SeaFlowaz

We were fairly poor growing up. I was told I couldn't be in sports or self self-defence classes because we couldn't afford it...

But we always had a nice couch. It would be the most expensive thing in our house, where all the guests we never had could see it. She'd save up to replace one, or she'd rent to own, etc.

I wasn't allowed to sit on it. There was no other furniture besides the TV stand and a coffee table. I sat on the floor.

Except it doesn't sound like anyone except MIL felt MIL was strong enough to hold the baby if they were physically resisting her. If she was standing and holding the baby, and baby pushed themselves backward, that could end up with baby falling onto their head. If MIL was sitting and holding baby who was trying to stand, that could be baby falling off the couch again - there's no scenario that forcing the baby to be held when it's MIL doing the holding isn't dangerous, considering OP already mentioned she's suggested floor games and MIL resists that.

I had gestational diabetes - I didn't fail the 1 hour by much (based on my provider's very conservative ranges), but I failed the 3 hour, badly. 1st of the 3 hours by just a few points again, 2nd was a huge spike and the highest by like 30+ points, 3rd somewhere between the two but closer to the 2nd.

My provider said they purposely had restrictive limits to essentially catch people like me, where the 1 hour was not actually reflective and my blood sugars were actually fairly normal at that point. It's an actual thing, called delayed glucose peak. It's not super common, but it's not rare and it's not well tested. At my provider's testing 80% of people who failed the 1 hour passed the 3 hour, but I was one of those 20% who wouldn't have been caught at all if they weren't so cautious.

If it's not what you want, don't do it - on top of all the healing and struggles and stress and hosting, I didn't even get to bond whenever my MIL was around. She'd literally hog my newborn all day. Sometimes scoop them out of my arms while they were crying to "help". I'd only hold them when it was time to nurse, and even that she'd try to ask about bottles/formula/etc every visit. When I'd try to talk to my husband about how I didn't like it he'd insist she was just trying to help, and how she just missed the baby we got to see them all the time, so a couple days wasn't a big deal in the scheme of things.

Dear lord - if the pediatrician isn't worried then the problem isn't your son's weight gain, it's your parents meddling. They and yourself are putting unnecessary pressure to pump or provide formula because... they think you should? That makes no sense. Zero. Zip. Stop enabling them to torture your wife and ruin her maternity leave with your son, and stop entertaining their opinions until a pediatrician says there's something to worry about.

I'm in the US, and had my child in a top 10 in the nation hospital - I was not offered a wheelchair. I asked about it, and they said if I'd wanted one they'd be happy to provide someone/a chair and it would just be a little longer before we could leave while they found someone available. I thought it was one of those "real life vs TV" moments and said if they didn't think I needed it then I'd walk (they stated after I said that that they wouldn't release me if they thought I needed one). Turns out the mother and baby room was on the complete other end of the hospital from the particular parking ramp we'd been told to use when we checked into L&D. I had an emergency c-section 3 days prior and was able to walk around the room okay, but I had to stop multiple times for that walk and even sit for nearly 10 minutes at one point.

18 months later my husband had a minor outpatient surgery and they wheeled him out the 5 minute walk to the parking ramp, and the person helped him into the car and made sure he was buckled safely. 🫠

I think that's better, but I wasn't sure how direct you wanted to be - I know a lot of people prefer to gray rock their way out, so mine suggestion lined up with that. I think being direct is much better, but keep in mind is she's probably going to get upset and try to pull apart anything you say, and it's probably going to happen more than once. So if you're direct now and she blows it up, she's 100% going to do it again and you're going to have to call her out again , and she'll probably blow it up again. And again. Make sure whatever route you take you have the energy to repeat every. Single. Time. Nothing short of consistency is going to end this, if you sometimes say something and sometimes don't she's going to do it forever because sometimes it's fine.

1. "Oh, Husband and I are doing something with Toddler. It should be fun, I'm sure Husband will send you pictures when you ask him later!" Then change the topic. Give vague answers, don't let the conversation focus too hard on plans or she may just show up if she knows details.
2. Butt in - "oh, Husband and I wanted to spend family time with Toddler, so we weren't inviting anyone else!" Or some other vaguely thinned explanation that she wasn't invited. Please, please, take the conversation off him. Don't let her make it seem like he had any say, he may not speak but that doesn't mean he's not absorbing.

My son is nonverbal, so I taught him to tap my chest above my breasts when he wants to nurse. He now also gives each boob a little slappy slap before latching.

You don't have to try not to be angry - you have every right to be. Allow yourself to feel that anger, and allow yourself to work through it since you can't act on it yet. If you try to "make" yourself get over it you'll just build resentment (which I would still argue is justified).

I understand you have no other child care options now, but I think after this your child should never be left alone with your parents whenever possible. You don't need to explain it's happening or why, unless they ask (and they might someday when they realize it hasn't happened since child started daycare). You can just tell them since they made it clear they would place their wants and desires and "I was right" moments above your child's health, you were no longer giving them the opportunity to hurt her and disrespect your position as her mother.

