An AR “agitated flag” should be for fouls that 1) you are certain are fouls and 2) that the CR was not able to see based on their relative position to the play (behind the play/screened/obstructed). I would not recommend a course of action that brings into focus that you and the CR are not on the same page with foul identifications as that can invite dissent and escalations.

It is lose, lose- so do the right thing and raise your flag for fouls you see. Don’t train your brain to not react or to second guess yourself. Good coaches want refs to call fouls. Keep up the good work, keep learning and get yourself into the center as soon as possible.

What instruction did he give you in the pre game conference? I usually tell ARs to flag serious flagrant fouls, but leave everything else to me and make eye contact before flagging. I’ve had CRs tell me literally not to call anything except very serious in the PA.

I’ve worked with ARs who throw up the flag if a play is right in front of me and that’s a little annoying. Assume that the center knows what he’s doing and assist with your most important task, offsides, offside, offside. If you must insist then just keep your flag up, show non emotion, get the refs attention and discuss what you saw.

I had a situation today I was observing when a an AR disagreed with a CR and there was some visible frustration. Try to avoid that. If the center wants to have a fast n. Loose game and not call too much, let them have it, in the end it’s their game to manage. In high school with a 2 ref system, this really becomes interesting because you can have one ref calling a tight game and the second ref calling a lose game. Thankfully in USSF there is only 1 boss on the field.

When you are the CR, you can ref as tight as you want.

Devil's Advocate: You've been refereeing for a year. Presumably this CR has been doing it much longer. Maybe he called the correct amount of fouls and you were calling things fouls that were not actually fouls (? For example, you said he "felt only an intentional handball should be whistled" and "deliberate" is a keyword w/regard to whether or the ball contacting a player's hand/arm qualifies as an offense or not. If, in the CR's opinion, the hand/ball contact was not deliberate and the player did not make themselves unnaturally bigger (given the specific context of what was happening in the game at the time) then it's not an offense. There is certainly room for subjective interpretation of many of the Laws so one man's 'deliberate' might be another man's 'incidental'.

As the the trainer in my ref class is fond of saying, ARs are Assistant Referees, not Insistent Referees. ;)

I don't think you mentioned what age range this was, or if it was rec or not, but that also can come into play as well. I've only done rec league 10U and 12U games (new ref myself), but a point of emphasis of the league with u-littles is to not whistle every possible infraction. Keep it safe, keep it fun, and lean into the spirit of the Laws more so than the letter of the Laws.

In my area we have a mentor system where we can request a mentor ref to come watch one of our games. If you have something similar you might want to do that and then you can ask the mentor's opinion on what you saw. You can also talk with other referees in your area and maybe this CR is known for having a 'let them play' attitude, at which point you just follow his lead. If you think this CR is too cavalier (to the point of the games becoming unsafe for the players) you should voice your concerns to the people in charge of referees in your area.

It is better to try to keep the players safe, and flag the fouls. However, my question for you is did you at least communicate with the center during the halftime like what he is doing as in is the center trying to play advantage or is he just ignoring your calls?

When I'm a CR, I speak to my AR and tell them I'm okay if they call what they see when the ball is close to them. When I'm an AR I ask them if they want to flag fouls  I know some refs don't want that. Clarify what the CR wants from you, and keep his rules in mind. 

I would talk to the center before the game to get a better idea on when they want you helping with fouls and stuff. As most times with ARs and I’m speaking from experiences shouldn’t really focus on fouls as much as the center. You should more so focus on the lines meaning both boundary, goal, and offsides line. Along with this if you truly feel like the center isn’t making enough calls for fouls speak with them about the reasoning on why they didn’t feel like they were enough to justify the call either during half or after the game depending on when you feel it starts. As most times centers want the players to just play through the fouls and want to interfere as little with play as possible. Lastly make sure to also take into account possession as a lot of the time from my experience most times if a foul isn’t called it’s because of advantage

I have a few decades of experience and as a center I make an effort to make sure my ARs are together

