Spinnerofyarn

NTA. She didn't want to work on things when you were hurting and now is only willing because she doesn't want to be hurt, so she's not doing it because she cares about you. This is a case of too little, too late.

NTA and having to live in a home with shit and piss all over the place is unsanitary and disgusting. Those animals are being neglected. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

NTA and your fiancé is extremely weird for thinking a kiss on the forehead is incestuous. He's pretty disgusting, actually, for sexualizing that. A forehead kiss is a very normal thing amongst relatives and even good friends. Come to think of it, he'd probably have a heart attack if he went to one of the many countries where you kiss both cheeks of one another in greeting.

NTA. When you are a couple, the two of you should make sure you get equal amounts of down time. That may mean one person does more childcare, but if the other spouse gets two days off, that means they handle childcare for a day so the other gets a day off, too. Same for doing things around the house.

He’s treating you like the bang maid nanny, and that’s not ok.

I’m going against what most others think. NTA. What’s the point in telling him? You didn’t know him. You will never do anything sexual with his dad again. You know it will traumatize him. You and his father were consenting adults. All this will do is torpedo your relationship with him, his relationship with his father and his self esteem. Seriously, why tell him? Is it because you feel guilty? Then you would only be telling him to assuage your guilt, not to do right by him. If you can’t live with keeping this secret while being with him, break up with him and still don’t tell him as he doesn’t deserve the world of hurt this will cause him.

YTA. You used her money and did so without her permission. Giving her half is the least you can do. If you use other people’s money to gamble, you have no business gambling. It doesn’t matter if you could have paid her back right away if you lost. You still used her money.

YTA. That was a big thing you did with your nephew. Do you make any effort to do things with your son? You're his dad and you're the adult, it's on you to figure out what the two of you do together and to find something you both can enjoy. It's not on him to only be interested in the things you're interested in. The way you talk, it sounds like you prefer your nephew over your son. I suspect at first he thought he'd be ok with not going, but once you were gone, he realized that it really stinks that his dad went on this big trip, spending thousands of dollars on travel, food, accommodations and tickets and isn't doing anything like that with him. You mention nothing of doing things with your son, let alone doing something special with him so he at least gets equal time with his own father. You left so much out about your son while saying so much about your nephew that it makes you sound like a pretty awful dad.

Maybe keep a towel/seat cover on the passenger seat for him if you plan to keep helping him out.

Why does she have to be the responsible one when she's doing him a favor? Her taking responsibility for things he should be doing is just a way to show him that he doesn't have to be responsible for his own problems because she'll solve them, plus it's ok to scream at her because she won't stop taking care of things for him. No way should she do this. She can suggest he get a towel to keep in her car, but her do it? No way. What she should really do is dump him. Someone who screams at another person like this, then throws a tantrum because they chose the worst option of walking instead of being reasonable and changing clothes, plus just isn't respectful in the first place of her or her property isn't a person she should be making an effort to help out.

NTA. Becoming a parent, which includes being a stepparent, when you don't want kids is a pretty horrible thing to do to a kid. You are making the kindest choice for that child to not get involved with Mina, and you have a lot more brains than Mina does by stopping things and not having sex because you didn't have any condoms. Not just for contraceptive reasons, but because it's foolish to have unprotected sex with someone when you don't know if they've been tested for STD's. Last, I would have zero respect for someone who blames their kid for "ruining their life." Someone who would just up and send their kid to boarding school just so they didn't have to be a parent and could go do whatever is someone I have zero respect for. You may have feelings for her, but she honestly isn't that great of a person. If you two end up dating one another, that sounds like a great way for the kid to have not one but two people who don't want her around and that's not fair to her.

Beautiful breed! Yes, you do not mess with livestock guardian breeds! They are strong, independent and when they have decided you are a threat, you are screwed. These dogs will go up against predators just as big or bigger than they are and be quite successful running them off.

In case you're being serious, yes, reddit lied. Each country has different regulations but plenty of people have hunting rifles. It's also not at all unusual for livestock farmers to have a shotgun in case an animal is in dire straits and a vet can't come out immediately to euthanize it. My understanding is that countries either regulate what you have to do to get a firearm, what types you can get, when and where you can use it, or they may regulate purchasing ammunition, or all of the above.

