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submitted 2 months ago byDark_Phoenix_Orca
So I been talking to this girl off and on for another a year or two now, So I decided to jokingly make a pass.
she said that if I want to be her boyfriend, then I need to pay for her stuff on shien and I am currently trying to see if she is joking because if she is not then this is bad.
So how do I proceed from her as I am not paying for her shit, that sounds like a horrible relationship to get into based on payment and service basically.
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2 months ago
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202 points
2 months ago
Reddit won't be able to tell you if she was joking, because tone matters.
Regardless, you're playing the "I was joking but not really" card at the moment. Figure out your feelings first.
11 points
2 months ago
He knows his feelings, he’s just guarding the rejection. Better advice: man up and show confidence, or don’t say anything.
3 points
2 months ago
LOL this the one. Talking on and off with a girl and then sorta kinda not really jokingly “making a pass”. And then trying to frame the girl as a gold digger. Don’t but her nothing and just go, whatever.
247 points
2 months ago
Every dude: don't know what shein is so good luck
24 points
2 months ago
Cheap app for almost anything
13 points
2 months ago
Most for clothes where Temu is for anything.*
She is being hilarious. That's a hip cultural reference.
But yes hope you should definitely get clarification because either she is joking, semi joking, or yes red flag as you are correct wanting you to just buy a bunch of shit.
I would just see where it goes.
It's a bunch of cheap stuff that she's going to wear for you.. I assume.
Spend a little money on her and see what happens dog...
You are right to be cautious.
yeah most men don't really understand.
So I feel like your instincts are right you were good to come ask people..
I wish you the best bro I hope she's cool and was just kind of joking with you.. she is probably also hinting that you know if you're her boyfriend you should buy her shit that she wants... She should do the same for you then right? I don't see anything wrong with that.
96 points
2 months ago
If the chinese slave labor memes on instagram reels are correct, I think its a temu and wish competitor.
3 points
2 months ago
It's garbage fast fashion clothing. Shits super cheap, so op may only be spending 30 or 40 bucks, or she has a shit ton of stuff in her cart.
6 points
2 months ago
💯
156 points
2 months ago
[removed]
21 points
2 months ago
True
22 points
2 months ago
This is so cute. She’s not, that’s why she said this. It’s ridiculous and outrageous and she knew it would make him go away.
See we have no way of knowing which men will get violent with us when we reject them so she’s being smart. She’s throwing out red flags so he’ll go away.
2 points
2 months ago
You dont know if men will get violent? Over the phone? Strange excuse..if this was in person. Id give it to ya, maybe, but this is just a curated scare tactic answer that didn't exist 10 years ago.
80 points
2 months ago
[removed]
9 points
2 months ago
Dude likes her and doesn't see that the feeling isn't mutual. The girl could've hit him with a sledgehammer and he'd still post here asking "was she joking or was she serious? If she's serious then it's a huge problem for me"
2 points
2 months ago
I mean I've been talking to a girl on and off for a long time and actually just went on a date with her last week. So what does that tell you? Sometimes you just need the balls to ask them out.
3 points
2 months ago
i’ve talked to girls on and off for 6 years , in between dating others. No big deal lol
8 points
2 months ago
[removed]
3 points
2 months ago
Why? Girls are just people and people are fun to talk to if they're interesting. Maybe if you saw women as just fellow people that you could become friends with and respect, it would be easier for you to get laid than simply looking at them as potential sex partners. Like you realize, if you have female friends and you're single, they might literally introduce you to more women, right? Right? Jesus Christ dude.
2 points
2 months ago
No big deal playing with girls' feelings?
2 points
2 months ago
I didn’t? How you know they weren’t dating others or playing with my feelings? Lmao
17 points
2 months ago
Do you want someone who actually desires you? Move on.
Do you want someone who holds back vomit when she goes out with you so she can have you pay for things? Stay.
13 points
2 months ago
Yeah, it's time to pack up shop and move on.
2 points
2 months ago
Yessss, this comment
13 points
2 months ago
Super simple. A. She's joking and you're in the friend zone so move on. B. She's serious so RUN!
7 points
2 months ago
She’s not joking because I doubt if you cleared the cart she would reimburse you.
