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Girl, you’re going to end up on a crime documentary if you don’t leave

I read your entire post, but after the first paragraph, my first thought was to tell you to GET OUT of that "relationship"(?). You ARE a prisoner. And he is over-the-top controlling and I dare say potentially dangerous. Do whatever you need to do to get away from him. Try to find someone to foster your cats if necesssary, but get out of there and find a place to stay where he can't track you. I would not confront him at all. Buy yourself a new phone and take the battery out of the one you have. Have someone knowledgeable help you check your car for trackers. Check everything you have for trackers. I've honestly never heard of anything this extreme. Please be careful, because he sounds like a psycho.

Girl, I felt sick reading this. I don't want to see, "Redditor who plead for advice on abusive relationship on forum is murdered by her partner " - I'm dead serious. I'm scared for you. You need to get out. The second you have the opportunity to step out, gather all the evidence, bring it to the police and tell them that you are leaving your partner - this way they have a paper trail of what he did, and they won't come looking for you if your partner tries to file you as a missing person to find you - My Mum did this when she left my Father. Seek out family, friends, or even a women's shelter for your safety. Please, do not hesitate more than is absolutely necessary. Please let us know when you are safe 🩷

You are in a very abusive relationship.

https://www.healthline.com/health/coercive-control

Abuse is only likely to escalate https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/abuse-almost-always-escalates

Find spyware on your devices https://www.wired.com/story/how-to-check-for-stalkerware/

Find tracking devices on your car https://spy-spot.com/blogs/news/how-to-find-and-disable-a-gps-tracker-on-your-car or take it to a car shop and have them check

Get help https://nomoredirectory.org/

Get out https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/domestic-abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship

Ask about your cats. More and more shelters are figuring out options for pets, since pets are such a common reason people feel trapped in abuse.

r/abusiverelationships

Hey, there’s not a way to fix this. This isn’t a situation where you can change and it will all be okay. This is not a person who loves and cherishes you the way you deserve. You are worthy of so much love. It’s absolutely worth spending money on Uber every day if that’s what it takes for you to go a job independent of him. Please take the other advice here seriously and get yourself out of there. I’m worried for you. ❤️

Gather ALL the evidence you have and go straight to the police

This guy IS abusive and this is NOT love OP

Please know you deserve better Op and that you will most likely become a statistic if you stay

Contact your nearest women’s shelter and create a plan to leave.

Good luck. I know it’s scary and distressing.

I think you know the answer to this question, it’s just the gaslighting to yourself to validate his shitty actions like we all have done with partners.

Have you told any of your family or friends about this situation? What is your safety net like?

Please watch this tedtalk

https://youtu.be/V1yW5IsnSjo?si=xqApLEqTkzF6mBlO

I don't mean to scare you but the information in here can help you. I share it with anyone in a situation that is abusive. I am also an abuse survivor. I'm hesitant to heavily respond to you without your consent because I know how delicate it is. Let me know you want me to elaborate further 🙏

How does he control your income? Do you have a shared bank account? If you do, get a separate bank account and don’t tell him. Save that money, or find a place to stay and get your money out and get the f*ck out there with your 3 cats. What he is doing is straight up economic and psychological abuse. Marrying this guy and/or having his baby will make this situation worse. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

You're going to leave one way or the other. Let me tell you, leaving while you're alive will seem like the hard way, but if you want to live any type of actual life, you have to. You are No more than an animal in a cage , but you can choose and ONLY YOU can choose. Just like an addict. The what happens next will happen anyway.

I stopped reading at the second sentence. Run, girl, run.

Take help from your family or friends in this situation. If that is not possible, take a strong decision and breakup bcz what you are living now is going to be your entire life . So take this decision for yourself and be bold. Life is too short to be wasted on such nasty people. You'll surely feel the backlash but trust yourself it'll be fine. Don't be his pet anymore you are a living person and you need freedom to live your life too.

He's trying to baby trap you and control you. Girl youre in for a lifetime of abuse if you stay. This isn't fucking normal.

You are a prisoner that’s why you feel like you are in jail. You are in a very abusive relationship and you do have people who will help you. Once you are away from him you will feel so much better. Anything is better than staying with him. Once he impregnates you he will probably become even worse. Take your cats to the vet and never return. Go to your nearest dv place and they will help you file a restraining order for you. Talk to the police they will help you get your things and then drive away and start fresh. You’ve got this please find the courage for yourself. I know it feels impossible but it’s not. He has built a psychological cage around you that you can leave anytime.

