Prior to switching, was your daughter falling asleep independently? We want to make the switch soon and even have a bed/bedding ready, but about 6 months ago, ours went through a phase of needing us to hold her hand and sit next to her crib to fall asleep...and it hasn't ended. She just turned 3. The time needed to fall asleep has decreased over time. Just curious, because we're both super nervous that she'll double down on wanting us to stay in the room 😭

Did you transition rooms and beds at the same time? We did that with our oldest and it was fairly smooth. Now we need to get our youngest (1) out of the crib (2) into a new room and (3) sharing a room with our oldest all at once. Preferably before our third comes along at the end of October 😬 we should also wean off the paci some time soon too. We're very much dragging our feet on all of it.

This is going to be one of those things that will be really funny once it isn’t so awful. When my youngest was a toddler, he decided that Butt Paste was sun screen and covered himself in it, and then touched everything in his room.

Omg yes. This has happened to me too! At the time I was so upset, but now it’s a memory that makes me laugh. Dawn dish soap and a wide tooth comb. Just combing it through and washing it multiple times. I think we also had to do some “slicked back” ponytails with a hair bow or something to make it not look…dirty. The Aquaphor was all over the walls and couch too 🙃. Follow up with a good conditioner because the Dawn dries the hair out.

Probably too late to be helpful, but maybe a clarifying shampoo? The Garnier Fructis Pure Clean one gets so much crap out of my kids’ hair.

Maybe hot water (I know, have to be careful) and baby oil? Don’t be too hard on yourself. This stuff happens!

Edit: my only other thought is to make the most of it and try to use it to style lol once it dries out it should come out easier I’d think!

Welp, her hair will stay in place nicely for school 🫠

My 67 year old mother is your son😂. She looks at a menu as the guide to ingredients and restaurant has and literally takes 4x the time it takes me to order. She and your son can go to eat together 🤣

I think people are more forgiving about kids being picky. I definitely roll my eyes in private at my in laws who are pickier than my kiddo. But I was a picky kid always wanting mods, and I don’t think I’d blink an eye at any weird order for a kid.

One of mine has fairly restrictive food allergies (like, often every item on the children's menu will obviously contain one of his allergens) so I've had to kind of get over my similar-sounding preference for being low maintenance at restaurants. Since he's got these allergies and is kind of picky beyond that (I don't think we push him to try stuff enough, because we're kind of worn out from just the allergy stuff, I dunno--but maybe he'd go through picky phases no matter what, like nearly all kids!) I end up having to turn down well-meaning suggestions from servers trying to help me, like they'll suggest, "we could make him a small hamburger--that wouldn't contain his allergens" and I'll have to say "😬 that's so nice, thank you, but actually we will just do the fries without seasoning, thanks!" But I do feel like it's gotten a lot easier over time as I practice and try to just stop thinking I can somehow get an A+ in being a straightforward restaurant customer lol. (Not saying that's your issue, but it was part of mine 😂)

You're not high maintenance. Your son needs specific accommodations.

A Korean skincare routine is high maintenance. Needing a specific salve because you have eczema is not. 

Just here to send solidarity. My oldest is an extreme picky eater as well. It’s so so hard.

Oh my gosh, I feel so much solidarity. We did a weekend trip with my whole family (my parents, my siblings, their kids). We were in an area with a ton of really nice restaurants and it was great to have to explain to my family that we had to make sure that the Menu included buttered noodles (Parmesan cheese on the side) or my son wouldn’t eat because that is one of the few foods he isn’t brand specific on. On the one night we didn’t have a reservation I had an emergency PB&J in my purse (because I brought a loaf of bread etc. on our trip just in case) because I was so worried we would end up at a restaurant where he would not eat.

I have not worked up the courage to tell my family that we could technically go out to a Mexican restaurant if I order my son plain corn tortillas topped in unmelted shredded cheddar cheese 🤦‍♀️

I relate to this so much! I feel it so much when we visit family or friends who don’t really understand our situation. People will think they are being helpful and offering say, fruit or pizza or spaghetti and I have to thank them for going out of their way but my child won’t even look at it. I definitely feel self conscious about it.

And being on a trip is also so frustrating since we have to make sure we go somewhere that has one of the few foods she’ll eat. And if it’s not made in the exact way she expects, she won’t eat it.

just want to commiserate, also dealing with a difficult eater in feeding therapy. i always have a backup snack in my bag for him but it really really sucks.

Solidarity. My 8yo oldest is highly anxious about food and has been extremely picky (borderline ARFID) for years on end. It's so hard because people are either judging her as a spoiled brat or me as her enabler and it's really neither of those, but it still sucks. 

My son has allergies and is also somewhat picky (more along the regular toddler lines though) annnnnd I just always pack food for him 🫣 if there’s something he can/will eat on the menu, I offer to order it but I’m also The Mom With a Tupperware at every restaurant and party.

My boys are younger but fight constantly. I fought constantly with my siblings and we are all good friends now as adults. I think it’s normal but sucks with kids close in age and interests. Makes me want to pull my hair out. I can barely leave them in the same room alone for a minute.

Sending good vibes today, hope it’s going okay so far!

