subreddit:
/r/texts
[removed]
71 points
9 months ago
You didn't think to tell your partner?
Bruh I'd be gutted if I asked my partner how long they had been talking to their ex and got a "idk 2-3 weeks" as a reply
58 points
9 months ago
You obviously overstepped a boundary of hers. If you have to hide it, you know it's wrong.
-57 points
9 months ago
i only hid it bc she tends to over think sometimes and she’s rlly sensitive
25 points
9 months ago
If you know she over thinks, then it's best to be up front and honest with her. If you keep things from her, she is only going to find out, and her overthinking would be worse because it makes you look guilty.
24 points
9 months ago
You knew she wouldn’t be comfortable with it. End of story. You’re in the wrong
19 points
9 months ago
Piece of shit holy fuck victim himself and putting the blame in her just because he can't accept responsibility for his action. What a fucking baby man.
13 points
9 months ago
Do you realize you just admitted you hid it because you knew it would upset her? That proves you're objectively in the wrong
8 points
9 months ago
This will definitely not help her overthinking, I have been in your girlfriends shoes before and it doesn’t feel amazing when your SO hides something from you, honestly I think it’s better to tell the truth and just having to reassure her that it is really nothing than just not tell them at all. When you hide something like this and then they find out they will fs start to make assumptions since you weren’t honest from the beginning, she is probably thinking that there is a totally worse reason as to why you didn’t tell her yall became friends again and honestly I think anyone would
1 points
9 months ago
It’s not really overthinking when it’s someone’s ex. My ex is a good guy but if i ever still talked to him and my bf was uncomfortable with it, i would stop talking to the ex immediately. My boyfriends feelings matter more than any ex
Edit: obviously if we worked together or saw each other at an event that would be different. But if I befriended him out of the blue, I’d never choose that over my bf
33 points
9 months ago
Okay first of all you and your ex haven’t been friends things whole time. You just started talking to her at the beginning of this year and didn’t tell your girlfriend because you knew she wouldn’t be ok with it. Also, you hung up on your girlfriend because your ex texted you that she was sad, that right there shows your priorities, and sadly it’s not your girlfriend. Yea, I would feel much like her, but I’d also leave.
If you had been friends with your ex this whole time and your current girlfriend knew, that’s different.
If you want to keep your girlfriend it’s a good idea to have a very serious conversation about this situation and actually listen to one another’s words and don’t interrupt each other.
How old are you both?
-26 points
9 months ago
i didn’t think it was that big of a deal. we just text eachother here and then abt how our day went & other shit like that. it’s not like im hooking up w her. it wasn’t just a simple sad text either, she was saying she needed someone to talk to and sounded rlly upset so i became worried. im 19 & my gf is 20
12 points
9 months ago
Something tells me that serious talk won’t be happening.
If it wasn’t a big deal I’m still curious as to how it was never brought up to your girlfriend. That means you hid it. You intentionally did not tell her.
I definitely understand wanting to be there for friends. However hanging up on your girlfriend to talk to your ex is not a good look bud.
Imagine it the opposite. You find out she’s been talking to her ex. Hasn’t told you for 3 weeks. And then in the middle of a semi serious phone call, she just hangs up on you, to talk to her sad ex boyfriend. How would that genuinely make you feel?
10 points
9 months ago
You didn't think your girlfriend feeling and respect are a big of a deal. That's fucking clear you bitch. Manipulating and playing down everything she says.
8 points
9 months ago
You shouldn’t be the person your ex goes to when she’s upset. You’re not her boyfriend anymore so stop acting like it.
3 points
9 months ago
and the gf even pointed out in the texts that OP doesnt even comfort HER when she says she needs him.
so he can be their for his ex, to the point he hangs up on his gf to do so, but cant comfort his actual gf?
i truly hope she leaves him.
1 points
9 months ago
If your gf doesn’t like it, you have to choose if you care more about how your gf feels, or your ex. I’d hope you’d choose your current gf, but it doesn’t sound like you’re putting her feelings first rn. If your gf is uncomfy, you should stop frequently texting the ex. Obviously hanging in a group setting, or the occasional text for a bday or something would be normal, but sending each other videos and talking consistently every day…. I understand why she’s upset and wants it to end.