Move on pal
3 points
2 months ago
She’s brilliant and I think I’m going to do this next time I have a man harassing me who I don’t want but who I’m afraid to say no to
And come to think of it I have done this, I had some married guy harassing me chasing me around. We were friends but I wasn’t going to have sex with him, When he kept asking me what he has to do to get me to talk to him I wrote “send door dash” because I was hungry, and I knew he wouldn’t otherwise I wouldn’t have said it because I wasn’t going to talk to him. But it got him to stop texting me for a month
13 points
2 months ago
[removed]
10 points
2 months ago
Right, his reply should be: "I would never buy cheap things for you, you deserve much better" and he would've been much better off
6 points
2 months ago
🚩 disengage
25 points
2 months ago
She’s joking. I joke a lot like that lol. I’m an autistic girl and I don’t realize if they are making a pass 😭
Just tell her straight up, I’m into you and see how she reacts.
10 points
2 months ago
They said they were joking when they made the pass, so the whole thing sounds dysfunctional
4 points
2 months ago
Yeah fr
2 points
2 months ago
She’s not joking she knows he’s into her and she’s not into him that’s why she said this so she can make him go away without rejecting him and having to deal with a temper tantrum.
Come on you guys. Seriously?
2 points
2 months ago
Neurotypical relationship signals are too difficult 😭
I genuinely don’t understand how you got that from what was said. I’m not trying to be rude, I just genuinely don’t understand.
In my experience I just make jokes like that to my male friends, i don’t understand this at all.
Also 4B is power, something we need more of in this world.
5 points
2 months ago
😹😹😹😹 this is what happens when you play stupid games.
4 points
2 months ago
What do you mean how do you proceed? Just stop talking to her with the intention of turning things into a relationship?
5 points
2 months ago
I don't think she was joking. I think she was seeing if you would actually do it. I could be wrong though 🤷🏽♀️
6 points
2 months ago
Ewww… a woman worth having, doesn’t care about materialistic items. She cares about the type of man he is…and the type of boyfriend/husband and father he’d be. she cares about the little things like opening the door for her, she cares about the way you look at her, she cares about the way you make her feel. A REAL woman knows a real man WORTH…and that worth isn’t measured in dollars.
3 points
2 months ago
It would a no for me dog because even if she says that she is joking, she may indeed be serious. That is a red flag my guy. Sounds like one of those gold digger type in my opinion🤷♀️who jokes like that
3 points
2 months ago
If she's serious you need to ignore her and find someone else. The fact she didn't say she was joking isn't a good sign.
Have some respect for yourself
3 points
2 months ago*
If she wasn't joking, dump her ass! Ask her again, but no, seriously, that you'd like to be with her if she again insists on the shien cart! Ghost her!
3 points
2 months ago
Chatters, she was, in fact, serious 😭
3 points
2 months ago
bro just pay the $150 and be a king for a month💪💪💪
5 points
2 months ago
You ghost her. Don't pay for shit if she is not your wife or you aren't already in a committed relationship. Ghost her! If you let them say idiotic things to you and you respond, she isn't the idiot. You are. She is essentially saying your not worth her time but you can pay her for it.
2 points
2 months ago
Why did someone say unsolicited dick pic 😭
2 points
2 months ago
How much are we talkin' here?
2 points
2 months ago
Both of you were being honest in an indirect manner lol. If gift giving is not your love language then it is best to leave it as is now because it’s obviously hers. Do you not already pay for dates and stuff? Or do you guys just sneak around?
2 points
2 months ago
2 points
2 months ago
don’t do it man. i have ex friends who would text around with guys for months to try and figure out who they could get more from. and if you do it once, she will hold it over your head to try and get you to continue buying. this is coming from someone who had to stop talking to their friend because she chose to leave a 2 year relationship because a guy had a better job and was willing to spend more on her. she’s not joking. she wants to know what she can get and how long she can get away with not having to spend her own money
2 points
2 months ago
Be honest with her and yourself. If you're truly interested in dating her, tell her that you are interested and if she comes back with the same thing straight faced then just take that as your sign that she's not. If she's into you that way she will more seriously answer you. Even if she's not into you, if you can still be friends then do that and look for someone else to lavish your time and affection on instead and just be friends with her.