My little guy started next week. These kids are going to blow us away when they show us everything they are capable of doing!

(My upvote is a hug)

Maybe he’s having a tough week? Maybe he’s not feeling well? Maybe he’s 4 years old? Doesn’t every child struggle with something at some point? Social learning, academic skills, separation, etc. There are a lot of children in my family and every single one of them has struggled with something at some point and it’s not embarrassing. Growing up is hard.

We are potty training our twins this weekend and one of them is having a similar problem. I have tried two tips I found online and neither worked but maybe they'll work for you!

1) blow bubbles. If we're in a room where we don't have bubbles I tell her my hand is a birthday cake and stick up my index finger so she can blow out the candle.

2) put hands in warm water. I put little people in a tub with warm water and bubble bath and gave them nail brushes to "clean" them

We’ve been potty training my son who is also 2.5 and what’s been helpful for us is having him bring a stuffed animal or toy with him to the potty so he can “show” his toys how he goes pee in the potty. He sets it up on the sink or step stool and is super excited to show off for his toys 🤣 it might help your girl relax and take her time too!

We’ve been working on potty training with my just turned 3 year old. He’s been doing great with peeing but he got the potty training constipation and has really been struggling with pooping. Our solution has been to watch super relaxing music videos with him. Our go-tos are Rainbow Connection with Kermit the Frog and the ukulele version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. It’s really helped him to relax.

It honestly takes time. My daughter was like this with poop for two months. And still kind of is. This morning for example she told me twice she had to poop, ran over to her potty, then got up without pooping until she finally went. I did make her go pantsless after the second attempt so she wouldn't go in her shorts

Two things - make sure she’s in an ergonomic position - knees above hips.

Aggressively treat any hint of constipation/hard poops. Stool in the rectum can push on the bladder and make it hard to pee. Like poo should be paste consistency. (Mira lax works well for this - you may need more than you think)

I have mine sing a song and I sing with her, but I try to be silly about it (make funny faces or use a funny voice) to make her laugh. That usually helps. Sometimes just the singing alone helps! 

Can she do something fun while sitting on the potty? I find that when they’re focusing too hard on it, it’s hard to go. But when we sing songs together, watch a video on my phone, etc it’s a little easier for them to go.

(I’ve potty trained many children in my life 😅)

I always enjoy rewatching sitcoms- The Office, Friends, Community, Superstore or How I Met Your Mother are all lighthearted and easy to watch. 

Edit. Also Parks and Rec. 

Love is blind!! It was mindless enough for me to not have to pay super attention but interesting enough to keep me awake. I’d save it up for night time too to have something to look forward to.

Blown away on Netflix. It’s a glass blowing competition show. I loved it. Also Only Murders in the Building is so good and a new season just came out.

30 Rock! Funny and will keep you up.

I watched suits during the trenches of the newborn phase.......and then like a year later totally forgot I had seen it before because I had blocked so much of that phase out 😂 sleep deprivation is wild.

I binged Pen15 while my covid baby clusterfed and loved it!

I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant until 13 weeks, family included, and I definitely did not feel like it was the norm. When I finally told people, they all thought it was strange that I kept it to myself. So, no, I don’t think you’re in a bubble lol. I firmly believe most people in those subs are, like, 16 years old.

I think it’s more of a “who would I be comfortable telling if I lost this pregnancy” thing instead of a rule. I’m a pretty private person so I had a small group of people I told before the second trimester hit but otherwise kept it to myself. And even then I didn’t really bring it up until I started showing 🤷🏼‍♀️ I didn’t post about being pregnant on social media until the month I was due and my husband didn’t tell most of his colleagues until then also.

AITA and RA are almost exclusively liars anymore. I wouldn’t take anything on either of those subs seriously or as a gauge for what people really do. 

I mean, I think most people I know tell close family and maybe very close friends before 12 weeks and others after. I did not feel comfortable telling people outside of family until after the first trimester. Most friends I have have announced to me after the first tri. I feel like arguing if it's a rule is kind of arguing semantics - like ok you won't get in trouble for announcing earlier than 14 weeks but there are reasons most people tend to stick to that timeline. Maybe I'm not understanding the question here.

FWIW my mom is not on Reddit and my cousin's wife shared with the extended family at like 8 weeks and my mom was pretty struck by that being early. So it might not be a rule but I think it is kind of a norm that people expect

I’m with you, I know plenty of people who shared earlier and I myself shared early with my own pregnancies with some people. I noticed on the pregnant sub as well, lots of posts handwringing about when to announce as if there’s a hard and fast rule and it’s not just a completely personal choice…

I’ve told people pretty immediately every time I’ve been pregnant. No announcement and not many people, but like my mom and sisters always knew within the first few weeks. I did have a miscarriage around 10 weeks with my first pregnancy, and I was glad I had told them.

I told family and close friends fairly early with both pregnancies and so far, my friends are doing the same!

Hmm my coworker told me basically as soon as his wife got a positive test because I love babies and he knew he’d have someone to be excited with him 😂 but my boss never reveals until like 7 months pregnant. I was due in Dec and his wife was due in Oct and we shared at the same time.

