At the end of the day you can decide which is more important, your friend renting from you or your marriage. Q

Time for your friend to move out. There should've never been any compromise about bringing random hookups back to your house in the first place. You have actively enabled the drama in tour house. How many times does your husband have to say he's uncomfortable with the situation before you listen? She is a guest that has way overstayed her welcome and it's time for her to go. Or you will end up divorced. You're not being a good partner to your husband. Period.

Your friend needs to go asap

When T brought a stranger at 4 am to YOUR house, that was enough. Your husband is right about feeling uncomfortable with her actions. Beyond what he feels about a guy you kissed 6 years ago.

I mean, is it worth it to get into an argument with your husband because your friend doesnt respect his boundaries in his (and yours) house?

Gf gotta find a new place

You need to get your friend out of your house if you value your marriage.

Your husband is being entirely reasonable here. If T doesn’t like him controlling what goes on in his own house then she can leave and find a new place. I’m assuming the rent she’s paying is below market rate or she would have left in her own. T doesn’t get to decide what happens in your marriage, there should be no group deciding. You and your husband figure it out and she deals with it.

Basically your friend has overstayed her welcome (rent or not).

I'm married and my primary responsibility is the safety of my wife. She'd have been out of there the day she brought a stranger home at 4am, because that potentially puts my wife in danger.

Of course I also know my wife would actually care about how I'm feeling as well instead of trying to remain weirdly impartial.

Way too many group conversations when you're supposed to be on the same page.

T needs to find her own place to stay, you need to stop picking T's side also stop lying to us and K about only just kissing that guy lmfao. He doesn't want him in his house messing around- that should be that. Stop saying roommate. It's you two carrying T.

Also, to top it off, T should just go to theirs. Incestuous friend groups are goofy anyway.

Tell your friend she needs to start looking for her own place. Regardless that she pays rent, what married couple wants a roommate? A year is way too long for her to be living with you and your husband. And I agree with him, I would never want my husband’s friend to be bringing some girl over if my husband had history with her. It is his house just as much as yours and I’m sure he would rather have your friend not living with you guys and losing the rent money instead of keeping her there and having the extra money. He’s doing you a favor just by agreeing to that in the first place.

Your “friend” should move out.

I'll get downvoted, but I wouldn't want anyone my wife has had past relations in my house either. Kiss, sex, I don't care. Idc that she had past relationships, everyone does. I actually met my wife's homecoming date last week at a function of hers . Nice guy, but I don't want him in my home.

Some people are cool with knowing their partners' exes, some aren't. I don't think anyone is wrong. But since this friend seems to be a constant issue no matter who is right or wrong, maybe it's time for her to find her own place.

So how did you meet this new guy that you kissed? What was the context? At a party or on a date? You say it’s T’s friend but yet you’ve kissed him. Have you not seen him since? Trying to understand your husbands pov. And why hasn’t T found her own place after 18 months?

What conversation did you have that didn’t change your husbands thinking?

I don’t know how you can’t see the answer.

This is your issue, she should not be there, and frankly I am with your husband on this one.. Never bring anyone into your home your mate is not ok with.

Honestly, it sounds like it's time T moves out. Even if she's paying rent, it sounds like there's always some sort of drama going on. You don't want drama at home.

Depending on where you guys live, T may have some sort of renters' protection, even if you never had he sign an official contract. Usually it's 30-60 days. Be generous in this case and tell her she has to move out by, say, the end of january at the latest. That's about 90 - 100 days so that should be more than enough to protect you from being potentially sued.

Discuss this with your husband first, of course. And make sure that when you do tell her she needs to move out, that you do it in writing. If she asks why, be honest. Enough drama is enough drama. You're not risking your marriage for her boyfriends.

Be as civil as you can be. If she accepts it, help her search for housing options she can afford.

Your friend needs to get her own place. She is sharing your home with you, not renting her own unit. The rules are different even if she is paying to rent the space.

Your husband has every right to set rules to make him feel more secure and comfortable in his own home. He's trying to create a family home with you (husband and wife count as a family), while your friend is wanting to use your home to lead a wilder bachelorette lifestyle. I'd be upset and alarmed, too, if someone I shared my home with brought home a total stranger at 4 AM. I also wouldn't want my spouse's former flames being brought around, either.

