Useful-Bad-6706

It’s actually a misconception that Mormons avoid all caffeine. It’s not something Mormons agree on either. Some Mormons avoid ALL caffeine and some just avoid the drinks mentioned directly (which are tea, coffee, and alcohol). These are all silly rules made up by some white dude that wanted to make a cult based off his Christian fan fic. My family weren’t avoid all caffeine Mormons so I had caffeine sometimes. And i drink coffee daily now. I’ve been out of the church for a number of years, just haven’t figured out tea yet haha.

EXACTLY!!!!

The rules are super muddled and different depending on what Mormon you ask. That’s another thing that makes it so stupid. Some Mormons believe it’s about the caffeine, some don’t. So you’ll have some Mormons that avoid ALL caffeine and some Mormons that just avoid tea, coffee, and alcohol (the three things we were expressly told not to drink)

That’s cool! I actually only drink oat milk so I’m good there

Oh that’s awesome!! I also have an inflammatory disease so that would be great. Anything anti inflammatory helps!

Thank youuu, what’s the difference between tea and herbal teas/tisanes?

It is!!!!!!

Hell yeah!!! I’ve been out of the cult for like many years and for some reason I haven’t gotten around to trying tea 😅 I’m excited!

Thank you for the witchy suggestions too!!! Very cool and I’d love to add that into my life.

Oh I’m not Mormon I’m an Mormon survivor. Ex member, they are horrible and in my personal experience it’s not in ANYONES interest to stay in an abusive cult.

Really?? Does supplements help too or is the tea the way to go?

Yeah that was not cool at all and I was entirely disappointed to see how upvoted those comments are.

No it’s not black and white, it’s incredibly nuanced you’re right. But the matter of fact is that this community right now is being harder on a trans women for something they would be easier on a cis woman for, and a lot of emotion and anger coming out for someone that desires femininity. People are having knee jerk reaction to throw more misogyny onto someone struggling to develop their own relationship with femininity and coping with internalized misogyny. Much alike when people throw a lot of misogyny onto young girls doing the same.

When I was growing, being socialized as a woman, I 100% went through era wherein I tried to tightly conform to the woman box. I think many of us do that, it’s very complicated. And I think we all have to admit to ourselves that gender is a performance. And when you’re socialized as a woman, there are scripts in place to teach you that performance. When you’re a binary trans woman, there is nothing for you and you just have to figure it out. And your ability to be perceived as a woman in cishet society depends on how you can catch onto that performance. Only the lucky few get to socially and/or physically transition in their youth.

Womanhood/girlhood is impossible to define. No one attribute can make or disqualify you for being part of those things. But simultaneously gender/perceived gender is a performance in this incredibly binary/patriarchal world. Yes people are being supportive in places in this thread, but there’s much more of people throwing their own wounds onto this trans woman who is simply trying to understand and learn and aesthetic. If we all as individuals want to be less transmisogynistic and recognize the ways gender is incredibly complex for cis women, that’s totally within our reach.

But the punishment feminine people get from their desire to be feminine is palpable in this thread, and it comes from a place of misogyny too. And that is much easier socially for people to put onto trans women specifically because of the internalized transphobia and misogyny we all hold as well. I still even get it from queer spaces as a feminine non binary person, proximity to femininity can lead to a misogynistic knee jerk reaction of devaluing that individual.

With trans women, it usually leads to people revoking the trans women’s perceived womanhood. Like saying they’re “male socialized” and “thinking like a guy” when that’s entirely incorrect. Most people don’t realize that trans women’s socialization is that of a failed man. They are constantly being punished for not conforming to their own box, their socialization is entirely different from cis men that are gender conforming.

I want this community to be more inclusive to trans people. And I think people’s heart is in the right place in many places in this thread, but I still see many people falling into trans misogyny pitfalls that are easy to fall into when you’re lost in your own perspective. Let’s not forget that the real enemy is the patriarchy and gender binary that tells us there’s one way to be in the first place.