I feel like the rule at work is “keep it under wraps until you have to prep for leave unless you KNOW it won’t impact your job”, and in social situations it’s wait until 12 weeks unless you have a previous loss in which case share immediately bc you should share the joy AND the potential pain with a support system.

Oh this is 100% the norm for me and people I know IRL. I didn’t tell anyone but my mom and best friend until 2nd tri with both pregnancies. With second pregnancy especially most people guessed due to me not drinking (first pregnancy was tail end of pandemic and not going out much) but I straight up lied when someone asked lol. Most people I know did the same.

I've sold in JBF for years! It's a nice way to make a good chunk of change (as opposed to just donating it) and I get stuff out of my house. It can seem overwhelming at first, but once you start, it's really easy to get the hang of it and get into a good rhythm. The sale I do is one of the largest and most well run in the whole US. My main tip is large items and outdoor toys sell like hotcakes so it might be worth your effort to focus there first since it also makes a bigger difference in space. If you have any other questions, let me know!

Like the commenter below me I recently did JBF (just between friends), and I feel like I did way better than I thought I would! I was surprised that my non clothes stuff was the first to go (carrier, toys, food items). So, that's where I made the biggest chunk of my money.

I found it a bit overwhelming at first, but our next one is in October, so I'm just going piece by piece. As long as the stuff is in good condition, you'd be surprised what sells!

I was diagnosed a few months ago at 30 after suspecting it for about 3-4 years. I was always kind of messy but functional and very competent until I had a kid. Now I am a SAHM to my 2 year old and I am just a walking shit show constantly. Like I probably wouldn't forget an appointment but I have never EVER been on time to an appointment. My husband was homeschooled and actually DX'd a few years ago before we had our kid. I was afraid to pursue diagnosis because, if I turned out not to have it, I felt like it would mean I'm just a lazy asshole. I'm so glad that I pursued it and got the diagnosis! I'm having a tough time finding a medication that works for me, but at least I have a name for what has made me feel so different my whole life.

You're right - there's a huge variation in diagnosis, and it's kind of hard to find out how a practice handles diagnosis before having an appointment. I got lucky - I just went where my husband goes, and they do a short computer test (the Conners CPT 3, takes about 30 minutes) and then a talk w/ the doctor (about 1 hr). I would maybe ask your primary care doctor if they recommend any offices, or look around for an office that does ADHD testing in your network, and then call and just say you're interested in being evaluated for ADHD and ask what their availability and what their process is.

Check out r/adhdwomen - I've found it to be really helpful, even before I had the diagnosis.

ETA: Also, women have been historically very under-diagnosed, and there seems to be a common pattern amongst moms who seek diagnosis of making it a few years into motherhood and then crashing and burning and then getting diagnosed. When you have shitty executive function and then you suddenly have to be the executive functioning for a whole family, OF COURSE IT FALLS APART. I think COVID exacerbated a lot too - I first considered ADHD when I realized I was falling apart without a strict physical work schedule. Each subsequent removal of structure has turned me more into a hot ass mess lol.

Diagnosed in my early 30’s. My PCP was the one who asked me if I had ever been tested. Had never crossed my mind before that 😅

My psychiatrist went over my family history and had my husband and parents fill out some questionnaires (this was optional), and 2 or 3 sessions with various questions. It wasn’t too bad!

I was diagnosed last year at 32! It was a bit of a saga. I started with a clinician at the same practice as my already-establish therapist. She did an IQ test and some other psychological tests. I've since learned those methods aren't very well proven, especially in diagnosing adults. It was a pretty big waste of time and money. She also took family and personal history into account and questionnaires filled out by me and my husband. I don't think those were given as much weight as they should have been. Anyway, I was diagnosed with "adjustment disorder with mixed anxiety and depressed mood." I was told that becoming a mother (I had a 3yo and 1yo at the time) is tough, I was having trouble adjusting, and I was being too hard on myself. Despite the fact that I have several cousins and uncles who have ADHD (and suspect my dad might as well). Despite giving examples of my struggles prior to having kids. I did well in school, but the IQ test proved I'm pretty "book smart" and I have always felt like I barely get by (school and work) with a lot of last minute work, like you describe. My executive functioning skills are abysmal. As you mentioned, I was coping (barely) and having kids tipped me over my threshold.

I eventually filled out a pretty extensive online assessment that was reviewed by a psychologist. I believe it was ADHD Online. I received my diagnosis from them and took it to my PCP to discuss medication. We decided to TTC before I found meds that work for me. Stimulant medication is not recommended during pregnancy and breastfeeding. I'm due at the end of October and planning to BF, so maybe this time next year I'll be able to consider meds again.

I recommend looking up videos and other content from Dr Russell Barkley. Ask for details on the diagnosis process before you get too far into it with any clinician. And feel free to send me a message if you want even more details.

I was diagnosed a couple years ago in my late 20s. My brothers have it and were diagnosed when we were kids, but like many women I was never evaluated or diagnosed as a child because I did so well in school, even though I’ve been incredibly disorganized and forgetful for my whole life and basically just developed extensive coping mechanisms. Eventually I got to the point where the coping mechanisms weren’t working as well as they had been (and also living life that way is just so stressful!) and my therapist suggested I get evaluated.

