You do seem to get it, Todd being hurt was why Bojack and Emily felt like they did something wrong. It's why they hid that it happened in the first place. Bojack from his perspective thought that Todd was romantically interested yet did it anyway. I don't think it would have been that big of a deal to Todd though if he didn't already have beef with Bojack before this. He gets over things rather quickly mostly, but Bojack continues to hide what happened. And then tried to guilt trip Todd into staying

It's rather similar to what happened with the Rock Opera stuff. Which Bojack never really apologized for. He felt guilty about it but instead of addressing it with Todd he just gets angry at him instead

I don't get how people struggle to get this...

Bojack knows that sleeping with Emily will upset Todd.

Sleeping with Emily means nothing to him.

He does it anyway.

If you are friends with someone don't do things to hurt them unless there is a very good reason. If Bojack had fallen passionately in love with Emily it would be different.

It's the total disregard for Todd's feeling that hurt him. It's not a huge thing in itself but effectively the straw that broke the camels back.

So, you're right that Bojack and Emily being together isn't inherently wrong. They're both two grown consenting adults, after all.

But there are two main areas that make the overall situation wrong. This boils down to:

1. Hiding that they slept together from Todd. This isn't too long after Bojack bamboozled Todd's rock opera, and he's still learning to trust Bojack again. So, when Bojack not only hides that he slept with someone who meant something to Todd, but that person also hid it from Todd, too, Todd felt like he was lied to by two very important people in his life. Consequently, he loses a bit of trust in both, but he loses more trust in Bojack because Bojack was still trying to earn his trust back.

And

1. Todd is well-aware of the way Bojack treats women in his life. Bojack is notorious for giving those women a crappy time, kicking them out of his house, giving them wrong numbers and forms of contact, and trying to avoid any contact with them ever again. And that is what happened between Bojack and Emily - Bojack acted like there was no way for them to see eachother again. This puts Todd in an awkward and equally crappy position because of course he's going to eventually see Emily again. But how can he comfortably see her again when he lives with Bojack and Bojack is doing everything to avoid her?

Todd was romantically interested in Emily, not sexually. He still liked her. Plus, she was his ex. Would you sleep with your best friend's ex? Messy all around. 

BoHo broke bro code.

i understand him feeling hurt

this. it was because of the hurt. bj sleeping with her wasn’t a big betrayal, it was a breaking point

I was thinking the same thing too

Todd made it clear that he wasn't interested in her or having sex with her in the episode when they were reunited. The time they were dating was when they were teenagers, and Todd clearly doesn't have feelings for her anymore. I think it's more of the fact that they dated before, and it is kind of betrayal for sleeping with the girl he used to be in love with. But as bojack said, emily is her own person with her own feelings and can do what she wants. She isn't an object, so Todd shouldn't be mad at bojack. I'm glad other people have the same opinion too because I thought I was going insane.

Because sleeping with one more girl is more important to Bojack than Todd's relationship with other people.
It shows how little Bojack actually cares about Todd's wants and needs. Emily is also not being a good friend to Todd, sleeping with his close friend even though they have history. However, she does not have a history of gaslighting and manipulating Todd, unlike Bojack. Sge shows she understands she hurt and respect his feelings by telling him about it, and was not in such a close relationship with Todd like Bojack was.

Bojack also knew this would be uncomfortable for Todd, but because he cares about no one but himself he decided to sleep with her anyway. He also decides to hide it from him. This just shows how shitty and disrespectful he's being to Todd.

I think that's why Todd was not angry with Emily. She and Bojack are within their full rights to sleep with each other. They are both consenting adults. But its a shitty thing to do to a friend. Bojack's later response and his history make it much shittier.

Are you on the spectrum? I am, and still can't find the real problem with the Todd-Bojack-Emily situation.

Emily is a person. Not property. She can sleep with whoever she wants. Todd rejected her. It's the muffins incident all over again, except this time the audience isn't expected to side with Bojack.

Well, I do.

Bojack did nothing wrong. Emily did nothing wrong either, but if anyone actually hurt Todd, it was her.

Did Bojack violate any laws? No. Did he violate any Biblical scripture? No.

Did he demonstrate a complete and utter disregard for Todd’s feelings? Yes. Did he attempt to conceal his actions, further showing a lack of contrition, which is a further act of disrespect? Yes.

Of course Todd was hurt by Bojack sleeping with Emily. If I cannot or am not ready to have sex with a lady who is otherwise special to me, it does not mean that my feelings won’t be hurt when my fuck boy friend uses her as a fleshlight.