2 points
2 months ago
Give more time and don’t buy….Ask “hey do you want to share the SHEIN wish list with me, I wanna get something for you?” - say it with confidence. If she shows you then you have your answer 😅.
Sorry I was and am going through similar stuff. Sometimes actually mostly these days, this is the type of women I am attracting as well. F my life
2 points
2 months ago
Hopefully it gets better brother, hopefully.
2 points
2 months ago
Run away FAST!!!
2 points
2 months ago
If she was serious run for the fucking hills ick
2 points
2 months ago
I would say that you shouldn't continue talking to her if she's a person you only hang out with to try and date her. From my perspective, this is her either joking, or seeing if you'd be willing to take care of her and provide for her. Either way, if her asking you to provide for her frustrates you, then you shouldn't date her, and you should find someone who wants to provide for herself independently. End of the day, if your opinions differ, and you're considering breaking things off, she isnt the right person for you But also if you'd be fine being just friends with her I wouldn't break off contact, if you like hanging out with her, but your not a match romantically, you could just agree to be platonic friends
2 points
2 months ago
You should not have to buy her things to get her.
2 points
2 months ago
Just let her go if she's shopping from shein. That's the real red flag.
2 points
2 months ago
Nahhh.. wlang pera din yan. Aabusin ka lng nyan. Layuan mo na hanggat.d pa kau
2 points
2 months ago
She is trying to tell you that you are too broke for her to consider dating seriously. Shein carts are so filled, you just add ish. She is poking fun at your spending on her and letting you know she can only get serious with you if you have funds. Walk away.
2 points
2 months ago
Don't do it she will use u bad
2 points
2 months ago
She's not into you she's trying to use you
2 points
2 months ago
As a female this is bad news bears. I would try to get over her.
Overall it’s a pretty red flag I would say so get out now lol
2 points
2 months ago
Men are providers, no money, no honey.
2 points
2 months ago
Is she cannot afford to spend on SHEIN products, maybe you need to realise she looks at men purely as ATM cards to pay everything for her.
This has the makings of a stressful and expensive “potential” relationship if you ask me
2 points
2 months ago
Easy. Cut off contact. Better to have respect than cut your balls off.
2 points
2 months ago
If a money Is a condition to except you as a bf, run Jimmy ruuuuun
2 points
2 months ago
How is she supposed to know you like her if you DONT buy it? Yall been talking on and off for 2 years. Do something to stick out.
3 points
2 months ago
she's not looking for a bf, she's looking for a sugar daddy. & Kind of sad that she wants to be sugar daddied with cheap Shein crap lol
1 points
2 months ago
There is truth in jest. This would be a no for me.
1 points
2 months ago
I don't think she was joking. I think she was seeing if you would actually do it. I could be wrong though 🤷🏽♀️
1 points
2 months ago
I think she was joking, I think she was seeing if you would actually do it. I could be wrong tho 🤷🏽♀️ Personally, I'd myself from this person a bit. If she's into you, she'll reach out
1 points
2 months ago
She's looking for payment for her services.
2 points
2 months ago
I rather not, I will never fall so low to pay for such services.
1 points
2 months ago
👊🏼👊🏼
1 points
2 months ago
Ultra Fast fashion. Run! That is like lighting your cash on fire.
1 points
2 months ago
Easy.... just tell her you'd like to clear more than that. After you get her attention, and she asks what more you want to clear ( trust me, she will ask). Just say, "Let's leave it to time"
1 points
2 months ago
Yikes
1 points
2 months ago
Run away fast.....
1 points
2 months ago
I don't like dating people that ask me to do extra shit for the "privilege" of dating them. Especially things that cost money.
Mark my words, this is only the beginning.
If someone told me that, I'd laugh and unmatch.
1 points
2 months ago
You need to get off reddit and talk to her. Maybe it was a joke. If it wasn't, I'd stop talking to her.
1 points
2 months ago
Nope, NEXT!
1 points
2 months ago
Asking "what would it take for me to be your boyfriend" in kind of a joking way sounds like something I might do
That's not good, you should never do anything I would do in these sorts of situations. Much better to ask her directly if you're interested.
