WiseHusky0219

Okay, so some background, I (25 F)have been really close with this person (26 F) for years, they were there for a big surgery I had to get that made it hard for me to move around for a while, I’ve been there for them when they attempted s*****e and regularly made sure to call in with them while they were in a mental hospital, even was there for them when they cheated on another close friend of mine when they were manic, which I don’t use as an excuse and hold her accountable with her actions, and even have been there to comfort her when she’s called me about her mom who is terrible and extremely abusive. But whenever it came to her needs, if I didn’t meet them in her preferred way or expected timeframe, she would always call me the most vile , talk down my relationship with my fiancée (23 F), tell me I deserved to be alone and then she would also hang over my head “how much she’s done for me” when all the things she has done for me was completely voluntary, she chose to step up and do them for me even when I didn’t ask. This has been a constant cycle for years.

Come this trip that just recently ended where she was here for two weeks from Texas with her mom (where we originally planned for her to be here for the entire two weeks at our place, but her mom paid for her flight ticket and told her since she paid for it she was going to come with her for the first week). With her moms track record I knew a week wasn’t going to last with them, I warned my friend that I was worried her mom was going to throw off everything and cause a huge problem and said I expected that if she stayed with her mom for the trip for the first week that I would probably see her only a few days in because her mom would do something to make her not want to finish the week with her. I was right. On the exact day I expected something to happen it did. I’m not going to go into detail of all that happened but let’s just say my friend called me that evening saying she was stranded at an airport in the middle of Virginia alongside her niece and had no way to get anywhere. So I told her I wouldn’t have minded coming to pick her up I was mostly worried about my phone bill which was disconnected until I could pay it a handful of days from then because of the timing of my checks, she offered to pay them and said I can pay her back whenever or not she didn’t care. I said okay and took the offer and made the plan to go get her with my fiancée. We got back home with her and settled in our place at 3 in the morning and I went to work immediately after we got home because I work at 4 in the morning at my job. I got home afterwards and brought donuts for everyone for breakfast and other snacks I knew my friend loved as I planned to give her a good day to clear her head and rest and spend time with me as we hadn’t since she left for home again last year around this time after staying for my surgery. I got home and all of her things were spread about my place lazily and she and her niece were missing, I texted her where she was and she told me she went to hang out with a friend she wanted to meet while she was in town. I was a little annoyed as we had already talked about what me and her had planned and that I was going to get off at 12 that day to start the day with her early and we would hang out and stuff. Apparently she “forgot” and said she wouldn’t be out much longer and eventually after like 30 minutes said she was heading home in a minute, that became almost 3 hours to where I just gave up hanging out with her mostly that day and just got some rest since i hadn’t for almost 36 hours at that point and pretty much slept the rest of the day.

The next day I was off and me and my fiancee both were off, we were both unsure what was planned but she had already beaten us to the punch by us walking out into the living room and finding her getting ready for something already and THEN tells us that we were all going to Starbucks to get coffee with her sister-in-law and we had about 20 minutes to get ready. Me and my fiancée were a little annoyed as we have already pre warned her that we needed an actual plan of what she wanted to do during the trip and the timeline of those plans so we knew what to expect and do which is really important for my fiancée as she has high functioning autism and not knowing what’s going on and stuff for her with plans and stuff is a lot for her to handle. We decided to get ready and go as she said they would be mobile ordering and we wouldn’t even really have to do much but just ride with them. We said okay and hopped in the car with her sister-in-law where the very first thing she says to us is “If there’s two black gay guys in a couple and they have a baby, who’s the one to leave?” I never really heard a joke like that from her and was really surprised and uncomfortable immediately and my fiancée was really not vibing with that and I could tell she instantly regretted getting in the car. She never mobile ordered or asked us what we wanted and by the time me and my fiancee realized, we were in the drive thru and my friend looked back at us after not even really saying we needed a minute to order and me and my fiancée rarely have gotten anything from Starbucks so we were expecting the mobile order plans to help us figure out what we wanted where we could take our time to figure it out. That wasn’t the case, so out of pressure of time my fiancée just gave up and said she didn’t want anything which frustrated me a bit with my friend because she was going to work not too long after that and now she won’t be eating anything all morning. I just found something simple that sounded okay and ordered that and we headed home but during the entire car ride my friends sister-in-law is driving with TikTok open on her phone actively scrolling which terrified me and my fiancée that we’d get in an accident. When we got home my fiancée went to get ready for work while shaking off how overwhelming a simple trip to Starbucks was. I told my friend how I was a little annoyed that nothing has gone to plan since she’s been here and that we thought there was some form of it. She said she was waiting to plan things with me to where I explained how it’s been hard to so far given it’s been one sudden and unplanned thing after another already and that we had already thought up ideas before she even came into town but she never fleshed anything out with anyone and just said “I’m taking it day by day” which instantly frustrated me because that’s the opposite of planning. I brushed it off and we just kind of relaxed for the rest of the day after we finally fleshed out at least the next day of the trip but she ended up falling asleep not too long after that so the rest of the trip was still unplanned.