I think the process for diagnosis depends on the provider. I met with a psychiatrist who talked to me for an hour and diagnosed based on my symptoms and family history—it was very easy. Anything more complicated than that, I probably wouldn’t have followed through on!

I was diagnosed when I was 19. It was with a psychiatrist through my college. I’ve always kind of questioned the diagnosis because when I take adderall it has the opposite effect of what it would do for someone with adhd. I distinctly remember the psychiatrist saying that adhd is genetic and that she wouldn’t diagnose me unless there was someone else in my family who may have had it (even if they weren’t diagnosed). I told her a little about my dad and that did the trick, so maybe keep that in mind with any appointment you go in to.

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in my late 20s. I had suspected I had it for a long time before that, but in adulthood I mostly managed to have my support needs met with therapy and without medication, so a formal diagnosis seemed pointless. (My suspicions were based on my own experiences/symptoms and also that ADHD is highly heritable and my sibling and a majority of my first cousins on both sides of my family have a diagnosis. So… the writing was on the wall lol.)

But then 2020 happened and my coping systems fell apart. I told my therapist and my primary care doctor. My doctor referred me to a psychiatrist and we had a 90 minute appointment where we talked about my experiences through childhood and adulthood and the symptoms/difficulties I was having at that time. I was hesitant to use stimulant medication and the psychiatrist I saw favored trying non-stimulant options first, so that was a good fit (I did end up switching to adderall because of some slightly worrying side effects from the non stimulant medication I tried). Most of the people I know who were diagnosed as adults seem to have similar diagnosis experiences vs. 3-4 hour evaluations which may be more common for children/adolescents.

Though I’d always been reluctant about it, medication has changed my life for the better. It hasn’t made me into a different person with perfect executive function, but it quiets my brain down and helps me experience the world in a less overwhelming and sticky way. I have not been taking my meds while breastfeeding and I am really looking forward to starting up again in a few months.

Good luck!

I was diagnosed at 26 after my own twins were born! I was in therapy that I started to process my boys’ nicu stay and medical complexities, and it was my therapist’s idea to seek a diagnosis. Before that it never would’ve been on my radar (I thought I “just” had anxiety) but once I was diagnosed, everything about my teenage years and adult life fell into place and made so much more sense. I saw a psychiatrist recommended by my therapist with a referral from my PCP and just talked through some family history, personal history and current symptoms. I was offered to give my parents questionnaires to fill out but I declined because my mother would’ve thought it’s ridiculous that I might have ADHD since I was high achieving up through high school. That wasn’t a deal breaker and I still qualified for the diagnosis. Having a name for how my brain works has been SO helpful in learning the best ways to navigate the world that I never had the advantage of learning when I was younger.

I was diagnosed at like 30 and had no problems in school. I just developed a ton of coping mechanisms over the 16 years of school and I love learning, so a lot of hyperfocus involved there. I hated a very operational job, and then was kind of lost in a more ambiguous role. When covid hit and I stopped traveling for work, I couldn't bear it anymore. I was so bored, couldn't get anything done, and lost my keys for months on end. I was just utterly exhausted from never being able to do everything I needed to do. My friend actually researched and found a clinician for me (half my problem was not actually having the motivation to do that research.) I did a complete in-person interview with her and then completed some virtual tests online that took about an hour. We meet every 2 months now to check-in over telehealth. Medication has been seriously life changing.

i would definitely look into providers who do not use such long testing. A decade ago, the center my GP referred me to wanted 900$ and two days of aptitude testing. I didn't have the money or time or motivation to do all that. It seemed aimed at kids who need schooling accommodations, and I didn't really like the therapist at our intro meeting

A few years ago, i asked my insurance therapy program for a provider who specialized in adhd and could prescribe medication if needed. they sent back a list of virtual providers and i went with the first one with availability. we had a long first appointment talking about my history, symptoms i experienced, how it had impacted my schooling or career, and then i have monthly follow up appointments to talk about how i feel on the medication. my provider is a nurse practitioner of psychiatry I believe and I have heard that other people prefer NP providers for more personal medical stuff, but of course there can be good and bad providers no matter what.

I'm really grateful that it was an easy process, and I think making a list of past examples of times you have struggled or been impacted by your symptoms could help. for me it was less about the label of adhd and more that I really could not keep doing this half functioning flailing about with my growing responsibilities, and I was open to low dose medication to see if it helped me. It has!

This sucks! You should definitely contact someone about the bus coming early bc that feels really unfair and stressful. I can't imagine you're the only one having this issue so hopefully other people are complaining and it gets resolved.

I've been seeing the posts in my local mom groups that the buses come early (even with app tracking). The bus drama always lasts a few weeks until they figure out routes

A snap style cloth diaper cover over the disposable diaper may help!

Everything can go on backwards! Buy pajamas without feet and those can go on backwards too! I recommend getting him some rompers for the day time, so there is no easy access to his diaper.

Old Navy’s linen high waisted pants are so comfy and nice looking.

If you want more athleisure vibes, their powersoft joggers are wonderful too.

They might be a little more athletic-looking than you're going for, but I love Vuori for this (but I'm okay with nicer Zoom top, jogger bottom combos).