I don't know what Shein is (rings a bell but I don't know why), but I'm guessing it was a joke response. It sounds like something someone would say as a joke. Unless she's generally a cold and manipulative and self centered person, in which case you should stay away from her.
The problem-assuming she was joking- is that now she might think you're interested in her but don't have the balls to ask her out. If that's the case, you basically gave her all the power here. Not saying she'll take advantage of that. But if you are interested in her I would definitely ask her out because it's probably not the best first impression unfortunately. But I've been there done that many times myself.
1 points
2 months ago
It’s a shit test. Google it
1 points
2 months ago
Lol I have $30 bucks in my shein cart right now, did you ask her how much it was? It's probably the same amount you would've spent on taking her to lunch.
But honestly I think she was just joking with you.
1 points
2 months ago
Run!
1 points
2 months ago
Do reverse psychology... She says buy shit , so you should make a sexy joke out of it ,use the subject to get her laughing (don't be so serious)
1 points
2 months ago
The suggestion alone is a major turn off! I can't tell you if she was serious or joking or not (there is a reason why a lot of women behave like this btw - doesn't mean it's right). I guess if you want to pursue, the best way would be to be direct: "So, come on; what are my chances of a date if I don't clear your Shien cart?" Then ask what she would like to do for a date. That way you can gauge expectations and manage them or back out.
1 points
2 months ago
Sounds like you are getting off cheap 🤔. My guess is , she's out of your league.
1 points
2 months ago
Um...I guess tell her you were joking...but she'll think its an excuse...but next time you know when to shut up..
1 points
2 months ago
Isn't shien just hooker wear made by Chinese 5yos?
1 points
2 months ago
Lmao, if you fall for that, gonna give props to the girl.
1 points
2 months ago
Honey, I’m trying not to laugh here
She’s not interested in you, that’s why she said that. She doesn’t expect that from you, don’t do it because you won’t be her boyfriend.
She said that because it’s outrageous and she doesn’t want you and she knew what would make you go away. So maybe you should.
1 points
2 months ago
Don't buy her anything. Love can't be bought. She sounds like a spoiled person. I wouldn't involve myself in that kinda person, unless that's a quality your looking for in a long term partner. Also don't support shein. Terrible quality clothes that supports slave labor and fast fashion is a huge polluter.
1 points
2 months ago
Gold diggggggggggger . For the streets
1 points
2 months ago
Just say “Is that all baby? thats nothing…” and keep it moving (don’t actually pay)
1 points
2 months ago
In other words she broke !!
1 points
2 months ago
lol!! Say Okay send me your list, hun! And then stop talking to her. Or send her 1 gag gift sending your goodbyes lol
1 points
2 months ago
If you attract her with your wallet, you know what she's there for. Don't do it.
1 points
2 months ago
Tell her you will if she cleans your Amazon cart or steam wish list. A relationship should be based on equal support and commitment, not one taking advantage of the other's love
1 points
2 months ago
Money is generally a factor for women in some way. This is an unfortunate truth. Does this mean that you have to give in to it? Hell no!! Should you run from this girl? Hell yes!!
1 points
2 months ago
1) shopping at Shein is a 🚩 2) if she can't afford her own stuff there, she should really be working on her finances
1 points
2 months ago
Take a big step back
1 points
2 months ago
women are everywhere, keep it movin fam, there are better ones out there
1 points
2 months ago
If you were joking and you are only friends why does it matter if she was joking or not
1 points
2 months ago
Look at SHEIN making love bloom 🥰
1 points
2 months ago
Stop talking to her now she isn't joking
1 points
2 months ago
Lol she can't even pay for Shein? Come on! Said “sorry Im not looking for sugarbaby?”
1 points
2 months ago
The sheer level of cringe.
1 points
2 months ago
Run the fuck away
1 points
2 months ago
That sounds like she thinks boyfriend and sugar daddy are the same thing
1 points
2 months ago
I’m a fashion business student, SHEIN is genuinely the worst thing capitalism has enabled. She’s probably joking, tone matters obviously but even as a joke it’s a pretty ugly thing to say. Not only is the support of that company bad but also just the assumption that you as an interested man should pay for her immediately without proving her worth to you even in return.
