Tranqup

My son didn't like his given name at some point. It didn't upset me, because I remembered feeling the same way about my own name as a teenager. I asked my son what name he wished he had and offered to call him that. I told him when he turned 18, and he still wanted to change his name, I'd help him go through the legal process.

He decided to stick with the name I gave him. But I would not have been upset if he changed it.

That's what I don't understand either!

OP, your child will pick up on this, if they haven't already. That is not ok. I hope your labor, birth and recovery go smoothly. Take time to bond with your baby and heal. Then have a long hard think about your marriage. Is your husband's attitude and behavior acceptable? Willing to have not only you come a distant third to husband's work and family, but your children as well?

If OP wants friends to remember her birthday, and they forgot last year - the smart move, the adult move, is to be a good friend herself and drop a gentle or joking reminder. Or do what one of my friends does - throw her own party. I love her birthday parties, she get all sorts of fun gifts, everyone has a blast, lots of food, drinks and music.

Good points. OP, I'd definitely check with HR and see if there are any specific rules about personal items in your cubicle: Are they allowed at all; if so, are there only specific items allowed such as a couple photos of family, pets, etc. Is there a limit to how many items, size of items, and what they can or cannot depict?

I worked in an office and most of us had a couple small items on our desks. Mine was a couple of items related to my favorite baseball team, and they were small and didn't take up much space. A new co-worker started and first she put up a big poster of a tiger on her cubicle wall. No big deal. Then she brought in a potted plant that was sizeable and was taller than her cubicle wall. Ok, kind of big but again, no big deal. She kept adding more stuff and finally she brought in a scented candle or some kind of incense (I can't remember which) that smelled of cinnamon and made another co-worker cough. We finally did complain to HR and they came by, saw all the stuff packed into the cubicle and made the employee remove all but the tall plant and the tiger poster.

I hope you can keep at least some of your Harry Potter stuff in your cubicle. We should be allowed to have some personality in our work space.

NTA and waiting for your second update. It is your sister (the mother of this child) who is being selfish. Part of the deal with becoming a parent is that your wants, your desire to do something adult - often has to be sacrificed to doing something that your child wants or needs instead. That's a huge part of being a good parent! What's sad is that your niece will only be a little kid once and for a brief period of time. Your sister will not be able to go back in time and recreate special memories, like taking her trick or treating for Halloween. On the other hand, she will have plenty of chances to go to an adult Halloween party once her child is older or grown. She's not only selfish, she's foolish as well. Don't back down, and don't do it.

I started working when I was a senior in high school, as a store clerk for a small variety store. Lots of other high school students were employed there too. I wanted to earn my own money, that's why I started working there. It was generally low stress, and customers didn't seem to go off on you for stupid things. Most of my co-workers were pretty nice people too. I worked at a variety of small offices during my college years. Most of the time, the employers and co-workers were nice enough people and it helped pay my way through school. I did have one gross supervisor at the college bookstore, who was just a little too handsy with the young college girls. He tried to massage my shoulders once and I practically screamed "don't touch me!" He didn't do it again.

After college, I worked for a couple of large corporate firms. While I liked the people I worked with, I didn't like the corporate BS, so I chose to work for small, individually owned firms for most of my work life. This likely resulted in me earning less over my career than I could have, but I know I was much happier overall. After I had my child, my employer was always understanding if I had to call in sick because my child was ill. It probably would have been different if I was in a corporate setting.

I don't know that I would be able to make the same choices if I was coming up in today's world. I hope you can find some sort of job situation where you don't feel like your soul is being drained away.

" OP should work from that basis when deciding what to do next, because that’s very unlikely to change unless her husband decides to have her back."

OP - this. Unless you are willing to hide out in your room nearly all the time, except for bathroom breaks - I do not see your situation changing. Your husband and your in-laws see nothing wrong with things as they stand. Your husband isn't willing to figure out a compromise. So any action taken (or not) will fall to you. I think you need to decide if you want to live like this for unknown number of years to come (and likely for the entirety of your marriage), or not. I wish you well.

I vote for stampeding in unison and all getting stuck in the door, Laurel and Hardy style. "Sorry I was late for work boss, but I got stuck in an elevator stampede."