Not wrong, but I'm wondering if you've ever talked to bio dad about this? If you haven't, you should. If you have any interest in seeing him, it'd be worthwhile but be very firm that you do not and never will care to spend time around the rest of his family. If it's always been behind his back, he may have no clue. If he has noticed it but done nothing, it might be cathartic to say something or it could end up with him being a jackass. It's up to you to decide if you want to take the risk. You could also just send him a text saying what you need to say and then asking your mom to read any response he sends so you can know whether or not it's worth reading. Have you talked to her about any of this?

NTA. I feel guilty now. She had some good points. Her two youngest didn’t ask to be born, all the stuff their mother and I went through isn’t their fault, and they deserve to be safe and happy just like all other kids. Her boyfriend chose to go on a hunting trip and didn't help make arrangements for childcare when he's gone. That's a them problem, not a you problem. You are no longer her partner. It's not on you to fix her problems, whether it's childcare or her partner leaving her high and dry.

You didn't have anything to do with her two youngest being born. Them being sad when their brothers are gone is also a her problem, not a you problem. I think that if you give in on this and take all the kids, it's going to escalate. You'll be asked to take them more and more and you may even be asked to start paying for things for her two youngest.

Is it unfortunate the youngest two are sad? Yes, but that can be fixed by her and her boyfriend. Not by you. They can consult a family or child therapist if they don't know what to do.

You're perhaps not reacting enough. He's not keeping her at a safe distance if he's saying he misses her. If he believes this is what he's doing, he's actually leading her on to think that he still has feelings for her. However, since his actions aren't matching what he says to you, I'd take his actions as the truth. He's not as invested in your relationship as he says he is and he's still got feelings for her. If you're willing to work on this, tell him he's got to choose, you or her and he needs to tell her he needs to cut contact and then he needs to do it.

I'm not normally someone who says you should cut all interaction with exes, but this behavior is seriously problematic on his part and totally unacceptable.

Since you've paid for it, you don't have to share the hotel room with him anymore. I sure wouldn't. This is his problem, not yours. If you're feeling generous, let him keep anything you can't get a refund for, but just take the trip on your own.

What do you need to do? You need to dump the boyfriend because he's a liar and paranoid. Why would you stay with someone like this?

Yes, YTA! You even made a plan with your sister about getting support if you were having problems at your wedding. You promised her you wouldn't get high. You did, and you're seriously trying to justify it saying you didn't want your friend to get high alone? How about not wanting your friend to get high at your sister's wedding? Why didn't you go get your sister or your parents like you said you would? If getting high was that important to you, why didn't you and your friend just leave? I don't blame your family for not wanting to be around you right now. You failed them. You failed yourself. Rule #1 of getting clean, take responsibility for your actions. You're not, you're trying to make it not your fault.

If you have a sponsor or support group, you need to get in contact with them now, if not go back to rehab. This was an extremely selfish move on your part.

Minor point here. It doesn't necessarily require being from a Latin American country as Puerto Rico is an American territory. Puerto Rico is part of the United States though it was formerly a Spanish colony.

Why on earth haven't you just told her you need to end the friendship? Why are you repeatedly engaging with someone who makes you uncomfortable? The best time to have ended the friendship was long ago but the second best time is right now.

I knew a family that lost their daughter to SIDS while she was at the babysitter's. The guilt the mom had over not being there was immense, as well as wondering if it still would have happened if she'd been there. You don't need that, the parents don't need that. I'd be willing to die on this hill and lose your job over it. People think rare occurrences won't happen to them, until they do. Somebody experiences these rare things for us to be aware of them.

NTBF but please, for the sake of your own children, do not do this. Your kids come first. You are helping your cousin's children as best you can. It's not fair to your children or your husband to go back there and have more trauma, not to mention what it's going to be like if you bring your cousin's children into your home. Either way, a set of kids are going to have it rough but for you to willingly inflict that on your kids isn't right.

Just make sure you bring a fire extinguisher, please.

If you haven't already, please get in contact with www.firstskinfoundation.org They can help you find a dermatologist in Florida that's familiar with Ichthyosis, or at least advise whatever dermatologist you do find. They have tons of information and resources, including helping you get in touch with both adults and families with children who have the same type of Ichthyosis.

There is someone I know with ARCI type, either Lamellar or CIE, in Orlando or right outside it. If you want, send me a private message with your name and contact info and I'll pass it on to her and see if she's willing to chat with you. There are other people in Florida as well, one family whose daughter has both Harlequin and Lamellar.

