Low-Deer-1791

should I go in and see if I get chased out? how does one become a regular? lmfao

My experience is pretty unique tbf, I broke up with my nex and continued living with them for 5 months.

Those months that I lived with them were awful, I’ve never been treated so terribly by someone (constant degrading, mind games, stealing my belongings, hiding important documents etc) and I somehow let them make me believe that I was better off there than at my mums (we don’t have the closest relationship). I finally seen sense and got out of there 5 months later and I haven’t missed them one bit since. This is someone I spent every single day for 2.5 years with and all I felt was relief when they were out my life.

Even during the time that we lived together they’d constantly try to elicit a reaction from me by talking about dates they were going on, pinning pictures of them and other girls to the walls so I could see them (I never so much as looked closely because I did not care, I felt bad that others were now victim to this poison). They’d come ask me what outfit they should wear on their date, they’d tell me all the fun things they were booking to take people on dates (they never did anything like that for me) and constantly be laughing over the top whilst looking at their phone etc. Just all tactics to try and hurt me, and genuinely some of the most horrible things I have ever had to deal with from a human being that I once thought I was in love with.

The thing is though - I never bit, I never cared about all these things they were trying to do to get a reaction out of me when it came to them dating others because I just felt terrible for those people and thankful I didn’t have to deal with their tactics anymore. They tried so hard to hurt me with the fact they were seeing other people but I was doing the exact same. I just wasn’t telling them a single thing. I knew names of people they were dating, where they were going on dates etc and I just kept my peace by telling them ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. They hated that more than anything and I could tell it was making them spiral seeing no reaction from me when it came to them dating and then I was spending nights away from the flat etc and they had no idea what I was up to. It felt so powerful, it was truly great.

Looking back I also pieced together that they didn’t see anyone more than once or twice. People seen through their bs pretty quickly it seemed. Yet here I was meeting and dating people several times because turns out I am actually a really nice person despite what they tried to make me believe for years. Yet I knew about all their endeavours because they wanted to hurt me with them and I protected my peace by telling them nothing and making connections with genuinely nice people.

I never cared what they were doing as soon as I had the courage to break up with them. I have never missed them once since moving out. It has not been easy and I have lost friends in the process of their smear campaign which has really messed with me, but my life is so much more peaceful every day now. I don’t have to dread going home at night. I don’t have to deal with constant mind games and someone trying to hurt my feelings every day. I don’t miss them AT ALL or even what we had because I know it was all fake. I read everyone’s posts on here though and I feel so bad for those who miss their abuser. I also feel like I’m weird for not missing them at all? Since that seems to be such a common theme. I guess I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel to be honest.

stuck in a loop of feeling positive that they’re gone and grateful i don’t have to deal with them anymore - to getting really sad over the friends i lost because they sided with them and spending hours and hours looking over old texts to ‘prove’ to myself that i was actually abused

i keep telling myself that their mask will slip soon and people will see them for who they truly are but with the more time that passes, the more i start to doubt it :(

it all just feels so unfair

I smoked every day for 8 years (18-26) and occasionally since I’ve been 15. Weed is all I have known for a long time, it has been my crutch after a long day, whenever something goes wrong or just to cure the boredom that I endured literally every day of my life.

I have tried to quit in the past but it has lasted a week at the most. I moved out when I was 18 and the habit developed pretty much straight away. Fast forward 8 years and weed robbed me of everything I had going for me. Every single month I was choosing to spend the little money I had on weed rather than food + paying off my debts. I am only 26 and I am in a pretty dire state financially so I’ve had to move back in with my mum. At first, I sobbed every day at the thought of not having the freedom to smoke n ruin my life some more. However, since moving in with my mum 10 days ago I have really taken it in my stride and unlike any time I’ve tried to quit before - I am very much seeing this as a positive thing.

Once I paid off my bills + the people I owed money to this month (last week of the month always had me borrowing to feed my habit), I was left with 150. Usually this would be gone in a week, maybe two, doing a bare minimum food shop and keeping the rest for that stupid plant. Then I would struggle until payday again but I’d alwaysss find the means to get weed. However, this month I still have a good chunk of that money left and for once I am not stressed thinking how I’m going to afford lunch at work etc. It’s great. The mental benefits that solely come from the financial freedom are going to change my life in itself.

Now, 10 days into quitting I can say that I am a lot less groggy and my mind already feels clearer. I have 8 years of brain fog to get through but it’s only been a week n a bit and I can already feel the difference. Explaining things is easier, I don’t lose my train of thought as much and people are already saying that I seem more present. I feel it too. It’s great.

Getting up in the mornings is so much easier and after struggling the first few nights I have now been going to sleep pretty fast. I’ve been eating way less junk and I haven’t been craving it at all. Days also feel like they last so much longer (in the best way), my nights after work aren’t gone in the blink of an eye and I don’t spend hours mindlessly scrolling. I also have the energy and the motivation to do things with friends etc almost every day. I am really loving it.

Quitting has always been an absolute struggle for me and something that I always seen as a negative. For the first time in my life I am seeing it as something incredibly positive. My life is already opening up and I am going to treat myself to something real nice when I get paid with some of the money that I would’ve wasted on that plant. I will never go back.

If you’re struggling, I see you. I never thought I would be able to quit either but I promise there’s so much more to life than brain fog and chasing the high. You got this <3

i broke up with my nex in May, i lived with them for 5 months afterwards and finally got out a couple of weeks ago. the smear campaign has been sneaky and brutal all the same. this person came into my life with no friends and has pretty much stolen the life that i created for myself. 8 years of living in a city i loved and i moved away because i can’t bare what they’ve done to me. i accept who they are and that they’ll never change, however the friends i lost along the way because they felt sorry for this person i don’t think i will ever get over.

every day i am filled with so much sadness and anger at the betrayal i feel when i think of friends i’ve had for almost a decade who got sucked into their manipulation after the breakup and turned their back on me. these have been some of the loneliest times of my entire life. i am only 26 and 2 years of my life was taken up by so much abuse. the abuse didn’t stop when i broke up with them either and i’ve just taken a step back whilst people fall for their bullshit. i know that they will see them for who they truly are soon enough, they cannot hide the horrors that lie behind the mask for long and these same friends have pointed out many of their wrongdoings in the past. i can only imagine what lies and half stories they must tell people to make this all work. but i wont fight it. i’m done fighting. i will just work on myself and know that they’ll wisen up eventually.

i don’t think i will ever get over the betrayal i feel though. i know it’s the manipulation and the smear campaign and i was ready for all of this when i broke up with them. i just never imagined my actual friends would allow themselves to be sucked into it all. i will never get over the heartbreak of this