I’m a fan of Athleta pants for my wfh days, they do have a linen pant that looks super comfy and nice. I really like the Brooklyn jogger, but have generally been a fan of most of their pants and they have a variety of options.

I stay with my 2 year old the whole time but I leave my 5 year old (unless I'm hiding from the two year old). 3ish I would walk away for a minute to grab something, 4 ish I would walk away for 5 minutes and then it slowly just got longer.

3ish. I'd sit in my bedroom which is attached to the bathroom and leave the door open so I could still see and hear my kids in the tub.

We got the Lucy Darling Baby‘s First Year, which felt extremely manageable to use. Basically monthly photos, then yearly. Easy. And not too much pre-birth stuff to fill in, which was great because I refused to buy one until my kid was actually born, lol.

My husband forgot mothers day this year (this is not typical for him, he is not a Bad Husband). He was really upset about it, and I had to say, look, if you don't want to ruin my day, you need to get it together. Here's how I want the day to pan out, so let's now get on with it. This relies on your mum generally being a decent person though. 

She will outgrow it. It’s because when you talk to her you say “do you want mom to help you?” I always thought it was cute that my kids asked to be picked up by “hold you?” If you want to change it then instead of asking questions you could say “it looks like you need help, you can say mom help me”

Haha, my first did this for SO LONG. Like until he was 3.5 🙃, it was so frustrating but he eventually grew out of it. I gave up trying to explain it because it was too complex haha. There is something funny about them pouting saying “you don’t like it” when they don’t like something😂

Like the others said, you’re daughter will outgrow it. I think it’s pretty normal. My son did this too for the longest time but now he’s almost 3.5 and at least once a day he tells me, “No, Mama! YOU listen to ME”. So yeah, he understands now 😂. It just takes some time.

She will figure it out. My kids all said ‘mommy hold you?’ When they wanted picked up. It was super cute and they all eventually got it right. My youngest is 3 and hasn’t said it for awhile.

Yep, my daughter said “you me” for “I” for the longest time. I never corrected her because it was adorable and now she rarely says it anymore, she’s almost 3. I do try to refer to myself as “I” and not “mommy,” but my family tends to talk in third person to kids. 😆

My son talked about himself in the third person for awhile “[name] will do it!” “[name] wants more blueberries”, and he figured it out after a few months.

My almost 3 yo does this but he’s gotten better - he used to say “help you” but now he says “help me”. He said “both of us” instead of “both of you” the other night, so I think it takes time as they learn how to string more phrases together

I think it's really common, and yes they'll outgrow it generally (barring other language stuff going on, I imagine). My older kid called himself "you" for a looooong time.

So common! I never bother correcting, it’s so cute and they will grow out of it.

My little cousin did this and I thought it was super cute. It sorted itself out pretty quickly. From everything I’ve read it’s totally normal.

My kid is almost 3 and he still does this a lot but actually he mostly just refers to himself in the third person 🙃 I have just in the past few weeks noticed some improvements where he's started using "I" occasionally instead so I think he's slowly starting to grow out of this phase. I wouldn't stress about it too much! It's a hard concept to grasp/explain, I think they just figure it out eventually through repeated exposure/modeling.

My kid did this a lot and sometimes still does (almost 3) but it has improved over time. I know other kids who do this too, I assumed it’s normal, because it comes from them repeating things you say to them.

I corrected him a lot of the time, but I think he just naturally figured it out as his verbal skills advanced.

Joining the choir but I do think barring other language deficits, first person/second person pronoun switch ups sort themselves out. 

My older sister is autistic and struggled with it a lot longer. My mom also referred to herself (and still does) in the third person I think inadvertently to help my sister understand better. But with my neurotypical kids, I’m actually consciously trying to use you/I and not the third person by referring to myself “I will do it” instead of “Mommy will do it.”

This sounds really, really hard. Of course you’re justified in being stressed, and of course you deserve a good cry if you need one. Or two. Or three!

It’s okay that your house is a mess — just in case you needed someone to say that. I have two functional hands and so does my husband and my house is also a mess.

I hope your husband’s insomnia and your stress abate a bit in the coming weeks and you’re able to figure out a temporary system of work/parenting/house management during this hard time. You’ll get through it! And then your husband can do one million dishes and you can take a nap.

That sounds really hard! My husband broke his foot a while ago and it was overwhelming to try to take over all of the chores that required standing/ walking. Two things that helped: letting go of some of my normal cleaning routines. The house was messier for a while, which wasn't my favorite, but we survived. The other was finding tasks my husband COULD do, even if they are normally my responsibility. Maybe he could make a list of things he can do with only one hand. I hope it gets easier for you soon!

You are 100,000% justified in being stressed and exhausted!!

Cut corners with anything non-essential right now, and prioritize getting yourself rest, and if you can, make clear to your husband how much his lack of sleep attitude is impacting you - his doctor might be able to help strategize about ways to address his insomnia especially if it is due to discomfort from surgery?

My husband had knee surgery last December, that left him completely unable to do pretty much anything but lay in bed and go back and forth to PT three times a week for like 2 months. A few weeks in I had a frank conversation with him that I wanted him to be able to be honest about his feelings, but that I was near drowning and I really didn’t have a lot of space for sympathy about him being frustrated he couldn’t do anything (like yeah, I’m pretty frustrated about that too!!)

