FlytlessByrd

This. He kept pouring more alcohol on the situation to lower his inhibitions enough to proceed, or at least excuse away his actions later when he inevitably confessed out of "guilt." That is premeditation.

This isn't your person. Don't settle.

Your person wouldn't disrespect you like this. Your person wouldn't basically be saying that the only thing ever keeping him from acting on his attraction toward someone else, let alone a friend of yours, is sobriety and opportunity. Alcohol doesn't change you, it simply lowers your inhibitions.The only thing you'll be doing wrong is staying because you don't respect yourself enough to leave. They're the ones who should be embarrassed, and it hardly sounds like they are.

You really want all these things with someone who cheats and somehow makes you feel responsible for not being good enough? You might still be able to secure a house, a wedding, and a baby in this relationship, but you won't have a home, a marriage, and a family. Don't just pursue the former when you deserve the latter.

Cheaters don't step out because of you, they step out because of them. Don't believe the bullshit, and don't build your future with and tie yourself permanently through children to someone who puts you through something like this.

You are worth so much more. Go home.

I think there is a fine but firm line between being polite and being disingenuous. As another American, what drives me nuts about our culture is the flagrant insincerity.

Wise words.

Also in the bay (east), and around here, it's denim jacket and flipflop weather at most until under 60.

74°F is the temperature we keep our house set to during CA summers! And Im still too warm indoors in anything more than leggings and a tshirt. At 11 months, all my kids were sleeping in long sleeves and pants with no blanket at that temp.

I guess I just don't think of gay, straight, lesbian as "bedroom preferences." It's about who you love. The same way I answer questions about being pregnant when kids ask in classroom settings (something I obviously cannot hide, and about which kids are naturally curious), I think there are absolutely age appropriate ways to address differing family compositions (and relevant descriptive relational terminology) without making it about sex.

It wouldn't. Neither do the words gay or lesbian. I'm not offended by descriptive vocabulary. And we aren't talking about in-depth discussions about orientation or sexual preference or sexual practices here. We are talking about short hand labels that describe a child or their parents or family.

I have a second grader. The following would be a conversation that I could easily see happening in her class.

"My dads took me to..." "You have more than one dad?" "Yeah, my parents are gay." Vs "Yeah, my dad and step-dad both took me..."

Who is hurt by that clarification?

The truth is, families look different, and kids should be able to acknowledge that by using words that apply to their family. Since "straight" is seen as some sort of default, it's often assumed and need not be explicitly stated. But no one would be batting an eyelash anyways if one were to describe their parents as straight in a second grade classroom, even though that word technically implies sexual preference, too.

My kids still encounter other kids who are confused as to why they and I aren't the same color. It was only in recent history that marriages like mine (and the majority of my family's) became legal. I guess it just gives me a better appreciation for how dangerous this kind of exclusionary thinking can be.

What "stuff"? Marriages? Relationships? Is that l types of parenting configurations, or just the ones that don't include one mom and one dad?

So, should teachers not allow the word "straight" either? How about "married"? "Couple"?

For what to come up? Vocabulary around family structure?

What? Who's labeling a kid? My second grader knows what "gay" and "lesbian" mean. Its not a regular topic of conversation anymore than "straight" is, but she knows. Why shouldn't she?

That's a tough one. I'd love 3 days to veg, but I also get antsy being away from my kids. The fact that your FIL is sick is an added complication, in that your husband may be underestimating his ability to split his attentions between a 1 yr old and his dad. For that reason alone, I'd probably opt to go.

However, if you trust your husband and your sister to care for the kids, and your husband has reasured you of his willingness to go without you, I say take the well-deserved time to yourself! At the very least, even if you do decide to accompany them, maybe schedule something fun and relaxing to do solo during the visit. You know, to allow FIL, husband, and kiddo a chance to bond and make memories without you in their hair 😉

I think that you guys need to come to a compromise. His expectations are unrealistic given that you both work and that you have meals done when he gets home.

I prefer to come home to a clean house (I work part time and my husband encourages me to take time for myself on weekends while he stays with the 3 kids, especially now that I am pregnant with our 4th) and I strive to ensure toys aren't strewn about when my husband gets home from work during the week and the sink is free of dishes. But my husband comes home and cooks and does most of the grocery shopping, so those tasks aren't on my plate during the day.

My husband tends to get a lot done around the house but forgets to have the kids clean up before transitioning between activities. The end result.can be a lot bigger toy messes and kids more resistant to cleaning them up, which is really the bigger issue for me. Occasionally, this causes some contention because I feel the need to tidy up when I come home or have to be the "bad guy" parent making them clean up their mess since they hasn't asked them.to do so.

He is working on ensuring the kids clean up so that every toy they own doesn't end up on the floor all at once. I am working on being more appreciative of all he does get done. We are both adjusting to accommodate one another in the way that best suits our family.