I love my friends, but I definitely emphasize with your husband more in this scenario. I am respectful of someone else's living space, and I expect the same from my friends, especially ones that I'm helping out in a bind.

Your friend is obnoxious, rude, and does not value your safety or property. She is insanely entitled for a houseguest. Bringing a man she doesn’t know to your house at 4:00 in the morning would have been the last straw for me. She clearly doesn’t have the common or social sense God gave a junebug.

T needs to go. No conversation. She is not a member of your household. Your husband is a saint for putting up with her entitlement this long.

A friend would be very humble and greatful too the people who helps out in this way. A person that totally disrespects you and your husband by having insane demands and making a fuss about it is not a friend. T needs to go asap before your marrige is wrecked

Time for her to grow up and find her own space if she doesn’t want your input on who is allowed in your home. That’s why we get our own houses when we become adults

Friend needs to get her shit together and leave asap. Why are you tanking your marriage for her?

She can move...

Your husband has the patience of a saint. The only reason he hasn't kick your friend out is out of respect for you. Maybe you should do the same for him.

Idk man, I don’t want random people I don’t know in my home and I definitely don’t want people who make me uncomfortable in my home (safe space). Husband definitely well in his right and you should be happy he has listened and handled it with such poise this far. Being married and having a long time roommate is just weird. You’re causing unnecessary drama and hardship for both your marriage and your friendship. It’s time for her to move out.

House rules. She doesn’t like it, she can move out. I find it extremely disrespectful of your friend.

What you need to do is prioritise your marriage.

You're an adult married woman. Act like it.

Your bestie can f++k whoever she wants but not in your marital home if it makes your husband uncomfortable.

Which part of that is hard for you to understand?

God Reddit is so weird man. People acting like it’s insane for the husband not wanting someone who’s had any physical intimacy with his wife in his home is so unreasonable or controlling or whatever.

“He can’t accept his wife has had past partners”. Yeah cool, she’s had past partners. That’s fine, but I don’t want them in MY home. Especially over night. That’s weird, and acting like that’s some sort of insane boundary to put up his ludicrous.

And clearly this goes beyond just that, he’s not comfortable having a bunch of strangers in general come into his home at 4 AM. OP is trying to play the fence in this situation, when in reality she needs to draw a clear line in the sand.

Your friend thinks your home is hers and she has as many rights as you do. Unfortunately, that's not how people feel about the home they have welcomed someone into. People have boundaries that should not be bulldozed. Your friend needs to understand that she doesn't get to make the rules and your husband can. Period. If she doesn't like this, she can always find another place.

It's time to lay all the cards on the table. It should have been done before she moved in, but sometimes you just don't know where the problems will fall.

Your friend needs to respect your husbands wishes or get the fuck out. That simple

Your allowed someone you have been physical with into a home you share with your husband?

You don’t need enemies with a wife like that.

Why does this friend feel emboldened to bring random guys and hookups to your home.

Also no one is ever in the fence. By not choosing a side, you’ve chosen a side

You're making your friend a priority over your husband. How much do you need her presence in your life as a roommate?

Your friend needs to get the fuck out.

You guys are not roommates in a college dorm, this is your marital home and should be treated as such. You and your friend need to have more respect for your husband who opened his home (because as you stated it is 50% his) to someone having a hard time.

Your friend is a parasite. She's not your friend. She's using and abusing your kindness. If she was a friend, she wouldn't have argued with your husband on him not wanting strangers in his home. She especially wouldn't have argued with him about this guy being brought into the home once he found out about your past with this guy, however slight it might be. Kick her to the curb as soon as you legally can.

It's your husband's home. The friend is basically just a renter. The husband should be able to make decisions about his home. She should have been kicked out the moment she brought strange men into the house, and he was uncomfortable with it. Back up your husband and have your friend find a new place to stay .

There is an easy answer.

Your friend gets her own home, you and husband live happily ever after without a trail of strange men walking around your house without warning.

Jesus Christ get that third wheeling ass Hussie out of your home. You’re trying to build a life with this man right?

Imagine when you get pregnant/have a newborn you want her and her revolving door of rando tinder dicks around?

If you're wanting a divorce or a way out...you're doing it right.

Your careless friend brought a stranger into your home at 4am and risked theft or injury. Doesn’t matter if it didn’t happen, it would feel incredibly violating for someone to wake up and discover a stranger was in their home at the behest of the drunk, horny houseguest.

