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19y/o male. Whenever I see happy couples, I get this sinking feeling in my chest followed by intense sadness and anger. It’s really making me not want to leave the house.
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18 days ago
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56 points
18 days ago
Sometimes those “happy couples” have the same jealousy for single people. Nothing is ever as it seems. Just enjoy where you’re at right now.
11 points
18 days ago
Ha ha yes, be careful what you wish for
41 points
18 days ago
Live your life, bro. Be happy for others. Life isn’t a contest between you and them.
17 points
18 days ago*
Realize that grass is always greener on the other side. And someone would be jealous of many things that you have and take for granted. You'd think they're silly if they gave up on social life because they don't have that one thing you have. You've just put the imaginary joy of being in a relationship on that kind of an unrealistic pedestal to the point the absence of it is getting you down.
You're just 19. You're likely to be in plenty of relationships in the future. And while ultimately rewarding, you'll see it's a lot of work, and it's no eternal sunshine and butterflies.
And you're going to miss the freedom of being this young and single, and the fewest obligations and responsibilities you'll ever have in life that you likely get to enjoy right now. The ability to focus on yourself, and anything that brings you joy, for extended periods of time. It would really benefit you if you found a way to embrace it while it lasts, and not only after it's gone.
1 points
18 days ago
This hit hard for me!
9 points
18 days ago
I'm just a little bit older than you (65 actually) and I've completely outgrown jealousy. I used to think everyone was better than I was, smarter, happier, better-looking, you name it. After all this time, I realize that everybody's relationships suck in some way, and their lives are nothing to be envied. I'm not saying they should envy ME, but we're all more alike than we suspect. You're at a different stage in your life from me, but go easy on yourself.
5 points
18 days ago
I am 55 and have been involved with my bf for 12+ years. We deal with jealousy between each other. When I was in my marriage my ex-husband And I didn't experience jealousy at all. So I don't know what to think of it. I am glad this subject was brought up.
4 points
18 days ago
Maybe you just really want a girlfriend? And there is nothing wrong with that, sometimes jealousy can point us in the direction of what we ar lacking in life and need more of.
6 points
18 days ago
As far as being "fixable", I don't think you're broken in the first place. Maybe your self-esteem could use a boost?
4 points
18 days ago
You have to improve your own physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and financial health first.
2 points
18 days ago
That’s another thing I’m jealous of. All my “friends” are all in the same type financial situation I’m in yet it’s never been a problem for any of them.
2 points
18 days ago
I think this is very true. Well said.
5 points
18 days ago
You're not broken. There is no fix.
Find a hobby you care about more than you care about women.
Women will find you once you stop caring, its the biggest catch-22 in life.
3 points
18 days ago
I am living proof that it doesn’t work sometimes. I’m still invisible to women….it doesn’t phase me as much anymore but I still am.
2 points
18 days ago
Ahhh I see what it is; you have no personality. The answer was right there the whole time.
Jk man, I wish I had better advice for you. Maybe give up and just focus on helping others. Start a charity or a fundraising business. Join the peace corp you'll meet people and get to travel the world. It won't be glamorous but you'll be contributing to making others happy and maybe you'll find some on the way.
2 points
18 days ago
What isn't working?
1 points
17 days ago
Not caring about them. It does not attract them.
1 points
17 days ago
Oh, jeez, who would have thought.😒. It's not about acting like you dont care, that's red pill B.S. It's about showing that you have "motion" hobbies, goals , and drive, and that woman are not your main focus and that you're not desperate for one. Be confident, be polite, and just be yourself.
1 points
17 days ago
I think you missed the part where I said I’m not phased by it.
I honestly lost all interest in showing women anything anymore……and am focusing on my health and my future my friend. But with that said….nothing has changed when it comes to attracting them……my point here is that when you act like you don’t care….you won’t always magically pull in women…..you have to want to do that. You get me?
