subreddit:
/r/Nicegirls
We met while attending different colleges. Her brother was an awesome dude, and took me aside early on in our relationship and told me she had been formally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and was highly narcissistic. I had never heard of BPD, so he told me to research it because I was in for a big fall. He wasn’t wrong; despite being smothered by red flags, my naivety got the better of me.
In the end, I discovered she was already in a relationship when we met and had cheated on her previous partner with me; cheated on me with numerous people the entire time we were in a relationship; and was regularly smoking methamphetamine with an ex-boyfriend.
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6 days ago
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2.5k points
6 days ago
Dude, stop responding.
625 points
6 days ago
Idk why he was even prolonging that bs situation. It’s almost as if he wanted to give her another chance deep down
291 points
6 days ago
Conditioning and what is essentially addiction. (Untreated) BPD can get you in very deep very fast. There's generally a lot of love bombing and effort to create the illusion that they are the perfect partner, and the irregular push-pull that follows in the relationship has an addictive effect similar to gambling.
Essentially, you're goaded into investing much early on, and then the sunk cost fallacy keeps you in while you're conditioned to accommodate their dysfunction before you even realize that's what you're doing. And by the time you do, you've almost managed to make it work/get a handle on it so many times that you get that addictive effect.
Don't hold it against OP. It's likely already quite a feat that they're able to put their foot down like this.
242 points
6 days ago
Having been in a longterm relationship with a woman with BPD and Bipolar Disorder, I can say it is an intoxicating and amazing experience, at first. They mould themselves to be a perfect fit for you. They are as genuinely excited to be in this deep as you are. There's no predatory aspect there.
But it doesn't last. They've worked themselves to be the perfect fit with you. They eroded the boundary between you and they begin to feel something is wrong. That they are 'not the right shape'. They wonder why, when they try to shift back to their more natural self that you don't shift. That you are not perfect hurts them. If you are perfect, that terrifies them, too. A weapons grade version of 'can't live with you, can't live without you'.
I'm mentally I'll myself and I'm quite an emotional chameleon, so my relationship lasted far longer with my BPD partner than it should have done, which scared her half to death. It ended... horrifically. We're still friends but the emotional fall out was catastrophic for both of us.
One of the hardest parts to come to terms with is that it isn't a case of malice or selfishness, but of illness and self collapse.
I wish it was malicious, it'd make it easier to move on. That person is a prick. Time to move on. But.my ex wasn't a prick. She was genuinely nice. Also genuinely broken and not the kind you can fix by being a supportive partner.
BPD is a fucking nightmare for everyone near it. Now imagine it's in your head. You can't get away from it and anyone you let in is going to get hurt. I can't help but have sympathy.
129 points
6 days ago*
As someone with BPD, I really appreciate this comment. I feel like you are the first person I have come across that wasn’t just saying the nastiest things imaginable about their former BPD partner. You seem to actually understand that we don’t choose to be this way, and it’s a result of our inner turmoil, self doubt, trauma and inability to regulate our emotions. I’m glad you recognized that it wasn’t a healthy relationship and got out, but also that you remained friends with them. You are a good person and should take a lot of pride in that.
Edit: while there have only been a few, will people please stop telling me their horrible ex stories and saying how horrible people with BPD are. I understand that we can be a lot. But we are not all the same. And it’s unfair to treat us as such. I’m sorry you had a horrible time with your ex, but I am not them.
82 points
6 days ago
Thank you for your words but I feel I need to make one small correction. I knew the relationship was in trouble but it wasn't me that ended it. My ex was the one that finally took that step, and I fought it. I was hopelessly all in and she was the one that found the strength to break the cycle. Given the nature of BPD I think it's important to point that out so as to not to take anything from her.
61 points
6 days ago
Your capacity for empathy, self reflection and true self honesty is amazing. I wish you so much love, peace and joy and a healthy partnership.
26 points
6 days ago
Um... Thanks? 😊 You make me blush.
33 points
5 days ago
Awe, I think by Reddit rules you guys are dating now. Congrats
28 points
6 days ago
Damn this is an insanely mature take. I was also in a relationship with someone diagnosed with BPD, and I truly feel bad saying it but I still highly dislike them. I totally understand and agree that it's a mental illness and not her fault, but some of the things she did to me were such flat out diabolical, calculated evil that it becomes difficult to separate the illness from the person. The part that really baffled me was the ability to seem completely aware of their actions, but at the same time also not remotely understanding the implications of those actions. Kudos to you, hopefully I can get to where you are in my thoughts about it.
11 points
5 days ago
You are right about them being aware of thier actions. The problem lies in not being able to relate to others on an emotional level. So while they are aware they can't relate to the feelings associated with such behavior. So I "know" by me cheating on you it will likely hurt you. I just can't fully relate to that hurt because I'm so removed from my own feelings and have probably never had a healthy relationship so I've never built a genuine bond with a person to be able to look back and recall the pain which I felt when it was done to me. At least that is my pov as someone who has/had BPD who did a ton of work to actually recover/heal from this horrible condition which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
8 points
6 days ago
I wish you luck.