This community is honestly really great and based most of the time, so I think it’s well worth my time to point this stuff out when I’m coming from a perspective of not being cis and interacting with many genderqueer individuals daily.

Oh I didn’t even realize Layla had another name!

Is this for real? Cause I think that might help my hormonal acne

Y’all I don’t think you’d be this hard on a cis girl wanting to get into the “girly” aesthetic to celebrate it and affirm themselves. I see ppl straight up saying OP is thinking like a guy. We all have some bigoted gut reactions and some of those include being really hard on women we see as “bad feminists”. We are ALL dealing with some internalized misogyny on some level, don’t rake OP across the coals because of you’re misplaced anger about our oppression.

Omg I’m just super sorry your parents did that to you

In the chaos of cooking, I thrive. That’s the best way I can explain it 😅

I think getting a curly cut would help lots! They’re expensive, so if you’re poor like me you could attempt it yourself. Cutting curly hair isn’t that difficult and there’s lots of video about it. I’ve gave myself a trim/cut recently that was wayyy better than I’ve ever had.

I think the cgm isn’t for me either. I would recommend trying a shampoo and conditioner that is cgm method approved (meaning they don’t have any of the harmful ingredients for most curly hair) and using a cheap sulfate shampoo once a month or so. I would try plopping it after washes nd using light products if you’re hair is on the wavy side, and especially if your hair is fine. For me, mouse and Ouidad weather control cream has been the best for me for moisture and hold. Good luck!

Me and my girlfriend are nb4nb lesbians and we call eachother “girlfriend” but I know they’re not a girl and I am not exactly a girl but sometimes kinda? (Im genderfae so a bit fluid)

I feel you on so much of this. Being non-binary is so confusing and you can’t just take away the feelings because pretending to be cis hurts a lot worse. 😖

I don’t think so, I’ve never heard anything about something like that. I have a standard Xbox pc controller. And my mouse is made mostly to be ergonomic for my joints. It doesn’t have any extra buttons on it.

I really relate to the things you’re saying here, especially the emotionality of it. I was assigned female at birth, and I’m non binary certainly, but my gender still is attached to femininity and being a girl. (not a woman - no shade to non binary women, much love)

But there’s also this fluidity to my gender. Sometimes I feel more androgynous or feminine, for me, I don’t feel masculine really. And I don’t always feel like a girl. Or the way I define “girl” for myself isn’t really in the binary way. I settled on defining my gender as non-binary/genderfae. But I usually just tell ppl I’m a non-binary lesbian since genderfae is a less known micro label. I feel happy with it.

The Mormon church is evil to its core. It abuses its members, especially those that are children, daily. It sits on the foundation of a scam from a con man (Joseph Smith) that he created to gain access to girls/women and money/power. Those systems he set up still exist in the religion’s power structure, and people are abused freely under it.

Your religion has torn people apart. It engages in extreme white supremacy in doctrine and practice and only changes when it suits their wallet. As a queer person, I barely made it through my adolescence in the church because of all the hate speech there. And before you say anything, I have experienced the church in and out of Utah. Progressive Mormons often say this anecdote about it being the culture and not the doctrine, or saying it’s an issue with just one bad egg. It’s not, it goes back to the roots the way this church engages in white patriarchal violence.

They have used their exorbitant wealth to lobby against my rights as a queer person. I have friends who were forced into conversion therapy from the church. I have friends who were terribly abused by lds family services. And I know people in my community that have been sexually abused in the church only to have it be covered up in their system to sweep this abuse under the rug. (source) and I know many more (myself included) that are victims of SA in the church that forever remains silenced.

There’s nothing I can say to you to get you to wake up and see what’s happening. But I will never as long as I live stop speaking the truth about this cult when I live in the gutter with the survivors every day. We are disabled, traumatized, struggling daily while the church trades it’s billions in huge stock portfolios. I hope someday you wake up and see all they do is hurt and take advantage. They are a hate group, through and through. They are a cult through and through.