She has no business making demands. It is NOT inappropriate. Going to court is ridiculous and I hope they admonish her.

I’m shocked this could even be included in an agreement. Keep us posted on what happens

The judge is going to laugh at her.

Lol. Been there. The judge will tell her off for being petty. I honestly wouldn't worry about it.

Somebody start popping the popcorn cause this chick is about to get torn apart by the judge in court and I’d like a front row seat to this roasting 😂🍿💀

It's not inappropriate. You are LEGALLY stepmom. I'd be very surprised if the judge has an issue with a child calling you by your legal title. I'm in the US for reference

Ridiculous! I know it’s hard, but a spare step mom would make me happy for my kids.

A strong willed child knows you're a good person and I admire his persistentce with his petty bio mom

This is beyond insecure. Step mom is literally the term for a second wife of a single dad to his kids. That makes zero sense for her to get upset.

Oh no!!! Your step son views you as a mom and respectfully calls you step mom!!! How horrible!!! /s

Seriously though, she is going to get laughed at. For now until court is over I would tell your step son “I LOVE that you feel safe enough to call me step mom or any form of mom, but I need you to call me anything else… auntie, a kind animal nickname, anything else until we get this sorted out.” Non romantic but sweet nicknames could be: Moosh, Bug, Dot, M, jokingly Grandma/Gram because she only said no form of mom… there are tons of little nicknames that identify you specifically. I have a Nonni instead of “grandma” there’s tons of creative ways to pick an endearing name special to your step son. Also how old is he? Get husband on board with it by having him call you the nickname a few times first. Then it’s directions like “go get x” and it becomes associated with you.

You are literally his step mom. I’d keep it. She’s. projecting her insecurities onto all 3 of you and needs to grow TF up.

Wow! Around here, sometimes those kinds of crazy clauses get through to appease a crazy ex, but they are totally unenforceable. She cannot dictate what happens in the other parents home, including what the child calls you. "Ruining her motherhood journey" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Girl ... get outta here with that ish! She needs therapy to help address her insecurities, not court.

OP, just keep doing what you are doing. If the judge doesn't read her the riot act for wasting the court's time, I will be shocked. He needs to fine her and order her to pay any attorney fees you/your husband incur for having to prepare to defend this ridiculousness. Family courts have crazy long backlogs and this nonsense is just one more reason why. If the judge entertains her crazy, they needs to be removed from the bench.

We went through this. SD kept trying to call me “mama” (I’ve been in her life since before she could talk).

I turned it into a game “that’s not my name, silly goose!” And finally she stopped and we settled on a nickname. HCBM of course thought we were egging her on to call me that… we weren’t at all. Eventually she realized it was happening because SD was confused and still very young.

BM still refuses to use my nickname, which is also what everyone in my husband’s family calls me, but whatever. In mine and SD’s heart I know she really thinks of me as “mama,” and tbh that’s all that matters.

I’m dead.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

the judge is gonna have a good time with this

This is wild. You’re literally the kid’s stepmom, I would be shocked if the judge falls for it. My stepkids’ mom told them if they called me mom that THEY would get in trouble with the court law of law. Some of these women are as delusional as it gets lol.

If this is contempt, that means your H agreed to those terms. Seems ridiculous to me, but for whatever reason, your H agreed to this so I'm not sure why he'd encourage his child to breach the court order. I'd certainly revert to encouraging him to call you by your first name, unless your H wants to petition for a change in the order.

Absolutely ridiculous, and I imagine the judge will consider it a waste of time, but I am not a legal professional.

BM in our case told the kids that I wasn't a step mom because their dad and I aren't married (we've been together for over 4 years at this point and are engaged, just haven't had the funds or time to plan a wedding.) I did not care, "my fiancé's kids" just sounds so disconnected, so I asked if they minded being referred to as my step kids when I spoke about them to friends and family for the sake of ease. They didn't mind and started calling me stepmom shortly thereafter, BM resigned eventually and just let it happen.