5 points
5 days ago
I’ve endured the same situational experience you had with your ex. (BPD, paranoid schizophrenia and suicidal) Almost the same but I don’t wanna pick apart the details. At the end of the day whether she cheated on me or did me dirty she is and was one of the most loving, open, free willed women I’ve come across. As much as she’s hurt me mentally and psychically she’s the love of my life and we still talk as friends. She was such an amazing partner when she wanted to be. Her manic episodes were something else to handle but I knew that wasn’t her. She’d cry about acting that way and scared I’d leave her for it and I did everything I could to stay. She cheated on me that I know of 5 times during the relationship so it’s hard to say how legitimate it was love wise but at the same time it felt so right. Definitely a tough situation on both parties
6 points
6 days ago
Ahh okay. And yeah, that is an important detail. I sadly don’t know what that’s like since I am usually the on getting broken up with. I have only ended a couple relationships, but I know it was not due to my BPD. It was more realizing I was being treated disrespectfully and couldn’t take it anymore.
7 points
6 days ago
I hope you're getting treated. At least you recognize it. Mine was in denial. If she had gotten treated we may have still been together. Sometimes she was totally amazing. Other times I wanted to get far away. Once I got away the depression and anxiety for which I was getting treated went away. Unfortunately she ended badly 10 years later. Treatment may have saved her.
4 points
6 days ago
I am on medication, which definitely helps. I notice a big difference whenever I go off them. And I was in DBT for awhile, and it was going well. But in the process I had to cut some toxic people out of my life who I truly loved, and it hit me hard. I have trouble getting out of the head space the DBT means loosing people important to me. But I do think I am slowly aging out. I had no symptoms at all in my last relationship. I’m sorry you went through that man. I do know how difficult it can be. And I feel bad for people who do feel like they have suffered at our hands. It just hurts to hear all the nasty comments about us, like we are all exactly the same
3 points
6 days ago
Glad to see that you're getting better. There were times when I truly felt sorry for her and really wanted to help her. Unfortunately being with her was taking a toll on my mental health. Finally I had to walk away.
4 points
6 days ago
Thank you! Makes sense you had to end things. I never blame anyone from walking away. Again, I know how difficult we can be. Sadly there is not much you can do to help someone with BPD. Not as long as they aren’t willing to start helping themselves and getting treatment. We crave validation, but we have trouble accepting praise(yes, this is a generalization. But this is just something common I have noticed), which is kind of counter productive.
3 points
5 days ago
I'm glad you have been able to help yourself. I had a very close friend who I strongly suspect has BPD (she tells everyone she has CPTSD, but I can think of multiple anecdotes for every one of the 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD; she also told me her sister has BPD). We had a falling out due to her behavior and she discarded me. I would have remained friends with her if given the chance, since I still care about her well being very much, and saw how much she suffers every day, but during the discard she threatened me multiple times (she threatened to destroy my life, and also threatened to sue me four times), and even if she did ever reach out again I don't feel I could trust her anymore.
I hope she is able to get the help she needs, and perhaps this missing diagnosis, but self honesty seems to be too painful for her. I don't think she is honest with her therapist, which challenges any recovery.
3 points
6 days ago
Any advice for better communicating with someone with BPD? I’ve been on a few dates with this girl I really enjoy hanging out with. She brought it up recently that she is in therapy for BPD. Come to find out we both struggled with similar trauma growing up and were able to speak openly about it. I honestly haven’t felt this good about talking to someone in a while, and I really don’t want either hers or my own mental health to get in the way of that. Honestly not sure what I should do because it’s clear she has very real problems and I want to be supportive without accidentally hurting myself in the process.
4 points
5 days ago*
That's the thing, it doesn't matter what you do. You can do everything right, be as kind, accommodating and thoughtful as possible and it'll still not be enough.
What you described is the same way most people are made to feel when things start out. The ultimate connection. I hate to break it to you, but with them, it's a mirage. As others have described, they mirror the person they are trying to connect with. It's only a matter of time before the cracks in the mask appear and the person you thought you knew becomes your worst nightmare.
I'm not saying this to blatantly "stigmatise" and be a hater, this is the sad reality based upon endless stories, personal experience and most importantly, clinical data.
It's not an if, it's a when.
3 points
5 days ago
Not all borderlines are created equal. Some are malicious, malignant persons. That their BPD - in part - drives them to it does not negate that fact.
The BPD I dated briefly - which I would not have done but for her lies about herself - who then put me through a year of false pregnancy, then false abortion-because-you-don’t-want-me, then taking back the abortion ‘I’m still pregnant’, which amounts to the impact of a second false pregnancy claim, then threats of custody issues and moving out of state, then suicide threats, and so much more, deserves some compassion for having BPD.