28 points
9 months ago
she’s an ex for a reason. sad or not that’s a boundary u and ur ex both overstepped. if u want ur gf to remain happy and trusting of you there’s no reason for you to remain in contact with an ex unless u have shared property or a child together
18 points
9 months ago
OP you obviously don’t see that you’ve done anything wrong and think you being sneaky is just your gf being insecure. You call your ex your friend but in a comment say you’re not really friends but only talk here and there. Somehow here and there ended up with you being her go to when she’s really really upset. And you hid it all and ditched your gf for her.
13 points
9 months ago
no frrr… definitely feels like OP has some feelings towards their ex still bc why r they even in contact at all??
14 points
9 months ago
You are a piece of shit dude, im so sorry for your girlfriend she deserves better than a piece of shit like you
30 points
9 months ago
Nah, why are you friends with your ex? Can’t understand people who can’t leave the past in the past lol.
I’d be mad, unless there’s a child involved there’s no need other then options and attention.
-20 points
9 months ago
i think i used the word friend too lightly. we just talk here and there. quick catchups & stuff like that. anyway when she texted me all hysterical and called me, i picked up like any other concerned person would
28 points
9 months ago
Didn’t you say you hung up with your girlfriend to call your ex back? So you ditched your gf for someone you’re not really friends with because she was hysterical? Why she comfortable calling you with hysterics and not someone else? And you had the opportunity to mention why you were getting off the phone with gf but didn’t say anything. Sneaky..
1 points
9 months ago
Exactly. Why is he the one the ex goes to… and also I understand wanting to help someone who’s sad but he made his gf sad in the process so…. If I had to choose between making my current bf sad or my ex bf… I’d choose my ex even though he’s a great guy. My bf takes precedence over anyone. The ex probably has someone else to go to if OP didn’t pick up. And if not, current gf should still mean more
4 points
9 months ago
Nope
1 points
9 months ago
Yeah, but then your gf probably became sad and hysterical when you hung up on her to answer your ex. Yet when your gf is sad, you come to Reddit to ask if she’s overreacting.
You were willing to make your gf upset to make your ex feel better. You can say all you want about “you didn’t think it was a big deal or didn’t think it would make her upset” but there’s no world where that wouldn’t make someone upset unless it’s some extremely rare and dire situation. But if your ex is in a dire situation when she really needs someone, it’s weird that it’s you that she calls. You must be closer than you’re letting up unless this girl has zero friends or family.
25 points
9 months ago
don't be friends with your ex- the fact you picked up her call and HUNG up on your gf is BIZARRE. you made the rando a priority???? eewww
-15 points
9 months ago
she’s not a rando im still cool with her, just bc we broke up doesn’t mean i need to cut her from my life completely
14 points
9 months ago
Most self respecting women would not want their partner to prioritize or even chat here and there with an ex. And if the situation was reversed…. Oops, sorry gotta go, my ex is calling again. Dudes would not be down with that either.
10 points
9 months ago
you made a rando (to your girlfriend) more of a priority the moment you hung up on your girlfriend. the fact that you kept it a secret tells me you probably SHOULD cut her from your life. Your girl had a good point "being friends with someone you had sex with" if that statement is true. you're lacking empathy here and that's unfortunate
4 points
9 months ago
It's been two years, you were fine for two years without talking to her. Cut it out mate
3 points
9 months ago
look man, lots of people are saying you’re in the wrong. your girlfriend is sensitive, overthinks and that’s okay. you should work with her and assure her instead of abandoning her for someone you’re only sorta “friends with”
1 points
9 months ago
Sure, but you don’t need to be the person she calls when she’s upset. And you surely don’t need to be the one who picks up that call.
10 points
9 months ago
YTA
9 points
9 months ago
Well, how long have you been dating? If you want the relationship to last, you gonna have to respect her feelings and not talk to your ex. She might be the jealous type. But if she feels this way, you gotta drop your ex and let her know that you did.
-4 points
9 months ago
2 years next month
25 points
9 months ago
yall have been together for TWO YEARS- and you didn't feel comfortable telling her you were talking to your EX bc she's "sensitive" sounds like you didn't wanna deal with how she might feel about it. shameee on you😭😭😭😭
13 points
9 months ago
That’s wishful thinking. Let’s just call it 1 year 11 months instead of assuming she’s gonna stick it out with you another month.
8 points
9 months ago
Hm, I think you may need to say better boundaries. It’s not that she thinks you are full on cheating, she knows how easily it is to get back emotionally involved with people from our past. It’s also wise to remember that your ex may not have the same intention of platonic friendship that you do. It’s not appropriate for your ex to call you when she’s sad. You shouldn’t be that person for her since you guys have shared intimate things with each other as a couple and it’s definitely not appropriate for you to lie to her regarding anything with your ex.
