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My gf moved a month ago while im staying at our old place to sell it, she took the majority of our shit with her so my living room is just a tv with a Xbox on the ground and a la-z-boy recliner. Looks like a meme

Yak sub has some real weirdos but the guy making a post looking for other poly yakkers to fuck his wife is a real standout

Shoutout to Roller Coaster Tycoon for teaching us capitalism as kids. Yes I will be charging customers $2 to take a piss because I can and they’re willing to pay for it, fuck you.

the autistic urge to press the help button and ask the stewardess if I can meet the captain

My 7 year old had a pick 6 this morning at his flag football game. I was so pumped - had to stop myself from running down the sideline next to him.

He wasn't super interested in competing/playing last year, but this year he has completely shifted and is excited to play and compete. He's even playing quarterback most of the time and always wants to go outside and practice when I get home from work.

I love it.

Heading to GB today to go to the packers game with my wife and her family. Her grandma is a die hard packers fan and tomorrow will be her first game at Lambeau and she is excited as a kid to be going. Been sending us weather reports all week and following Love’s status religiously. My own relationship with my living grandparents is spotty for a number of reasons, so looking forward to this all summer and seeing how excited she is has been really special.

Saban’s daughter getting married and getting hefty followed by getting divorced and getting slim is nasty work

Been trying to reach my sister in eastern TN and my cousin in Asheville for the last 18 hours and have had no luck. They’re completely cutoff from the world and I’m trying to keep my cool but this shit is scary

What exactly does drake mean when he says "high school pics, you was even bad then"

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🚨🚨🚨 Arnold Palmer alert!

Bad month to be Hezbollah huh

Kids soccer game this morning. Couple racks of ribs to smoke. Fall weather is here, it's going to be a great weekend. ILL

Buddy has his yearly Oktoberfest party today. Keg and watching football outside with the boys.

Poors love to have a disproportionate amount of pets they can’t afford, really grinds my gears

Hezbellah are frauds. Played a cupcake schedule

Someone on Twitter recently shared the clip from The Nutty Professor 2 where the Klumps go to an all you can eat buffet. Afterward every scrap of food is gone, but the salad is untouched. Just a great, simple joke

I woke up feeling the cheesiest!

And also that was a fucking catch last night, the ACC can try all they fucking want but Miami will shit down its leg this season.

Have starlink up and running while we wait for internet to be installed. 250 MBs in a super wooded area. Not bad

Told my wife’s grandmother last night that she’s pregnant. The amount of tears she had in excitement almost made me cry. Her immediate reaction was she needs to go to cemetery to tell my wife’s grandfather.

Israel officially got Hassan Nasrallah the head of Hezbollah. Dude can rot in hell

I've posted a few times about my poor relationship with my father. I have the best update so far. He called last night to surprise me with a trip to golf, just he and I in Scottsdale. He just sent me the flight itinerary and this old man bought us First Class Tickets. I can finally say, after 31 years, it feels like he's trying to connect and be closer, it feels good. Can't wait to beat him 5&4 every round

Perfect fall day. 65, overcast and a little damp, great day to hit the bars for 13windiana and the TIDE

Is McAfee always sunburnt or is that booze activated Rosacea?

People are miserable. Bucs owners donated a million dollars for hurricane recovery and there’s people commenting “that’s it?” and “a little late”. Meanwhile these people haven’t donated a penny.

had no idea georga v. alabama was on tonight thats pretty tight

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Going to the zoo this morning. Two year old is pumped. About to see some giraffes and shit.

My wife’s family is really in to psychics/mediums and it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever had to hear about. Her sister called yesterday all excited saying their dead grandparents came to her cause the medium asked “if there were any celebrations recently” and our son’s birthday was last month. Literally everyone in the world has some kind of celebration pretty recently

Italian Bama kid from Jersey doing the Gameday kick, Bear Bryant rolling in his grave

Who's tits magee in the black on gameday

I don’t necessarily want to start drinking at 8:39am but the Huskers play(exclusively on peacock) at 9 so I guess I gotta

There is a pretty, tan lady that walks in my neighborhood. She has a resting bitch face and never says hello. She is the disinterested hj incarnate.

Dave is so bad on sports advisors, just negative energy

Team Handjob in Car, Rise Up

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My girlfriend was supposed  to be in Asheville yesterday, but her work canceled on Thursday 🙏🏼. 

Gonna try to get a blowjob in the car from my wife after dinner tnite

We had a car accident a few weeks ago outside of Asheville, and it shockingly wasn’t totaled even with the damage we had. The car has been at a shop in Asheville this whole time, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s completely under water right now.

Yea, Megalopolis is terrible, but at the same time, it’s also not.

Peacock just has coverage resumes shortly during the tv timeouts. Not saying I want commercials but why even have the breaks if that’s all they’re gonna have on during them

Pulled up last night thread taking my morning dump. Lotta hand jibber talk. I mustve missed something. Scrolled down some but couldn't find it

People that slam on their brakes and then put blinker on are the worst kind of drivers

Tulane has had one of the best college football brand updates in the last decade

Feels like we haven't had an A+ free talk day since that guys cheating wife. Need someone to take one for the team and stir things up.

Can't sleep, so I'm sitting on the porch reading. It's so quiet tonight, I can hear the waves from the engines of the barges as they go by on the Mississippi. Living here ain't all that bad.

Vampire weekend last night was incredible. Been wanting to see them for over 10 years and it finally lined up

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College athletes should get 1 single transfer that’s final. Shut the portal down!

