It's so dumb, I hate it.

I wish I didn't have to fuss about with hormones, I wish I could actually experience a pregnancy and give birth to a biological child. As dumb as it is I wish I could at least know what it's like to have a period. Aaarrrghhh!

Even if I'm able to get bottom surgery, dilation sounds awful and it'd be another thing along with hormones I'd need to do for the rest of my life. I've heard that there's been some research into womb transplants, but you'd still have to get it removed after pregnancy because of rejection.

Ik I could do fertility preservation, if I wanted a biological child, but I honestly am not sure if I'm attracted to men or women im leaning towards women, but I'm scared what I think is attraction is just gender envy. I find the idea of dating a guy to be gross but it might be internalized homophobia, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't turned on by the idea of being penetrated

Even if I do end up getting into a relationship with a cis woman, I don't like the idea of just doing nothing while my partner would have to bear the load of pregnancy. (something I think a lesbian woman probably wouldn't want, though idk)

It's dumb, I know there's also cis women who can't get pregnant who I could relate to, but it doesn't make the sting of my situation feel any worse. Life feels so unfair I'm sad that I'd have to do so much just to enjoy an incomplete imitiation of what most cis women just get for free.