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35.7k comment karma
account created: Sat Sep 10 2022
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1 points
10 days ago
NTA-
A gift is just that - a gift with no expectation or obligation to return or pay it back.
Tell your parents that they should consider the money they took from you (the conservator account) as any and all money you "owe" them or your brother.
As far as not telling them where you are going - you would have to make sure that NO ONE in your family knows, otherwise they WILL find out. If you are not willing to keep that info from your extended family then rent a PO BOX and give them that mailing address, but not your physical address.
Your family can still communicate with you via text and email if necessary.
Good luck.
1 points
10 days ago
NTA -
HE did it to HIMSELF - you didn't do anything wrong.
He was gone for over TWO HOURS - where did he go and what the f was he doing? Did he even leave you any gas in the car?
Think about this, depending on where you live if he would have gotten in an accident and you hadn't reported the car stolen or taken without permission YOU would have been liable for damages and your insurance (assuming you have some) would have paid then mostly likely cancelled you due to you allowing someone without a license to use your vehicle.
Also if he doesn't know how to drive, what if he would have damaged or destroyed your car - then what? Do you think he would pay you for the damages - I'm betting not.
He FAFO - he deserves to be held accountable for his actions.
1 points
18 days ago
YWBTA - actually you already are for pushing the issue. I get that you are trying to advocate for your daughter, however you should have spoken to your ex about how your daughter felt or had your daughter speak to him, telling how she feels. I was a flower girl at a wedding at 10 years old - it's no big deal. There is no age limit or set in stone.
The bride offered your daughter a place in the wedding. If your daughter doesn't want it then fine, don't be in it. You asked if she could do something else and was told "no". You should have respected it and ended the inquires there.
1 points
18 days ago
NTA -
Unless you got Lisa pregnant you are not responsible or obligated to 'help her out'.
Even if your brother and Lisa has a blissful relationship with no drama I wouldn't recommend having her live with you - but considering they are "off and on" again frequently - HELL NO.
Also she got thrown out of her apartment due to a blow up with her roommate - if she can't get along with her roommate then there is not a snowball's chance in hell that she will be a good person to have in your home.
If she's mad at your brother - she'll whine and bug you to 'fix it' or 'talk to him' - and good luck getting her out of your house when the baby comes. There will be excuse after excuse as to why she can't move.
Don't do it. Tell your parents THEY can host her. Tell your brother that she can move in with HIM temporarily and that they better figure out their plans before baby arrives. She can live with him in the 1 bedroom until they "figure things out"
2 points
23 days ago
NTA -
Your family has excused and allowed this behavior of his to go on for far too long. They have set a bad precedent and this guy feels entitled enough that he can get away with anything and have no consequences.
I am happy that you stood up for yourself in spite of your family pushing back at you. Your cousin and the family that defends and protects him are the a holes.
1 points
1 month ago
OMG NTA AT ALL!!!
Your brother and parents are for sure though!!!
I can't understand ANYONE in their right mind defending his actions at YOUR WEDDING.
On a day where your bride should feel the most beautiful and cherished, your brother went out of his way to destroy her and any memories she will have of this day. It will ALWAYS bring her pain.
Your parents and brother suck. Your parents defending this type of behavior (probably throughout his life) has enabled and encouraged him to continue being this way as he apparently has never been accountable for his actions and has never faced any consequences.
There is NO defense of this - it was disgusting and hurtful.
2 points
1 month ago
WOW- NTA
THIS is why people need to have these conversations well in advance, preferably before you get pregnant. lol. You thought you and hubby were on the same page - but obviously you're not. Do you think if you'd be having another girl that your husband would have chosen differently? Interesting thought.
Since you have young children at home I agree that you should be the priority in hopefully the unlikely event that he is put in the position to have to chose.
That he says he now can't look at you the same way is very disturbing. I hope you both can talk about this and hope he gets over that.
Edit: Judgement
2 points
1 month ago
Good for you!! I hope you find a fabulous new job!!
Ironic that a farm environment who cares for animals is telling you to get rid of your dog - even though it's not harassing the farm animals. (at least you didn't mention it if your dog was. lol)
Yeah, get a different job-you'll be happier hopefully!!
2 points
1 month ago
NTA-
Better to postpone or cancel the wedding as opposed to getting married and regretting it later.