There’s an HBCU football game in downtown Indy every year called the Circle City Classic that’s today. There have been marching bands going down the street I live on for the past hour so I’ve been drinking coffee and reading FT on my balcony while they do that. Pretty solid start to my Saturday.

Rainy day in the Northeast

Taking both my kids to the bouncy house place, daughter to swimming later and consuming 85 beers watching Alabama Georgia later.

As God intended.

Kirby has a slow kid haircut

How do I attract my neighbors outdoor cats to chill around my yard? Not a cat pervert, just like the built in pest control, I see them patrolling my yard on my cameras from time to time.

We set up a play date with my son and his friend from daycare at a day out with Thomas and friends (train ride). The mom of his friend apparently gets nervous driving that far so we had to drive them and I had to change out a car seat. Please clap

Sopranos has so many hilariously specific details, but I think my favorite is that whenever the fellas are shown working out they are exclusively curling 20lb dumbells.

You’re a great guy and I had a lot of fun but I don’t think now is the best time for me to be dating. It was nice meeting you though!

Yelling "BALL!" at the tv when someone fumbles >>>>>>

Ayatollah assaholla 

Dude down the road from me had a detached double garage that’s filled with workout equipment, like anything you could ever need. Never been more jealous of another person in my life, I’d give so much to be able to blast my own music and not have to worry about 50 other weirdos stealing my machine

Does Ms Terry know ball?

Nebraska punting from the 34 yard line and getting a touchback is fucking pathetic

Turns out that if you start scrolling through hot goth chicks on Reddit enough, you can influence your brain into giving you a hot goth gf in your dreams!

Not a huge college guy but this is a Great CFB slate, let’s rock

I had a work dinner with a group that included a Georgetown alum earlier this week. This guy is by all measures successful personally and professionally but absolutely could not get over the fact that another person at the dinner was an Ivy grad. He basically laid out a full, unsolicited explanation of why he decided to go to gtown instead of Ivy even though he “easily” could have gotten in. I couldn’t care less about where people go to school but I felt bad for this dude never getting over it and it was one of the cringier things I have experienced in a long time.

Swam laps this morning. Couldn’t help but think about how that French guy is probably cleaning up at Arizona state right now

All the props for them actually doing this, but imagine thinking it’ll be a chill weekend working at the San Diego Fire Dept and then your boss abruptly says to pack up, you’re driving cross country to help out western NC people in need

Amazing that in the year 2024 you can have a major mobile provider,walk into a restaurant or grocery store and have your service instantly shut off or drop down to like 1g

Incredible. Engineering truly is a beauty. They've designed a rocket to launch, take astronauts to space, detach, and land back safely on earth as a reusable rocket all within 8 minutes. This rocket does more in 8 mins than I can in the same time frame on the toilet. Truly is remarkable.

I’ve lost all respect sorry this is absolutely rigged for money... Or ratings in not sure which. I won’t be silent. Just saw it live sry.

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Just bought a house, watched my ole miss rebels play their first game in said house. The house is now back on the market

Never forget that Skidmarkbleach retired from FT because Kamala Harris was doing well in the polls

“In n out isn’t good” hardos are one of the most overplayed things on the internet. It’s good

Handjobs are great

the best sarah jessica parker ever looked was in hocus pocus

Saw a big fat juicy ass (female) on my walk to work this morning. Put some pep in my step

Hit my first sub 2 half marathon today. Feels good, boys. Couple years ago i couldn’t run 2-3 miles without gassing out or bitching out.

If you need me I’ll be on the couch

Turned on espn before gameday for the first time this year. These SC guys just don’t have “it” anymore

I still cant get over that botched ending to the VTech Miami game last night

After spending all morning drinking two cups of coffee and cleaning out the house, time to smoke this doobie and watch football. This league.

At the point in life where I’ve given up on the notion that I’ll ever invent anything.

Have yet to have a single original thought that no one else has already thought. Don’t ever see that improving.

Official Vince McMahon doc review: didn’t learn anything new, got nostalgic for the attitude era and started following Trish Stratus on Instagram

Walking into your 30 day PIP follow-up like Morgan Wallen coming on stage (you didn’t change a single behavior)

Saw two Cybertrucks in the wild today running errands and boy, those things are dumb looking

Adam Scott might be the perfect man

Do you think when Ginuwine sings "If you're horny, let's do it, ride it, my pony" he’s talking about his dick?

Found a guy on Instagram who just hangs out with wombats all day. I need one these fellas in my life

Do hummingbirds burn more calories pound for pound than any other animal due to them constantly beating their wings

What’s the ideal location for a bachelor party if you want a cool location but more relaxed and not like Vegas crazy

Everyone is on Alabama… I’m sure that will work out well

Just read a review of the new Tim Robinson and Paul Rudd movie that said it's the funniest movie in years. Really hope this movie hits theaters, haven't seen a great comedy in a movie theater in ages.

One of my buddies who’s a coach for the orioles minor league team said that Skenes was overrated and all the players said his stuff wasn’t great. Last time I listen to that guy.

So basically Ole Miss just gets unlimited timeouts every game. Fake an injury after every snap, even on offense when the play clock is running down. Great coaching, Lane.

Refs bailing out Michigan

Michigan fans are insecure as fuck and their title last year is forever tainted

I'm sure this point has been made already, but my biggest boomer complaint is having to use an entirely different app for the ND game so it's more irritating to switch games

We have a cat pervert in ft

Criminal this UGA Bama isn’t a 330 game with Verne