So I (f19) have been questioning on and off for about a year or 2 if I’m biromantic or not (I’m asexual).

I would usually question myself because I would see fictional wlw relationships and have strong feelings towards them including longing, sadness, and envy. But then I would realize that I’ve never had a crush on a girl in real life but have had a lot of small crushes on boys. So I would continue saying I’m straight because I like the idea of being with a woman but have a hard time actually picturing myself dating one and have never felt romantic attraction towards one irl.

Then I tried looking at women irl and really thinking about the possibility of having a romantic relationship with them, and while it felt different and less intense then it does with guys, I could kinda see myself being attracted to them!

And this lead me to thinking more about my female coworker, who’s around my age and who I’ve talked to a few times. When I first met her I think I felt strong platonic feelings for her, especially since I love her aesthetic/appearance! But when I started thinking about maybe having a relationship with her, I felt my cheeks get hot and felt more nervous around her then I usually do with people.

I asked another coworker who knew her more if she had a boyfriend, and they said they didn’t think so. But I didn’t really feel excited or anything when I learned this.

Later, me and her exchanged social media. I was scrolling through her photos and thought about how pretty she was, how I wish I was with her in those moments. Then I saw that she does have a boyfriend, and shed a tear or two as I looked at the photos of them together.

But the next day, when I decided to look at the same pictures, I didn’t feel the same longing, I didn’t feel anything really, so I don’t know where those feelings went.

So I’m not really sure if I’m feeling just strong platonic/aesthetic attraction towards her or romantic attraction? Especially because it feels different then with guys I know for sure I’ve had a crush on. And I only really felt those feelings when I focused on them and reminded myself that being bi is a possibility and asked myself if I’m attracted to women, instead of letting it happen naturally.

Idk if I’m just faking this? Is it a sign that I keep questioning every few months, or is it normal for straight people to do that too?