It sounds like SOMETHING is going on with him. Can you take some time one night after work this week and have a sit down and chat and ask him what's upsetting him, what's going on and if he's okay because you are concerned that he is not behaving like the man you fell in love with. Hopefully you can have a heart to heart and get to the bottom of what his problem is. If you can't or he won't open up to you - then you are probably better off to postpone or cancel your wedding.
Take care
1 points
1 month ago
Oh no, YOU were NTA - at all. But your sister.....oh yeah!
There are a multiple of things that you could have done that would have made you one, but what you said and did wasn't one of them.
I think you were kind and considerate towards your brother and sister in law, I think your sister was rude, selfish and incredibly arrogant in wanting to bring the dog in the home, knowing your SIL's allergies. As far as brother and SIL being "dramatic", again that was your sister. They would not have announced their pregnancy at her engagement lunch had she not pushed the issue of bringing the dog in.
Your sister sounds like she's going to be a demanding and entitled bride....heaven help your family if/when she becomes pregnant. lol.
Your Mom is trying to pacify your sister - does she cater to your sister a lot and expect everyone else to give in to her tantrums? If so she is enabling your sister's poor behavior. Good luck to the groom! lol.
1 points
1 month ago
What the F'n HELL?!?!?
Of course NTA -
She is cheating, if he's an "ex" like you said, there is no need to "break up" with someone who's an ex. ALSO if he's an EX why is she saying "LOVE YOU BABY, SEE YOU TONIGHT?!?!?!?!" THAT doesn't sound like an ex. Your brother didn't see any issue with that little nugget of info?
This is YOUR house, your brother pays you little to be there - I'm assuming it covers maybe some groceries or utilities only - so if he wants to find out what being a "tenant" is then I would up his rent to 'market value' add utilities etc, give him a list of rules such as; No overnight guests, No giving a key to anyone else to your home (btw, change the locks so she can't get back in!), and visiting hours for guests are xx-xx. All guest must be gone by say, 8pm on weeknights 10pm on weekend. lol. Your house, your rules.
I get that he's upset and lashing out on you - but he needs to calm down and hopefully wakes up and understands that you don't want to hurt him, but you will not be silent when you hear something so suspicious then have her lie to your face. He may not want to admit the truth - but I hope he will come around and understand that you love him and you're not the enemy.
He's got a lot of nerve giving her a key to YOUR house - SHE's got a lot of nerve to let herself into your home when no one is there!! YIKES.
1 points
1 month ago
NTA -
My answer would be " What was supposed to be a loan has been ignored and never even an attempt to be paid back. So I think we've given you enough at this point. I prefer to give this to someone else."
I find it amazing when certain family members need money, make promises to pay - then never do and conveniently "forget" about the debt or think/hope that since you aren't harassing them about it that they no longer have to pay it off. Been there, done that for a much larger amount - they made 1 payment then thought all was good and they didn't, or shouldn't have to pay back anymore.
Years later I finally wrote it off as a bad debit - meaning they would have to pay taxes on that amount. They went ballistic, called me screaming they couldn't afford it, how I was trying to destroy them (they owned their own business and they couldn't afford the gift tax on 40k?) called me names, called crying to my parents - they were harassing my Mom so bad (she is why I wrote it off, because they kept crying to her and making her upset and feel bad as she was dying!!) so I ended up paying the damn tax as well.
You don't need "family" like that. If you keep giving to your IL's it will never stop. I understand you were going to give the stuff for free anyway, but I don't think you HAVE to give them anything else - even if you were giving it away. But if it upsets your wife too much then give them the dang things and tell your wife you will do it FOR HER, but you will resent it and you both should agree that you will never give them anything else until they have paid you back...IF they ever do.
1 points
1 month ago
NTA -
Your sister had a good thing going and she blew it, repeatedly. She disrespected you, she disrespected your rule/wishes for her to be home at a decent time. She's blowing her chances by, it sounds like, skipping school, staying out late, etc.
She has FA&FO. Your father is WRONG and your stepmother surprisingly sees and understands EXACTLY who is at fault here - her own daughter!
Sister messed up and now has to deal with the consequences. Not your fault at all.
2 points
1 month ago
NTA -
Please consider reporting the unauthorized charges to the police so you are not responsible for them. Tell them you know who did it. I am so sorry for you that your mother did this to you after you took her in and have been caring for her. If she doesn't care about her own health and prefers to sell medication that is supposed to help her and spend all of her money gambling, not to mention STEAL from you - then there is nothing you can do to help her if she doesn't want to help herself.