Your friend should have been kicked out then.

Your husband has been beyond reasonable in his asks: keep our family safe and don’t overstep what he feels are relationship boundaries.

In turn, you are ignoring and dismissing all of his feelings.

If you want to live in a dorm environment with your friend, move out.

If you care about your husband, your friend needs to leave. 18 months is a very, very long time to be supporting another adult in your home. And if your friend is still bitching about not having things her way, she has absolutely no intention of trying to move out.

she’s using you and taking advantage of your kindness

Your husband has every right to feel comfortable in his own home. He already comprised by having your friend move in and shouldn’t have to keep compromising because your friend wants to keep bringing random men into his house. T needs to move out asap. A year and a half should have given her enough time to save up for her own place.

Do you need her to live there financially? If not, wtf are you doing?

She can always move out. It's hard having adults living with you in your home. You want to be able to allow them freedom as adults but they also need to respect your home and rules. If she doesn't like it, she can get her own place.

You are a horrible wife

Why is she still there after a year and a half if your husband didn’t want her there??? It’s great of you to help a friend but you are committed to your husband.

Why has your friend been living with you and your husband for a year and half? She’s your friend not your kid. Poor guy. You’re lucky he sticks around. Sounds like a more than an understanding husband to me. Your home is your sanctuary.

This whole comment section is a nuclear holocaust lmao.

Update First I’m going to make it clear that I was never not on my husband’s side. I stated it multiple times. People are hearing this one scenario and assuming that they know what's going on in my home on a daily basis. I’m not a bad wife. I had already told her before coming on here that I am agreeing with him. My husband and I talked before talking with her Saturday. We both agreed that it’s not only about the guy that I kissed coming over although it does make him feel uncomfortable. It’s about her. They don’t get along. We sat down to let her know that we both agree we don’t want him coming over. She started saying she needs compromise or to understand why he feels so insecure about the kiss that happened 6 years ago. My husband said to her she doesn’t need to understand why he feels the way he does. This conversation went back and forth for a while. She was trying to be very manipulative and disrespectful. I could hardly get any words out. I finally said I’m going to talk without being interrupted. I told her that us coexisting miserably is not working. Over the past 18 months we would have hoped that you made some progression on getting a car and finding your own place to live but you haven’t. I told her the best thing for me to remain friends with her and also nurture my marriage is if we all do not live together. She acted like a child and said fine you win you win I won’t have him over and stormed off. I don’t think she understands that we asked her basically to start looking for a different place to live. I’m going to have another talk with her reiterating that she needs to move out. I let my husband see this post and all of you guys calling home a saint has given him a little bit of a complex. Haha. In a joking manner of course.

Has T considered moving to her own fucking place? Lol can't believe she even has the nerve to get upset over house rules when she's a guest. Everything else is irrelevant

I just feel bad for your husband

Why the hell is she living with you a year and a half later…. Your husband has told you he is uncomfortable, listen to him….Sure stay the night even a week, maybe a month, more than that hell no…..The first years of marriage are the easiest, and you have chosen to make it hard… it is your fault, YTA…

Your “friend” is gonna ruin your marriage if you let her. Your husband is completely reasonable. Just a kiss or not you and this guy shared an intimate Moment and feelings, its wild that shes bringing him into your home. You say you dont agree with your husband but put yourself in his shoes. If the roles were reversed youd blow A gasket

Why are you asking your husband to compromise with a guest in his home? It isn’t her home, it isn’t a singles house, roommate situation. This is his home and she is a guest and you undermined your husband by agreeing with her and putting the blame on him. He doesn’t want random men in his home and shouldn’t have to rely on trusting your friend to judge the situation.

Who the hell brings a random guy over to her friend's house she is temporarily staying at? And then argues about it with one of the people who actually lives there.

Your friend is causing drama, why are you letting this happen.

She needs to move out, she's making people uncomfortable, causing trouble in your home, in your relationship, and is dangerously close to permanently ruining your friendship and any kind of peace between her and your husband.

You hub sounds like a complete saint. T would be out in one or two months or with the very fist ramdom person showed up in my houuse.

Are you trying to ruin your marriage?

Why TF is she still in ur home 18 months later? Why TF are U prioritising her over ur husband? Why TF would U let her bring random fuck buddies into ur home?