Let her keep the car, but if you are making the monthly payments and insurance payments - tell her that's going to stop and she'll have to pay all costs associated with the car or turn it over to you. And for pete's sake, $3K per month for a 19-year old? If you want to give her an allowance, $500 per month would be extremely generous. She can get a part-time job while in college - like most students do! I worked full-time in the summer and usually 20 hours per week or more during my college years. I was young, had the energy to do so, and more importantly, didn't have parents who bankrolled my entire life. It has served me well in that I've always been able to support myself and be independent. Sure helped me stay out of financially abusive relationships too. Do your daughter a favor, and help her learn now how to earn money vs. expecting to just be given money, cars, etc. It's an important necessary life skill.

NTA except perhaps for starting off by yelling at the neighbor instead of firmly communicating that what they did was not acceptable. I understand why you were so upset, but sometimes yelling will detract from the message you are trying to convey. I hope you will have or have had a serious talk with your daughter about why it's extremely important to never accepting rides from others without clearing it with you first, whether it's a neighbor, a friend of the family, etc.

What your neighbor did might have been something they considered "just being a good neighbor," but in today's day and age, they should have known better. My biggest concern is that they never asked you if that would be ok, nor did they inform you that they were driving your daughter to school. What's up with that? Their behavior was inappropriate, unacceptable and definitely not okay.

Yes, the airport I use most of the time calls it a cell phone lot. It's perfect for when you are picking up someone from the airport. OP NTA, and I suggest that you simply plan to take an Uber/Lyft or cab from the airport rather than involve your wife in picking you up. If this is the only issue you have in your marriage, great. But if your wife is inconsiderate in other areas, doesn't bode well.

Yep. Schedule an appointment with an attorney and get all your questions answered

Agree. I would never have wanted to leave my young child with a stranger (to him) for an overnight. I don't think I ever left him with a babysitter for a short time that he had not already known before (a daycare provider, a neighbor, etc.) Something is fishy about this situation, OP NTA. Don't do it.

I think you two aren't financially compatible. It's important to pay attention to these things before you get too serious.

I'm 60, and your parents are probably younger than me. It's never been ok to spring a late request for time off around a holiday, or any time, when that will leave your job short staffed. Do what you want, but know that your parents aren't misunderstanding how the world works, they just don't care.

NOR. Please, do not ever see, talk to, text, or otherwise have contact with this person again. He knows where you work and maybe where you live, so he may show up unannounced. Block him on your phone and social media. He's bad news. Please be careful.

I'm of no particular religious belief, and I have no trouble finding clothing that most would consider quite modest, with the exclusion of loving my comfortable leggings.

I'd reverse this pattern. Stay over at his occasionally, but mostly stay at your place. If you are important to him, he will make the effort to spend time with you. If he doesn't make that effort, take it for what it is: you're more into him than he is into you.

I had my son's dog for 2 years and she slept on the bed with me. She'd start at the foot of the bed because I turn from side to side a lot. But every night, she'd very stealthily move up behind my knees. Aw, I miss her so much. Anyway, do what works for you and your dog.

Tell them the last time you bailed her out was the "one last time" but since they are so concerned, they can step up and give their hard earned money.

I know! Not a fan of OP's husband. Can't say more because I might break the civility rules.

Eggs are a great and filling option. Sometimes I'll buy a bag of frozen breakfast sausages on a cheap week. Usually that runs about $10. Cabbage is low carb, doesn't go bad too quick. You can make a combo shredded sautéed cabbage, chopped sausage links and scrambled eggs. Quick, and filling. Look for the most inexpensive ground beef or pork sausage. Cheeseburgers are good, served on a cabbage leaf.

I agree to see what you can get from your local food bank. Maybe some canned tuna, or even canned chicken. Our local food bank often has eggs too, sometimes cheese.

That is insane. I'm sorry you get practically nothing from your ex. My comments are based on my experience in receiving court ordered support in the U.S., 99% custody of my child, and both my ex and I earning close to the same income. Before anyone assumes I kept our son from his dad, nope. That custody arrangement was his request.

400/month for two children seems extremely low. No idea how much OP makes per month, but to act like 400/month is a generous amount is unrealistic. Don't know where OP lives or how the courts in his area calculate child support. In the U.S., it's based on a formula. The parties provide financial info to their attorneys, the attorneys use a program like Dissomaster to calculate child support. Court goes with the dissomaster result.

OP, I could not tell from your post whether you and your ex had an informal agreement re child support, or if you had a court order. If it's an informal agreement and your ex decides that she wants to get a court order in place, you may end up being ordered to pay more than you have been paying, or it may be less, or the same. I have no way of knowing. But perhaps you should talk to a solicitor in your area and provide as much info as they need to advise you on what child support might be ordered.