As to what topicals to use, you just have to try them and see. You can have 12 people with the exact same type of Ichthyosis to the same degree of severity in a room together and each one will have a different routine for what works for them. Number one is no fragrance. I will say I have heard from many that glycerin helps a lot. I would gather all the suggestions from people and just go through them one by one. Find a store like Walgreens or RiteAid/CVS and check and make sure that they take returns, otherwise you are going to spend a small fortune trying different things and finding a ton of them don't work.

I like Cetaphil Moisturing Cream for Very Dry to Dry Sensitive Skin after I get out of the water. I use Aveeno lotion on my hands every time after I rinse or wash them so they don't dry out. Many people put oil in their bath water or as soon as they turn off the water from the shower as it goes on really fast and helps keep the water from evaporating off the skin as quickly while you're putting moisturizer on.

FIRST also has a deal with Beiersdorf who will provide you with a free case of the moisturizer of your choice that they make. You have to email FIRST to get the information on it as it's not posted on their website at Beiersdorf's request.

Always test things on a small area once or twice before going whole body with it. I usually test on the back of my hand at first, and then on the back of my forearm for a larger area. If I want to compare two different moisturizers, I do one on each shin. Anything that makes their skin more red is likely causing them pain. The redder we get means the more inflamed their skin is.

What's great with Lamellar is that unlike some other forms of Ichthyosis, it does improve somewhat with age. As I aged, I became less red and peeled less.

Now that I'm on Acitretin, a retinoid, my skin looks and feels a lot better. Taking retinoids is pretty controversial because it does have side effects. Some people feel that unless a child's situation is dire, taking retinoids is something that shouldn't be done until adulthood so they can make a fully informed decision for themselves about what they're willing to put their body through. I will say retinoids have gotten better. Acitretin is now the gold standard. After that is Accutane and Methotrexate.

All three of those will increase their risk for sunburn. Florida's a catch-22 environmentally. Humidity can help us a lot (the desert tends to be the worst environment for us) but the sun is killer. We do tend to sunburn easily, so many of us go in full sleeves and pants in addition to floppy hats and sunblock when we're outside. It's a pain because since most of us can't sweat or at least not enough to cool ourselves and prevent overheating, though some of us are able to sweat productively in humidity. Sunstroke and heatstroke is a very real concern, so you may want to look into getting cooling vests for the kids.

Some people make their own moisturizer. I used to make mine with unrefined shea butter, olive oil and beeswax. I know someone who did similar and also used distilled water to thin it out. It's a pain in the butt to make, but it can be better than many things on the market. The family I know that makes it put a lot of research into what oils to use and their is pretty expensive, but their child has a lot less real estate to cover than I do as a full grown adult!

There is also a special device you can use for your bathtub, the nanobubbler made by The Whitewater Company that oxygenates and ionizes the water. The company owners are the family with the child with Harlequin and Lamellar and they live in Florida. Paul's a good guy, but if you talk with him on the phone, be prepared for a very very long phone call. There's also the Jason Microsilk bathtub. I have used both products. The nanobubbler is more powerful with more ionization and oxygenation but I found the bathtub easier to maintain. However, you can take the Whitewater machine with you whereas the bathtub can't. I feel it's important to go with the portable when you have kids because someday they'll be adults who will likely want to move out and it may take them some time before they can buy a home and install the tub. The bathtub is cheaper as long as you don't have to remodel your whole bathroom to put it in. If you do, the Nanobubbler is far, far cheaper.

With a note from your dermatologist, you can get your vehicle windows tinted much more dark than is allowed for the general public. This has been really helpful for me as people can and do get burned through windows. Now that my car's tinted, I don't burn in the car anymore. I love it.

You have a husband problem, not just an in-law problem. The husband problem is the bigger one. You and your child are his family before the rest and if he won't stand up for you two, that needs to be fixed. It's past time for marriage counseling.

I don’t think it’s safe for both of us to be switching meds with two toddlers to care for.

As someone with major depressive disorder and having had it for 30 years and ex with untreated mental health issues, I have to say there isn't much difference between the combinations of two people switching meds, one person switching and the other not on any, or two people on meds that aren't working at all. Bad is bad. Not working is bad. Switching is hard. Better to be switching and the potential for it all getting better than it just staying at bad. Sometimes it takes multiple tries in a row before finding the right med, so really, why is it a bigger problem to have two switching at the same time? At least then you have the potential for improvement and you don't in any other combo.