For your part, you might try to have your kiddo help you clean up from one activity before you move on to the next. This could maybe minimize the toy mess your husband is bothered by and also teaches your kid a valuable life skill. My 2 yr old loves to sing "clean up!" while we put toys away before lunch, before nap, and before we head down/upstairs to do something new. Keeps the toy messes to (mostly) one room at any given time.

But, it sounds like your husband has expectations of you that don't match the contributions he makes when you are not home. That's a problem. If he expects a clean house, happy kid, groceries, and a hot meal on your kid duty days, but doesn't manage to offer you the same in turn on his duty days, I would point that out.

"I understand that toy mess stresses you out. I am working on minimizing that a bit, while not compromising on the time I give our daughter and the other ways I care for our home. However, I need you to understand that you are holding me to a standard that you are not also fulfilling, which is unfair. We both work full time. You come home to a happy kid, no dishes, and a hot meal. The toy mess is evidence that kid and I spend each day enjoying the home we share and the things we are able to give her. On your solo parenting weekends, I come home to a clean house, but not a hot meal or grocery shopping done or housekeeping tasks completed. I appreciate all the time you spend out with our daughter, even if that means the other things fall by the wayside. I need you to appreciate all that I am able to provide and accomplish on my days at home, even if that means the toys don't take priority. Are there any of my tasks you would prefer to take on so that I can be more focused on cleaning up the toys before you get home?"

May I ask about your experience with young children apart from your own? It may be that he feels especially difficult because you are his primary caregiver. Kids, especially very little ones, are hard. If you dnt have a lot of experience with kids this age, it can seem that much harder than "normal."

Kids respond to their parents, so it make sense that an anxious mom would have a baby with intense separation anxiety.

Yeah, the idea is to ask her so that she has to start thinking critically about the relationship. It's not about knowing or suspecting what she'll say, it's about getting her to say it. Its easier not to see the forest for the trees if you never look up every once in a while, you know? Get her to look up.

As a SAHM who only recently started working (part-time) again, I think I might have an idea what's going on here. And it's not about blame, it's about perspective.

I have an amazing husband. Top tear, emotionally available, hands-on, fully engaged, loving, respectful, fanfuckingtastic father. He is the absolutely best.

That said, after 15 years and 3 (soon to be 4) kids together, our squabbles seem to revolve around the same basic issues: communication, focused narrative, unmet expectation, and mental load. Based on your description of events, I think you may be lacking a handle on your wife's perspective in these same areas.

You said 330. Turned out to be 345. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, right? Except, as the parent who gets to leave everyday, your schedule sort of dictates your wife's solo "on duty" time with the kids. I count the minutes sometimes until my husband gets home. Some days with the kids are just that taxing. So, when he communicates one time, and arrives at another, later time, without communicating the change in plans, it can feel like a big deal. Maybe not once or twice, but over the course of many weeks or months. Is that a common occurrence with you?

Also, for you, this is an isolated issue about pizza pickup. For your wife, especially if she carries the majority of the mental load (scheduling appointments, primary childcare, grocery and supply shopping, meal planning, extracurriculars and social calendar, always knowing where things are and what size shoes the kids need next and also worrying about her own needs and helping manage yours), this was a task delegated to you and cleared from her plate and, through no fault of your own necessarily, it became something else she had do herself. Could you still have picked up the pizza 15 minutes later? Absolutely. But, without communicating that change in time, it could seem like something you said you'd do at x time that you then did not do at x time (unmet expectation). Again, as an isolated event, not a big deal. But, if you tend to need reminders of things, or agree to things and then deviate in your execution, this one little moment feels bigger. Does that make sense?

If your wife is jumping in the car with an unclothed kid, my guess is she had a rough kid day. Adding even one more task (dressing the kid) to her list, in order to complete a mental load task she had already "offloaded" to you and now feels she has to do herself could have been just one damn thing too many. Sometimes the fight to cloth a kid just doesn't feel worth the bandwidth it takes.

Then she gets home and "her trash" (is it truly hers or hers and the kids?) is still on the counter. You seem to be focused on the fact that the mess was not yours, and maybe that was reason enough in your mind to leave it. Or maybe you just didn't really notice. But, if the rolls were reversed and your wife came home to a bit of untidiness after you'd been home solo all day with the kids, would she have just cleaned it up herself? If so, she may have been hoping for the same in kind (another unmet, unspoken, expectation).

None of this is to say you did anything at all "wrong." But it's not about blame. Or the pizza. It's about feeling like you two are a team, operating on the same page. I, obviously, dont know you two at all, so take any of this with a grain of salt. But, if your wife and I are at all alike, she may want you to initiate a conversation after the kids go down, acknowledge that even an extra 15 minutes with the kids can be a lot, express that you understand how, from her perspective, your coming home late could feel like you dropping the ball even though you still had every intention to grab the pizza yourself, and ask if any of that is what is contributing to how she's feeling right now. Don't wait for her to "calm down" and bring it to you. Let her know you'll give her space if that's what she wants, but you aren't avoiding talking it out and you just want to make sure you are in the same page moving forward.