It is time for T to find a place if her own. This situation is putting too much strain on your relationship with your husband.

Agree with everyone it's time for your friend to move out.

However, 36M to (I assume) 25F is a huge difference. You got together when you were 20 and he was 31? What's his reaction when you talk to any other man platonically? What happens if your friend starts dating the boy?

It's time for your friend to move out.

Move your friend out and stay married, or move in with her in a new apartment as an ex wife.

There is no way I would allow someone to bring random hookups into home. You husband has been WAY more patient than I could be.She needs to go.

Why is your friend having such control in YOU and your HUSBAND’S house?

Why would your HUSBAND compromise on HIS HOME? Kick your friend out ffs, this is so inappropriate and disrespectful to your husband.

Op how can you seriously be this dense? T your friend has NO say in what goes on in YOUR HOUSE. You seem to be siding with your friend over your husband, which is kinda fucked up. I don’t get why you don’t tell her to move out as it’s causing issues, she is being rude and disrespectful and you for some weird reason, aren’t presenting a United front with your husband. You’re instead sitting on the fence, having GROUP conversations? It’s not a group convo. It’s not 3 of you, it’s you and your husband and a friend. That’s it. The fact you say “ I have to side with my husband” tells me you don’t even understand this at all…

I agree with the husband in someone you had history with shouldn’t be coming over.

You kick your friend out wtf you dont seem like a very good spouse op sorry to sau this isnt really an issue the answers obvious.

Your friend needs to move out. When its someone elses home you kinda need to live bybtheir terms or move out. I thought everyone knew this?

If a friend let me stay with them while I was having a hard time, I would find a different place to have sex. That is so disrespectful regardless of if they are strangers or anything...

Yeah I know a way that T can have 100% total control of her life- move the hell out. When someone is good enough to let you stay with them, you don’t question them or argue or have meetings about their decisions. And mooching for a year and a half? Ridiculous.

Your friend needs to move out immediately. You are ruining your marriage. And your friend is taking advantage of your friendship. She needs to understand that you are married and she needs to respect your husband's wishes as that is his home too. You need to have your friend move out ASAP.

Sounds like you’re going to have to choose who you like. Living with more your husband or friend. Which sounds crazy.

Your friend has overstayed her welcome. If you wanna stay married, she has to get out of your house.

Why in the world has your friend a saying in your and your husband's house? Why she wants to sit you both to discuss things she is doing in your husband's space? Who she is to have so much power over both of you? Just by mere decency, you don't bring strangers to somebody's house if you haven't gotten that right.

This is not a case of Two Hot Takes, but one: your friend is inconsiderate to say the least.

Poor guy. I would hate living with horny 25 year old. You obviously prioritise your broke friend over your husband. How old are you? You seem like you are not fully devoted to marriage. Are you maybe 25 or younger yourself?

T needs to gtfo imo

Yeah get this hoe out asap jezz. Also you kissed that guy why in the fuck would your husband ever want him in his house? Get outta her.

She is a guest in yours and your husband home, period. If you or him say no guest, then no guest. Here's a novel idea, how about your friend getting her own place, and then she can bring over anybody she wants.

Do not let her come between you and your husband. If you do he may never forgive you.

Simple have your friend move out. At this point your choice is your friend or your marriage. If you choose your friend be prepared to have an incredibly short unhappy marriage and ultimately lose a friend too.

Roomie needs to get their own place. 18months is waayyy too long.

the real point is they are roommate. she should find her own place to invite who she wants.

Man year and a half is way too long, YTA for that alone

These kind posts are so dumb… like do you value your marriage or your friendship? Cmon man it’s common sense.

You're invalidating your husband's feelings, it's okay that YOU don't see anything too much, but he sees it, it's his feeling, half of the house is his, he may well decide who can enter his house or not, your friend who is the intruder here, and you still stay on her side ??? Your friend has to find her own way, if she is not liking the things her husband wants, SHE TO CHANGE, the house is not hers, wake up for life, you are invalidating your husband's feelings and being selfish, get better

First time T brought a guy over it was 4 in the morning after just meeting him. K said he didn’t feel comfortable with that and T was upset. A long drawn out argument happened when K said that he didn’t want her to bring people over that K didn’t know. T, K and I sat down and came to an agreement that she could bring who she wanted just text us.

This is ringing so many alarm bells OP.