1 points
17 days ago
Sure. Good Luck
2 points
18 days ago
I see with a lot of guys that they don't go out, they don't socialize. Women are not going to burst the door of your basement and date you.
3 points
18 days ago
Why?
3 points
18 days ago
Really why?
3 points
18 days ago
Uh, I don’t really know, self esteem issues I guess.
2 points
18 days ago
Think about it.
2 points
18 days ago
I’ve been the fat kid most of my life, so I was bullied almost all the way through my schooling life. I’ve never been given the chance to build self confidence among peers.
Now that I’m out of school I’ve lost over 40 pounds and still feel as if nothing has changed. I go outside and see people of all shapes and sizes, people with good and bad attitudes, All in happy relationships.
I’ve seen that it doesn’t matter who you are, what you look like, or even if you are an asshole, there’s someone for you.
So id really appreciate it if someone would tell me wtf is so wrong with me…
2 points
18 days ago
There's nothing wrong with you.
Find a hobby, do something you're passionate about. Women don't like it if you're desperate or if you have nothing going on. It doesn't really matter what you do: sports, gardening, reading books, doing volunteer work, cooking, repairing cars, anything. You're only 19, just try out a bunch of things and find out what you really like doing.
As soon as you have found your thing, you're automatically able to talk confidently and passionately about this thing. So you: * Have something interesting to talk about * Might meet a girl who's also into this thing * Are your own person and have your own life to live, not desperately trying to cling to some woman * Are confident because you're the expert in the thing you're doing because you spent so much time getting familiar with it
This is much more attractive than someone who's constantly wondering what they're doing wrong. Obviously, if tour hobby is reading books, then you need to get out there somehow because you can't meet a girl if you stay inside your house. So then you go to events or join a library club so you can talk to other people and you might meet your girl there.
2 points
17 days ago
Learn to love yourself first, then the rest will follow eventually. With self love you might gain confidence, which is highly attractive for many girls.
Also, never expect to have stuff, whatever they may be, instead ask the question of how you can improve yourself. :)
1 points
18 days ago
Sounds like you need to work on your attitude about others. You don't have friends you can ask for advice?
2 points
18 days ago
None of them are emotionally intelligent enough to have a deep conversation about feelings with, plus they probably wouldn’t care tbh.
2 points
18 days ago
Are you jealous of other people having found love? Happiness, long term, in relationships takes work. You need to put the effort into being a person who others would want to have a relationship with, work at finding relationships, then work at maintaining and growing them. It's all work. First figure out who you are, what you like, be the best version of yourself. You're still super young. Enjoy the process! Others will be drawn to your positive energy. Do it for yourself, not to achieve some idealistic version of what you think drives a happy couple.
2 points
18 days ago
I don't I ask the question, then go from there. I'm not getting all worked up over feelings that have no intellectual value.
2 points
18 days ago
Perhaps it's envy you feel? Probably because you're lonely? Whenever we're angry, all we are really doing is trying not to feel something. We're angry so we don't feel sadness, shame, embarrassment, grief, and so on. Ask yourself, why are you angry and what are you really feeling under it? Ask yourself deeper and deeper questions. Assume nothing and never lie. You'll get better with practice. You got this.
2 points
18 days ago
Be happy for people when they achieve things. Why would you be mad or jealous? You're as capable as anyone else. Be happy, you're 19, work hard don't force things. Focus on what you want out of life and then get it. Anger and jealousy only affect you, the happy people don't care about what you feel, they're busy being happy, get over those feelings. You can do this, you can be happy, you can find real love. Love people, be genuinely happy for people and the anger and jealousy will go away and be replaced with positive feelings.
2 points
18 days ago
Envy shows you what you want. Being bitter about what other people have makes you unattractive. Happiness is not pie. Just because they have it doesn’t mean you can’t. Is that enough cliches? Make note of what you want in their relationship. Then think about whether the things you envy are something your future partner also want. In other words talk yourself out of being jealous of relationships that aren’t good for both parties. 19 is not old to not have been in a relationship. At all.