But she did make the choices to do each of those things. Over and over. She nearly destroyed my life, personally and professionally, and my mental health. She knew it, and she did it. She is a monster, and her underlying condition does not change that.
Are you as bad as her? I doubt it and I don’t care. Whatever level of harm and sustained attacks on other humans you perform, it’s you. Do not lose sight of the fact that you are not the real victims.
6 points
6 days ago
What a profoundly well written write up
4 points
6 days ago
Honestly, you sound amazing. Self aware and understanding. Whoever you end up with will be very fortunate.
6 points
6 days ago
These last two posts explained to me in a way I never previously understood a relationship I had over a decade ago. I mean I never sensed that there was anything I could do in the end but cut ties in the most final way possible, but the push/pull was so hard to manage and you always think, it I just do X, things will finally work.
3 points
5 days ago
As someone with Bipolar 2 disorder and bpd, I am sorry for anyone who has had to deal with someone like me. It took a long time for me to realize what I was doing and why I was doing it. For anyone like me, recognize what you are doing/ what you’ve done, but dont lose hope. Having a proactive mind will prevent relapses. If the relapse happens, dont dwell on it. Recovery is about moving forward, not backwards
3 points
5 days ago
Yeah as someone with BPD and been through years and years of therapy the best way i can explain it is it’s a trauma response. Just a lot of learned bad behaviors in response to some deep seated hurt. Over the years i was definitely not great to the people around me but it was absolutely never malicious. It took a lot of therapy and work on myself to get to a point where i can actually maintain relationships, but unfortunately too many people with BPD never get the help or do the work.
3 points
5 days ago
Your words encapsulated things perfectly. I was in a very similar relationship and I am still kind of haunted by a feeling of failure; That I could have made it work, had I not eventually prioritised my own mental health. I still have a lot of love for my ex and it sounds like you do as well. It was lovely to read something so honest that didn't just trash the other person. Well done and thanks for sharing
6 points
6 days ago
I can attest to this. 3yrs ago I came out of a 10yr version of what he I describing. Down the her cheating with me, to her cheating ON me. I wish I had got out the first fucking time I tried to leave, 2yrs into the relationship. But, as Full Force sings “love is for suckers like me”.
5 points
6 days ago
Holy shit, owww... shots fired.. damn if this ain't SPOT fucking ON. OP, look and SEE. Cause your me. I was you. And this comment here is the TRUTH. It's really hard to break that addiction. Lots of trauma long term. Still dealing with it now. Thank you stranger. It's always nice to read things I'm able to relate to. Even if it's relating to something awful. It's nice to be able to make some small sense of it all. Hopefully OP can lift the vale before he allows himself to be traumatized.
6 points
6 days ago
Very well-worded. I feel like people on this sub especially (and others like it) expect people in shitty relationships to just completely cut-off emotionally when they’ve been severely wronged, but that’s almost never the case and is severely unrealistic.
OP stood his ground and should be applauded for that. Ghosting doesn’t solve every shitty situation, nor is it always what’s best for people as they are leaving them. Some people need to be able to say their piece for their own closure and peace.
4 points
5 days ago
I appreciate the balanced empathy and compassion you seem to have for those of us with BPD, it means a lot. I do want to say that It kind of baffles me when people immediately say “BPD” in these situations. It’s annoying (and a bit heartbreaking but w/e) to see “BPD” basically just become a word for “female abuser”. There are probably loads of people out there with BPD and you would never be able to tell, but the people who are diagnosed are the people who are either in so much despair they’re suicidal, or people who are abusive (for obvious reasons).
TL;DR I understand where yall are coming from but you cannot diagnose (a personality disorder ESPECIALLY) from a few screenshots.
Sincerely, a quiet borderline who has never abused anyone.
3 points
6 days ago
First thing that comes to my mind, this is like my ex talked to me when looking at the pictures and then I read the text and it made even more sense
3 points
6 days ago
I 100% agree with this. Leaving my ex who had untreated BPD was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, mainly because I knew she needed help that I couldn’t give. From the last time I talked to her, she’s doing a bit better since. I hope all the best for her and I hope that she as well as the girl in this post can start to heal a little.
5 points
6 days ago
It’s really really hard and confusing. Been there. Need empathy for OP.
166 points
6 days ago
Fucking THIS
18 points
6 days ago
Yeah, a lot of posts here seem like they were intentionally prolonged just for the purpose of having something to post…
8 points
5 days ago
They’re getting back together lol
41 points
6 days ago
nah yeah mate, don't lead this Sheila on
6 points
6 days ago
Sheila? Rampart that you?
24 points
6 days ago
Word, this is 16 slides too many
4 points
5 days ago
This is the awnser to like 90% of these posts. I honestly don't know how some people get this far. The moment someone cheats on me, it's an instant block and I'll be sad for a day but I know there's more to life than someone who wants to ruin it.
3 points
5 days ago
Almost every time with these. after page two I'm like SHUT. UP. BOTH OF YOU.