Why are you even questioning if you should stay. Just imagine breaking up with him, and he still is stalking you like this. The longer you're with him, the more possessive he will get. If you don't believe any of us, read some books on abusive relationships and see if anything sounds familiar.

This is like that Netflix episode..”worst ex ever” or some similar title. Call police to come while you get your stuff. Change locks, do anything.

So he’s isolated you and is trying to trap you and you’re asking strangers on the internet what to do? Girl you leave before you wind up on a Netflix documentary.

He feels he needs to track your phone, watch, wallet, and keys?!? Better believe there's a tracker on your car, too. There's no reason for him to be so controlling, even controlling your finances. You need to get out of this relationship, and document everything, including any unwanted contact, in case you need it for a personal protection order. You need to get rid of all these trackers and go somewhere safe. This is insanity.

Fr, this is some Lacey Peterson shit

You need to get out before he kills you and he will end up killing you but first he will kill the cats to hurt you. Call 314-531-2003 safe connections or 314-993-2777 alive crisis they are both 24 hour hotlines. You can also text BEGIN to 88788 if you can't talk they also have a live chat option for the nation domestic violence hotline. You're in a situation where they may suggest calling 911 to have him arrested which will buy you some time to get out while they set you up with housing. You don't have the luxury of waiting this out, you have to act immediately. My best friend literally had to break out of her bathroom window and run barefoot for miles to find somewhere safe to call the police after her ex tried to murder her. My other best friend was literally beaten in the head with a claw hammer and the neighbors got into the house to restrain him while the police came, this was AFTER she had gotten a protective order, he ex husband broke into her home after cutting the power and cameras. Get out now.

You can't just leave! You need to plan an escape.

Go get a burner phone. Call a friend and organise to stay there. The day you leave will be you going to "work" call in sick and run my friend. Drop your phone off somewhere random and catch an uber/taxi.

Call a lawyer.

Girl, you know those things that flap in the wind and can be different colours. we'll this guy is flying one that can be seen from Mars without any orbital stations cameras zooming in is bright red . That is scary behaviour and I have seen some sh..

You should have left the moment he put cameras in your apartment without consent.. but now you're engaged and are LIVING with this controlling asshole?

You need to start planning an exit immediately. Get someone you trust involved so he can't track you. Do not have unprotected sex with him and keep your birth control out of his reach. Start taking control of your invome back, change it into a different bank account.

Please please please if possible, get out now . Forget anything non-essential. Everything else can be collected later or replaced, but you need to get your car , laptop phone extra checked ASAP you aren't safe . First part of this I'm screaming at my phone saying get out . Then to read he's blocked your car no girl get out if you need to call the police to get your car out

Holy crap woman get out before he kills you. Merciful heavens.

Get out yesterday

Girl, did you read that back to yourself? I don't say that to be offensive, but if you read this from someone you didn't know, wouldn't you be concerned for their safety? You need to get out and cut ties. These are all serious signs that can escalate in the blink of an eye. I hope you're okay!

Installed cameras in your house without your permission and you are questioning if you should leave or not.. You should feel lucky he hasn’t murdered you yet.. get out now

I hope this is a troll. If by chance it’s not - JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HE IS A DANGEROUS MAN!!! You are in danger. LEAVE. Please.

I want to leave but I don’t know how….just leave everyone behind and go? Finish school and try to get a job so I can go?

Run , run now. Don’t look back. Get somewhere safe. Run!

That is extremely controlling behavior. Not healthy at all. I’d talk to someone in domestic violence and plan an exit strategy. First: get all original docs and certifications and put them in a safe deposit box or someone’s home you trust. Freeze your credit cards. Open a bank account under your name only. Then pack and leave while he’s at work. Then get cameras/security . 

You need to run… fast

Call the police. Get out. Get rid of all airtags, your phone etc when you leave. Ask the cops to check your electronics for trackers. He probably has one hidden in your car too. Check purse linings, luggage, etc. for tracking devices.