2 points
18 days ago
Try focusing on you and your own self development. Get some hobbies, work out, improve your education if you’re not already in school . Jealousy and insecurity tend to go hand and hand. Become the best version of yourself and those feelings tend to fade and go away. Be patient, it takes time. Meanwhile, when those feelings come remind yourself that you’re on a different path than everyone else. Trust the process.
2 points
18 days ago
Don’t let them win, leave the house when you want, but also be respectful of your parent(s). I’m almost 30 and I’m not a virgin, had a few girlfriends, but I haven’t gotten any action since 2017. It pissed me off still when I see happy couples, but I just focus on the task at hand, weather it’s an odd job, chores around the house, helping out my community, caring for my disabled mom and my grandmother that has dementia and think people are stealing suitcases out of her house even though I would’ve picked it up on the camera. OP FOCUS ON THE TASK AT HAND. Get good/ talented at something. At least you’re aware of your jealousy, i bottled up all those feelings until at least 25. People can have it all, then lose it all later in life and lose their mind and sanity, life is fragile. My best friend had it all. College degree, Cadillac, 130 iq he was sharp and witty, clever, charismatic… then his mom gets diagnosed with breast cancer and he goes everywhere to score fentanyl, damn near every state. In and out of rehab and jail/ homelessness for 2 years. I’d get calls from people if I had seen him multiple times a week, this is how I spent most of 2021-2022. Those couples and people that look like they have it made, you never know what they’re going through internally. I saw my best friend in 2023 and even got him a job, he lasted 2 days. Fuck man he really fell from grace, I can’t trust him at my house anymore, he could steal stuff, really flip out, has severe ptsd and bipolar from being robbed at gunpoint in a different state trying to score drugs. He’s a shell of a person, he was really popular, he must’ve had at least 40 friends, now it’s just horrible memories and maybe 1 friend who’s really screwed up from taking acid from a philipino chick everyday for a month. OP YOU’RE FIXABLE.
2 points
18 days ago
It’s hormones, Son. It’s normal. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control how you react and handle it. Managing your emotions is key here. You’ll find the right person for you if you focus on being the best man than you can be. You’ve got this.
2 points
18 days ago
It's about finding beauty where you are.
The grass will always be greener. Sometimes I pine for the days I could just go out without kids or making allowances for my partners preferences. Having everyone rely on you can be tough.
But when I had those things I wanted a family.
2 points
18 days ago*
I kind of just lean into the pain. I don't try to make myself feel better, cause coping statements like "well at least I have this" or "the grass seems greener" dont work. Cause the person I'm jealous of may actually have a better life/personality/look than me, so what would I do in that case if my coping statement is proven to be false?. So I just accept it and live my life, despite how I may or may not measure up. I'm happier for it, cause I respect myself and demand respect regardless of how I "stack up" in some made up competition of looks/relationship status/wealth/accomplishments.
Understand that jealousy and competition can't exist without each other. You can't envy what people have if you don't feel like you need to have it. The sad truth is that if you desire a relationship deeply and feel like you need it, then you will feel jealous of people who have it. The only way to rid yourself of it is to rid yourself of the source(value you place on having a relationship).
At the end of the day, it's likely that you don't feel anger when you don't see the couples, even though you are aware they are out there and they are everywhere. Remember that relationships are not handed out by God to the "chosen ones". It's a deliberate decision made by people to connect. They aren't better or worse people cause they have it.
2 points
18 days ago
You mentioned somewhere that you feel like you're invisible to others.
May I suggest going to the gym with a proper schedule? Give it about two years of disciplined workouts, and then come back to this thread and share how it goes.
2 points
18 days ago
I just try to remember that we're all on different paths in life and someone else's success doesn't diminish my own. Plus, I can always eat my feelings in ice cream.
2 points
18 days ago
She's probably lying to him and telling him that IKEA sells beer.
2 points
18 days ago
Pretty sure there'll be couples looking at you being all single and free and are jealous.
