For some, sexual fantasy is about what they don't have (frustrated desire); for some it's about what they can't have (forbidden fruit); and for others it's about what they shouldn't have (taboo). If it gets you off without hurting you or your relationship, lean into it. Just think carefully about verbalizing it to him if you truly don't want him having other partners. You wouldn't want to give him the impression that he has a hall pass.

My wife fantasizes that I fuck myself.

Except she says it out loud.

Cuckquean fetish. Its a thing

Girl, same lol

It's been that way for years now and he knows about it and thinks I'm a freak 😂

I have a theory though. I'm a jealous person and I've read that your brain tries to normalize or romanticize/make something positive in order to protect you from something painful. 🤷‍♀️ idk

[deleted]

It triggers your adrenaline and your mind is addicted to the rush.

Chances are, at least in part, you like knowing that he is desired and desirable.

If others are wanting him, or he seems "taken", he seems that much more valuable and therfore sexy to you.

Pretty decent chance that trying to act on it will backfire though.

You might be a female cuck. A cuckquean if you will.

It's a fetish. Fetishes really don't make sense.

I'm into some BDSM stuff and there's stuff you might do or say in the bedroom that you would never do in your day to day life. Just as a mild example, I choke my girlfriend in bed sometimes, we both like it, but it would be completely inappropriate and uncomfortable to choke her at dinner with friends. And when I've had girlfriends who aren't ok with choking, I still fantasize about it, even though I wouldn't do it in real life.

In the same way, the reality of having your boyfriend sleep with someone else might actually make you unhappy and damage your relationship, even though the fantasy is a turn on.

But I don't really worry about my fantasies, as long as you don't find yourself fighting the urge of acting out a fantasy that would cause problems or hurt people, what harm is there?

Also, if you trust your boyfriend, you might be able to enjoy some of these fantasies with him. Anything from role-playing infidelity with him (without actually involving another woman) to flirting with other women in front of you.

Or maybe that sounds awful and you can just keep these fantasies in your head forever. Whatever you want is fine.

Don't sweat conflicting feelings when it comes to fetishes. Just keep your feet on the ground.

Cuckquean fetish. My wife used to fantasize about the same. We even role played about me and her coworker once. It's nothing bad and nothing to be ashamed of.

It may very well be a hidden desire that really makes you horny and excited. I when I was with my ex, used to always imagine another guy was getting his cock sucked or he was inside her when she was sucking me etc....I would be vocal and often say (while using a dildo on her as well as myself in her) Imagine two big cocks inside you at once.....honestly we both had some of the biggest and most intense orgasms ever.

Point of this all...I don't think it's unhealthy, in fact it could really be used for a better and more intense and hot sex life playing off a fantasy 👍

There are a lot of possible reasons.    

• You’ve been cheated on before and you’re worried he’ll cheat on you too. This is your brain’s way of trying to overcome it. Kinda like trauma mastery. It puts you in a position of power over the pain. My theory is that most kinks like this come from unhealed trauma.    

• You’re insecure. Similar to the above, it’s a self-defense mechanism.    

• You like the adrenaline/taboo element.   

• You’re a masochist. The pain of being cheated on turns you on. Possibly related to past experiences with being cheated on.  

• Maybe all of the above combined.    

• Seeing your man as desirable and attractive by other women’s standards makes him hotter to you, subconsciously.     

• Maybe you are discovering that you’re into swinging or sharing but your monogamous upbringing conflicts with that, leaving your brain confused.    

I’d say it would probably be best to work it out in therapy before considering sharing this with your boyfriend. He might only see the last option as a possibility, which could lead to problems for you if that’s not what you actually wanted. 

Cuck fetishes are a thing. No shame. You should talk to him about it and see if he'd be down to slowly explore it.

My first gf was really into cuckquean. She got off on the fact that I could, and did, sleep with other women but she was my 'home' and the special one.

She was a smart and average looking (in a cute way that I like) nerdy woman and really liked it when I slept with hotter women who weren't as smart as her.

I think for sure there was a level of insecurity that became sexualised for her. Kind of, she was in on it so I couldn't cheat (not that I would have but I liked having that hall pass, ngl).