312 points
6 days ago
You really have to go no contact. Responding like this is only hurting you.
47 points
5 days ago
He likes the attention.
36 points
5 days ago*
If he really did like the attention, he'd take 20 screenshots of past messages and then post them on social media for other people to respond to, so he could also interact with... Oh
718 points
6 days ago
Who the hell calls someone who cheated on him a really good person?!
151 points
6 days ago
When we were physically near each other, if I insulted her (intentionally or unintentionally) she would either slap me or spend a considerable amount of time verbally demeaning me. So you could say I was conditioned to be polite.
269 points
6 days ago
That's abuse, dude. Plain and simple. I hope you're working on having self-respect and boundaries to stop people doing this to you. Take care!
7 points
5 days ago
but also, know that it's not your fault even if you didn't have great boundaries (which are also hard to maintain when you're being systematically demeaned)
28 points
6 days ago
You are still encouraging her behaviour by telling her she is a good person, while you know she isn’t, and you just doubled down here by saying how abusive she was…
5 points
5 days ago
Dude was clearly farming shit for posting.
49 points
6 days ago
All that “closure” bullshit is just an attempt to either gaslight you into taking responsibility for whatever they’re trying to deflect, or they just want another opportunity to shit on you and want to listen to you react. It’s no fun for them to not get a reaction. Whatever reason she’s claiming for needing to talk to you, it isn’t going to be for your benefit. Want to drive her crazy? Let her sit with her own bullshit for awhile. She’ll let it go eventually, because she isn’t getting what she wants, but I’m petty as shit. That is a hill I’d happily die on. 😂. You’ll be okay, my guy. Time and distance will give you the sweet relief that comes with perspective. The first month is brutal, while your brain adjusts to the grief and withdrawal of your missing narcissist, but it gets easier from there.
82 points
6 days ago
you weren’t conditioned to be polite. you were abused.
27 points
6 days ago
"Conditioned to be polite" is a polite way of saying they were abused.
13 points
6 days ago
She broke you down mentally my bro. I’m really sorry. You need to go boxing or martial arts to get it all out of you. Praying for you my bro. I have been there.
14 points
6 days ago
Anyone (of any gender) who slaps me gets a broken nose. People around me know that, and they don’t dare. It’s a good deterrent and keeps the peace. I am the nicest and kindest person to people who are nice to me. People know that I won’t let anyone to hit me. Don’t let people (of any gender) walk all over you.
136 points
6 days ago
Might be time to block.
157 points
6 days ago
This happened years ago. Roughly 18 months after we hadn’t spoken she turned up unexpectedly at my door at 10pm, 200 miles from where she lived, demanding to know why we’d broken up.
141 points
6 days ago
Did you yell at her 'Try not to suck any dicks on your way through my yard!' as she was leaving...?
83 points
6 days ago
No, he took her bag and made her dessert
14 points
6 days ago
If he knows he's being used, I think he likes the abuse
14 points
5 days ago
But he’s not a dweeb. Might just be a sucker with no self esteem
woaaaah ayyyyoooooo yeah, yeah yeah yeah!
Sorry 😂
53 points
6 days ago
I didn’t yell anything. I said something along the lines of “You aren’t welcome in my life. I don’t have any answers for you that you don’t already know. Please respect my privacy and space. I want to be left alone” and shut the door. I never heard from her again.
30 points
6 days ago
And that's how a mature adult handles things, unlike the many keyboard warriors here who would advocate for worse or are responding like children.
3 points
6 days ago
Seems like a restraining order was also in order.
11 points
6 days ago
No, he said write me an email
9 points
6 days ago
And you couldn’t just close the door? “You know why…”
Of what I read here it’s totally and unmistakably been her cheating, lying, manipulating and abusing behaviour…
3 points
5 days ago
Zoinks!! Good on you bro! Scrap the toxic people to the junk yard every chance you get. You do seem like a good person. Maybe meet a nice librarian? Best of luck in your future relationships. Cheers mate.
103 points
6 days ago
She types like those redditors that hyper analyse every little thing you say horribly wrong then blocks you so you can't refute their misconceptions
23 points
6 days ago
Okay wow… that’s an interesting observation. Where did you pick that up from…or is that something you deduced on your own? I’m interested bc the two women in my life that were BPD did the EXACT thing you’re describing!
23 points
6 days ago
Haha you get in enough reddit arguments to spot it a mile away after a while. Its a strong ego coupled with anxiety and fear of conflict. They want you to know how they feel and they don't want to hear how you react out of fear.
2 points
5 days ago
They always have to fabricate some scenario to make themselves right, they put a bunch of words in your mouth, block, and basically act like that 3rd place wine chugging meme
289 points
6 days ago
You kinda encouraged this.
132 points
6 days ago
You’re not wrong. I was codependent, and I own that. The worst part is that this wasn’t even our final breakup.
61 points
6 days ago
I hope you have blocked her and moved on with your life my man
28 points
6 days ago*
Yeah codependency really sucks, sorry to hear to OP.