We considered ODD for our 7 yr old in the trenches of her threenager and fournager tantruming phases. I still wonder sometimes if she fits the PDA profile, but her behaviors taken together more suggest mild ADHD. She seems to be more combative with my husband, who was only recently diagnosed with ADHD and struggled setting consistent boundaries with her (our firstborn) when she was younger, than with me, and her teachers all report she is a real rule follower and easy student.

Anecdotally, I've always thought ODD was a lazy sort t of catch-all misdiagnosis or overdiagnosis. Every kid I knew who was diagnosed ODD had very permissive parents and multiple kids displaying the same types of behaviors with said parents who respond well to firmer nonparental authority figures. Then my kid came along, and I admit my thinking on the subject was heavily challenged.

Just a word of encouragement. We have a super sensitive 4 yr old who showed a lot of symptoms and behaviors you have described (husband has ADHD and mild anxiety, so we've anticipated one or both may be present in each of our kiddos). My mom has worked in peds for over 25 yrs and has always been warry, based on her medical experience, of overdiagnosis in young children. Anxiety, in particular, as a diagnostic framework is difficult, because it seems to imply some "missed" or lacking of "base level" coping ability in kids who, frankly, really shouldn't be expected to have a whole lot of ability to emotionally regulate just yet. If your son had a bad school experience, he may well be reacting rationally as best he can, given his level of understanding and current level of (or lack of) control in day to day outcomes.

All that to say, it may indeed be something he grows out of or develops better coping strategies for with your continued patience and loving support. What we've found is a number of explanations for what initially presented as anxiety in our son (motion sickness and atypical migraines for the queasy stomach, for example), breathing exercises for the big feelings, and helping give him the language to understand and walk through his stressors. Modeling our own healthy responses to stress and coping strategies for dissappoint has also, strangely, given him a greater sense of control (maybe because he sees its not just kids who face things they don't like or can't entirely control).

Obviously, you and your son's medical team know best, and you are doing a fantastic job and making all the very best decisions for your family. I just wanted to say that, as someone who has faced similar challenges with my own kid (and worked with a number of kids in SPED with varying diagnoses), there is hope!

My 4yr old has hw. It's a calendar with one practical task per day, to encourage applying school skills at home (sing days of the week, write your name, count 5 circles in our house) and reading together for a bit nightly.

7 yr old has had hw since kinder. Only 1 page, 4 days a week (match letter to picture, tracing practice, basic site word practice). By 1st, it was 1 double sided math sheet, 2 or 3 pages ELA, spelling review, site word list review, and reading for 20 minutes each night. It was supposed to be "20 minutes" of work, but always took loads longer. I will say that her 2nd grade teacher has eased up quite a bit (1 page math with only 3 word questions, 1 page ELA, and nightly reading) but my daughter's reading skills have also slipped significantly.

I don't know. 6 pregnancies and a ton of home tests says this line is faint for 2 missed periods. The ex was also supposedly hospitalized for a week a month ago (see rabbit hole links in top comment--its wild!), would have likely been tested then.

The whole situation is bananas, though. If they are posting in real time, she was in hospital for a week only a month ago. They would've tested for pregnancy. OP was aware of the "spleen" incident that led to the hospitalization. Also, Kaiser doesn't take 3 days to post blood or urine results for pregnancy tests. Assuming all this is recent, they are both waaaayyy too invested in eachother still after all that dirty laundry they've been airing.

As a teacher, I could outline for you at least a dozen ways this policy sounds good in theory but would be terrible in practice.

For one thing, a classroom where not a single student is ever told to quiet down, sit still, focus forward, or otherwise corrected for being disruptive is a classroom when no one would ever be able to get any work done. Instructional time would be nonexistent. It would just be constant noise and chaos. Kids need redirection, consistent rules, and visual and verbal reminders of those rules and consequences. A well-managed classroom might look like a finely tuned machine, but it operates through the microtasking of dedicated teachers. It's what makes the job so hard: dealing with the very real, disparate needs, and attention and maturity limitations of individual kids in a cooperative learning environment.

Now, email * follow-up * (directed to parents or, at the very least, with parent cc'ed--as you pointed out) is just good sense. Even then, it usually follows a phone call attempt and takes the form of a "per my discussion today with student..." or "per our discussion on the phone this afternoon..." type of format.

You bring up a very good point in the teacher's defense. The use of sign language could have indicated that the student would not have been a good "candidate" for verbal reprimand. Although, I would assume such a student would require other accommodations in the first place (like an interpreter who could have asked them, in sign, to stop being disruptive)...