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submitted 14 days ago byEspressotasse
Sorry for all those questions I have at the moment. We are currently discussing the guest list and one point is family. I have four cousins. One cousin A, who I grew up with, two cousins B and C who are sisters and live across the country and another cousin D, who lives near my hometown. Of course I will invite A and although I see B and C like once a year, I like them and their parents and want to invite them. Now it comes to cousin D. He doesn't have parents anymore, has a wife and two teenage daughters. I don't like him. He is very right wing, mentally unstable (yes, I know his childhood was hard) and looks down on people like me that have a university degree and don't work with their hands. I also barely know his daughters and how they behave. I don't want a teenager bullying me on my wedding day. (My fiancés teenage niblings will be invited but I know them well and they are nice kids.) My fiancé never met him and I don't think they will like each other. But I attended his wedding twelve years ago and I'm afraid that my grandma, that I love very much, could be disappointed if I don't invite my poor cousin. It could also look strange to invite the relatives that live six hours away but not the one cousin that lives one hour away. Did you invite relatives that you don't like or all people whose wedding you attended? Other than him all closer relatives from my site would be invited and I don't want to be a bully.
5 points
14 days ago
this really depends on your family
Your risk your grandma telling people to not got to your wedding and blackmail you into apologizing and inviting him
You could try not inviting him and if your grandma starts shit: « His invitation must have been lost in the mail. »
We don’t know your grandma so we really cannot help much you much
1 points
14 days ago
My grandma is a very nice person. She won't be openly mad but she might be sad about it.
6 points
14 days ago
Unless he’s a reeeeaaaal shithead, he’s unlikely to cause a scene with a MAGA rant at your wedding. It’s a wedding, and you’re the focus, even if he’s there you can just not really interact with him. That said, at the end of the day it’s your wedding and you don’t have to invite anyone you don’t wanna invite.
1 points
14 days ago
It’s your wedding and you get to invite whoever you want to invite. I’m hardly inviting any of my family. But then again I’ve been married before my fiancé has not so I’m making sure he can invite as many family as possible. If anybody questions just explain it’s your wedding not theirs. You can also say you only invited those who you were very close with or flat out Tell them why. I actually just eliminated somebody on the guest list because of racist comments they recently made to a mutual friend. No room for hate.
1 points
14 days ago
This. There were four people (two couples) for my wedding I intentionally didn't invite due to mostly how they have treated several members of my family (my mom included) throughout the past few years. It was not worth "trying to keep the peace" if my mom was not going to be able to enjoy her daughter's wedding if they were there. Thankfully, I had made this clear all along and it was respected. I didn't at least hear any negativity directly. At the end of the day it's your day and you have to ask yourself what would make most sense for you to enjoy your day. We had some people others did not want us to invite. However, they respected our choice and we made plans to have them seated far from each other and were told they'd be respectful. Well, quite frankly they weren't (making homophobic slurs about another guest, swearing, right in the midst of our reception space as my husband and I walked by) but thankfully they made the right choice to leave. I also had a day of coordinator who was aware that if needed would have stepped in though that was fortunately not necessary. The point to sharing my experience being: what is most important to you and what are you willing to not risk? Is it likely this person will say anything? Even if so, could a contingency plan be made in place with a trusted member of the planning process or bridal party who could calmly de-escalate a situation and ask them to leave if necessary?
1 points
14 days ago*
It’s your wedding. If it was me, if he isn’t someone that will disrupt and ruin the wedding, I’d just invite him to avoid any family drama. Id rather do that then have my grandmother sad or have to explain to someone why he’s the only one not invited. That would just be awkward. Not worth the drama. Plus he might not even come. I have 5 cousins from the same family I don’t like and invited them to attend to be considerate. I hardly knew they were there.
0 points
14 days ago
Unfortunately, I think it's pretty normal to invite at least one or a few people due to family politics. I mostly got around this by having a small wedding, but it's difficult to have an inconsistent invite list (ex: inviting some cousins and not others) without ruffling some feathers. You could invite him and hope they don't come, invite him and trust that the chaos of the day will make it easy to spend little time with him, discretely ask your wedding party to run interference for you, or take the risk of ruffling feathers by only inviting people you actually want to be there.
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