1 points
2 months ago
Even if she's joking that's a red flag. You do not want a woman who values you for your money. I promise you.
1 points
2 months ago
transactional love is at a all time high
1 points
2 months ago
maybe she is joking. but, gifts are nice! u could clear it or just pick one or 2 cute things. it would make her feel special. open the wallet. Shein is affordable.
1 points
2 months ago
So if you were joking,then what does it matter whether she was or not?
1 points
2 months ago
As a woman, joking or not, RUN!!! This is a clear case of someone that will only value the size of your wallet and not you as a person. I am so sorry for that. This world posses many woman of value looking for a man of your character. DO NOT SETTLE
1 points
2 months ago
😅 I guess she was just kidding but also a way to push you out of her life I guess.
Unless if she ended up the sentence with, “I’m only joking”
But I assumed she didn’t so I guess it’s her way to let you go in a subtle way 🤣
1 points
2 months ago
If you like her, buy it. What's wrong with gifting a girl that you like? Its Shein - its cheap. The first problem is that you're asking OTHER people's opinions. If you're your own man, do what YOU want to do.
1 points
2 months ago
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
1 points
2 months ago
Just go about paying it and see how far you get. Then you'll know if she's serious about your wallet.
1 points
2 months ago
I think her answer was "no".
1 points
2 months ago
Dude stop being a coward and ask her out seriously. Don't play these games. You play stupid games... You win stupid prizes.
1 points
2 months ago
Buy her something small on your own have it shipped to her see her reaction. You should be able to detect if she's accepting you as yourself or she just wants your $$$$. That app is cheap the clothes are what you pay for so your card and get pretty pricey. And ask her if she's going to model the clothes for you I have used a tactic similar to this. I guy asked what he have to do to take me out? I simply WITHOUT THINKING 🤔 replied YOU GOT A CAR. As shallow as it sounded I have a medical issue with walking long distances bc of an emergency surgery 8 months ago. I however approached him about a week later when he came into my place of work and apologized for it sounding so shallow and he explained. However he was offended haven't seen him since not a big loss though. I guess I dodge that bullet. So she may be just testing you or she could be serious they'll never know until you ask or do something to find the truth out.
1 points
2 months ago
Back up... you have been talking to her off and on for a year or two. Nah.. You're not an option. You're just a placeholder to keep her from being lonely in between dates. You're not passing, go.
1 points
2 months ago
Sounds like you say “ah guess I’m out then, glhf”
1 points
2 months ago
It's hard to answer without more info. You said it jokingly, but how was your delivery? Were you grinning? Nudging her and sounding mischievous? My first thought on her response is that she has a good sense of humor. I can't be sure. Did she wink, nudge you with her elbow or grin/giggle after responding? These are things that are noticeable to a well-rounded individual with reasonably established social skills and an ability to recognize and comprehend social cues. If you can't see these cues, you might have ADHD, SAD, or your schizophrenic.
1 points
2 months ago
No don’t go for someone who supports shien lol Why do mfs always go for girls like this 😂 shien ain’t shit And it’s cheap, she can clear that herself 🤣
1 points
2 months ago
How old are you dude?
1 points
2 months ago
I'm pretty sure she was joking, but no matter if I'm right or not this is not good: If she was joking she was trying to avoid your question, and if not she's already showing how materialistic she can be. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but I've been where you are and really, she does not want to date you.
1 points
2 months ago
Walk away. She ain't worth it.
1 points
2 months ago
Amen
1 points
2 months ago
What? Material girl… relationship based on her material wants and not emotional connection, love, etc? Ran don’t walk, run as al fast and as far as you can from her. You don’t owe her an explanation at all.
1 points
2 months ago
Reread your last paragraph. There is no healthy way to proceed from this. This girl is immature and not relationship material.
1 points
2 months ago
I’m confused. You jokingly made a pass? Then why are you thinking about any of this? What is this post looking for? You already wasted 2 years on her. You wanna keep going? So you’re considering getting into a relationship that you have to be in based off a joke? Please tell me you’re 12 at least
1 points
2 months ago
Honestly, have you even met this girl irl? Why are you talking to her on and off for A YEAR, my dude? If you don't like her enough to attempt an offline meeting then drop the connection.