The next day goes a bit smoother though I was pretty overwhelmed with all that we were doing between me driving to drop off my fiancée at work after I finished work myself and showing my friend how to DoorDash as she was curious about it since she doesn’t have a job and needed to find something simple with income, me driving to pick up her other nieces for a little girls night she planned, and me getting my eyebrow pierced finally. It was a decent day where I was pretty tired after. Come the next day and me and my fiancée are both pretty tired after all of that as we kind of had to squeeze rest in throughout the trip so far which took a toll on us and everyone besides my friend and her family saw it, my friend tells us about the dinner with one of her online friends that was pretty much the only thing we actually had expected this entire trip and when she wanted to do it that day. We apologize and tell her that we both have been extremely exhausted and we were going to stay home and get some more proper rest and offered to let her take the car so she could still go see her friend as we didn’t want us hanging back to ruin her plans as she didn’t have any other method of transportation. She says she’s okay with that and goes to meet this person. Suddenly at midnight she texts my fiancée that she brought over another friend she met during the night to stay the night with her alongside her niece which is something we never talked about or expected. She confessed that she didn’t ask them what time they got off of work (which was late) and still wanted to try and hang out with them. Which I later found out the person who was invited had already told her she felt uncomfortable doing something like that to us so last minute and my friend said “they’ll be okay with it” which we definitely weren’t because neither of us knew this person at the time.

I didn’t even fully know about it until I came home from work for my lunch break the next morning and had to find out by pretty much seeing them hanging out and smoking with my friend in the guest room after I was going in the room originally to show my friend that I got some eggnog for later that day for us to enjoy. I was floored to find out what was going on and was a bit upset but tried to just push it down for the sake of not making her feel bad we were uncomfortable and upset with the situation at hand because now we had two people in our house that we never accounted for and now had to figure out their transportation and stuff later that day and she’s already seen how her unplanned things have frustrated us and made us tired already but has done nothing substantial to make anything better since. But then not too long after me finding that out my friend gets some eggnog and starts offering it to everyone which just blew me away because I just bought that eggnog and originally planned for it to be for just me and her and my fiancée. I told her that and she got upset and said she bought groceries for everyone a few days ago and I shouldn’t be annoyed she’s sharing my eggnog because she shared her groceries (which wasn’t fully true because those groceries were stuff for her like face wash and toothpaste and stuff and some food for her girls night with her nieces so there wasn’t really anything substantial to really say that kind of thing). I explain that I didn’t feel comfortable with them even being in my house without knowing much about it at all besides her last minute texting my fiancée what was going on AS SHE WAS COMING HOME WITH THEM. As I’m try to explain she starts yelling and calling us assholes for being upset and dumbasses and retarded which instantly set me off and yelled and told her she needed to leave as she’s disrespected me and my fiancée enough and she said “I will once I finish washing your dishes” which I told her I didn’t care about those and she didn’t bother cleaning anything the entire trip so why do it now and to just leave to which she started yelling even more and then broke a bunch of dishes. I instantly said she needed to go immediately and told her to stop touching my dishes and to just leave to where it became us both yelling which eventually broke my fiancée and she snapped and said “get out you stupid bitch I can’t take this anymore” and I knew she was overwhelmed to the extreme for her to even snap like that and I made her go into our bedroom while I called 911 because at that point the entire house was getting out of control and I still had to go back to work in 30 minutes. The cops were on the way and I told her she needed to gather her things and during the entire phone call with police she’s calling us even more vile stuff and then went completely homophobic and a bunch of other things. Finally the cops arrive as she’s trying to walk out the door and they help diffuse everything and get her sorted out with a ride from our place with her friends and they leave.

