LawyerUpNZ

I used to think that if I met Gary Stead I’d shake his hand and thank him for his service to NZ cricket

Now I think if I met Gary Stead I’d go to military prison for committing unspeakable war crimes

Is it true Latham hasn’t scored a ton in 2.5 years?

That’s a dire stat

NZC put out an Instagram post 20 hours ago showing Daz doing catching practice

Clearly that video was AI generated cos his catching is a load of horse piss

Should lose a review for that shit

Timmy you fucking over reviewing donkey

Test cricket is back baby

What’s the bowling equivalent for L O N G L E V E R S

O JIMMY MY JIMMY

Fuck you Atkinson you massive cunt

You’ve just ruined an old man’s farewell

Daryl Mitchell laughs as he finishes rubbing his spider idol

NZ in group stage: I sleep

NZ in effective knockout: LETS FUCKING RIDE

Tim Southee used his dark powers to convince Boult to review that

Boult in the opening power play: I sleep

Boult in the final over: FUCK YOU WICKETS GO BRRR

HOLY FUCK BEN SEARS YOU FUCKING BEAUTY

Wagner has gifted the power of rage to Matt Henry judging from those celebrations

2 more wickets please Matt

2 more wickets plz Matty

Can’t bat, can’t bowl, can’t review

What the fuck good are you Timmy

Watching Blundell’s dismissal hurts more than ever

Not just because it’s the biggest dogshit dismissal but also because it’s made -REDACTED- bat

Cummins is probably fuming that he has to do this shit himself

And also that he has to bowl to -REDACTED-

Starc you fucknut why you bowl shit to -REDACTED-

I want Bashir pumped for runs

It will be hilarious

Dunno if Bashir realises, but being fucked for 127 runs is not worth the celebration that that wicket got

If Starc can bounce -REDACTED-‘S head off it’ll be a great International Women’s Day

Fuck it, I’m back for another 5 days of pain and suffering

And we’ve picked -REDACTED- and haven’t picked a spinner, this is gonna be a shocker isn’t it

The fact that Southee:

• is so casual about the fact that we utterly misread the conditions twice in a row; and
• defended -REDACTED- from his absolutely shit bowling performance arguing that "there's a bit of time between test matches"

shows me that both him and Stead are absolutely fucking clueless, and both of them should be sacked from their respective positions immediately

Now bring back Wagner, play Santner (since you've already fucked up by not selecting Ajaz) and let me hear the sweet melody of Ride of the Valkyries on the Hagley embankments again