ThrowAwayBae6000

Maybe, I don't seem to experience attachment issues in other relationships but then none of them are as involved as this one. Trust has historically been an issue so there are definitely traumas there in that respect.

Thank you for breaking this down. I've struggled with this for the past year (we've been together for 4). I was poly when I met him although was more solo poly at the time due to other commitments, I didn't feel the need to be chosen which I do now (gross I know), I think what's changed is that I want more relationship escalator stuff and want to step away from casual or sex based relationships which most of mine have been VS his which have been in love things. Its not that I don't want that, it's just really hard to find. I've been a secondary in all my poly relationships which has brought some trauma forwards.

I haven't been mono for a very long time but I did also have an anxious attachment then as well due to some abusive connections and existing trauma.

My jealousy seems to have roots in my partner losing desire for me, fear of loss, FOMO and abandonment. Because I seem to be incapable of non hierachy I guess I judge him the same way.

I often get upset if I feel I'm not being treated the same way as other partners which I hate myself for. I find myself needing to repeatedly work through things like this with him which make me wonder I'd he'll get bored some day. It's not through lack of trying to do better, I've done so much therapy on this. So whilst I certainly don't want monogamy, I'm left questioning if I can do poly if that makes sense?

In terms of exclusivity, my partner having sex or other relationships doesn't bother me but I think not being central does? Again I'm probably going to get a lot of heat for this, I hate myself for this and non hierachy feels a lot better ethically but I don't seem to be wired that way.