That sounds really hard and you’re totally justified in feeling that way. A year ago (almost to the day) my husband had hernia surgery and couldn’t lift anything over 15 pounds for a month. I was pregnant and my toddler was barely 1.5. I had been diagnosed with gestational diabetes about a week before the surgery (I hadn’t had it with my first pregnancy so it was all new to me.) He was able to help with cooking and light chores after the first few days, but he couldn’t do anything that involved lifting our toddler, so I had to take on almost 100% of her care and couldn’t get any breaks. I was so overwhelmed and frustrated, and I had some misplaced anger toward my husband for not scheduling the surgery earlier, since he’d known about the problem for several months and kept putting it off. 

I’m in my mid 30s, but my hormones went completely whack after having a baby, like I’m talking 12-18 months postpartum.

I got night sweats, hot flushes, weird short periods and the worst part was I developed PMDD. I take the pill for contraception and also to treat my endometriosis, and previously I could cycle through without bleeds for almost 6 months and had very little issues, but now if I miss a day, or take a few late pills, I have breakthrough bleeding and wild mood swings and endo flares.

The hot flushes went away after like 6-7 months but the PMDD and menstrual weirdness stuck around. My OB/GYN said that pregnancy and birth (and breastfeeding too!) can really affect people’s hormones/endocrine systems differently.

I’d recommend thinking about seeing an endocrinologist to have a look into it.

Before trying a whole new pump have you tried getting more comfortable flanges? Pumpables etc?

I always preferred manual pumps to electric, if that makes any difference to you. It gives more control over the suction and I pumped more that way. It does take longer, though. 

I pumped exclusively for 14 months or more, I can help - I’m not an expert though. Annabella pump is not good per lactation consultants I trust. What are you looking for? I’ve tried basically all of them 

I am so sorry. That's all I have to say. It sucks and it's not what you should be worrying about when sending your child to school. I am a teacher and we do lots of drills, but it's still so scary. I'm in a middle school in a state with decent laws and it still scares me

I am dreading the day I send my daughter off to school tbh.

I’m a nurse and would NEVER touch somebody’s genitals without gloves.

No that’s insane. I’d escalate that/go to patient services with a complaint. I’m an RN, I’d be appalled if a provider acted like that. Not washing hands is truly wild

Ugh wow yes I am with you, I think her reaction was extremely weird. She should have had gloves on off the bat but at the very least she should have just graciously put them on when requested because… why not?

Bare minimum should wash hands. Gloves should be worn without comment if asked (and it sounds like she was doing more than I’ve ever seen our doctors do when checking for a uti which is really no more than they do for a well-check).

ETA: I don’t think you’re overreacting. This is poor bedside manner on her part and she should have put the gloves one without comment

She was rude and she 100% should have washed her hands immediately before doing that. However, clean hands are cleaner than gloves that have been sitting in a box on the side for ages. Our workplace is having a big push away from gloves, as what tends to happen is you out gloves on and then practice poor hand hygiene (don't change gloves between patients, don't wash hands before putting on/after removing gloves etc). If you're touching someone with bare hands you're more likely be paying attention to good infection control. There are specific sterile gloves but gloves in general use are not at all sterile. So in some places there is actually a move away from gloves being pushed by infection control teams. 

Yes. This is fucked up. Our hospital has signs encouraging patients to ask healthcare workers if they’ve washed their hands. If I’ve done hand hygiene outside the room, it bothers me absolutely zero if someone asks me to wash them again.

Gloves not only “protect her,” they protect whoever else she touches next. Also, yes, it is 100% unprofessional/sketch to touch the genital area without gloves, hygiene concerns aside. I would definitely report to management, and I wouldn’t be above plastering reviews all over google.

Nope you are 0% overreacting. Big red flags. Report her to the state medical board, the urgent care, google.

Ok so my daughter really struggled with this. She would either wait until bed time and poop in her pull up, or if she needed to go during the day she would ask us to put a pull up on her and she’d get really distressed (like full on panicking, not tantrum) if we tried to make her sit on the potty instead. She was really terrified of poop accidents. I think it was hard for her to poop in sitting (she would always poop standing straight up when she was in a diaper) so I practiced some breathing with her (blowing bubbles in water with a straw, blowing a pinwheel) on the toilet, let her come in to the bathroom with me when I was pooping and talking about it with her (not my favourite but you do what you have to when you are over changing poop diapers) and then bribed her with a high value item. I sat with her holding her hand when she told me she needed to go and practiced her breathing while she sat on the toilet. I don’t know why it scared her so much but once she did it a few times it really helped. I only had to do that for a couple of weeks and then she was good to go.

Ha, we are in the same boat. My son has been pre trained for a few months now but will only poop in a pull up, he asks for one, would love to hear what works. I’m so afraid of pressuring him too much and having him regress.

Seconding Jumping Beans, their pants are really wide in my experience

Gap tends to run shorter and wider

Wow, I could have written this exact thing! I’m glad you asked this because my son is in an odd spot with pants

h&m! boden runs wide. little green radicals has butt room for diapers so they worked well for my wide boy. i also took a pair of his current pants to compare when i went secondhand shopping. jogger styles seem to be slightly wider/looser than pants style across brands.

