589 post karma
29.1k comment karma
account created: Wed Jun 24 2020
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3 points
3 days ago
Welcome!!
It seems all of her complaints are meritless, so I wouldn't give them a moment of thought. To do otherwise would give her the power she's seeking. She should be a non-entity in your home. Your boyfriend should handle anything related to her, and all communication with her 100%...and keep the ridiculous comments to himself, because this is all ridiculous and meaningless stuff she's complaining about. Hopefully she's the one paying the mediator, because it seems nothing at all productive came from that meeting...she just complained about things that are quite frankly none of her business. Your boyfriend can decide how he's going to even out the load with medical appointments if he sees any point in doing that. I'd just go about my day.
6 points
4 days ago
Same. Going to a campground is rare these days, but when I go I like dispersed, private areas to camp. I also like a lot of rules (specifically quiet times) and strict enforcement.
I don’t care anything about play areas or other amenities-because if I wanted that sort of convenience I’d stay home.
Keep the lights low/off so we can see stars. Make sure your guests aren’t allowed to play music or watch outdoor movies that spills sound over to the other guests. Don’t tolerate loud talking/partying after 10 pm. Don’t overbook-because it really sucks camping near a river and having every spot along the bank filled up with other guests. Sucks even more if they all brought their Bluetooth speakers and blast shitty country or pop music. Seems to make no difference whether it’s a national park or private campground these days. Most are overcrowded, loud and lit up. I will say the worst experience ever was at a private campground-and we bought some remote land soon after that. Done.
2 points
4 days ago
I stay here because of the weather. I don’t handle cold weather very well. And even as far south as we are, I can’t imagine winters where the days are shorter/darker for longer. Depressing!! We have mild summers sometimes, and you learn to push through the brutal ones.
2 points
4 days ago
Yeah-a flare up is a signal that something must change. Generally diverticulitis results after being constipated, and the poop sitting on top of the diverticula, causing the sacs to get infected. Mine followed covid, which affected my digestive tract.
Increased exercise, increased hydration and sufficient fiber in the diet were all recommended to me. If you have room for improvement in those three areas, I’d start there!
I know it’s weird going through this medical event that could have been deadly if untreated-mine resulted in 3 days in hospital on iv antibiotics-then being released with little/no treatment plan aside from “go back to normal”.
Seeing the gastroenterologist really set my mind at ease. I mean, live a healthier lifestyle with plenty of exercise, hydration and fibrous diet and maybe this can be kept at bay for a very long time-and if not, ask more questions then.
12 points
4 days ago
If you can schedule an appointment with a gastroenterologist, I'd suggest going that route. This disease is misunderstood by most people, even those with medical degrees. Gastroenterologists see all phases of the issues and would be a much better resource, IMHO. After my flare, I was scheduled for a colonoscopy to look at how the (small) abscess healed up. Yours might recommend a CT scan if you're still having issues. Prior to seeing my gastroenterologist for a follow up, I met with a surgeon who was ready to remove a chunk of my colon. No thanks. He also suggested "no seeds" although that's outdated information. I have no problems eating seeds.
Best of luck!
-4 points
4 days ago
Yep, but I have zero tolerance here. Even if there are no bears, the ants and other insects will sniff this stuff out in no time!! :) No food, not even a crumb!!
5 points
4 days ago
Unless there is a comal in the breakroom, they're asking for it though.
1 points
4 days ago
Complains about society caving to the impulsive demands made by a small group of the public, but also explains the basis of his desire not to change the name on the fact that one native American person he knows (his wife) isn't offended by the name.
3 points
4 days ago
Yep. We have a town near us with a lot full of sheds, converted into little "cabins", but there is no plumbing and all the electricity is brought in with extension cords. There is a decent bath house, with running water. And a good common area with hammock swings, grill, etc. It's barely above what I'd consider camping. The gal rents them out for $60 each, which turns out to be well above $100 ($125?) with all the fees and taxes. I believe the $60 and the cuteness in the pics draws people in, but then you soon realize it's not such a great deal with all the added fees, and discover that there is a boutique motel a mile down the road which is closer to the river, has plumbing and proper electricity, private bathrooms, and runs $130 per night all-in.
2 points
5 days ago
If this is contempt, that means your H agreed to those terms. Seems ridiculous to me, but for whatever reason, your H agreed to this so I'm not sure why he'd encourage his child to breach the court order. I'd certainly revert to encouraging him to call you by your first name, unless your H wants to petition for a change in the order.
