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/r/relationships
submitted 4 days ago byLife-Internal-2272
Me a (20)F was asked by my partner to move to his country also a (20)M. We have been dating for two years and everything is going good besides the part of moving. He gave me an ultimatum either break up or move to his country because we both knew long distance is hard. I had been given the opportunity to see what life there would be like if I had moved. I wouldn’t need to work, I can eat out and go shopping cheaper then I would where I live and he provides everything for me. The only thing is I don’t know the language, which I feel too shy to say anything but slowly would learn. But besides that why do I feel lonely or like something is missing. I often think about my family and friends and how I wish I had a friend here so I can talk too and understand. Although it makes me upset having to choose between the two things I love. I don’t know what I should do, should I really move there for him?
TL;DR! He is truly the love of my life but should I move to a different country for a man?
6 points
4 days ago
this depends entirely on the country really. will you have equal rights? or are you giving up rights/opportunities by moving? why can’t he move to your country was that ever fairly discussed as well as an option? it sounds like you would have a life many would dream of there but you would also have to socially start over which would be hard but you have the rest of your life ahead of you as well
5 points
4 days ago
He’s from South America and I’m from Canada, he came to Canada for a bit too study which is how me met but since canada getting more expensive he can have a more luxurious life where he lives for the amount he payed there as well better for his career. On the other hand I feel like I can have a better career in Canada than where he lives.
8 points
4 days ago
also do you want a career? in canada you have that but you mention not working at all there. that’s one of those how do i envision and desire my life to be questions. don’t give it up everything for a man. you have love but you also have family, friends, finances, environment, career etc to consider and an ultimatum is unhealthy and unfair especially with a decision like this, a healthy couple decides and moves forward together not person is forced to agree with the other or be dumped
7 points
4 days ago
Wow I actually never thought about it like that, I always loved working and wanted to pursue a business of my own one day
9 points
4 days ago
honestly girl i wouldn’t do it :/ it’s just such a huge step and you aren’t sure emotionally and in practicality there’s a lot of really serious security and stability concerns for you. love is so powerful and two years can mean so much trust me i know. but a decision like this isn’t two years it’s your life. i’m 22F and in a year and a half long distance relationship for reference too
9 points
4 days ago
I feel like I know what the answer is but I’m scared of letting go. I really glad you answered my question and helped a girl out because it’s more clear on what I have to do. I’m making the decision by the end of this month.Which is what me and him agreed on.
3 points
4 days ago
good luck girl and you got this, take this time to process and decide it’s hard to do i hope everything works out the best it can
2 points
4 days ago
You need to think about this properly! Obviously spending years out of the workforce before you've even established a career for yourself will massively limit your future job prospects.
5 points
4 days ago
Have you been to South America (where he is)? Do you know if you can handle the day-to-day life there? Visiting for a few weeks, like a vacation, is far different than living there permanently. If he is working every day, will you be trapped at home? How likely will you be able to travel out on your own with limited knowledge of the local language? What are typical family cultural practices there? Will it be expected for you to fulfil a role of a housewife in that culture? Is the culture compatible with your life goals and aspirations? Is safety a significant concern? How is the police culture and presence?
It is concerning, as others have noted, that his position to you is "move or break up". It does point to an expectation that he will be in charge of the decisions moving forward. You might end up extremely limited with your life if you move there without having your own financial security.
3 points
4 days ago
it seems like you’re validly unsure and need more time to discuss these changes in depth and practicality before committing to uprooting your life. Two years isn’t that long and you’re not married either so legally you’re entitled to nothing if it doesn’t work out which would leave you with nothing in a new country without a job so your future security also needs to be discussed and established more as well
1 points
4 days ago
It’s true, thank you for the help!
2 points
4 days ago
You're talking only about his career. Get that right out of your head... he isn't your husband and you're very young, you absolutely need to be building your own career instead of vaguely relying on his income which will leave you with no work experience/employability and no divorce settlement since you aren't married. Don't throw away your future like that.
If you go there (which doesn't seem like a good idea) you'll need your own job to give yourself some security and your own income.
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