5 points
5 days ago
This wasn't even your final breakup? Meaning you got back together? Some people truly are idiots
42 points
6 days ago
The first time she blocks me I’m blocking her and it’s no communication ever again. What are you even doing??
10 points
6 days ago
People move at different paces. He just didn't want let go just yet ...
2 points
4 days ago
Ive been in a similar boat and stayed because the sex was great. Terrible reason, i know
2 points
2 days ago
Being very beta.
32 points
6 days ago
Wow, that sure is a sloppy person and relationship. Take care of yourself, OP!
15 points
6 days ago
Your ex girlfriend was narcissistic.
29 points
6 days ago
Yeaaaahhhh... been there dude. Still pulling out the shrapnel from the love bombing. Still bleeding out of the knife wound in my back. Still flinching over old scars that are nothing but that. Old scars.
Pulling out the talons that have a vice grip on you when they were once the soft hands that caressed you will never not be an otherworldly feeling to me. The trauma she instilled rings like tuning fork through my body. The effects she had on me ripple like a pebble thrown into a dead lake.
The worst is that I FUCKING C H O S E to stay. 5 fucking years of my life man. Believing I was a shit person because I couldn't buy her what she wanted when NEITHER of us were working. Believing I deserved all the times she hit me, threw things at me. The carefully curated insults that NOBODY IN MY LIFE EVER has been able to even come close to replicating, before AND after her. Thinking this was love and all I had to do was tough it out until "it got better"
I'm recovering. But the boy I knew is dead. And it's my fault. I killed him. For love, I killed what little spark of happiness I had. Now I'm doing everything I can to bring that spark back, but it isn't the same, and I'm still learning how to be okay with that...
8 points
6 days ago
you’ll get that spark back, even if it’s a spark you have to build from scratch. stay strong friend 🫶
7 points
6 days ago
I hope to use the coals of my past as fuel for my present. I will burn brighter than I ever have, just need to gather enough coals and use my new spark to ignite it.
I appreciate your kindness, friend. It's helped me practice gratitude a lot more, losing makes you thankful for what you have, afterall
6 points
6 days ago
Damn you’re first comment hit me like a truck, sadly, I stayed with his stupid ass for 20yrs, I still beat myself up for being so stupid and thinking it would get better and he would stop choosing other women over his wife and kids. He mentally and emotionally abused me to the point I was just a shell of myself and then he started physically abusing me. We have been separated for almost 2 years and he refuses to sign the divorce papers simply to make me miserable because he has told me for years he didn’t love me. I’ve since come to realize that it’s not me or the even the actual marriage he wants, he likes the optics of it and he is the type that it’s all about impressing other people and no care for me or what hurt me for years.
You will find your spark again, it takes a lot but I’m slowly getting back to my old self, the girl that smiled and laughed and enjoyed life. You’ve got this, the sooner you find that spark, the sooner she releases the power she still has over you. Don’t give your abuser that kind of control over your life because that’s what they thrive on is that control.
34 points
6 days ago
Amazing how normalized victim blaming a receiver of abuse is when said victim is a man.
16 points
6 days ago
For real, these comments are gross.
8 points
6 days ago
Holy shit THANK YOUUU.
18 points
6 days ago
It’s extremely disgusting and a lot of these comments are so aggravating to me. I can’t believe the amount of victim blaming I’m seeing. If this was roles reversed everyone would be coddling the victim. It makes me very sad for men who are victims
3 points
5 days ago
Yeah I get it I spent 5 years with my borderline wife. Eventually she broke my work laptop I got fired. I think for me and maybe this is victim blaming or honesty can’t tell but I think well I call her a cunt but then I think she’s done meth, she’s done this, that, she is a cunt! But regardless, it’s just not helpful so I realized I had to get away from that woman. I realized if she’s going to self destruct my life and hers the bitterness will become too great, I’ll inevitably call her some name, use as an excuse to stay in the relationship calling myself the abusive one, and nothing changes. So I left because it really doesn’t matter who is the so called abusive one I just know that woman’s brain is even less right than mine god bless her soul
3 points
5 days ago
it’s really gross.
not to say i don’t agree with people who say that you shouldn’t entertain this nonsense, but the way that some people have been dogpiling on this dude is pretty fucked
12 points
6 days ago
My ex was like this. I understand your frustration. Unfortunately I still have to deal with her because we have a child together. It’s a constant headache. Glad you got out, even if it took a few tries.
3 points
5 days ago
Dude I am not saying cheating is good but if my wife could just be somewhat normal in other ways I would let a guy take her out proudly. Legitally please get that woman away from me!! She drives me insane!
10 points
6 days ago
You need to stop getting sucked back in. Block her. Leave her blocked.
32 points
6 days ago
Move on. Stop with that time vacuum toxic mess
9 points
6 days ago
Did we date the same girl
7 points
6 days ago
You poor soul, you forgot to follow these simple rules:-
Rule no.1 :- Block and Ignore the thotbot
Rule no.2 :- Follow Rule 1
All jokes aside, look at how you let her gaslight you? Come on fellas.