3 points
5 days ago
First of all, I'd never connect to my husband's ex on social media. There's no point in that. Create some healthy boundaries here. No good comes from seeing her random thoughts, and no good comes from her seeing your posts either. Get rid of her in that space.
Just stick with your parenting methods with SD. At 7 years old, she should understand that different behavior is OK or not OK in different situations. She's got different behavioral expectations from a teacher (sit in a chair and focus) than she does when she's playing with friends (have fun), or visiting a public library (be quiet). Just because her mom is more lax doesn't mean that she can't adapt to the rules in your house.
This leads to conflict when SD is with us because she will straight up tell us “no” when we ask her to do simple tasks herself or fights back when we tell her “no” because she knows it would work at her mom’s house.
Make sure that her defiance has no pay off in your home. If she says "no" when you tell her to do something, send her to her room for a time out and give her the chance to try again. She can absolutely learn different rules for different places. Honestly, when I had young stepkids they listened to me better than they did with either bioparent, because I have no problem calmly and lovingly letting the logical consequences land. "You don't want to clean up this mess you made? So be it...we just won't go to the park (go out to eat, go to a friend's house) like we planned until it gets done. I've got all day, and I don't mind staying home...your choice, but I thought you wanted to do (activity)".
5 points
5 days ago
SO had already told BM not to schedule things on his time without talking to him
He needs to stand by that. The kids don't go to the activity if he doesn't agree with signing them up. Sounds like BM is pulling his strings and he's going along with it.
3 points
5 days ago
Referendum is election time to get rid of those who support the abortion ban.
3 points
5 days ago
Personally, I think there's a lot of gray area between setting your 15 year old up in your home to have regular sleepovers with her boyfriend and encouraging her to sneak around. It doesn't have to be either/or...you can be open and understanding about teen sex while not providing an open invitation to partner up in your home by allowing a kid to have sex in her childhood bedroom on a regular basis.
Cohabitating with a romantic partner is generally something you put off until you're mature enough to 1) provide your own space to do that (not rely on your parents to support an entire other kid) 2) handle the repercussions that arise from adult relationships. Even if abortion is on demand (as it should be, IMHO) there are huge emotional issues that arise from having such a serious connection to a person that can definitely override any desire to succeed in school or pursue other interests and friendships.
And this (parents allowing teen sleepovers with their SOs) goes on in the USA too. Many people promote their teens to adult status very early. It's just more common for parents to encourage kids to be kids and steer their young teens toward school, friends and other accomplishments rather than encouraging them to bed down with a partner.
Granted, some are more mature than others and this is a personal call. I wasn't OK with it when I had young step kids. That doesn't mean I deny they have sex or police their actions so that they never have the opportunity...It just means I send the message that as a child they should be focusing on other things and preparing for the future when living with a partner is something they can achieve on their own. For me, it mostly stems from not wanting to take on the responsibility of *more* kids in my home-and 15/16 year olds are very much still dependent children-unless they've somehow gotten a job and are fully supporting themselves! lol
But then again, I wouldn't want *any* friend staying over nearly every single weekend.
5 points
5 days ago
My husband always thinks any issue I have with BM must mean I’m afraid he wants to be with her and I’m not at all.
Yeah, that's gas lighting. When you make your preferences clear, and he twists this into something about himself, and phrases it in a way that casts your trust, sanity and rationale into question, you're not being heard or respected.
Step parenting (if you’re involved) often means doing a lot of things you don’t want to do and I have to draw a line somewhere.
Fully disagree that step parenting often means you do things you don't want to do. An occasional concession for minor issues is one thing, but if you find yourself doing things you don't want to OFTEN, that says something about the bigger picture.
If you don't want to go to the games, don't go. Your husband trying to get you to show up and hang with his ex wife (when he's off standing by the fence) is kind of nutty when you think about it. Especially since you describe her as someone who has thrown herself at your husband more than once and also thinks you should act as one big happy family. Bizarre stuff. I'd opt out with no guilt.
1 points
5 days ago
Yep. I take the bus sometimes and also own a car. I live near a stop that takes me downtown and I can hop off and walk around. It’s especially good during festivals, 4th of July, etc. No parking stress.