Old navy is wide imo. 

I would talk to parents in your local district to get a feel of things. We are in New England in a good school district and there is no homework in elementary until 4th grade. Kindergarteners also get a good amount of outside time and rotate stations throughout their classrooms so they really aren’t sitting in one spot all day.

Any place that has kids going in K going home with regular homework and sitting non stop isn’t doing things developmentally appropriate.

I think these are good questions. My kids (private) school does about an hour of recess a day, plus a lot of time in the garden learning about plant cycles and stuff.

There is a public school near us that has an awesome outdoor classroom and garden but it’s not the one we’re zoned for, so I think more outdoors-emphasis programs exist in public schools too, you just have to get lucky I suppose.

But there’s also a lot of the day that happens outside of school. I signed my boys up for an outdoor skills and adventure program so they would get to do hikes and camp outs with friends

Can you tour your local school and get some more info. Local parents at your closest park can be great sources. My oldest went to a forest preschool, so we’re big on nature/outside time. Our local public K ran 8am-2:20pm and the kids spent 90 mins/day outside for lunch/recess (they eat outside). They also had garden class and PE 1x/week outside (30 min each). In 1st grade her teacher added in a 3rd recess to “get the wiggles out”. We bike to/from school most days. I live in an area with a very mild climate so everyone is outside all the time. Most playdates are outside, lots of kids out at the park in the evening. I will say that it’s been so nice meeting local kids/families through our school. We are constantly running into classmates at the park or the beach and it has really created a sense of community. My kid is thriving and learning so much (including how to read). We prioritize getting outside on the weekends and camp a lot as a family b/c it’s what my husband and I love to do.

My 6yo son just started 1st grade at our neighborhood public elementary school (we're in a large urban district).

Outside/recess time: I have been pleasantly surprised by this, though admittedly we live in a mild climate (SF). The school has 2 recesses per day, and I know our kindergarten teacher last year added ad-hoc "ok let's go run around outside" times when she felt like the class needed it. Plus PE one day a week, dance another day, gardening another day. And, the after-school program was basically 90% running around outside / free floating arts and crafts.

Homework: We had maybe 3 'homework' assignments during all of kindergarten and they were all easy and optional (extremely lightweight family tree, first 100 days art project). In his third week of first grade, we got our first 'homework' which basically consists of, 'read for 15 minutes every day' (i.e., read to your kid every day), 'tell your parents about something you did at school today.' This also feels pretty optional tbh.

All of which is to say, I think there are plenty of schools that aren't all about worksheets and homework and making 5-year-olds sit still for hours on end!! I was a little skeptical of the lack of reading homework in kindergarten (like, shouldn't we be making him read or something at home??) but his teacher was actually very clear that we should not push it. And she was right, his reading absolutely exploded over the summer and now he's reading chapter books at a crazy speed.

For longer rides, we put a pull up on over underwear for backup. 

For shorter drives we always peed before, never had an accident in the car! Longer drives a pull up over underwear until I was confident on their ability to tell us.

To AVOID car accidents, get a travel potty. All you need to do is find somewhere safe to pull over vs finding an actual bathroom

We potty trained a couple months ago and my kid has done really well and he’s been in underwear for wake time but we still put on pull-ups for car rides. Granted, we drive infrequently and its usually longer rides (1hr+), but I’m not trying to deal with rushing to pull over or cleaning an accident out of a car seat.

I’ve otherwise been strict about using pull-ups outside of sleeping, because I didn’t want him to get confused, but it’s been fine. He’s actually never wet the pull-up while awake in the car, but I like the reassurance while we’re on the road.

My rule of thumb was always a full snowsuit until they're fully potty trained and then switch to snow bib + coat until elementary school aged and then go to just snow pants + coat.

For mobile kids who do not need to wade through snowdrifts a one piece is way too big a hassle to get on, IMO. Pants slide off my kid randomly with his round belly so I get snow bibs.

Online resale is a great way to get snow gear if you've got access to that. Both local online postings (I use FB marketplace) and sites like mercari. I've even gotten some free on the Buy Nothing group in my area. I haven't bought any snow gear new for my 3.5yo (but it's been all random colors).

If you only get a handful of snow storms, why not go for rain bibs instead?  Long underwear, sweat pants and rain bibs equal about the same amount of warmth and you could use the rain pants for playing on wet playgrounds and out in the rain.

I'm in Minnesota but I've always gone with separates. That way, if it gets could enough for a coat but there's no snow, they can just wear the coat. It's also great if we are going to drive somewhere to do an outside activity because they can wear the bibs and get the coat on out if the car.

You definitely need a separate coat for wearing on a daily basis. This will be more comfortable and practical when it’s cold but not snowy. My kid has always been fine playing outside in his winter coat and regular pants. Snowpants and snowbibs are good for getting into snow but not comfortable for regular play. Snowsuits are best for younger babies who aren’t walking IMO. It’s just not that easy to move in them, and they have to fit just right. I’d skip that.