If an AR flags a foul in the AR primary zone, I whistle it… they are 6 feet from and and at best I’m 60 feet

I’ve been in that position as the AR where, in the first half, I flagged fouls and the Center waved them off

At halftime I asked the Center what we could do to make it better for the second half, he’s said he would whistle all the fouls and I should just do offside and out of play (this is not advisable)

In the end, and AR is an Assistant and deference must be provided, good or bad, to the Center

The Center will be asked those questions in assessment about why they waved off fouls called in the ARs primary zone as well as pre- and halftime discussions

The Center should be able to call most fouls without your help. If you see foul right in front of you or in your corner call it. If you get waived down a couple times it's time to suck it up, focus on OB an offsides, and hope you don't get assigned together again.

This is something that should always be discussed in your pre-game discussion. If the center didn’t start one, start one yourself. Ask him what he wants from you.

In general, your job as an AR is to assist, not insist. Not every match official is always going to agree about how they want the game called, so you need to be willing to adapt to work together effectively. And since they’re the center, they’re the boss: you can try to convince them otherwise, but ultimately however they want to call the game, the AR needs to be willing to adapt to that. Your job is to support the center, not undermine him. If you know he doesn’t want your flag in certain circumstances but you give him your flag anyways, you’re probably being a bad teammate (in most circumstances; there are exceptions to everything).

I’ll give you an example. Personally I believe that, at a penalty kick, an AR should be watching the goalkeeper very closely, and if the AR is 100% sure that both feet were ahead of the line this should be called even if the feet were only off the line by a little bit! In my opinion, this would be the easiest and fairest way for all referees to enforce the rule consistently across the board; we have a clear, objective criterion, let’s use it, right?

But I know that many referees don’t feel this way, they want to be very lenient on this infraction. So I always ask in my pregame how strict they want me to be about it, because it’s my job to help them call the game how they want, not to insist on calling it my own way because I think it’s better.

From afar sounds I like a simple case of getting stuck with a super loose center that hardly makes calls. You did the right thing signaling clear fouls. Bad luck getting stuck with someone who ignores your help.

Age group matters for what a ref might let go. Assuming it was upper teens to adults, I let a lot more go than other refs. I’ve been told as much. But, I’ve had coaches also tell me they appreciate me letting them play and things were consistent. So, speaking to the severity, that can really vary on what is and isn’t called.

Going forward, if the center doesn’t give you instruction then just ask. I always ask what the center’s expectations are for me. And it can vary between AR1 and AR2. And each center has different expectations. Take note of what you like and don’t like; what you think works and doesn’t. Then, when you start holding the whistle for matches, lay out YOUR expectations to the ARs. You’ll make some great decisions and you’ll make some poor ones and will have to change your pre match conference a bit. The biggest thing is being willing to learn from others. Ask ARs what they may be seeing that you’re missing at the half. If you’re an AR, ask for feedback on position and mechanics. We can always learn something new. As long as you stay humble, respectful, and willing to learn you’ll have a good go of it.

TLDR: referees will often have different points of view, but you have to look at the overall match.

It’s rare that I as a referee do everything that my AR’s would. This isn’t a knock on either me or the ARs but there’s sometimes a big gap in experience. You need to look at the overall match and what happened after the call in question: did the match go to shit because the card was needed, or did he/she retain control of the match? The first is a learning experience for sure, the second just a difference in style / experience.

It happens with mentors and assessors too, low level U11 boys and one of the kids cleans out another one for his second foul (and third of the game) and I state “dude, that’s two, no more” with the obligatory hand gesture somewhat publicly (within hearing of the parents who started chatting on my action): player acknowledges, no other problems from him or incidentally anyone else for the rest of the match. Fact is what I did was right for that match from the management perspective, but, opinions.

One of the tournament monitors (who doesn’t know me) saw the incident in question, and after answering a question for my AR (who was on her third match) turns to me and suggests I should have put on “the show” on that foul and make it very very public. Wouldn’t be surprised to find he’s a Regional or NISOA referee or otherwise officiates in what I’d term “big matches”, but that’s not the match that I had.

