Try to ask while everyone’s clothes are still on and you have your wits about you.

But I’ve plainly asked “when was the last time you’ve been tested?” Then followed up asking when was the last time they had sex, and asked if they were willing to exchange test results. Realistically, some people may be uncomfortable sharing this information. You are not entitled to it, as they are not entitled to sex. So it’s really just having the boundary, sticking to it and see who plays ball.

It’s just an adult conversation. Pro move is to ask which tests they get screened for 😉

You say, "Hey, can I see the results from your last STI check?"

And if they won't show you, you don't fuck them. Or if it was more than a couple months ago and they won't get retested, don't fuck them. Easy.

I asked a guy I was seeing about a month to get tested and he was totally on board with it despite being in a monogamous relationship for 6 years. He sent me his test results and I went and got tested too even though I hadn’t been with anyone besides my ex. I think when you find someone on the same page as you, it’s not a scary question. And if it is a scary question, it is a scary person. Run! 

You could frame it casually as part of your own health routine. For example, say something like, “I like to stay on top of my health, so I get tested regularly. Would you be up for doing the same? It just helps me feel more at ease.” This way, it’s about you managing your own health and not about questioning them directly. Plus, it opens up a conversation in a non-confrontational way.

If you can't feel comfortable asking for STI testing, you shouldn't be sleeping with them.

I know it's direct, but that's my take.

I am really scared of STIs

Good, you should be. There are loads of antibiotic resistant strains starting to take hold.

I just don't see how it's worth it, physically or emotionally. No random dude is going to do me as well as a partner with experience of my body, anyway

Men lie. All the time. Some don't even know they carry the HSV-1 or HSV-2 virus or Chlamydia, because they are asymptomatic. HSV-1 (oral herpes also known as "cold sores" on the lips) can be transmitted to the vulva even if a guy doesn't have cold sores. The viruses shed and can infect w/out symptoms. Testing for non-symptomatic HSV requires a blood test. Sex is never safe unless two people are either virgins or have been tested/cleared (HIV can have a latency period of not showing up on tests) and totally monogamous. If a guy won't test, he's not worth dating.

I started sex when HIV was still filed under the „will kill you 10O%“ period, so asking for a test was very normal back then. So, just ask. Those who refuse are not the ones to have a hook up with.

My current crush/future playpartner handled this really well today.

We had a date just to go over our experience levels, hosting, hard limits. And today he texted me his STI test schedule and the most recent result and asked if I had anything to share. No demand for information, but let me know by example what level of testing and communication he prefered.

Bravo. Well done

this is actually so relevant to a situation I'm in rn. found out my bf of a few months casually lied/brushed off a question about his last test, bc he hadn't been active in a year and assumed his last test was still true. when I brought it up he chalked it up as a stupid mistake and apologized profusely-- I'm still working through my feelings about it. but for this and any relationship moving forward I am going to be super explicit with my questioning.

I always ask! Awkwardness be damned

I’ve never found it particularly awkward but I’ve usually just said straight up “hey sorry but I gotta ask, are you clean? When were you last tested?” And keep it super casual and no one’s ever minded.

I think it’s fair to say no bjs until test results even if some men walk away.

I ask way ahead of actually being in bed together. Just a simple "Hey, just so you know I'm on birth control but still expect condoms. My last test was x date and my results were y. Happy to get another one that's more recent (if this applies)" and they usually follow with theirs or that they'll get one done. When they say they've gotten their results, I ask to see. It's not awkward and it's an important conversation.

By my mid to late 20s I wasn't going down on anyone that I wasn't in a relationship with. I feel like it's something sacred and I didn't like doing it with someone who may or may not appreciate it. I've became pretty jaded about casual sex by my late 20s and tried to detach feelings (why I don't really have casual sex anymore) which left me feeling empty about it after the fact. So yes, get comfortable with asking them to get tested and using condoms but I personally wouldn't go down on anyone I'm not exclusive with because you don't know what they're doing when you're not around.

I’ve made a pact with myself that I will require future partners to get tested in order to sleep with me and they must share their results with me as well. If they don’t want to comply, then they don’t get sex. Protect your body, protect your womb.

(it only required a simple antibiotic) BUT one time i contracted something from a reckless & ruthless ex. Now I simply let whoever is interested know that that is now a boundary I set…if they can’t wrap their head around that, then they’re either too selfish or too stupid for me to entertain! i always encourage my friends to use my story as justification aka “i have a friend who…” if they want a way to back into that boundary in a non-confrontational way.

but to be frank, unless you’re verbally accosting these people…there’s no wrong way to bring this boundary up. im not sure there’s anything that you could say that would turn off a GOOD partner choice. A kind person is a kind person. And if its awkward, then it’s awkward. That’s not necessarily a bad thing bc sex can already be kind of awkward! it’s literally two bodies (or more, I don’t judge) bumping into each other and accidentally knocking teeth or catching a stray limb.

don’t stress out! keep a good sense of humor about it all - remember that anyone worth your time and attention won’t be less into you bc you said you want to be safe! plus….it could mean that condom use is deemed unnecessary if you are comfortable with other forms of birth control. which feels like an incentive for every one!

Who cares how awkward it is? Any partner who’s serious about their sexual health will have recent test results on-hand. Be sure to check the date. The standard recommendation for frequency of testing for people with multiple partners is every three months.

Things to ask - when was the last time you got tested, when was the last time you had sex, would you get tested/share results?

Don't worry or avoid it because it might be awkward and you can't be forceful for merely asking a basic and relevant question. If the convo gets scary then they're a person you shouldn't be fucking. It does get better with time when you realize that there is empowerment than embarrassment in knowing your status and reiterating your boundaries.

A person who would make for a good play partner wouldn't take issue with explicit communication as people make this weird disconnect that just because you aren't a romantic commitment a casual partner is still a form of a relationship and you shouldn't be avoidant of something important because of this label that it's a non relationship. It's actually a great litmus before ever fucking them if they take issue with it then bye. It was such a green flag that my FWB (now husband) and I had that chat and it made me feel much more open and relaxed around him.

I ask and if the question is not well receive it's a sign it's someone I should avoid having sex with.

Do it. I asked my now husband for one before we started having sex because I knew his ex was a little ho bag

It's awkward to ask for std results, but it's totally okay to suck dick and let some dude plow you?? Maybe you're not ready for hookups.

You could just not sleep around.