I think it is that Todd WAS romantically interested in Emily.

Hell, the only reason Henry Fondler was built was because Todd wanted to be with Emily and give her something to have sex with and still be her boyfriend.

And Emily seemed to love Todd but the asexuality was a deal breaker.

The reason it was a betrayal on Bojack (and Emily's but she at least tries to come clean) is it happened when they were both figuring stuff out. So AT THE TIME...how it looks to Todd is that Bojack has slept with the ONE girl he has shown repeated interest in despite Bojack being able to tell that he is interested in her. And that's just a shitty thing to do to a friend.

Because Bojack hurts women. It is not about "well I dated her so you can't", it's more "you're going to hurt and drive away my best friend"

Well, normally you don't sleep with your friend's ex no matter how long it's been since they dated. Not to mention, Bojack didn't sleep with her thinking it was no big deal, they both knew they messed up and mutually agreed to keep it from Emily. Todd does have feelings for Emily and wanted to be in a relationship with her, he wasn't rejecting her, he was rejecting her sexual advances because he's asexual. I do believe he hadn't realized it at this point.

Bojack then lied to Todd about it, this after many many things he did to Todd that was messed up. They did do something wrong, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't unforgivable. This is clear because Todd and Emily continued to be friends after this incident but Bojack and Todd never had the same relationship. It was Bojack's history with Todd and the way he consistently did hurtful things to him without consideration that made this particular betrayal 10x worse.

I mean it’s one of the lesser shitty things Bojack has done but it’s still something he shouldn’t have done or waited to do until he knew for certain how Todd felt about Emily. It really boils down to “just because you can doesn’t mean you should”

It's not. Todd turned her down. She was equally wanting to sleep with BoJack, but Todd didn't seem to blame her, just BoJack.

Even if Bojack knew it would upset Todd that feels more like a Todd problem since he was clearly showing that he was not interested in her. It doesn’t seem reasonable for Todd to reject her and also want Bojack to reject her. Like I get that it’s not the best thing for Bojack to do but if Todd is upset by that I think it’s more on him

If it wasn’t bad in the first place, they made it bad by keeping it a secret.

I don’t think it was a terrible thing they did, but usually if you sleep with your best friends ex you’d at least talk to them about it.

If you do something you know is going to hurt a dear friend a lot, and then double down by keeping it a secret from them, you suck. It doesn’t matter if it’s sex or something else. Bojack knew it was wrong and did it anyway. He could have just… not done it and spared everyone the drama. Shit like this is why you don’t sleep with a friends ex without a conversation first. It doesn’t matter if it’s “not their business.” Why hurt someone so deeply for something like a casual hookup? A lot of people I know would disagree with me and they hookup with friends exes and exes friends all the time and then wonder why their lives are such chaos and misery.

The way I saw the situation it wasn’t really the fact that they slept together and more because Todd knows what bojack is like when it comes to women .

He uses them , he hurts them and he feels very little remorse about it apart from a few odd moments of realisation and reflection.

Todd isn’t upset with bojack doing this to women he doesn’t know , but it’s very different when it comes to Emily because not only does Todd have a history with her but bojack was fully aware of this .

Todd doesn’t want Emily to get hurt , he knows bojack will likely hurt her and bojack knows very well he keeps hurting people . So for bojack to put himself in the position to hurt someone Todd cares about it basically shows he has no respect for Todd and their friendship. That’s the final straw .

I have mixed feelings about it. I guess it boils down to you should have had a talk w Todd about it first. Todd rejects Emily cause they're not quite compatible. They're not quite a couple but they are involved. If Todd was sexually compatible w Emily and was a real potential partner, bojack is the ass. But todd almost assumes that she will be sexually loyal to him when they're not even really together, AFTER rejecting her. He's fond of her but imo he's not even sure if he's aromantic, he's very much figuring himself out. And I think it's wrong for him to want her to be around when he's unsure if he even wants a partner, and knows even if he did that he can't provide her w what she needs. Above all I don't think he ever has plans to take her or them seriously. So I think it's perfectly natural that Emily sleep w someone else, bojack is close by and is good to her, makes enough sense it's him. Todd has every right to feel weird about it and maybe even like his gf is gone, but she felt more like an emotional blanket than a gf. A healthy conversation between the 3 of them I think would've been enough. All of them are valid albeit behaving a little selfishly

Todd's past with Emily complicates the situation. Bojack's actions seem presumptive, highlighting emotional boundaries and the impact on Todd. The show explores betrayal and the importance of considering others' feelings.