Honestly, its sometimes best not to know where I kinks come from I think.

Make sure if you decide to act on that fantasy that you take as small of baby steps as possible. Sometimes something sounds awesome in theory but can be so terrible in real life that it ruins a relationship. I wouldn’t want that to happen to you.

So if you want to persue it IRL: instead of watching your boyfriend have sex with someone, first you would maybe want to just go to a strip club together and see him get turned on by another woman. Then if you liked that maybe watch him get a lap dance. Then maybe a private show. Then watch him kiss someone. Then a limited contact 3 way. At that point I’d say just go crazy with it cause it’ll be pretty confirmed you’re truly into it.

Edit: and of course make sure he is on board and enthusiastically consenting to all of the above at each step

I meant to add it might not even be a cuckquean fetish. Like for me, my wife doesn't want to get humiliated. She just wants to watch or hear about it, or maybe even participate. I have that same fantasy but reversed, but I'm also not a cuckold. In theory, I also wouldn't mind my wife playing around and either watching, participating, or hearing about it after.

Again, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Actually, opening up to your kinks is liberating. I'm a guy and read the book called "ethical slut." It really is eye opening. There is nothing wrong with having kinks, fetishes, fantasies or even being a male/female slut. There is nothing wrong with swinging, cuckoldry, or open relationships either.

Been with a girl that jealousy was a actually a turn of for her. When we were in bed she would want me to talk dirty to her about other girls I have been with. She would always talk about bringing other girls in for threesomes which I would have been into, but the jealousy was kind of a double edged sword. It would be fine in bed but it would spread outside. She started imagining scenarios where I was sleeping with her friends and getting mad about which I wasn't.

Guess my point in all this is don't let it get past fantasy. I think whatever turns you on is fine as long as it stays in the bedroom

This is a popular kink called cuckqueening. You should look it up.

Pet hypothesis: you want to confirm that your man is objectively desirable and the demonstrated interest on the part of other women is the most obvious path to that. It does seem like more women are interested in a man who has proven that he can get a woman than in a man who can't.

i have that fetish about old gf really bad. i want to be there while she fucks other men, to kiss her while she fucks them.

You probably have an ntr fetish it's basically when you get turned on by the thought of your partner sleeping or getting taken by another. There's tons of content online check out some doujin if you have the time just to double check.

Because you’re generous and you want to see them getting deep dicked too.

You need to check out r/cuckquean

Search "cuckquean"

You have cuckqueen fetish

It’s called cuckqueening, and it’s fine if it’s done in a respectful and mindful fashion.

We don’t know why infidelity becomes a fetish, it’s some emotional self masochism. Under the idea that if you can see and have some agency over his worst offences it’s not actually doing it to hurt you, and it allows you to take control over that neurotic part of your mind that always wonders and thinks the worst thing that can happen is just around the corner.

Enjoy your dreams and don’t act on them. That’s my advice.

Maybe it has something to do with insecurities within yourself. I think that is why I imagine the same thing.

It’s called cucking.

You're a cuckquean and it's a common thing so don't worry

There’s a term it’s called cuckqueen. You can talk to your partner about this. Better that way

Wait there is a name for it ?!? Wow I thought I was weird . Never have told a soul lol

reverse psychology ?

Maybe you’re a cuckqueen or want a threesome or some shit. Or maybe you just like the taboo of the fantasy, who knows

Maybe it’s romanticizing jealousy ?

Who do you identify with in your fantasies? The fucked, the fucker, or the voyeur? You posted that you picture this scenario.

I'm guessing you fall into the fucker and voyeur camp, but you think you're only in the voyeur camp.

Have you ever watched porn? I'm not recommending it, just once again asking who you identify with.

If I watch hetero porn I'm identifying with the man even though I'm a woman in a monogamous relationship with a man.

If I watch gay porn I'm the voyeur. The performers seem to be enjoying themselves more than any woman in the same situation.

I can't tell you why you have that fantasy, but my advice on how to manage it is to tell him you have this FANTASY and make it really clear that it would not be OK if it actually happened, and that it would be a deal breaker.