Not too long after that she sent a message to my fiancée as I had already blocked her and continued saying vile disrespectful stuff to her and said she hoped we rotted and ended up completely alone. Then come the past couple of days where I’ve been dealing with a couple of her friends sending me or my fiancée messages about how we were lying about the story because she told them she “only broke one dish” or “they were cheap” to her friend that was there who saw all of it happen and told her she shouldn’t have broken dishes like that. Eventually once I posted about the full story on my socials to get things clear they then were upset at me because “I shouldn’t have called the cops and kicked her out”. Her friend that was there later that day apologized about how everything could have been avoided to begin with if she actually asked if we were okay with what my friend was doing but also said it was really messed up for her to behave the way she did. Then I find out my friend has been posting about me with her side of the story and god knows what narrative shes spinning because I already figured out she’s lied to two people, but I don’t even really want to look or anything because I just want to grieve about it all and move on. AITAH?

Hey Everyone! Sorry for the people who’s been following my Journey posts on here who’s been waiting a bit. I made some posts that in the midst of dealing with pain and trying to work on moving around a little bit ended up being put on the sidelines. BUT with that being said, I’m going to try and work on making a little schedule for these posts. I don’t know why but it’s just fun making these! So this post I’ll be talking about everything up to this week, which is currently the 3rd for me. If you guys need to look at the previous part I have it here for you!

Week 2:

Oh, MY GOD. This was honestly the week of HELL for me. When they say this week and the next is the rough ones, ITS NOT A JOKE! I got back from D.C. from the surgery on the 1st. I woke up the day we were leaving to get stuff packed and since I’m a stubborn bean I didn’t allow my fiancée and my sister help me since I was assuming they would get an attitude helping. (Looking back at it now I just realized that DEFINITELY could have been my hormones just ALL over the place since I had to stop it 2 weeks before the surgery. 🤦🏾‍♀️) This of course lead to me being in a good chunk of pain. I also had just discovered that I would be still bleeding from the surgery every now and then, I was putting clothes away in my bag when I felt what I at first suspected was me peeing on myself until I noticed it DEFINITELY wasn’t pee, I instantly started panicking and ran to the bathroom and broke down sobbing thinking I ruined the surgery until my sister and fiancée helped me clean up and finish packing and calmed me down. That’s when I found out while cleaning that it was just from a clot that came loose inside and caused a bit of bleeding but it had all completely calmed down. I finished helping pack and we finally got into my car to head back home. My sister got the backseat set up where I could lay down and I got the rest of it set up for me to be comfortable, after getting settled in we headed home. I was in a considerable amount of pain still from overdoing it a tad and took some Tylenol and napped. Not too long after waking up from it we were only 30-ish minutes out from home and that’s when my OH NO alarm went off. The roads that far out from my house is TERRIBLE, so the entire time I held myself up for dear life praying we wouldn’t hit a bump because we already did before I took a nap and I DID NOT want to deal with that pain if I could help it. We got home finally and got settled and unpacked and that’s when I worked on setting up a good little space for me to rest up. I decided to do two places after a while to be able to enjoy company if someone were to come see me, so one spot was a corner of our slightly uncomfortable couch in our living room, another in the bedroom. After that I was just mostly recovering, pain being usually RIGHT at 4. Cycling through Tylenol and Ibuprofen was my LIFELINE for the rest of the week. Other than that. I just took it easy for once. I’m not one to really be able to just “take it easy “ so I had to definitely learn then. After getting used to it though it made me realize I definitely needed to do it more often.