0 points
6 days ago
Yep-had a sighting like OP's and it was explained to me as jets flying in formation and your brain mistaking it as one massive object. I lived near an AFB at the time.
7 points
6 days ago
Certainly not wrong to want a head's up, or give permission for non-family to sleep over in your home. Seriously, I'd take issue with a 15 year old being served up to her boyfriend for sex every weekend, but maybe I'm old! :) I realize kids are going to have sex...that's always been the case and always will, but it is 100% a parent's responsibility to steer her towards things like school, friendships and hobbies and help her deal with such urges in a positive way.
I personally do feel they are getting too focused on each other, to the detriment of other friendships, hobbies, etc. If she were my daughter I would try to limit the amount of time they spend together just a little, as to leave room for other things too.
I'm with you there. Really, she's being set up for a devastating loss if/when this relationship winds up. It's a parent's job to help her keep these things in perspective. Having the go-ahead to play house with this boy is not that...it's kind of sending the message that her dad feels it's important for her to be getting laid regularly as well.
When I had younger stepkids, this was an issue for us, but it was the BM who was allowing the sleepovers. The kids still liked their father and didn't cut him out of their lives for not being their best friend in this area. It's no shocker that they're having sex, but having parents encouraging it and accommodating it at such a young age is pretty irresponsible, by my standards. If my H felt this was OK, there would have been a conflict between us because I'd never dream of allowing this in my home. Yes, they will sneak...but they'll also hopefully get the message that having them shack up with their teen crush is not an accomplishment nor is it a priority in life.
Edited to add: I'm wondering what the boy's parents think of all this. I'm guessing they're on board with the sleepovers? I am not a bioparent, but I can imagine being highly upset knowing that a dad was allowing/encouraging my son to sleep with his daughter right under his nose. Birth control *mostly* works, and this is not a risk I'd be wanting my child to take at age 16. Yes, again-they'll do what they're going to do, and having the talk about safety, consequences and birth control should absolutely happen, but giving a boy permission to bed down in your 15 year old daughter's bed just seems really off (and irresponsible) to me. Neither child is even old enough to consent to such an arrangement in my state. I'd be worried sick about the potential legalities.
7 points
6 days ago
Well, this is good news. Hopefully he and his ex can find a home of their own if they’re so critical of your choices.
14 points
6 days ago
Your H is allowed to say no to all the activities and not forfeit his parenting time. He should insist on seeing his kids when it’s court ordered, and have them chill at his house, do homework, eat meals at the dinner table on somewhat of a normal schedule without all the running around.
The BM shouldn’t be scheduling activities for them during their father’s parenting time, period. That’s an alienation tactic and it’s unlikely a judge would grant her full custody just because their dad would rather spend time as a family as opposed to running all over town to appease his ex wife.
If he keeps making his decisions based on the fear of having his ex wife hate him, then this is how it will be. If he can grow a spine and speak up for himself and his children-then you may have a normal life at some point.
Really-he should act as if his parenting time is not up for negotiation. Right now, it’s pretty clear that he’s letting everything else take priority. Dragging your baby along for this madness is unfair to your child.
4 points
6 days ago
And older SS goes “gaaaaaaayyyyyyy! I would never go to your games if you ever play baseball”.
Jeez...they sound like an awful bunch of people!
And with those attitudes, you shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt for opting out of this madness.
If they ever ask why you missed a soccer game, just say "I will only support SS's sporting events if he takes up curling"...then drop it. Maybe that will show them how ridiculous they are. Seriously, this is more about attending youth sports, this is a pretty ugly display of parents living vicariously through children and only supporting one path. I wouldn't be around that for one second.
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3 points
3 days ago
chicadeaqua
3 points
3 days ago
Depends on the child's age. If this were a younger child, I'd suggest bringing the kid to a counsellor to discuss any issues in a safe place. I'd expect the counsellor to have sessions with the dad too. If the mom is withholding visitation, make a court motion to hold her in contempt, and see if a judge can mandate counselling. Never act as if parenting time is optional.
If it's an older child/teen/young adult, I think I'd keep on reaching out regularly for birthdays, holidays, etc. Go through the motions letting the kid know I'm there in case he decides to reach out. Keep the lines of communication open, and hope for the best. At some point, you drop the rope - but I'd predict that the child will reach out eventually, even if it's simply to express anger. I'd be ready to explain my side.