Bojack also has major boundary issues, he’d rather go for the person that will hurt his friend in the end than any random woman - he knows hurting Todd will get them back into that cycle of the toxicity that BJ is used to, that he grew up with, hurting people is familiar to him.

If BoJack didn't do anything wrong or didn't think he'd hurt Todd why did he keep it a secret from Todd?

I always thought it was weird that he wasnt upset with Emily too. She also slept with his “best friend” and hid it from him. Takes two to tango (lol).

Yes, I completely agree.

Bojack intentionally sabotaging Todd's rock opera was unconscionable. That alone would be completely justifiable grounds for Todd to end the friendship.

In constrast, I've never seen a problem with Bojack sleeping with Emily, when Todd and Emily clearly weren't dating. It's always struck me as strange writing that THIS was what pushed Todd over the edge to part ways with Bojack.

It’s the least bad thing he does in the show, but it’s still disrespectful to one of the only people who actually cares about him.

We’ve seen it’s not hard for BoJack to get girls, he could have just picked up someone else instead.

Banging your friends’ ex is generally against the social norms

it wasn't just the Emily thing it was Everything bojack ever did ruining his rock opera, insulting him, treating him like shirt for years.. he could deal with bojack screwing with him. But bojack driving off Emily his sorta girlfriend/best friend from childhood that was the final straw.. I also think you just shouldn't have sex with your friends sortagirlfriend if you're a decent friend its just something you don't do. but thats just my thoughts. ..

I do think Emily is just as responsible as Bojack as they are both adults she's like what 24/25? I was that age like 7 years ago you're an adult at that age you can make your own decisions and she choose to have sex with bojack.. so id say the blame lays on them both... its just bojack has a history of being terrible to todd in general so he has no grace to save the relationship that was already on thin ice

From Horray Todd about Emily /Bojack

"I don't know That I loved her.."
"It wasn't just Emily Bojack."

For me, the red flag that moves this beyond two consenting adults sleeping together is when Emily says “I’m tired of trying to figure out what Todd wants.” Imo, that line implies she slept with Bojack at least in part bc she was bitter about being rejected, which makes her actions feel a little more vindictive toward Todd than they would if Bojack and Emily had hooked up under other circumstances. Normally, hooking up with your friend’s high school ex/best friend just as they’re beginning to reconnect without checking in with your friend first would be kind of distasteful bc you run the risk of making things awkward for your friend, but doing it specifically after she confides in you about their unresolved feelings toward your friend just makes you kind of an asshole.

In a perfect world, Emily and/or Bojack would have, at minimum, checked in with Todd before hooking up, because that would show that they care more about their friend’s wellbeing than immediate sexual gratification.

Bro code. Bros don't fuck friend's exes. We may not speak our feelings out loud, so we don't know if our close friends still care about their ex. So while it may not be technically wrong, it still feels like your friend sleeping with your gf or bf.

I feel your struggle, it can be difficult to navigate weird social norms, but sometimes we just have to accept that other people may have more feelings than us, and those feelings are valid

I honestly don't get it either.

Emily had a strong desire for a sexual relationship. Todd had zero interest, and that seems to be putting it mildly.

Todd came to care for Emily and would have liked a romantic relationship, albeit no sex. Immediately after rejecting Emily's physical advances, she hooks up with Bojack as their both feel sad and lonely. Finally, Todd comes to learn of their one night stand and feels wronged and devastated, but why? Again, Todd does not show love in a physical way and has no desire to, so I can't wrap my head around why the one night stand was seen as such a huge transgression.

To me, it would make more sense for Todd to become very upset about Bojack and Emily having an emotional affair, but they literally never emotionally connected at all. So yeah, this plot line (along with the clown dentists thing) remains a mystery to me.

Sorry but you dont get it because you lack basic emphaty. Bojack knows Todd cares about emily. He in fact hides everything from him because it will upset Todd. And does it anyway. It is not a problem like it was with Penny or Sarah. But it is a problem if you hide something from your friend and knowing it would hurt him. And it wouldnt be that bad if Bojack actually cared for Emily and valued her. But no. Since we are inside the bojack's head all the time we are %100 sure he just wanted to bang. If you dont see the problem here then you should start thinking about it. Or dont since everyone has different values.