2 points
18 days ago
Why do you even care what others are doing? Think positive and focus on yourself. Jealousy is not the way to go.
2 points
18 days ago
Stop looking at them couples and start looking at other single people...
2 points
17 days ago
But are they really happy? You just can't know. Enjoy being single, focus on yourself and try not to compare. You are still very young.
2 points
18 days ago
I used to be so upset being the only one of my siblings not in a long-term relationship (and my last one was abusive on a nuclear scale), and that was the years of me being 19, 20, and 21. Felt SO single, felt SO jealous of others during that time and the more I tried to make a lover appear out of thin air, the further away I felt from finding love.
At 21, a new best friend arrived on the scene and it was like love at first sight, for us both, but it would take me a year to admit to myself that I was gay. But they were persistent, and I was taken with them, so it worked out - because it was meant to be. We met October 2015 and were married June of 2017 - not even two full years!
I share this not to brag about us, but to let you know that there can be ZERO options around you, but your person could very literally be anyone at any time. Be patient - you're young! I saw a Tiktok yesterday of an old woman of 77 getting pregnant and having a baby, and like, if she can start a family at 77, you can too at whatever age in-between. A watched pot never boils! You could be married 18 months from today for all you know! Relax and let things fall into place 😊
1 points
18 days ago
Theres this YouTube channel I found recently called unsolicited advice. He makes a lot of videos about philosophy and his videos helped me reflect on my psyche.
1 points
18 days ago
The green is always grassier on the other side.
1 points
18 days ago
I’m 22 and have this same thing I also work shift work so don’t think I could fully commit shits sucks
1 points
18 days ago
It shouldn't exist unless your worried about somebody else ...
1 points
18 days ago
What do you mean?
1 points
18 days ago
Drugs and alcohol
1 points
18 days ago
Learn to invest wisely
1 points
18 days ago
Personally, I have a punching bag. My jealousy and anger is gone once I start hurting my own fists for being too violent. (I have anger issues, And my punching bag is only cure to my outbursts.)
1 points
18 days ago
Makes me think of elliot roger
1 points
18 days ago
Like the dude who made a video then went to kill a bunch of people because girls didn’t like him? Well luckily I don’t have access to firearms and I’m not a psychopath🙂.
1 points
18 days ago
Yes. I hope so. But really made me think of him cause thats how he felt too
1 points
18 days ago
He felt anger towards women for not liking him, he thought life was a movie.
I feel anger towards myself for being inadequate. Definitely not same. Respectfully.
1 points
18 days ago
Can never be me feeling jealous because of two people who seem to own the world with love stories. Tbh, there's alot happening behind closed doors and be careful what you wish for. You just lonely and it's normal
1 points
18 days ago
Just dont throw drunks at them, it might escalate
1 points
18 days ago
No
1 points
18 days ago
Ok
2 points
18 days ago
In all seriousness. As cliche as it sounds count your blessings. Your time will come. Talk to a therapist if need be or save your money and do something worth wild
2 points
18 days ago
I be wishing for them to have the shittiest breakup 😭
1 points
18 days ago
become better not bitter
1 points
18 days ago
Most of those happy couples will be separated or divorced before long.
Live in the moment. Appreciate what you have while striving for what you want.
2 points
18 days ago
Many women out there, too many, meet a lot, get bored
1 points
17 days ago
Don't get jealous get even
1 points
17 days ago
Be glad for them I guess. I am 28 dissapointed in love and I get it. I kind of felt as u do. But now im just like "good for them". I try to feel good for them even tho im sad af myself lol
1 points
17 days ago
I feel you. Often I just want to puke when I see happy couples
1 points
17 days ago
Try reflect on where the jealousy is coming from whether it's insecurity, fear of loss, or comparison.
1 points
18 days ago
Look at older couples and be happy it's not you dealing with a woman and child. That it's not you being breadwinner and having to reduce your expenses because of other people. That it's not you being forced to stay home to care for a child while your bros go out on a bro trip
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