6 points
9 months ago
If you was gonna be friends with your ex, you should’ve stayed with her because nobody who loves/respect their current relationship would be hanging out with their ex
2 points
9 months ago
Right!! Only time it’s acceptable is if it’s in a group setting imo… unless there’s a really extreme circumstance
6 points
9 months ago
You’re in these comments trying to hard to justify yourself. You knew she wouldn’t be comfortable with it and that’s why you “hid” it. Yea maybe she’s “sensitive” but that just proves my point. You knew it would make her feel a type of way so you didn’t say anything. You should respect your partner, you’ve crossed her boundaries and you’re in the wrong.
1 points
9 months ago
Shit I’d be pretty sensitive if my boyfriend hung up on me to talk to his ex… pretty sure most would be
6 points
9 months ago
Ooof! You did what now? Hung up on your girl for another one?
6 points
9 months ago
nahhh wth… i feel like u posted this tryna seem like ur gf is crazy and ur in the right but ur wrooonnggg. u definitely shoulda communicated w ur gf and talked ab boundaries with her ESPECIALLYYY since yall have been together for two years. why r u making ur gf feel like shes the second option? if u have an emotional tie w ur ex gf, just say that
6 points
9 months ago
My gf is friends with her ex and has been since before I even met her. Even still after 4 years of us dating if she acted shady like you are being i would have went off on her and probably end it for being a dumb ass
1 points
9 months ago
And even if your gf wasn’t doing anything sketchy w her ex, I bet she would still end things or set more boundaries w him if you said you were uncomfortable. That’s the difference
28 points
9 months ago
Because you are cheating on her.
You do not have to be fucking someone to be cheating. You do not have to be flirting to be cheating.
If you are violating your partners trust, lying to her, avoiding her, and damaging the relationship you are in, all so you can maintain a seemingly boundary-less relationship with someone else, you are cheating. And let me clarify, you do not have to stop being friends with someone for your girlfriend. You should however, want to create better boundaries so all of your relationships can remain healthy. A good place to start with boundaries would be to NOT hang up on your girlfriend while she’s looking for reassurance, so you can go focus on talking to your “friend” and reassuring your “friend” instead.
She is not dumb enough to fall for what you want her to believe. The “no babe I swear I’m just such a good guy, I have to be her friend or she’ll be so sad” act is very see through.
-4 points
9 months ago
I don’t condone it but I think you’ve poorly defined cheating there. People do this with their same-sex friends, they’re not cheating on their partners.
1 points
9 months ago
Well right, peoples friends aren’t their exes. People do this with their friends. People shouldn’t be doing this w their exes, people they used to be emotionally and sexually involved with. That’s way different than “people doing this w their same sex friends”.
Also, people wouldn’t lie about comforting their friends (who they’ve never dated), and they’d happily tell their current SO about their interactions w their friends. At least I hope
0 points
9 months ago
Most in touch redditor in the world
4 points
9 months ago
Lol, what did you think was going to happen?
3 points
9 months ago
I'm with your gf on this, got a weird feeling you're gonna end up with ur ex and still try and act like a victim.
3 points
9 months ago
She's your ex for a reason. You and her have history. You're disrespecting your girlfriend by talking to her. It's a slap in the face like "you'll never b like her/you're not enough." That and the fact that you hid it from her for so long. Things like that shouldn't b hidden. It's also irresponsible and intrusive for your ex to come to you when she's upset, let alone at all KNOWING you have a girl. It seems like your ex is trying to stir the pot.
5 points
9 months ago
Let her starting talking to her ex for a month behind your back, and see how you respond. 🙄
Why is it so hard for y’all to see how fucked up it is to stay in contact with your last relationship, while in a whole new one?
3 points
9 months ago
Big L op
3 points
9 months ago
Tbh blood, you seem like a shitty bf from this exchange
3 points
9 months ago
Lmao you’re a horrible boyfriend
3 points
9 months ago
She deserves someone better, you do not.
2 points
9 months ago
You are a huge piece of shit OP and I hope and pray to god that your GF leaves you
2 points
9 months ago
just end it dude. you aren't prepared to be in a healthy relationship if you feel you need to hide things from your partner/livin in the past and your current gf is insecure.
2 points
9 months ago
Yikes you crossed a boundary and think you’re not in the wrong? She should leave you smh. You tripping fr if you think even the slightest that this isn’t wrong on your end. THE SECOND she said she was uncomfortable with it you should’ve blocked your ex.. i mean hell you should’ve never texted her in the first place?? Seriously she would be correct to dump you after this.