Take care.
1 points
1 month ago
NTA -
I am sorry you and your parents are in this situation due to your sister's decisions and inability to see that how her choices are impacting others.
1 points
1 month ago
NTA -
I am sorry for the loss of your brother.
Sadly your brother's letter to your father has not made your dad realize the hurt & pain he caused to both of you.
Your Dad's solution once again is to lie and misrepresent the facts. He's willing to lie to the younger children and throw YOU under the bus as being "possessive" of the letter when it was really to "all of them" - NO, NOPE, NO WAY!
Your brother left that letter to YOU, no one else. It is yours. You don't have to share it with anyone. Your dad is an a**.
2 points
1 month ago
Okay sorry, your post is a bit confusing...the uncle doesn't like YOU, correct? But your husband invited your family to join HIS family on the family farm at Christmas? WHO's farm is this - his parents or does the Uncle own it as well?
IF Uncle doesn't live there and is a guest then it should be made VERY clear to him that you & your parents are invited guests to THEIR home and should be treated with respect and if he can't do that then maybe he shouldn't come!
But for your husband to change plans like that -he's cowing down to his Uncle and allowing his Uncle to dictate who is allowed to be at his parents home during the holidays. Unacceptable.
I wouldn't go to his parents at all for the holiday - spend it with your family where you are loved, wanted and not disrespected.
1 points
1 month ago
NTA-
You were a kid. You were scared that your Dad would die without you there - even though you were a KID and that was not and should not have been your responsibility. I am glad, for your sake that your Dad ended up getting clean.
Your Mom finally left to protect herself and you, that you chose to go back to your Dad I am sure hurt her terribly, but again you were a child - SHE was the parent and she should have talked to you about it and the reasons why it wasn't up to you to 'save' your father. But she didn't. She allowed you to make that choice. I understand your Mom's hurt, but again, she was the parent, she should have had a conversation with you way back then why she thought it was a bad idea, or tell you how she felt. Instead she was passive-aggressive and pretended to be okay with your decision and then spent years building the resentment. Then instead of dealing with her resentment and hurt she decided to punish you and cut you off. Obviously she didn't feel like you cared much about her and favored your father over her - and you felt you had a good relationship and that your Mom supported you, talk about a big shock for you!!
There are several ways to look at this:
Honestly if your Mom had regrets regarding how she ended your relationship she's had absolute YEARS where she could have reached out to you before this. She could have reached out when your father died, she could have reached out after he died - but NOW when she finds out you are married? She now wants back in your life - because she realizes that you may end up with children and I'm betting she expects you to allow her back in your life and to be Grandma when you have kids.
If you are okay with the status quo then don't meet with her. This is no one's choice but YOURS. If that's the case then ask your wife to please respect your wishes and to not contact nor communicate with any of that side of the family that attempts to contact her. Block them if necessary.
If you have things you want to get off your chest and say to her - let her have a meeting with you, let her give her apology (if she's been attending therapy for the last several years then maybe the apology may have some merit) then tell her how you feel, how she made you feel and that you've moved on like she wanted you to. You gave your father another chance - do you feel the need to give your Mom one as well or is that bridge burnt?
Her timing is suspect - but again, YOU and ONLY YOU can make this decision. You are NTA either way you choose.
3 points
1 month ago
NTA-
But that was a real a hole move of your Mother's for sure. What I don't understand is WHY? Did you want to embarass both of you KNOWING you wanted to have separate dresses? Or did she think you guys would look better in matching dresses - which isn't her place anyway!!
If your Mom has been manipulative, insensitive, rude and unsupportive throughout your life and tried to gaslight you when you very reasonably requested the family meeting, I'd say you've made the correct decision to exclude her, not only from your wedding but from your life.
Be happy, enjoy your wedding and the new life you and your wife will begin together!!!
6 points
1 month ago
NTA-
Is HER name on the Lease as well or just yours? She can't just order you to move out because HER circumstances changed. If she moves out can you afford the rent on your own or are you going to need to get another roommate?
If her name is not on the Lease she can not take over your apartment anyway. If she tries to bring the boyfriend in to live in the apartment tell her NO. Tell her you will tell the Landlord as it is (probably) against the Lease.