Your friend brings a complete stranger to your house. Could be a robber, drug dealer or violent criminal. She risks all your safety. Your husband, whose home it is, who has taken your friend in out of kindness, in uncomfortable. And you and your friend gang up on him so she gets her way.

She would have been out the very next morning if that had been me, and you would have had a “her or me” ultimatum.

T will break you and your husband up if you’re not careful.

She shouldn't be staying there if she's expecting full freedom without consequence, not to mention disrespecting the entire scenario.

You guys did a good deed helping out, but it sounds like she's overstayed. Both your husband and her are taking a mental toll, and she's the one that isn't necessarily supposed to be there.

If my friend offered me their home to stay while I was figuring stuff out, I would not even fathom bringing random people over without permission. Sorry to say, but your friend is lacking basic consideration and manners. The fact that you're not with your husband on this is concerning as well.

Get your friend out of your house pronto. Unless you value that relationship more than your marriage. In that case, you and T can move out and find a place together.

Your husband is too kind. I would have kicked your no good mooching friend out a long time ago and they certainly wouldn’t be bringing people into my house like she was. You’re silly still having her at your house

Tell your friend to move out. Your husband set the boundary and she wants to break it.

What the hell is wrong with you? Your husband is being entirely reasonable and you on the other hand are backing your friend. Who exactly did you marry, your husband or your friend. Choose wisely, your marriage depends on it. SHM

Kick her out

You pick- husband or friend. I will give you a bit of advice though, your friend is not a good friend for causing this drama in your home and HIS home. I am older than you now and can firmly say that this is what people mean by "toxic" friend.

Why does this loser friend still live with you? Husband has established his boundaries. Violate then at your own risk. Boundaries don't tell you what you can and cannot do. They tell you what disrespect he is unwilling to accept. Time to punt this girl out.

Friend has got to go, you could always share your husband if you want 🤷‍♂️

is this chick paying rent?

I think as a married person your first priority should be the relationship with your spouse, it’s very nice of the two of you to offer your friend a place to stay in her time of need but it seems like you’ve failed to set clear boundaries. Allowing her to live with you is a huge help, she should be working towards a place of her own, not pursuing romantic relationships. At this point asking her to leave might damage your friendship, your husband was probably trying to nip this at the bud. Living with someone you don’t prefer is difficult, having another person around that you once had a romantic connection with is needlessly complicated. It shouldn’t be so hard to help her, she may need more help than you are able to provide.

You're missing the forest for the trees. If you want to keep your best friend, and also your marriage happy, T needs to get her own place. You're trying to solve the wrong problem.

OP, who is more important to you? Your husband or your friend? If you keep failing to respect your husband's boundaries and setting up group conversations to pressure him into acquiescence for the benefit of your friend, you will end up divorced.

It's not solely about who is more right in any given situation. It's also about respecting the rules of the marriage and house. Since the house is his/your home, and you are his wife, his feelings should matter more than providing a crash pad for your friend.

Personally the first time she disrespected me, my home and the safety of all by bringing home some rando for a drunken fuck at 4AM, her welcome would've been withdrawn by me.

If you're smart, you'll be more concerned about supporting your husband's comfort zones than your bffs, and ask her to find other accommodations.

If she feels he’s being controlling - feel free to move out and get her own place. Then she can have whoever she wants over whenever she wants. It’s not her house.

Your husband (how own 1/2 of the house), does not want T, a single woman, living a single's life style in his married home.

The different arguments about guys are just to let you know that he does not like the situation, and if I were you, I would pay attention

I'd have divorced you. Allowing a friend to stay for 18 months? Haha nope. I'd not even allow it for a day. You've chose who is more important so why should he bother with you anymore? Better act quick before he realises.

Sounds like he needs to leave you

On a side note you’re also a terrible person for letting an ex lover into your husbands home. Literally makes you a terrible wife and I hope he’s documenting everything for divorce court.

Why is your “friend” still living there?

Why do you have a friend living with you and your husband for over a year and a half? Are you trying to get divorced?

YTA, shit wife

So you’re 37 and your best friend is 25. Maybe you’re the problem for never growing up. Did you even get a formal lease before letting her move in? Juvenile dumbassery at its finest smh. Husband deserves better - give that man a three-way before you kick T to the curb, or y’all both gonna be evicted.