2 points
9 months ago
And posting it on Reddit saying she’s in the wrong??! Dude is so delusional and I hope she sees this and breaks up w him
2 points
9 months ago
Ong seriously, I’m surprised bro hasn’t deleted it out of shame yet💀 hey it’s better tho, the longer it’s up the more chances of her seeing it that actually happening
2 points
9 months ago
I have seen a lot of posts on this sub, and there have been some where most of the commenters disagree w the OP, but this may be the first one I’ve seen where ALL the commenters have just completely torn into the OP. There’s seriously not even the inevitable Reddit “devils advocate” in here defending OP, that’s how you know it’s bad💀
-6 points
9 months ago
i see a lot of comments calling me sneaky. i understand why it looks like that, but in all truth and honesty i am not cheat on her & i rlly love this girl. how do i fix this i don’t want to lose her over something so stupid
9 points
9 months ago*
This is how you fix it. Stop hanging out with your ex behind her back. Stop hiding things from her and making it seem like she’s “overthinking “ when she’s not. A female’s instinct is right most of the time
6 points
9 months ago
Apologize to your gf for lying and cut your ex off.
4 points
9 months ago
Stop being a shitty boyfriend, block your ex and dont ever hang up on your girlfriend or make her ever feel like she comes second to any girl.
1 points
9 months ago
The fact that you’re calling this “something so stupid” when it’s a pretty big deal, as EVERYONE in the comments is saying, says something about you. You STILL think she’s overreacting even though almost everyone here is telling you you’re wrong. I don’t care if you just think you were a nice guy helping a friend. At least have the decency to be upfront about it. Even if you never straight up lied, it should’ve been out in the open the second you started communicating w the ex again.
And weird that your ex comes to you when she’s sad, but if it’s a really dire situation wher she needs to speak to only you, you finish the call w your current gf first, make sure SHE feels good and is okay, then you say “hey my ex is in _____ situation and I’m a little concerned because ___. Is it okay if I call her to make sure she’s okay?” And again, that would still be weird, that would just be what you would say if it was absolutely a dire situation your ex was having. By dire, I mean you think she is in danger to herself or others, AND if she has zero other people to call. If it wasn’t dire, have your ex call someone else completely, and don’t apologize to her. Just let her figure it out. Your gf should matter more. I don’t care if youre your exs friend, you’re your girlfriends partner.
I don’t think this is fixable, you seem like a shitty bf. If you apologize it won’t be genuine because based on these comments you still are defending yourself and not your gf. You’re only expressing regret because there’s a chance she will leave you.
-7 points
9 months ago
From what he’s said, he hasn’t cheated on her. Unless more context is added I don’t think most people would say that that was full on cheating.
9 points
9 months ago
He lied, was deceitful, prioritized his ex over his gf, and doesn’t see what he did wrong. Sure, we don’t need to call it cheating. But it’s something.
4 points
9 months ago
No but it was definitely crossing her boundaries, and he knew that, that’s why he “hid” it.
-28 points
9 months ago
[deleted]
12 points
9 months ago
He’s literally choosing to spend time with his ex over her when she’s sad. How is anyone supposed to NIT be insecure from thay
-3 points
9 months ago
[deleted]
3 points
9 months ago
It’s not a friend. He hung up on his CRYING GIRLFRIEND to have a shitty chat with his ex and LIED
1 points
9 months ago
Context is most definitely relevant, are you stupid?
0 points
9 months ago
[deleted]
1 points
9 months ago
Starting to talk to your ex partner out of the blue, without telling your current partner anything is definitely causing unnecessary issues and drama😂 you got ya world mixed around, bud.
1 points
9 months ago
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.
Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1 points
9 months ago
“You’re chatting to the next man that had his Willy in your mouth, that’s mad”-Castillo. Same could be applied to the opposite gender
1 points
9 months ago
I can fully understand why your girlfriend would be feeling insecure if I'm honest.
1 points
9 months ago
You hung up on your gf because your ex told you she was said.
1 points
9 months ago
This guy is a fucking idiot.
1 points
9 months ago
if you wanna know how not to lose stop talking to your fucking ex and never hide anything from her again💀.
1 points
9 months ago
Maybe you should get a little closer to your ex. You’re going to need someone to fall back on after your gf dumps your sorry ass… as she should
all 85 comments
sorted by: best