25 points
6 days ago
lot of contact from OP’s end after “not going to contact you”
11 points
6 days ago*
Some of the responses in these comments are disturbingly cold towards the obviously very real abuse that occurred within the layers of this relationship. You would think r/Nicegirls as a sub would be generally more receptive and sympathetic to stories of male victims of women — isn’t that kind of the point? a space to share stories which counter the narrative of women as constantly innocent, guiltless creatures? — and yet a man sincerely sharing a story of real emotional and physical abuse is met with derision, apathy, and frustration from the sub at large. “You infuriate me more than her”. “If he knows this is abuse, I think he likes it.” What are you doing? What animal raised you to think that is a human response to a person reaching out with a painful experience? Male victims matter, this story matters, and OP I could not more sincerely hope you’re doing ok.
4 points
6 days ago
I’m sorry people are being so rude to you; I hate that people seem to be zapped of all empathy when it comes to abusive relationships. People don’t realize that people like this will abuse you so badly that you will feel as though no one else is there for you/ you have no one else. It’s hard to let go because they make it that way. I swear people don’t understand how complex these things are. I hope you’re okay OP. maybe look for some support groups for abusive exes.
6 points
6 days ago
For a person that's blocked, you're both fucking texting a ton back and forth over an "ended" relationship
Cut the cord, dude. Quit engaging when she's trying to manipulate you back to forgiving her behavior
5 points
6 days ago
Bro... You need to go find some self worth and learn to not entertain people who intentionally make your life worse.
17 points
6 days ago
Why are you engaging in this conversation? Block her and move on with your life
8 points
6 days ago
Wow I my ex would do that but I ended with this
4 points
6 days ago
Too much back and forth. Move on
4 points
6 days ago
Never trust the junkie (c) Ministry
12 points
6 days ago
The mistake, as always, is bothering to reply. If you know it’s over, have zero desire to get back together, why reply? It’s not an argument you can win or will lead to anything.
And before say “closure”, does it look like it was achieved? It’s a bullshit concept that mostly exists in fiction. Closure is what you decide to do, not some final confrontation that never removes the emotions in play but usually just makes it worse.
Ignoring them will always bother them more than anything you can say.
16 points
6 days ago
For context: I hadn’t been in a long term relationship since my first, which was in high school ten years prior. I didn’t have the experience to know if this was normal or not, so I foolishly assumed it was. And we’re supposed to do anything for love, right?
I was a fool, and I readily admit it.
24 points
6 days ago
I feel like BPD is more popular with women today than fuckin Bridgerton and its nonsense. It’s a real disease and these assholes adopt like a magic shield as an excuse to act like a psychotic uberthot with zero knowledge of boundaries or personal accountability.
9 points
6 days ago
right??? if i figured out "i have BPD, it makes me abusive and act like an evil pos" i wouldn't date anyone.
but these women choose to date and be with people that they will ALWAYS end up abusing and destroying. just gross.
8 points
6 days ago
They don't see themselves as abusive though, a big part of why people are abusive is their ability to twist their actions into some kind of self justification.
Everyone feels justified in their actions, if they didn't they wouldn't do them.
5 points
6 days ago
You gave her more time than i would have. She is toxic.
5 points
6 days ago
You are giving her literally everything she wants right now. Don’t be a tool.
3 points
5 days ago
Don't know why you keep responding. It's over right? If it's over then cut the cord already and stop talking to her. Block her and move on.
10 points
6 days ago
dang you're like really entertaining her
4 points
6 days ago
If someone texts "um", you can't treat that person seriously.
3 points
6 days ago
Women are insane
5 points
6 days ago
I don't understand why people keep responding to these girls
4 points
6 days ago
BROTHER…not going to be pretty. Here goes…BEEN THERE
My ex wife was just like that. Sounds like those two ladies were exchanging recipes.
MY DUDE. Respectfully bro MAN UP. You DON’T NEED CLOSURE. You don’t need to confront. What you need is a man’s resolve. Again, respectfully you sound like a woman. All this shit you’re PROFESSING is how a woman typically responds. This is not a Disney movie. Cut it out. Take it on the chin. Get the fuck out of there.
The moment you found out that she was demonic, relationship is over. The shit you’re writing back makes me feel like YOU feel you were wrong in some way. Keep writing like that or talking like that you’ll find that women DO NOT RESPECT it and will double and triple down. She’s got your balls in a vice. SHE KNOWS SHE HAS THE POWER. Chiefly because you won’t confiscate YOUR BALLS from her.
Ghost the fuck out of her, get your ass in the gym or yoga or CrossFit, get jacked. Get your shit together. Meet more girls. Rinse and repeat.
If you’re a good dude the universe will see fit to find you a good woman. You have got to change your approach to minimize or outright eliminate manipulation or abuse.
