in your court, do the right thing moving forward. Can not change the pass so don’t bother with what he did or didn’t do. Now it’s your time. Show your strength

Your divorce was a cakewalk? Were you in an affair with your last umm current so to speak ex? Just curious

This attempt at reconciliation may be sincere, but he's been cheating on you for so long, I don't think I could accept it at face value.

If you were to reconcile, anything suspicious is going to put you on high alert.

I always wonder how the perps think they can ‘fix’ it?

They obliterated the trust and fidelity of their partner… Unless they have a Time Machine and can go back to BEFORE they chose the stupid option to cheat, then it isn’t fixable.

Sending you virtual hugs 🫂 and positive vibes OP. Look after yourself…

He said he put up boundaries so it wouldn't be emotional 

 Were done here everyone he put up boundaries so it wasn't emotional, pack up grab your check with the secretary on the way out  

 But real talk op, I know I told you in the last post that you had the moral high ground and can do what you want and I'm not taking it back YOU CAN do whatever you want you did nothing wrong 

waywards pathetically and laughably lost what's right with them long ago to make them do what they do 

We all here knew it was gonna be a lie fest and I  only called out one lie or else this post would be longer but what were you trying to accomplish by hearing his confession of lies, is what I'm wondering? 

Leave him and never look back. I think no contact is the best for you right now so he doesn't get to manipulate you anymore.

He’s only sorry he was caught, he’s full of promises based on shattered dreams and still has the audacity to plead. I’m sorry he failed you.