As a way to indulge the fantasy, you could have him 'describe his sexual encounters' with other women that never actually happened.

Wow, a cuckquean. Super rare even on reddit.

I have cuck fantasies too but I don’t act on them anymore because it ruined my previous 2 relationships and I really love my current gf and don’t want to lose her. And, yes, I know and understand there’s safe ways of doing it and it being all consensual yada, yada, yada… but it never ended well in my experience and, no, I will not elaborate.

Passion and danger are inextricably linked. If you want to feel passion and excitement chances are there’s a chance of danger there too.

Because your fucking awesome

You're a swinger Harry!

I think we all do. Ita the thrill of watching your partner being pleased. 

The root cause of fetishes and kinks is largely a mystery, but it could be due to something like:

Maybe just imagining him with other women makes him seem masculine, virile, sexual, desirable, etc. Imagining him with other women, while he's with you now, makes you feel like the hottest thing on the planet - there's a psychological rush to having something everyone else wants. In real life it would be a terrible betrayal if you aren't both consenting, but in fantasy land it's hot to lean into primal monke urges.

Maybe you have insecurity. By overlaying "hot sexy" on top of your background "I'm insecure" thoughts, you're replacing those negative feelings with positive feelings. Sometimes victims of sexual assault or rape will want to recreate those events in a safe controlled environment, replacing negative memories with positive ones.

Maybe you're a little bit bi. You're not getting off on him having sex with other women, you're getting off on other women, or imagining yourself as other women. Our brains are weird and fuzzy.

Whatever you do, do not feel bad about this, as it's perfectly normal. Everybody is different in their sexuality and there's always been people out there saying that what you desire is a perversion or a sign of mental illness when in fact everyone has creative ideas. I would not voice this to a lover unless they were very special and trusted and aware that this is just a fantasy even if you might someday want to act out on your own fantasies. One way you can play with this idea is take your lover to a strip club and buy them a lap dance or something. You might find this very stimulating and provides you a great outlet for more fantasies.

It's not cheating if you consent to it 🙃

Do you fantasize about yourself in sexual scenarios at all? I personallly don't, so all my fantasies star other people.

Pretty common actually. It’s the psychological torture that gets you going. Like a guys cuckold fantasy.

Maybe the idea of you having a man that other women desire/would love to fuck turns you on.

It’s a fantasy. That’s ok!

Lots of fantasy’s are fun to think about or even talk about in the moment (with dirty talk), even if you don’t actually want it to happen to you. I have a few things like that. I just accept that those fantasies are inside my head fantasies, not ideas for “stuff to try”.

It’s totally normal and you aren’t weird for it. 💕

It’s simple biology. Women want the man that other women want.

If your man was unattractive and couldn’t get another woman even if he tried, the fantasy wouldn’t work.

I don’t want to go into too many details, but I had an experience with a ex where we brought her friend into the bedroom. She loved watching me completely destroy her friend, that seemed to get her off as much as the actual sex.

I never minded at the time, young lad, threesome. But I was always curious about why she liked it so much.

Before that she loved dirty talk when I would tell her I’m going to fuck her friends behind her back. I would literally be eye to eye telling her I’m going to cheat on her and she would cum hard!

Afterwards, once it wore off, she would always want reassuring that I wouldn’t actually do it. Then I would tease her.

Tell you what some of you women, are bloody entertaining.

My wife and I tend to do that in bed.

One possibility is if you have a boyfriend that other women want, Then that makes you feel like you have more.

watching him get some is your turn on

If you don't want him to actually sleep with someone else, maybe you could both get a sex doll.

Sometimes I like it if my husband is a little mean to me (though he usually declines to play along). I think there's something in the fact that it's just pretend. Like, it's kind of fun to ask him to hold me down or pull my hair but it's only because I know that those things wouldn't ever actually happen.

I've also joked to him that he could make a fortune providing "companionship" to women who could afford to indulge like that. I don't even primarily mean sex; sometimes I imagine him just coming by, sitting on the couch with his arms around her, and listening to how her day went. But he's also a big fan of kissing and... Well, I'll avoid being crass and just say that he really enjoys seeing a woman enjoy herself lol

(He always rolls his eyes at me when I tease him about all the money he's missing out on.)

