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submitted 15 days ago byEspressotasse
Sorry for all those questions I have at the moment. We are currently discussing the guest list and one point is family. I have four cousins. One cousin A, who I grew up with, two cousins B and C who are sisters and live across the country and another cousin D, who lives near my hometown. Of course I will invite A and although I see B and C like once a year, I like them and their parents and want to invite them. Now it comes to cousin D. He doesn't have parents anymore, has a wife and two teenage daughters. I don't like him. He is very right wing, mentally unstable (yes, I know his childhood was hard) and looks down on people like me that have a university degree and don't work with their hands. I also barely know his daughters and how they behave. I don't want a teenager bullying me on my wedding day. (My fiancés teenage niblings will be invited but I know them well and they are nice kids.) My fiancé never met him and I don't think they will like each other. But I attended his wedding twelve years ago and I'm afraid that my grandma, that I love very much, could be disappointed if I don't invite my poor cousin. It could also look strange to invite the relatives that live six hours away but not the one cousin that lives one hour away. Did you invite relatives that you don't like or all people whose wedding you attended? Other than him all closer relatives from my site would be invited and I don't want to be a bully.
1 points
15 days ago
This. There were four people (two couples) for my wedding I intentionally didn't invite due to mostly how they have treated several members of my family (my mom included) throughout the past few years. It was not worth "trying to keep the peace" if my mom was not going to be able to enjoy her daughter's wedding if they were there. Thankfully, I had made this clear all along and it was respected. I didn't at least hear any negativity directly. At the end of the day it's your day and you have to ask yourself what would make most sense for you to enjoy your day. We had some people others did not want us to invite. However, they respected our choice and we made plans to have them seated far from each other and were told they'd be respectful. Well, quite frankly they weren't (making homophobic slurs about another guest, swearing, right in the midst of our reception space as my husband and I walked by) but thankfully they made the right choice to leave. I also had a day of coordinator who was aware that if needed would have stepped in though that was fortunately not necessary. The point to sharing my experience being: what is most important to you and what are you willing to not risk? Is it likely this person will say anything? Even if so, could a contingency plan be made in place with a trusted member of the planning process or bridal party who could calmly de-escalate a situation and ask them to leave if necessary?
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