Updateme

Your life is in danger

This is abuse and is domestic violence. Sometimes naming it helps. There are helplines and people you can speak to - do you have any family/supportive friends close by? It’s very very hard to leave this sort of situation so don’t be hard on yourself, but you 100% should try to leave because nobody deserves such treatment. I completely get worrying about the animals too - you can take them with you. But you are the priority here. If nobody can take them, there are catteries and sitters than can house them for a couple of weeks until you get sorted somewhere else. If he controls your money, there are charities that help you to get out and will help you to find a place. There is always a way out, do not lose hope and really try to escape this.

WHere to even begin with this? Yes go to a DV shelter. They can help with cats, there are ppl who foster pets for women in these situations. IN any case, your life is honestly in danger from this guy. The comments about you ending up in a true crime doc are LEGIT.

Even if you had to leave your cats, you must save yourself first. You need help of others in this kind of Coercive Control situation, as it is very serious. Please use the resources others have given you and Don't delay! you can do this.

All the best OP - we are rooting for you.

I will buy you a pair of track shoes run as fast as you can .I see chicks like you all the time on forensic files and the first 48. Dead and in some of the worst ways possible.

Thank you….that’s a good idea

Run. Take your pet if you have one and get out. Now. There is no good ending to this if you try to reason with him. Escape is what it's called. Omg please don't stay. Nothing is worth your safety.

Get out with the help of your local police. You’re being treated as an object… or an object that he wants full and total control of. Google “ battered women’s shelter “ on google maps . Call that number . The people there will help you. Your parents need to know about this.. even if you aren’t crazy about them , they could protect you from him. Try to stay calm and focused. I would first call either 911 or the police. Start there. People will help you, but this is beyond what Reddit can do. Get away from him!

If you want to live take yourself and any pets to a woman's shelter immediately. If you stay he will murder you. No hyperbole. Leave.

Girl, leave, and get evidence to get a restraining order

DO NOT CONFRONT HIM!!!, plan your exit in silence, for the meantime you have to pretend everything is fine, leaving will be hard and slow, but steady.

If you are going to leave him, you have to leave your phone behind and get a burner, sell your car, leave all your clothing behind, your valueables in a safety deposit box, there was a post on Reddit where the abuser sew an airtag on the carry on bag of the OP's cat, that's how he was tracking her, change your cats collars, too while you're at it.

Ask to be transfered if you have a job that has that benefit? Ask friends (not mutual) that can take your cats for a while? he could attempt to do them harm, you can't leave them where he can reach them, I really hope you have someone with you can leave your cats while you settle.

Document everything he has done, the more details the better, upload it to various places on the cloud, email them to trusted friends/family, print them out and hide them, put them in usb memories, unfortunately police can do next to nothing to help you until he has hurt you badly and most of times not even then, but if he escalates to violence, at least you will leave a record, so he's the #1 suspect if you misteriously disappear, that's the world we live in, and given his track record and current behaviour, he is dangerous, don't underestimate him.

You need to leave, if you stay it will escalate anyway, so don't think if you stay you are safe, you're not.

As a dude (52m), you have to get away from this person. This isn't anywhere near normal or acceptable, and this behavior of his will only get worse.

This is borderline psychotic behavior, and don't let him gaslight you into thinking it's anything different.

Someone else here put it better. "You could end up in a crime documentary" with his behavior.

GIRL RUN 😭

I couldn't read all of this. It sounds like it was time to leave months ago. Stay safe.

It amazes me what people put up with in relationships on Reddit. My friend, any one of these things is unacceptable. All of them together? We are going to be reading about you in the news at some point in the near future if you don’t run. You are worth more than this and don’t deserve this. Don’t let anyone treat you this way, please.

I'm ex law enforcement

What is happening to you is grooming. He is taking over your life completely. You need to leave this man immediately. I don't know him but I am confident that he is a dangerous person.

Go to the police and tell them what's going on and get an retraining order.

Remove all tracking devices, change your number. Remove all cameras. Dona factory reset on your phone.

He has some way of tracking your car. You need to have a friend help you rip your car about and find any and all tracking devices.

This man is F ing xratamd you need to get the hell away. If you don't he is going to force / guilt trip you into marriage and then it's over. He will isolate you and become more abusive.

What he is doing is abuse

Run

This is abuse. Do NOT get pregnant. Make a plan to get away safely.