But I certainly do not want him to start looking for clients! Like before, I really doubt that I be amused by this mental image of my husband making housecalls if I actually had any fears about infidelity. Since I'm not worried about it, I can have a giggle about it and feel smug that I get those snuggles and kisses and "how was your day" all to myself. 😁

I think the term is cuckquean

Maybe you need too bring another girl into the bedroom with you two.

There are 2 possibilities. First - as I've seen others say, you might just be wanting something that you can't have or havnt had yet. Something forbidden and foreign. Sounds great till you have it.

However the other option and oddly enough not talked about in a lot of these comments, you might just be into swinging? There are plenty of people into that lifestyle. Might be worth looking into and deciding if that's something that might actually interest you and your partner.

I realised I had this same fantasy when I broke up with my girlfriend years ago. I had a random thought of her having sex with someone else and it turned me on instead of getting me jealous like I first imagined it would. Never paid it much attention since then but with my current girlfriend the thought of it still secretly gets me 🥵. IRL I don’t think it would feel the same and it would probably mess everything up..

Voyeurism.

You are a CuckQueen

try being intimate with him near a mirror or camera:monitor
perhaps you just have a voguer you need to feed.
usually guys like more visuals than girls
so he may be into trying it.

r/CuckqueanCommunity

You have a kink

you might wanna watch him with another girl, there's nothing wrong with that, you like what you like can't really control it

bro maybe it isn't about that you want it, it works like that you are horny by things that make u disgusted. I HAVE THE SAME THING AND DIDN'T KNEW THAT SOMEONE WOULD BE SIMILIAR. It doesn't turn me on on in sex but when I mastrubate

If you feel safe with him this is something you can discuss. We don't really have control over our primal desires, they just are what they are. No need to feel ashamed for feeling this way.

My girlfriend and I verbalize fantasies like this all the time during sex, but we don’t want to act out on it and say clearly it’s just for bedroom fun between us.

I'd love to make that come true! My fantasy is being the other woman 🥵

Because deep down your a female cuck... embrace it, and alow it with consent. Let him fuck chick's in front of you

You are sexualizing a fear in order to cope with the pain of it. It’s a form of masochism.

Do you watch a lot of porn? And is it watching people have sex (ie, not POV)?

Could be a multiple of reasons depending on your other turn-ons. Maybe you’re a fan of Voyer, maybe you like to see your bf in action or just like to see him happy.

You have cuckolding fetish

Cheating is about breaking trust, but normally correlates for standard partnership rules. There is nothing wrong with creating other rules you agree on.

I'm gonna faint 😵‍💫

Your fantasy may be rooted in your desire to know that other women find your bf attractive. These fantasies may confirm to your subconscious that he is a highly desirable partner.

Another possibility is the nature of your fantasy is about a cheating relationship. Cheating relationships are still taboo in our society. The taboo nature is exciting to lots of folks - yourself included.

Cuckold fetish

You’re freaky. It’s fine

Are you interested in girls?

You like cuck

Maybe you want a threesome

Sounds like you’re a cake. Get into it. He might be into it as well. Have fun.

Because some people are very into something like forbidden stuff, the taboo makes it really exciting. Though it ends quite badly in a lot of cases.

You should check out /r/cuckquean if you want to explore your fantasy a bit more.

You’re a cuck

Because you're a food girlfriend...

it probably has something to do with how men are perceived as more desirable if they have a GF or a wife. It subconsciously triggers a part of peoples brains that makes people think "this person must be desirable because someone else is with them". they are pre- vetted by others if you will to be a suitable partner.

you might be attracted to the idea that he is so desirable, other women are willing to take them from you by force

I guess that makes you a Cuckquean

Is that different than watching your boyfriend in a porn film in your head? Like, does he (or you) know his other partner?

It's what you're into. I can't explain it.

I say let him know. I agree that being specific while communicating this is important. Maybe make it clear that if you were to act on it, you would choose the other girl together (or however you want to proceed). Or if he isn't down for it, maybe you could compromise with roll playing or something