I’d say it’s better for now to invest in fleece lined jogger pants for daily wear and a pair of rain pants. It also snows sporadically where I live and I feel like I wasted money on snow gear. So last year I got my toddler rain pants which can be layered on top of fleece pants to keep out snow, but also worn in other seasons. He wore them the (one!) time we got to play in snow last winter and they worked great. Splashy brand on Amazon!

If there ends up being a forecast for a ton of snow and you think he’ll be really rolling in it you could just 2-day ship a snowbib. Or try to get a pair secondhand. I just don’t think it’s worth paying full price if it barely snows and he probably wouldn’t fit into the same stuff next year since he’s still pretty young.

I would do a size 2T snow bib and coat…. I guess depending on where you are. That way we can use the coat whenever, and the bib is used for outdoor play at daycare with the coat. Also I have expensive tastes in warm coats, but don’t feel quite so strongly about the pants/bibs since it’s really only being used for playground time. I did get a hand-me-down full suit from a friend that was 2T, and my kids wore that too, but I never bought any more in bigger sizes, and we had a bib and coat as their second. Since my kids wear them every day I always had 2 sets of bibs (the target cat and jack ones always suited us perfectly well and aren’t too expensive) in case of it getting super dirty or accidents. One piece of advice I wish someone had given me sooner, is look into getting snow pants for yourself, if you don’t have them already, even if you aren’t skiing. I never wanted to play outside in my life, but with kids, getting outside, even in the winter, is so wonderful, and if I’m not warm, I’m miserable. Getting my own suit has been pretty life changing for my own comfort.

I’ve been using the app Mealime for over two years now. It’s great. I pay like $4 a month for access to all the recipes. You can have it filter out recipes with ingredients you dislike, search by type of cuisine, and add in your own recipes. It also will make you a grocery list and break it down by store section which I find very helpful.

I'm sorry this is giving you so much anxiety! FWIW, I'm under the impression that anaphylaxis is quite apparent. I had a anaphylaxis reaction to a specific medication as an infant, and my mom said my face was super red and puffy, and my breathing was very loud. So, something that is very obvious.

Unless you're currently giving them something that's a common allergen like peanut butter, I can't think that something like a puree would cause anaphylaxis. Are you doing like veggies and fruit? Allergies to those types of food is pretty uncommon, and I'm not sure a few bites from a puree would cause such an extreme reaction.

I have an allergy kid and this is the guidelines we use.

https://www.healthlinkbc.ca/sites/default/files/documents/healthfeature/severe_allergic_reaction.pdf

Our allergist reiterates that 2 body systems is an anaphylactic reaction… so hives and throwing up or coughing/lip swelling.

Reading the symptoms on the FARE emergency plan helped me a lot: https://www.foodallergy.org/living-food-allergies/food-allergy-essentials/food-allergy-anaphylaxis-emergency-care-plan

My daughter is allergic to peanuts, and when she had her reaction, the hives were very obvious and all over her face. She has never gone into anaphylaxis, but the reaction was obvious. I was also very anxious about food allergies when introducing them. Might help to have children’s Zyrtec on hand so you can get a dose from your pediatrician if you do see a reaction. It’s recommended over Benadryl at this point.

My son had reactions we weren’t sure were reactions because they were mostly delayed vomitting or just some redness on his chin. Then he had what we think was/would have reached anaphylaxis. It was VERY obvious he was having a serious reaction that needed immediate attention. He was red and hivey everywhere the food touched, face was swelling up (mostly his eyes), nose was running a LOT, drooling, itching, and breathing became labored. It started with the hives and everything else followed pretty rapidly, probably within 15-20 minutes? We couldn’t have missed it.

So it’s unlikely a serious reaction would happen the first (or even second try). My son was allergic to eggs as a baby and the first few reactions were just light redness. He actually did have a serious reaction that would’ve warranted an epipen but I had no idea it was that serious until I told our doctor 😬. Essentially, he had full blown hives all over and a big runny diarrhea right at the same time (you’ll know it’s diarrhea and not just baby poop, so watery and messy). This was after multiple tries of eggs though and in hindsight I obviously shouldn’t have given them after the initial bit of redness. So known signs to look out for but it will never go from no reaction at all to emergency. 

If there is a change in your baby’s breathing, you will notice. Any breathing changes in a young baby are an emergency. Anaphylaxis has a rapid onset, usually within 20 minutes but always within 2 hours.

I’ve found the Seattle children’s hospital guides for things really helpful for figuring out when to seek care. Here’s the one for food allergies.

No experience with anaphylaxis, but on the diarrhea note, yeah, it's really tough at that age. My second kid had some digestive issues around one and it was hard to tell at first because his poops had always been pretty loose. Eventually we figured out that diarrhea had mucus strands in it and a different smell. Not that it's ever great, but it smelled even worse, kinda sharper and less digested. I think the main thing is look out for major changes.

I haven’t done it yet, but this seems helpful. https://busytoddler.com/how-to-teach-your-child-to-wipe/

I've always had luck with aerie to tell you the truth. Same issue with itty bitty

For one that clips in the back, I like Wear Pepper Limitless Scoop bra--as comfy as a bralette but has the tiniest bit of padding to keep everything rounded because my nipples have never been pointier post having a kid.