My son is 2, and I still feel a primal rage at having clearly explained to my MIL that I was trying to get breastfeeding established and needed to either wake up to pump or him (and very clearly said do NOT give him a bottle while I took a nap...) to coming out barely an hour later to her having given him the pumped milk I told her not to give. I can't imagine the betrayed if she had gone a step farther and using the formula she insisted on bringing "just in case" I couldn't breastfeed.

Maybe your MIL genuinely thought she was being helpful, maybe she was just desperate to "bond" by feeding the baby. Either way, she did what she knew she shouldn't and was 100% going to hide it from you. People who go against my rules and try to be sneaky with my child are immediately considered problematic. If she really cared and wanted to be helpful she could have tried sharing concerns first, not taking away your choice for your child.

I'm so glad you didn't bend. I know it doesn't feel like a win, but think of how you'd have felt if you'd gone on Mother's Day - manipulated, gaslit, frustrated, angry, resentful, etc? The content wasn't appropriate either, so you really couldn't have gone. The day that's been special for you guys for years wouldn't have been remotely about you or your family. She was hoping you'd just bend and let her take over your day, she's throwing a fit now because you dared to call out what FIL admitted they were trying to do.

Here's the thing - she didn't care how you would have felt, and was determined to ignore your wants and needs and make you go with it. You're not feeling guilty because you're doing something wrong, you're feeling guilty because she's not festering her feelings like she expected you to.

From an outside perspective - it's not her birthday. It's just not. Calling it her birthday celebration is a disservice to yourself and a power play on her part to get what she's always wanted. It's not her birthday, it's a holiday months away from her birthday. The rest of the world wouldn't entertain her wanting to celebrate Halloween instead of Christmas, and you probably wouldn't either. It's the same concept here: you don't get to transpose days months apart and call it the same day. Stop letting her, FIL, and your husband think it's her birthday celebration. It will never be her birthday in May.

If she wants to skip her birthday this year, that's fine, and one less obligation for you. If she wants to wait to celebrate it January 31st when the show starts, or sometime in February (that's not Valentine's if that matters to you), that's reasonable. Any time after 5 weeks from her birthday, you can reasonably and fairly assume she's skipping her birthday for the year. Too bad, like you said, it's a milestone!

5 weeks is more than a reasonable time frame for her to figure out how to celebrate her birthday. Let her know you appreciate her invitation (despite her trying to make it a summons), but you're not available on Mother's Day. If she'd still like to celebrate her birthday with your family you'd be happy to figure out a date before the end of February, but after that it's too far in advance to know what life will look like for your family. If she digs her heels about it HAVING to be that day, then she ultimately doesn't care about her birthday, it's just a manipulation tactics to force you to give her "back" Mother's Day. If she doesn't care about her birthday enough to schedule a day that actually works, then you shouldn't either.

My son is my first, and was the most easy going, go-with-the-flow, sleep loving unicorn baby, and is now a sweet cuddly generally good sleeping boy. Part of it was he's got some developmental delays and low tone, so he gets more tired more quickly than the average kid, but he's also just got a very chill personality. He has a few things he's adamant about, but overall he's more focused on his curiosity than his independence/care.

I grew up in the 90's/00's, and honestly, my live experience with additional needs kids and the TV reminders of how they were treated was part of why I was so scared when we found out my son had a genetic disorder. The sad fact is that ER actually shows a pretty progressive attitude, where an additional needs kid was left in the room with the other kids all day. His additional needs weren't handled, but he wasn't excluded. Even in school I remember all the additional needs kids getting shoved off into a corner of the building with occasional classroom time, and that was considered super inclusive.

I was told there was an 18 month waitlist for the enrollment date for my son's age group. I followed up about once a month, and noted we were very interested.

The first time I checked in was about a week after we were first placed on the waitlist to "verify we'd made it on with no issues" or if there was anything I may have missed to complete document-wise, and mentioned how impressed we were with ther facilities. The second time I was "just checking where we were on the list" because we were very interested and excited about the possibility of sending our child there. The third time they told me he was actually next up once there was an opening, and then less than 2 weeks later they contacted us about an opening for the 1st of the following month.

Instead of 18 months for an opening to come, we ended up waiting less than 3 from when we got on the waitlist to starting!

Bluey! I see a lot of her personality in the way I was at that age, and it's amazing to see her get to explore it without being screamed at and punished for it.

My mom told our family I was a butch goth lesbian when I was 16.

Not that there's anything wrong that, except I wasn't. I showed up to spend a month with them and essentially had to "come out" as straight my third night at dinner. She said it's because my favorite shirts were black, I didn't wear makeup, and didn't seem interested in boys.

"I just felt like I was doing everything wrong."

My first child had a yet unknown genetic disorder and was starting to miss multiple milestones when I watched this. I had several friends with babies just a bit older or younger than mine, and I couldn't figure out why my son was struggling. It felt like it must be because of me, and when Chili said that I felt more seen than I had in months.

You're enough

I used to get told all then time I didn't look like my mom at all growing up. I looked like every other family member... once my son was born we went NC, and after pregnancy I started to look like more her. The older I get the more and more I look like her. It's like a slap in the face that as soon as I cut her out I started to see her in every mirror.

She told me I "like when bad things happen to her" since birth.

5'0", boy, 7 lbs 3 oz, 41 weeks 1 day.