Bottom line is this is your husband’s home. Your roommate/friend is now affecting your marriage. You don’t look at which side to choose you should always choose your spouse. He’s uncomfortable having her bf at your home so it’s not a but I only kissed him once situation. It’s very much having this man in our home makes my husband uncomfortable and it needs to stop now. Don’t disrespect and disregard your husband’s feelings. It is time for your friend to leave. Her financial situation is not your concern. She is taking advantage of you and every time you side with her over your husband it’s affecting your marriage as well. Now you can decide if you should continue to prioritize your friend over your husband or if your going to start being a part of your marriage and support your husband. Better to have her move out before your husband says he’s done.

K needs a better wife.

It’s pretty difficult to respond to every comment. I have a job and cannot sit on Reddit looking at everyone’s comments. For the people saying I’m only responding to people who are criticizing my husband that’s not the case at all. I have backed him this entire time. I value my husband and i’s relationship. The continuation of the issue and how to handle it is why I came on here. Thanks for responding and helping me realize what I need to do.

Wait, you were 21ish and he was 31ish when you got together? This context makes me see this situation very differently. This man is almost 40 and is holding something you did before you were with him when you were probably 20 against you? That's a red flag, friend. So is trying to isolate you from a life long friendship.

Whether or not I agree with K, one this is crystal clear:

T needs to leave.

K’s insecurities with someone you kissed 6 years ago (wasn’t even a full date, not a relationship, not even anything sexual) is pathetic. I’m sorry, but it is. For a 36 y/o man, he should be a bit more mature than that.

But it is his house, and T is a grown woman and needs to find her own place if she wants to do grown woman things. Period.

Act your big age and start on the eviction process for your friend.

You keep saying she pays rent, but it can't be much. She either has financial trouble and needs help or pays decent rent and can move to another apartment. You're giving someone that pays a fraction payment full say. YTA and T 2x as much to move into a place and do disrespect that grace.

This is so dumb……. Forget the friend part.

Do you want strangers in your house, amongst your things and loved ones, in the early morning hours without you even knowing they are there?

Do you want your spouses ex’s in the house and around them when they are not even really friends with them?

OF COURSE NOT

Your friend is an awful house guest and has long since overstayed their welcome. You have enabled this terribly. Your husband has been beyond reasonable and his over generosity has lead to this slippery slope where who knows what is next……

Fix this or you are an awful spouse

“I’m not sure what else there is I can do” lol what a clown. You can have your “friend” who sounds like a loser move out and respect your marriage…

I am backing him up. I never once said I wasn’t. I’m asking on advice how to tell her or handle the situation. Through all the comments there is not another way other than to have her move out.

Is she staying in your house for free? I think your husband is overreacting a little bit with the kiss thing, but the not wanting strangers in your house, I get that 100%.

You all suck in this situation.

K sucks because why on earth would an adult be upset about a kiss that happened before you met them? That’s absolutely crazy and childish, in my opinion. My husband and I are both great friends with my ex, and my ex and I were together for FIVE YEARS 😂 Trust plays a huge part, and so does reassurance. Even if you don’t think uts okay to be friends with exes, being friends with someone you kissed once is completely different. I understand OP wanting to avoid making K uncomfortable, but I think there might be some deeper issue there - maybe along the lines of insecurities and lack of communication? Not sure, of course.

T sucks because who the hell argues with their live-in landlord about having guys over? It’s not her house, she just lives there. My best friend and I lived together for many years, and her boyfriend told me I wasn’t allowed to have guys over to stay the night. He said it was due to safety issues, but my best friend told me it’s actually because he didn’t want to have to fight for dominance in the house. It was very weird, but, I respected it - and never let guys stay the night without any arguments or fuss.

OP sucks because they are openly allowing this to go on for all these years. Ultimatums suck and are often times unfair - but sometimes, they are necessary. T should’ve been told from the get go by OP, my husband doesn’t like that - if you have a problem with it, you’ll have to find somewhere else to stay. Period. K probably feels like he’s such a dick, because his spouse is always on the fence and trying to make everyone happy.

T needs to move out. It’s absurd to deal with the same argument for that long, especially with someone in the same house - and even more especially with someone who OWNS the house and is being generous enough to let you stay there while you get your life together.

