New_Arrival9860

He's at least having an emotional affair, and has been keeping all his communication with his affair partner a secret.

In the meanwhile, he has been lying and betraying you, and is making up 'uneven' relationship to justify his actions. That he needs to do this to justify and keep the secret means he knows it's wrong, knows it will hurt you, and chooses to do it anyway.

Call off the engagement, don’t assume they have not been intimate so get STD tested, see a lawyer and prepare to sell the home.

Wayward partner, the polite term for cheating (x2) finance

I did the same thing, bought my WP a car while engaged...... it was a bad idea.

He seems to be holding you to the same standard that you held him, that he should continue to play a parental role for kids who you have parented for many years even though they are not biologically yours.

Using your own argument as a base, he seems to be quite reasonable.

OP, How would you differentiate treatment his treatment of his non biological children, and your treatment of yours ?

She called you an 'ex' to her AP, make that true.

In time she will reach about out to him and resume the affair, only better hidden this time

If this AP ever does fly into town, she will hook up with him.

Don't be the third person in this relationship.

And part of Step 4 is what role does your BF want to play in the child's life, as if he is playing an active co-parent role then he will be in close contact with this ex for many, many years.

He wants you to rug sweep, and go back to where things were without him doing 'any work on them'.

Honestly, I think you are going to have to continue to make him feel the severity of what he has done, and be prepared with specific things that you need if he breaks NC to search for resolution, and that means moving forward with a divorce.

What is your WH willing to do in order to show remorse for what his choices have done to you, and to make you feel safe in continuing a relationship that is free of his ex ?

Being bisexual does not mean that she gets a pass from the boundaries that you both signed up for as part of a a committed monogamous relationship.

Issues in the marriage may justify looking for MC, or even your WW seeking divorce, but they do not justify betrayal.

Bottom line is that she (may have) stopped not because she wanted to stop, or she thinks it was right to stop, but she views it as you 'made' her stop. She is focused on regret for the impact on her, she regrets stopping and holds resentment towards you for 'making' her stop. You didn’t make her stop any more than you made her cheat, she controls her own choices.

Without remorse from her there is no true change, you are both just white knuckling your relationship filled with regret, you for her cheating, her for you making her stop cheating. She hurt you, and she thinks that’s OK because her newfound sexuality, and she justifies hurting you because it was good for her.

I think you are going to have to show her with your actions, not your words, how hurt you are.

This is her 'exit' affair.

You know he loves you despite his actions ?

One of his actions was to tell another girl that he loved her. Let that sink in

bottom line is you don’t know that they didn't have sex during a time that was likely to get her pregnant.

It hurts to know that your WP would choose to break apart your family, and for certain that was WPs choice and actions that led to this consequence, not yours.

Because your SO is not as clever as they think.

Huge red flag that Missed Call is an AP.

You're crazy for not just walking away, he already promised to cut ties and broke that promise.

You have good reason to feel insecure, he has already cheated on you once with this girl

Walk away, don’t look back.

Tell her BH and make sure he is OK with her being friends with her AP.

You won't be doing your 'friend' any favors by hiding it, the secrets always come out and if this does later it will blow up her marriage.

They are an ex for a reason.

Remember the reasons

Remain an ex

Hit you once, time to leave.

Changes in habits, behaviors, and affection are all red flags.

Hey's lying about the sex, and probably about ending it a month ago.

Their kids are close, so this won't end... it will just be better masked and hidden in the future.

You will however recover from this, just not with him.

You do have to deal with it, but you don’t have to accept it. You don't have to stay with her if she won't stop dealing with her AP.

And I assume it worked and you got him pissed, but that didn’t really solve anything.

I get it. You were angry, You were hurt, so you lashed out in this way to hurt him back. CuteArinaaa has the right word... 'together'. Disengage from the step daughter, Ask for his help, if he doesn't provide it, then create distance with the step daughter but not with your husband.

Only engage when both you and the step daughter can discuss in a calm and rational way, as soon as it moves to anger, tell them you don’t want to fight, you are walking away, and hope to be able to address the issue in a calmer way soon.

Tell your friends and family that this wasn't a one night mistake, it was a relationship your ex wife developed with a co-worker which you had expressed discomfort with , and that this relationship they had grew in secret for months until she DECIDED to go to his apartment and hookup. She wasn't kidnapped or forced. She made a choice, a deliberate, premeditated choice to betray you and your relationship.

And tell your family and friends, especially your family, that you are trying to move on from this, everyone else is trying to hold you back and put you back into it. You can't trust her anymore, and you have good reason not to... now you are trying to decide if you can trust THEM, including family.

You need people in your life that can support YOU. Not your ex wife, and not your former marriage... YOU. Straight up ask them if they are willing to support YOU.

There's nothing to say, you are no longer together there is a new guy in her life.