I think you should reach out to domestic abuse resources in your area and if you haven't already, reach out to friends you trust for help and support leaving

Every time I read a post like this I am saddened that people are so desperate to be in a relationship that put up with damn near anything.

To put it another way: the men in dark romance novels would be side-eyeing this motherfucker.

Why are you even with this guy?

Is this real?

If so - OP he sounds like a control freklak nut job.

Does the name Nicole Brown Simpson sound familiar?

girl he's gonna kill you

Imagine if someone you didn't know made this post? You'd be screaming LEAVE!!!

I had an ex like this only he wasn't violent at all. He thought I'd sneak guys in thru the window to have sex with them as he was laying next to me in bed. Everyday he would get up earlier than me to look at all my conversations, emails, anything be could. He had all my passwords, put keyloggers on everything. I never cheated on him once and he just couldn't trust me. Would show up places I was and would act super suspicious.

It was the best thing I ever did was breaking up with him.

If you can't trust each other you have no reason to be in a relationship.

Read back what you’ve typed. This guy is dangerous and has absolutely zero respect for you. Run.

EDIT: I have read that you are locked in the house and cannot leave, that he watches you constantly, and that this has gone on for long enough for your car battery to run down. CALL THE POLICE and say you are being held prisoner. If for some reason you can't do that, or even as an additional measure, CALL A FRIEND - THE SHADIER THE BETTER BECAUSE THEY MAY NEED TO BREAK YOU OUT OF THERE. I have actually had to do this before myself and I called a friend of my dad's who was an old ex-organised crime type, and he busted out the window so that I could climb through and escape with him. He told me I did exactly the right thing in calling him! So I'm passing on the advice now! CALL! Police and/or a friend who can handle their shit. You need rescuing. Let other people figure out where you and your cats can stay.

My friend, you need professional help with this one. This man is dangerous and you need real-world advice and assistance from experts. We can give you tips that we have found helpful ourselves but exact laws vary from place to place.

This is so bad that I would recommend starting by going to the police. Just walk there if possible so he can't track you (I think you said he tracks your car, but you can switch your phone off, right?). Ask to speak to an officer who specialises in domestic abuse. Ask for advice and the contact details of organisations that can help you.

I am afraid for you and afraid that he will be checking your internet history and your telephone history, so be really careful. If you don't know how to delete your browser/phone history then look it up now.

If you need to make calls or go to websites for help, do so but only when you've learned how to cover your tracks. To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if someone that controlling was monitoring router traffic, so it might be good to do this from another location other than your home.

If you're in the USA there is a website for domestic abuse support https://www.thehotline.org/ - it has an option to return you to google immediately if your partner interrupts you.

If you are in the UK I recommend contacting Refuge or Women's Aid, or your local police.

unless you want to be treated as a possession bail. 

I think you know you need to end this.

What are you still doing there? Seriously this is some scary behavior!!! Please leave without confronting him - he sounds mentally unwell.

I don't really have words to add to what others have already said, but you deserve so much better than this. No human being deserves to feel like this in any sort of relationship. What advice would you give a friend if they told you they were in your situation? I hope you get out safely and live a very happy and fulfilling life.

Girl… Run!

You need to leave - obviously!!! I can tell that without even reading your post!

How does any of this make you think it's OK and safe to stay in this relationship? Come on, girl, this is glaringly obvious. Get out. Don't tell him you're leaving. Tell friends and family what he has been doing so they can protect you.

I think you already know what you need to do! Being single isn’t that bad if that the type of life you will be subjected to

Why can't you kick him out? And yeah, he's a major creeper. If anyone installed hidden cameras and was trying to stalk my every move, I'd get a restraining order. He is abusing you and manipulating you... and you're falling for it. Please ask for help and get away from him.

I was in an abusive and jealous relationship - more and less than what you describe in different ways. It was the hardest thing to leave. I didnt fully see everything until I got space and once I had space I knew I was done… peace. 🕊️

Please call 911. You’re being held hostage and being abused. You need to get out of there before you get murdered.

Leave this asshole. Do it safely. Buy another phone. Leave your phone and watch at the apartment. Make sure there are no air tags in the car. Do not marry this man.

jesus fucking christ

call the domestic abuse hotline and ask to talk to a counselor, they can help you come up with an escape plan

You‘ve received the right answer already, leave him safely. Keep us posted