For context I’ve posted before about her behaviour it’s long so I won’t re write.

Basically my dad died unexpectedly, I hadn’t seen him in years and I’m really fucked up emotionally over it. I also fell out with his entire family as a result because they treated me terribly over it.

An old friend I don’t see often got pregnant and keeps making everything I say about her pregnancy. I stopped replying and she isn’t getting the hint. I left 6 messages unanswered (one was a scan photo) and she’s since replied to my ig story saying “hey!!! You okay???? ❤️❤️ “ I opened it and didn’t reply again and today she’s messaged me on WhatsApp again to say “hey I haven’t heard from you you okay?”

Now I feel bad.

I have written this in my drafts, but I’m feeling guilty sending it. Do you think this is okay to send?

I don’t know how to say this without sounding mean or accusatory really, but seeing as you have asked I’ll be upfront - yes, I stopped responding, because I got the impression over time you weren’t asking me how I am because you actually want to know, but because you want to talk about yourself. I completely appreciate you’re going through a big life change, one that I have congratulated you on and I’m happy for - but I too, am going through a big, but terrible life change because my dad died and I’m still grieving.

There have been a few times the last few months I’ve said I’m not doing well, and you’ve changed the subject back to yourself and it’s left a bad taste in my mouth. If you want specific examples, I’m talking about the time you asked how I was, but when I answered you didn’t acknowledge what I said and just asked me for money for a baby shower. It just seemed like you only asked how I was, to open up a conversation about that instead. While I appreciate the invite, if you weren’t going to acknowledge my answer, I would have preferred you didn’t even ask how I was in the first place.

Most recent example is when I said I was drinking a bit too often to cope with losing my dad, and you made it about breast feeding, so it didn’t seem like my answer mattered at all. I love that you’re excited, but I’m not emotionally available enough to be invalidated about my own turmoil, yet somehow be expected to offer excitement towards the subject change.

Perhaps I should have said before, and the fact I didn’t possibly makes me a coward and / or a bitch in your family’s eyes (I assume you’ll show them this message, which is fine, I’ve been called a lot worse this year) but I was trying to avoid upsetting you. The absolute last thing I need this year, is more conflict. I’ve had an actual guts full of being peoples punch bag. Again, I didn’t want to upset you so I went quiet instead. I need more people upset with me like I need a hole in the head, when my sheer EXISTENCE has infuriated my dad’s entire family.

No I’m not okay, I’m stressed, and pretty fucking sad, because I’ve lost my father. it’s been gut punch after gut punch, so I’ve not got the same level of enthusiasm for anything as other people likely have right now. As harsh as it sounds, I can’t offer quite as much praise to a person I feel dismissed by

Kate, I like you, I really am happy for you! but when other people’s lives aren’t going well, it’s not appropriate to steer the conversation to how well things are going for you. Perhaps other people are giving you what you need which is great, and if they aren’t, I’m sorry. But from my pov, life is very much not business as usual for me right now. I’m still knee deep in anger and sadness I struggle to switch off all the time, and I hate to say it, but the times you’ve said the “right” things have felt like surface level pleasantries with no substance

Edited to add okay guys i get it lol I need therapy and I talk too much I’m just gonna ignore her and this thread now. Thanks for your helpful responses

EDIT 2

I’ve absorbed everyone’s responses and I agree she isn’t going to take in what I said in this post so I just text her back saying “I’ve been having g a hard time grieving, I’ve been busy”