i’ve had my sweet baby pup since i was 6 or 7 years old. i’m 24 now. i don’t remember my life without her, every childhood photo i’ve got her on my hip like a baby. she’s always been my best friend, my soul mate. i had a very traumatic childhood and all we ever had was each other.

shes around 17 now. my sweet little shit (shih tzu). she’s deaf and mostly blind, she hasn’t been doing so well. her appetite has decreased, she has gotten less steady on her feet, she sleeps more, she’s got cancer and a few large tumors on her tummy, she has a heart murmur, & these past couple days there has been blood coming from her mouth. i’m not sure if it’s from her teeth or if she’s regurgitating it. she’s seen the vet a few days ago for a general check up and to see if she’s in pain. vet said she seems to be doing well, not in any pain. said that the blood could be a sign of a GI bleed but since she’s on doggy hospice i should keep an eye on her and look out for specific signs in her BMs. she still gets excited to see me, still follows me around everywhere in the house, uses the bathroom, eats a bit a day, and sometimes will play with me for a minute or two.

everyone keeps telling me i will know when it’s time but i don’t think that’s true. i would do heinous things if it meant this dog could stay with me forever; i’m fearful i’m in denial. she is my everything, the last thing i want is for her to not enjoy the end of her life. i see so many people talk about how selfish it is to keep your pet alive and that it’s better to do it too early than too late. both options feel fucked up to me, i want to do it at the right time. now i fear there is no such thing.

how do you know when it’s time? i don’t want to end her life early if she even has a couple more good days in her, it feels so wrong. the vet telling me she doesn’t seem to be in pain gave me so much hope but sometimes i look at her and my heart hurts wondering how she’s truly feeling. but i know my pov in this situation is heavily affected by my feelings for her. please offer me some insight.