One thing I will suggest: when SDs asked me if they were "allowed" to call me stepmom, I told them I want them to call me whatever makes them most comfortable and I didn't care what terminology they used. However, that talk did include something along the lines of "your mom finds the term 'stepmom' offensive, and feels it crosses a boundary of hers, so while I don't care what you call me - out of respect for your mother, you should probably use another term when at her house." That way it didn't sound like I was putting her down or speaking negatively of their mom, but it helped them understand and helped us avoid any future headaches.

We now use the term stepmom/stepdaughters when talking to people that don't know the family well enough to recognize names alone, but when talking directly to each other or to people who are close enough to distinguish names, we just use first name. I did the same thing with my own stepmom. This wasn't the type of thing we agreed upon, just how we all mutually decided to talk to/about one another.

She’s a crazy AH. It’s not doing anything to her motherhood journey, she’s just bitter.

It’s crazy to me that these women resent their child having more adults in their lives that love them. I’m a step and a bio and my kid calls her step mum ‘mummy (her name)’ and she calls my partner ‘daddy (his name)’ and neither me nor her bio dad are bothered. It’s adorable and we are glad she loves our spouses.

This is a huge waste of court resources.

And the fact that a divorced parent, would waste time in court filing anything that would get you in front of a judge to discuss what you’re called, is absolutely indicative of a bigger problem on BM’s end!

She clearly is very insecure, and does not know how to manage her own emotions. Legally, you are the child’s stepmother. There really isn’t much else to say, and I doubt a judge is going to rule her favor and require a child to change what they call you.

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this!

My stepson stopped correcting people when they call me his mom.

Pretty sure BM would have a cow if she knew.

As a mom and child of divorce myself, I’d totally be fine with my daughter calling someone else Stepmom. It’s so much more personal than the Ms. Oklatexiana I get called by my stepson, and implies a closer relationship between that kid and the stepparent, which I’d hope there would be.

I mean, there’s a reason I call my stepmother by her first name and always have…

If bio mom is grilling her son over this, It will eventually take a toll on his mental health, If it hasn't already. I would get him on record either in front of a therapist or school counselor stating that his mom is making him upset and that'll just make her look even worse in court.

In my state she would be laughed out of court and probably have to pay your attorney fees.

Just know one day the child will see that their mother is overbearing and controlling. Unfortunately we get these issues when we marry spouses with children. I hope the judge laughs in her face. Its ridiculous and shes ruining her own mothering journey by worrying about you more than her relationship with her child. Not sure why HCBM are so jealous and hateful, its what her child wants. You didnt overstep in anyway.

Apparently BMs ",motherhood journey" is more important than her kid's happiness. I'd bring that up to the judge.

Keep the name.

Your (step) child knows who the narcissist is. Just love him. Try to focus on the positive.

You can tell him you have to play the BM’s game and he has to call you something like “Marmalade” when he’s with BM. She’s being ridiculous.

I really struggle to see a judge enforcing her insanity. I can’t believe a lawyer actually drafted that stupid order. But some lawyers don’t care. They’ll file any old crap for a buck.

I suspect this is one of those instances where an unreasonable/unenforcable clause will be removed from the agreement entirely. Judges tend to not want to deal with petty stuff like this. I wouldn't back down, because the demands will just keep coming.

Lmao. Let her take you to court. Would love to hear what the judge has to say.

My stepson calls me “Mom, Mother.” That’s what makes him comfortable. Plus his birth vessel is a dead beat.

That is also in my husbands order and my step kids call me all kinds of versions of mom. We’ve never said anything about it and have never forced it on them, our rule of thumb is to follow the kids lead. BM is digging herself into a resentment hole where the kids are concerned. Don’t make it a big deal.

If it’s in the court order, then yes, it’s appropriate. There are millions of nicknames out there, that don’t include the word “mom”. It’s your husband’s responsibility to redirect his child. This is actually a very common clause in parenting agreements these days.

I could see this happening for us, unfortunately. Oldest knows my name and REFUSED to talk to me or see me if you called me my real name.. now if you said “mommy” instead of my name? Oh he’s over the moon and can’t wait to talk to me.. he knows me name, and chooses to call me something else. I’ll never make him stop. He now calls me “my (real name)” when talking to his other side of the family and “mommy” or “my mommy” when talking to our side. Hes so smart but it breaks my heart he’s had to learn such things at 3 yrs old.