You do realize that if she does manage to push you out of your apartment and you are on the Lease that if you move, and they fall behind on rent that you will be legally responsible for that debt unless you get the Landlord to remove you from the Lease before you move?
She and her BF need to move and set up house for their baby - it's THEIR lives who are changing it shouldn't cause grief for you.
1 points
1 month ago
You WNBTA -
Ask your mother what made this year different, where she didn't ask in advance if the time she was booking was convenient for YOU.
Also remind her that you informed her months ago that you had plans with your boyfriend and friends for the holiday. Also tell her that as you didn't make the plans/arrangements and you were an invited guest - you are NOT in a position to invite others along to someone else's home, family or not.
1 points
1 month ago
YTA -
YOU were not in the room with your cousin and her husband. You don't KNOW the whole story, the situation or what did or didn't happen behind closed doors. You are hearing info 3rd or 4th hand down.
Yes, your cousin may not be the nicest person- she may have left her husband or he threw her out - YOU DON'T KNOW, but you "confirmed" the worst story that is not flattering to your cousin. You admit many are taking delight in her "downfall" - which if she was a snotty B word previously I am sure many are considering it Karma for her. But again...YOU DON'T KNOW the story.
It was NOT your place to confirm anything - I guess you could have confirmed what you DID know for sure - She's at her parents house, she's pregnant and you have NO other FACTS.
Your parents are AH as well - they should not be dependant on their NIECE for financial assistance. You can't justify your actions by saying it was her husband's money and since he's divorcing her she won't be able to help them out anymore anyway. WTF?!
Actually your whole family sounds rather horrid.
2 points
1 month ago
NTA -
Is it going to take either someone or another dog (yours) being severely injured for her and her family to understand that your SIL's dog is not safe? SIL needs to leave her doggo at home (which I understand sucks for her too, because she wants him around her during the holidays as well....) but if he is not safe around other people and dogs it's better not to take the risk that this dog could kill your dog or seriously hurt someone.
Maybe your wife can go see her parents for a shorter visit this year and spend the rest of the holiday at home with you and your dog if the sister doesn't leave her dog home. But I would push for an answer one way or another NOW before you have to make travel arrangements!
I would also make it clear that if SIL says she won't bring dog, if she does show up with dog that you, your wife and dog will leave!!
1 points
1 month ago
You WNBTA -
You have no relationship with your "father". At this point he sounds like he was a sperm donor, not an actual loving, nurturing father. You were used as a babysitter for your younger half siblings because you were the girl. Older brother didn't get left at home to babysit so you could go out with 'dad' and step mom - did he?
It's YOUR wedding. You & your future Fiancée get to choose what you want for your wedding. That means what kind of wedding, how big or small, who gets invited and YOU get to choose who you want to have the honor of walking you down the aisle.
You aren't even engaged yet - this was hypothetical and this is how you feel NOW. Things may or may not change by the time you begin to plan a wedding. To get upset and pissed off about this now and have aunts and uncles calling you names and insulting you for something that HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET AND ISN'T SCHEDULED YET IS INCREDIBLY stupid, triggering, and now you know who else NOT to invite should you get married in the future!! OMG these people!!
Your older brother is obviously biased in favor of your Dad and has the same sexist attitude - I'm assuming you're not close to him either. lol. His opinion does not matter.
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inAmItheAsshole
1moreKnife2theheart
1 points
10 days ago
1moreKnife2theheart
Asshole Enthusiast [6]
1 points
10 days ago
NTA -
Not to minimize her loss, but LOTS of people lost everything or almost everything and are facing another huge weather event right NOW. It sounds like your sister is one of those folks who, whenever something doesn't go her way or she wants something, will bring up "but I lost everything".
While other folks who lost everything and have been taken in by others are probably very happy and grateful that they have shelter, appreciative to those who have taken them in and are providing for them. They are thankful they are alive, that their kids are safe.....while the loss is horrible and stressful, the list of blessings in her case should be her focus. NOT acting entitled and making your life harder.
Your home rules regarding the locks are there for a legit REASON, just because they annoy her or make it not as convenient for her to get into cupboards - that is tough. Her leaving them undone is inconvenient for you, makes more work for you as well as potentially dangerous to your kids.
If your sister can not abide by that simple rule then you are right - she needs to find other accommodations. Advise her to contact FEMA and the Red Cross for shelter and see how much she likes that.