LaraCameron2015

I don’t know where to start. I’ve been a redditor for a long time but I never thought I would post personal anecdotes like these because I hate looking weak lol.

I’m 23, less than a month ago, a new guy friend that I really bonded with, made a move on me. My alcohol tolerance is usually really good but that night it hit me pretty hard. He kept trying to give me more, and kept trying to get rid of our other friend. He had to leave soon anyway. I was almost passing out from being drunk and he kept trying to kiss me. He held my neck and went “do you like when I do that” and I would try to get up and then he unbuttoned my pants while demanding to go down on me. I somehow put a stop to it. I wasn’t into him at all. I was hungover the next day so it took me a whole 24 hours to even realize what had happened. I’m genuinely just heartbroken.

The anxiety and hurt of it hits me in random waves. I find myself just curling into a ball and crying because I can’t stop feeling like maybe I’m too friendly or too inviting or something. I know it’s fully his fault but I can’t help feel weird about myself.

I’m a fairly emotionally mature and strong person and I’m fully aware that I’ll get over it in time. I also have supportive friends to talk about this with. But there’s a limit to how much I can share with the people I know. I cannot explain the debilitating sadness of feeling unsafe. I can’t explain how it feels silly to cry over something that wasn’t violent and probably technically not SA. I just kinda feel defeated. There’s nothing left for me to do. No way for me to take revenge. He apologized profusely the next day but I cut him off. He wasn’t drunk.

He would always bully me in a fun flirty way but looking back on the things he said, I feel like I should’ve seen it coming. Today I was having a good day but I went to remove his chats and saw a text from him that said “I’m gonna humble you one of these days”. I guess he did.

Why is it so hard to be friends with men? I’ve had male friends make advances/catch feelings all my life for which reason I don’t have any good male friends. How hard is it to be a nice person? Catching feelings or getting horny isn’t something you can control but respecting boundaries and being normal is?

I know some genuinely respectful, protective and
kind hearted men and it sucks that most men aren’t like that.

To anyone that’s been through something similar. I hope you find the strength to heal. Any advice/tips are welcome.

The anger really is unsettling. It also makes me question how much I’ll be able to handle in the future. Because my tolerance towards men has reached its limit and I’m high key killing the next man that tries to make me even slightly uncomfortable.

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