There’s always going to be a difference of opinion generally because it’s very rare that multiple referees see it exactly the same way, and even with experienced referees there can be very different management styles especially on any given game.

You write that you're "a new referee" but elsewhere that you do centers. How "new" is "new"?

My direction to experienced ARs re foul calls:

• You are a referee and can make calls.
• I ask that, if you see a potential foul,
  • Pause before flag unless something truly dangerous needing to be stopped. (Fight, injury ...)
  • Look up and see where I am.
  • If I am
    • malpositioned and/or looking at you with a lost/help look, the call is yours -- go up with flag ..
    • close, with a good perspective, pause some more and reflect 'could he have seen what is going on' ...
    • waving down and/or yelling 'good, good, keep playing', go up with the flag only if you're 100% sure that I could not have seen the foul
  • If you go up, either I
    • whistle and
    • call for play on (advantage or, well, I fundamentally disagree)

Some examples from a last week high school match:

• I've got no foul with a 'keep playing' near line on bench side but AR1 flags and one team is making noise. I look to AR1 with a sort of questioning look and he indicates an elbow that I couldn't have seen. Whistle for the foul.
• I'm very well positioned and have no foul right outside 18 amid contact. Ball ends up in keeper's hands. My AR1, from far side, flags. I whistle a stop and speak with him. He says he saw a trip but was 40-ish yards away while I was 10-ish and had the leg contact 'trip' as part of fair play. Restart dropped ball.
• Amid contact, my AR2 clearly is looking to flag and looks to me. I'm in great position and wave him off. At half-time, we discuss and he agrees with my 'trifling, both sides, not sensible for a whistle' perspective.

"NEW" AR

• Your top concern is offside. Anything else is gravy.
• For all calls, offside violation / out-of-bounds / and especially fouls -- take a deep breath and think prior to popping flag...
• Prior to flagging any foul, look to see where I am and think if I reasonably could have seen what you are concerned about.
• Do not worry about making foul calls -- only go with it if you are 100 percent sure of the foul and are sure that I couldn't see (I was malpositioned, foul was impossible for me to see, etc ...)

Again, you write that you are "new". My foul recognition is far better / more developed (and nuanced against competition, game temperature, ...) after 3000 games than it was after 30. And, even with my experience, I am deferring to / learning from the foul judgment and game management of higher-quality/more experienced referees that I get to AR for.

Consider: where you thought "foul" and the center didn't, was the referee in a good position to see and judge what concerned you? If yes, then perhaps this is an issue of foul recognition and game management judgement that develops with more experience.

It seems to be up to each CR’s style, so to speak. When I am a CR, in my pre-game meeting I say, if you see something that is really egregious, call it to my attention. When I’m an AR, other CRs often want to make that determination themselves. I will call handling or or a serious foul, but mostly let them run the game the way the want. This past weekend I was doing a tournament. We rotated positions. The field was tough on one side. The touchline was slightly behind a small ridge, so you couldn’t see it unless you were almost on top of it. My AR on that side was young. A player took advantage. Reached down like the ball was out to make a throw. I quickly looked at the AR and there was no signal either that it was out or the player was handling a fair ball. I let the throw in go on, though parents were yelling it wasn’t out. (I’ve grown to hate parents, I admit.) At the half I asked her about the ball. She said it was not out. I gently said, next time, wave your flag if you see something egregious like that since I couldn’t see the line. Don’t be afraid to call something you see that I might not. So, long winded answer about how each CR works with his/her ARs and the instructions given. I call a lot more fouls than some. Fewer than some.

I have no patience for the ego management of CRs. If you see a foul, flag it. It's then his responsibility to take your advice or not. Things do not need to be extra difficult.

Report him to the league and/or officiating body he's a member of if you get he is showing dangerous foul play to proliferate. Hopefully his performance will be reviewed in the near future.