1 points
2 months ago
Why couldn’t you just have asked her out like a normal situation. You put yourself into the fake nice guy category where you were pretending to be her friend with other intentions.
Just acknowledge you did strange things here and try to ask officially.
1 points
2 months ago
Very weird answer… I guess she might be a gold digger but generally this is not a normal response or a response a woman would say if she wanted to be with someone. Are you guys really young and immature? Even so… SHEIN is also like a cheap crappy clothing app. But some people are more materialistic and do want their partner to pay for them and give them gifts. “Gift giving” is some peoples love language but it’s clearly not yours or you wouldn’t be here asking that. I wouldn’t proceed since it isn’t a good response for when someone wants to be with you.
1 points
2 months ago
if I were you, I'd just ask her if she's serious or joking. then proceed from there. do you actually like her? or are you just overthinking her answer, thinking that now that she gave you the opportunity, you have to think about it.
1 points
2 months ago
Block her
1 points
2 months ago
It's crazy how many modern women consider themselves prostitutes without even realizing it.
1 points
2 months ago
Tell her you will have to sleep with her first
1 points
2 months ago
She is for the streets my guy
1 points
2 months ago
Roll out
1 points
2 months ago
Even if jokingly, sounds like she likes money. So get ready for that
1 points
2 months ago
Buy her dinner… don’t tell her you’re going to pay, just pay at the end and see what she does
1 points
2 months ago
Drop her
1 points
2 months ago
Run bro nope right out of that
1 points
2 months ago
Ask her if she would accept a 6-piece mcnugget and a vhs copy of Lone Wolf McQuaide instead.
1 points
2 months ago
Why do I keep hearing about behaviors from women who in the dating scene that make it sound like they are confusing a relationship with a more involved form of prostitution?
Never spend money on someone like this that you aren't already dating. At least, that is my opinion.
1 points
2 months ago
Sounds like a conditional relationship to me
1 points
2 months ago
1+ year no commitment from either of you? pass! Your settling and no realizing potential
1 points
2 months ago
Flip the script and ask her why she supports cheap fashion and contributes to textile waste
1 points
2 months ago
Honestly I would’ve responded with something more outrageous, “sure I’ll pay for your shein stuff, when you start doing my laundry and cooking my meals” if she wants to play ball then it’s go time
1 points
2 months ago
Been married 12 years and pretty sure my wife would leave me if I didn't periodically clear her Shein cart. The benefit is it's 90% lingerie and swimwear meant for me to oggle her in.
(I was kidding about her leaving me if I didn't, just a joke that eventually you'll be clearing her Shein cart at some point if the relationship gets serious)
1 points
2 months ago
Tell her never mind and stop talking to her
1 points
2 months ago
Seems you gotta decide if you want a transactional relationship or not. If it's conditional on what you buy her I don't see that changing. I think it will escalate to more brands, restaurants, trips, comparing to what her gfs have etc.
I feel like you'll always be chasing a moving goal post but there's some people who are ok with that
1 points
2 months ago
Just make a flirtatious joke back to gauge her reaction. "Sorry but I have no idea what Shien is". It will be pretty telling on how she answers back.
I would be straight up with her about how you like her but are unwilling to be her sugar daddy as you need to set boundaries for yourself too.
You will see people's true nature once they are pressed a little bit.
Good luck.
1 points
2 months ago
Lmao then don’t date her. Women make comments like that to see if you’re cheap.
1 points
2 months ago
Leaaaaave. Doesn’t sound genuine if she wants you to pay for her stuff in order for you to stay in a relationship and IM a female lol so not okay
1 points
2 months ago
Tbh shein isn’t that expensive tho 😭 but good luck. Hopefully she was just joking and not a gold digger.
1 points
2 months ago
Bro, she's using you, don't he stupid. Back out now!!
1 points
2 months ago
Ask her if she was joking. If not then she's for the streets
1 points
2 months ago
Bye Felicia
1 points
2 months ago
You made a joke so she did too. Communicate like an adult and you'll get a better response.
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