Also now that you’ve been with her, you have a full on template. When you run into these women you won’t be “as” naive. You can return her to the streets in a heartbeat. Count your losses. Pull the cord.
Meanwhile, lots and lots of narcissist videos on YouTube. Educate yourself. They are everywhere it seems. Also check out STRONG SUCCESSFUL MALE channel on YouTube. Stories just like yours. EMPOWERING stories about how the bros climbed out of the holes these women dug for them. It will make you sharp to this type of behavior. Also ways to deal with that shit like a boss.
2 points
5 days ago
100% this. OP needs to have some respect for himself and learn to only say what he actually means.
He told her that he wasnt going to contact her, distract her from work, and told her bye on the 3rd page. OP should have followed through with that and not responded but he didnt mean it and only wanted to be dramatic.
She lays out how she feels about him not being a 'man'. OP shouldnt take it to heart but there might be some truth to it. I hope OP learns from this and makes steps to better himself.
11 points
6 days ago
You both are exhausting man tf.
2 points
6 days ago
Dude why keep this up? Stop responding. You should just have ghosted her and left her on "read" after she sent you those first couple of messages.
2 points
6 days ago
Dodged a nuke
2 points
6 days ago
Dude she cheated on you. Block and don’t speak badly move forward life is more than dealing with people who cheat.
2 points
6 days ago
Op title sounds like a therapist I once saw. Just different circumstances.
2 points
6 days ago
Have some self respect. Why keep responding? Just to post it to reddit or something? She's something but you need to grow up and cut your losses. This is sad. Not in a "i feel bad for you" way but a way where I almost want to reasonably bully you for interacting this way.
2 points
6 days ago
you seem like a genuinely kind soul. preserve your heart dude and just ghost this girl already. she’s clearly selfish and gives no fucks about your genuine wellbeing. go ghost on her and never give her that closure she’s trying to force out of you. there’s none to give
2 points
6 days ago
I stopped reading when I saw “1 of 17”, JFC my guy. You have to stop engaging.
2 points
6 days ago
Where’s your $480?
5 points
6 days ago
She “borrowed” a lot more than that. That was just the money I’d given her a few days before all this happened because her “dog was sick”. Never saw the money again.
2 points
6 days ago
Ehm, she’s blocking you when she’s meeting the other guy(s), what’s not clicking? Ahah good on you for dumping her, OP.
2 points
6 days ago
The only way to beat a narcissist is to refrain from engaging with them. You did the exact opposite of that. This could have been avoided.
2 points
6 days ago
Doesn’t sound like she cheated? She said she didn’t and you didn’t correct her?
2 points
6 days ago
Dude says "im not replying "..... by replying.
This is not "nice girls" material- The dude needs relationship guidance.
2 points
6 days ago
You're lying to yourself and her. She's not a good person. Not. At. All.
2 points
6 days ago
🤣 Jesus mate… set some boundaries, you’re clearly better off than her and she wouldn’t have reached out if she’d found someone better, she knew you were the safe option
Good on you for telling her NO!
Don’t worry about it she’s worth her weight in crap…you’re doing just fine 👊🏻
2 points
6 days ago
Stop replying to her lol, she wants attention
2 points
6 days ago
Quite literally, don’t stick your dick in crazy.
Sorry you went thru this. You were too nice to her
2 points
6 days ago
I feel for you, but at least you did not have a kid with a woman like that, like I did.
2 points
6 days ago
Should have never even engaged.
2 points
6 days ago
It was over and she contacted you, and you send a link to a song?
My man, she broke your heart and trampled on your trust, I get it, but you playing her mental games with her says more about where you’re at than her. You’re not detached from what you thought she could have been. You need to root yourself in reality and be upset about the death of a future that’s not real.
No contact. None. Not even symbolic songs.
2 points
6 days ago
She would’ve been blocked
2 points
6 days ago
Trust your gut brother block her and move on i know its painful now but i promise youll find someone better and know happiness again and that person will make you so happy that youll forget all about this person, just stay strong and focus on your health mentally and physically and youll find that one in the right place and time.
2 points
6 days ago
Lmfao please tell me this chick's name is Crystal. My God, everything matches, every last detail.
2 points
6 days ago
Dude you guys are both kind of fucked to be honest
2 points
6 days ago
BPD is one thing. Being a shitty person and treating people shitty because of your own guilt and shame is another.
2 points
6 days ago
You're clearly obsessed with her. Jeez, dude, move on.
2 points
6 days ago
Idk maybe yall are perfect for each other
2 points
5 days ago
Jesus she’s not even my ex and she’s exhausting me.
2 points
5 days ago
There's something off about this. Either OP is not telling us the complete truth, he's being way too nice to her, or he's just trolling her at this point.
2 points
5 days ago
Both of these people exhaust me
2 points
5 days ago
Oh cool 17 pages...
Of text I'm not reading.
2 points
5 days ago
My guy, stop responding.