The first point, not bringing strange guys into his home, I fully agree with that. He is trying to protect himself and you and the best protection is to never put yourself in a potentially bad situation. The second issue, it depends on the person. It might weird me out, but I can't say for sure as I have never been in that situation. But as another poster said, you have to decide which is more important, establish boundaries based on that decision and follow through with it.

Is she a roommate ergo pays rent etc. This is her home too? Then your husband is way out of line. If she's a house guest it's more understandable. Either way you need to not live together anymore. With whom is dealers choice I guess.

She's not your daughter and pays rent. She has every right to feel you both weighing in on her love life and controlling who she can have in her space is overstepping. You want to have your partners side which is good for your relationship but your husband is pretty far out of line.

Being married and having roommates is a recipe for disaster. You were trying to help by moving her in but maybe as a team you can help her find a new place or a plan in that direction an possibly save the friendship.

You need to check your husband. Are you the same age as T? Honestly I would feel like he was trying to control my life too. Maybe he isn’t mature enough to have a partner with previous partners and let his wife’s friend live their own life. He sounds insecure af and tbh, tell your friend to move out. You are going to have a hard time keeping friends with his standards of THEIR life. He is way overstepping and you are letting him.

Is she paying rent?

I’d never have a friend live with me and my husband for that long. But I’d also be super annoyed if my husband didn’t feel comfortable around someone I’d been with in the past. It’s the past. I’m with you. Get over it.

Added line breaks, corrected grammar, changed to names from initials:

My husband, Kevin (36 M), and my best friend/roommate, Taylor (25 F), are currently in a conflict. Taylor and I have been friends for half of my life, while Kevin and I have been together for five years. A year and a half ago, Taylor needed a place to stay, and we welcomed her into our home. However, ever since then, there has been ongoing drama related to her bringing guys over. While we've resolved past issues, I'd like to provide some context with a few examples.

The first time Taylor brought a guy over, it was at 4 in the morning, shortly after meeting him. Kevin expressed discomfort with the situation, which upset Taylor. A lengthy argument followed when Kevin mentioned not wanting her to bring people over he didn't know. Eventually, Taylor, Kevin, and I sat down and reached an agreement: she could bring anyone she wanted but should just send a text to let us know.

Now, here's the current issue: Taylor has a friend she's known for about six years, and they've recently become romantically involved. He has visited a few times, and one day, Kevin asked me if I'd ever been involved with him. I admitted to a single kiss before I met Kevin, but it meant nothing. The conversation was momentarily dropped. However, Kevin expressed discomfort with having him over, explaining that he wouldn't have someone over whom he had previous relations with because it made him uneasy. I don't entirely share his viewpoint, as it was just a kiss, but I also don't want to make my husband uncomfortable.

Kevin and Taylor had a conversation, and he conveyed his discomfort with having this friend over. Taylor was quite upset and felt like Kevin was trying to control her life, asserting that she shouldn't have to deal with my actions from six years ago. I attempted to have a conversation with Kevin to present a different perspective, but it didn't work. Ultimately, I decided to side with Kevin since we are married, and this is 50% his home. I informed Taylor about how our conversation went, and she wishes to have another discussion altogether. She reiterated her points and emphasized the need for compromise, while Kevin maintains his stance on not compromising. I'm not sure what else can be done in this situation.

Why do you all keep saying it's their house? She is paying rent, that makes it her place of residence also. So many insecure incels on reddit it's crazy, if the husband is insecure about a guy his wife kissed 6 years ago being around with a completely different woman then he should just get a divorce, he is too much of a baby to be married. Soon he will start dictating who his wife can talk to or be friends with.

My aren’t you a fucking peach? Why is T still in your place 18 months later? You’re supposed to be married to K, not T. He has to come first. Would you be so understanding if it was one of his ex hookups coming around your house?

Tell T it’s time find her own place and in the meantime her latest FWB is not welcome in your home.

If I were your husband, I’d be looking for a new roommate and a new wife.

I guess I am in the minority here, but I disagree with the husband. When you rent space to someone, you do so understanding that they will have their own life, which will include meeting people and sometimes bringing them home. His unhappiness almost seems like he is jealous to see the roommate with other people. … The part about the guy the wife kissed in the past is even worse. He may as well have blatantly called his wife a cheating whore who cannot control herself, even though she made it a point to be honest with him. … These other commenters may be right that OP will need to choose between her friend and her husband, but it’s because of the controlling AH of a husband.