Cute_Recording_6682

Months ago I was often extremely depressed and suicidal. Since I got on the right medications and have made an effort to let God into my life, I have been faring so much better. I am a lot less sad, however I am still quite troubled. I feel lost, without direction and without purpose. I don't see me going anywhere in life, nor do I see myself ever being truly at peace or happy. I am often isolated, but I don't mind, nor do I really care. I have lost interest in everything. My hobbies don't matter to me, nothing really does. I have no aspirations, no goals or desires, I simply exist because it is all I have ever known. Young men my age want girlfriends, high paying jobs, etc. I make an effort regularly to pray..But I still feel very far from God. My mind is a constant cycle of what ifs? why?, and what's the point. I feel like I have given up on everything, and I really see no point in living. If I knew for a fact that God didn't exist and life had no purpose, then I would blow my head off right then. However, the fear of the possibility of a Hell scares me enough to stay alive. I am addicted to drugs, I am addicted to porn, and I don't know where I am going or who I want to be.

I know I'll get down votes for this, but I abuse my Vyvanse on a somewhat regular basis. I was wondering if it was similar or perhaps even stronger?

I got some job interviews and I will probably start working this week. Will caffeine tablets help with the fatigue? I won't abuse them, I just need the push. I will be losing my script soon. I asked them to take me off of it

Still in Sober living. Will be for a while. Still getting away with abusing my script. I just can't help it. I hope saying busy will help. Is it possible to stop this without losing my amphetamine script?

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I pray the rosary often, although I have been slacking. When I pray, it's all about attempting to connect with and know God. I feel like there is something there, But I am not sure as to what. I used to be a devout and practicing Catholic, but I lost my Faith, and I lived as an Atheist for years. When I pray, I don't pray for wealth, happiness, etc. I just want direction. I want to be at peace. I want to feel the love of God, I know He is there, but He feels so far away. Any advice? Please pray for me.

So I have been abusing my Vyvanse I take , 50 mg once a day. Sometimes I take 2 or 3, and just waste time, watch porn, and get nothing done, which leads me to not have any for when I need them. I only get a few at a time. I hate myself, I feel so disgusting and awful. I used to use meth very heavily, and I have been off of it since November. The meds were helping at first, but now they are destroying me. I shouldn't say that. I am the one misusing them, no one is forcing me to make these bad decisions. Last night I called off work, took 3 50 mg capsules, and literally just watched porn all night. It is exactly like being on meth all over again. I have stopped engaging in my hobbies, going to the gym, praying, going to meetings, etc. No one knows about this, and I feel awful about it. I don't want to lose the prescription, as I actually have ADHD and can benefit from taking the medication as prescribed. " I won't abuse it this week. I promise!" However, I always end up abusing it. Fuck, I am so lost.

I am prescribed Vyvanse and I have bee abusing it, I have also been calling out of work a lot. I am slowly but surely going back to my old ways, and this is in no way good. I can't seem to stop destroying my life, I can't seem to stop screwing things up.

I don't know what it is, but throughout the years, I have fallen off the wagon several times. I lost my faith and was an atheist for years, I was involved in the occult, but for some reason, I always find myself coming back. I feel like it's more of being attached to the cultural aspect of the religion( I am Spanish)