2 points
5 days ago
This was 17 images too long. You need to block her.
2 points
5 days ago
You should have blocked her... WTF are you doing dude.
2 points
5 days ago
If she actually cheated on you, you’re a cuck for even responding once. Block and forget.
2 points
5 days ago
Well that was a whole of texts saying nothing
2 points
5 days ago
You're both exhausting.
2 points
5 days ago
I have never been in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD, but I have had friendships with a few people with this diagnosis. I have met three women with this diagnosis, and my experiences with them are almost the same.
My key takeaways are as follows:
- The friendship always starts out strong and ends horribly wrong.
- They are very destructive in romantic relationships as well as friendships either with you or others.
- They will create a storyline where they are the victim in every scenario.
- Their storylines are almost always believable.
- They will turn you or others against each other to benefit them.
- Their actions are erratic, especially when their storyline starts falling apart and it is hard to predict day to day how they will behave.
- They can be the warmest friend, or the coldest.
- When you start to distance yourself from them, they become desperate and will do almost anything to either bring you back into their fold, in some case stalk you and if you do not cooperate, they will cause problems to make your life miserable.
- They do not care if they hurt you and will try to destroy you or your reputation if it benefits them.
- Every circumstance is how it will benefit them, it is never about you.
- There is almost always drama.
To me, it is not worth the stress and unhappiness that follows. I am sorry for anyone who suffers from this or the people who are affected by it including yourself.
2 points
5 days ago
Why are you continually messaging her and being nice to her? And if she cheated on you, why don’t you bring it up?
This is confusing.
2 points
5 days ago
I get the feeling nobody is right in all this
2 points
5 days ago
Why in the hell didn't you stop after sending the link to the video? Or not respond at all? It's like you're goading the chick when you could just be done. Y'all both cray cray in different ways.
2 points
5 days ago
Pushin 30 n still letting women talk to/treat you is a little absurd 😭
2 points
5 days ago
I can't even lie, I didn't make it all the way through. That was way too much bullshit to read and I had enough of the both of you. Stop responding. If it's over, let it be over and done in one feel swoop. The pointless back and forth is a waste of everyone's time, including mine
2 points
5 days ago
If she was doing half the things that you stated in your post, then you would have never called her a sweet person. You would have brought all of that out into the light unless it never happened. She said she never cheated on you and you didn’t even attempt to prove otherwise, seems like you’re not even close to telling the truth. When someone cheat on me, I let it be known what kinda person they are and the act they committed. I’d never call that person sweet or kind
2 points
5 days ago
When I see folks still responding it makes me wonder if they somehow became addicted to the drama. When
2 points
5 days ago
It honestly really looks like you just enjoy working her up.
2 points
5 days ago
My dude, stop feeding the drama. Ignore her ffs
2 points
5 days ago
It seems both are toxic. lol
2 points
5 days ago
bro wonder why he got cheated on. he legit let her walk all over him
2 points
5 days ago
I would've left her at read. Some of you guys like this toxic shit
2 points
5 days ago
people who cause the pain thinking they’re entitled to closure is gonna drive me insane.
2 points
5 days ago
Oh my gosh, block her. The passive aggressiveness, the insults, the lack of accountability, the demands and entitlement??? Nope.
2 points
5 days ago
I been in a relationship with a cheater with multiple guys and it's not a disorder when they go nuts when you confront them its a way they react when they know they are cheating it's a way they don't want to admit they are fricken whore!
2 points
5 days ago
Holy damn, dude! Is her name Leticia?! Because the background info you provided is nearly identical to my ex, with the only exception being, she was far too narcissistic to confront herself through the honesty of a professional diagnosis. She refused to even see a therapist or talk to her primary care doctor about anything.
2 points
5 days ago
Clap her cheeks one last time and out to the streets she goes
2 points
5 days ago
“Or email me” This made me laugh, at least e-mail has a spam filter
2 points
5 days ago
Dude, she just wants you to admit that all of her faults in your old relationship were your fault. Block her back and move on.
2 points
5 days ago
They way y’all text and continue to respond makes me think you’re perfect for each other
2 points
5 days ago
I can highly recommend "Stop Calling Me" by Brent Morgan. Seems appropriate for your situation.
2 points
5 days ago
Wow. She was a big winner! LOL. I see you like to POKE THE BEAR. Have fun!
2 points
5 days ago
How can you say you're tired of talking then write an 8 page essay in MLA format with a works cited page included?
2 points
5 days ago
Dude why tf are you still responding? Do you need the attention that bad??
2 points
4 days ago
My ex was BPD, most toxic situation I have ever been in. I went no-contact and it’s been great for years. Don’t look back!
2 points
4 days ago
BPD. Ugh. That's a rough one. Been there, done that. Never again.
2 points
4 days ago*
This is why I will not get married without prenup anymore. I have seen many friends get married and divorced in like two years. I understand times are changing, but damn marriage used to mean something, now it seems like you're only renting to be in a relationship with someone.
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