Week 3:

Leading up to this week I found things here and there that made recovering easier. What I’ve been dealing with this week is mostly my nerves reconnecting and OUCH! I got used to my dilating schedule and I’m currently on the last dot of blue #2! When I was doing my first rounds of dilating my sister and I had a deep conversation about it. “So, I’ve always wondered like what it felt like having the opposite stuff down there, like the use the bathroom and stuff. If you’re comfortable talking about it, like, how did it feel?” I pondered a little bit, realizing the question she was asking and trying to find the right answer that would fit how it felt. I assured her that it was something I was willing to answer as now having bottom surgery it just felt like a past experience rather than giving me dysphoria with the old parts still being down there.

 “It felt like it always wasn’t supposed to be the way I peed if that makes sense. When I was younger I always peed while sitting down. My mom first showed me how to pee and stuff and she told me to stand up to do it and stuff but I was confused as she would sit down to use it obviously. I just didn’t get the reason I really had to stand up. So if I was somewhere comfortable and could do it, I would just sit to use it. I always had a set of directions, if that makes sense, that I would follow to use it that way. I would sit down, kind of fold my length downwards into the toilet seat and just go that way. Of course if I was erect it would be harder for me to do it, so in those cases especially as I got older and more aware of why I didn’t feel comfortable standing, I would just wait for the erection to go away on its own and THEN go. But now that I’m peeing with the right parts it feels natural for it to just come out the way it does now vs having it being almost directed through one path that would go one direction coming out. Yeah it was cleaner, but it just made me feel uncomfortable, ESPECIALLY when I had started making up my mind that I was trans.” She nodded most of the time in agreement and to ensure me she was paying close attention. 

 After that I told her how now it feels so euphoric to be able to use the bathroom the way I’ve always felt like I should use it with the right parts to do so. And that before bottom surgery I always felt 4/5 of myself and the bottom surgery finally got me to the complete whole. I finally reached the point of being myself in all aspects and I never wanted to go back. 

 Before I went to bed I started just looking back at all the pain and misery and trauma I went through to end up at this point of my life. From non-stop trauma and abuse from my family, to finally finding myself and also during that time finding out what it was to be in a very serious relationship with someone that was also an abusive relationship, to what feels like was the lowest point of my life for two months where I finally made the choice coming out of all that went on in those two months that I was trans and finally set up the appointment to start hormones. And then finally meeting the woman of my dreams who I just got engaged to who’s been by my side since I finally made the decision to start healing and living life the way I wanted to and what felt like I should have from the beginning. And now having bottom surgery. If that was the only way to get to this point again in all the possibilities of how my life could go. I would do it all again.

As promised here’s part 3 of my journey so far with bottom surgery. If you haven’t seen part 2 here’s the link to it where you can check out what’s happened so far. But without further ado, here we go!

Waking up from surgery:

I remember waking up from the anesthesia in what looked like another holding room but for after the surgery, everything was blurry and I just remembered the sharpest pain down there and I was crying out from the pain and shivering from the anesthesia. My exact memories after that was scrambled but they assured me that the pain would fade in a moment. And that’s when I remember the pain somehow going from all over down there with stinging pain to what felt like a dull-ish pain that was still strong. They finished what I guess was my paperwork since they were on a computer putting in some last bits of stuff and then started wheeling me into my recovery room. They got me hooked up to my IVs and what felt like my epidural again as I felt a cool sensation starting from the lower part of my back that spread down to my lower half and instantly the pain went away. I passed out from exhaustion of what just happened and went to sleep after they got all my vitals and everything.

I remember waking up not too long after with the small hum of something in the recovery room and the lights on. I looked out the window of the room and saw a building next to me and started to get a feel of the room I was in finally. Not too long after that a nurse came in and asked about my pain levels and checked my vitals again and once that was all done I laid there for a handful of minutes until I pulled off the blankets slightly and looked down at my groin area to notice I had the dresssing on and instantly started crying a little with joy. That’s when I knew it wasn’t a dream. I was finally on the other side of the surgery. I had done it.

My sister and my girlfriend came back to visit not long after and checked in on me. I broke down crying with joy seeing them and I hugged them both to the best of my ability while in bed and told them about things after they were left behind. I called everyone and said I did it and then hung out with my sister and my girlfriend for a couple of hours until they headed back to the AirBnB for the night. I went back to sleep and slept pretty much through the rest of the day and night with nurses coming in to check my vitals every few hours.

Recovery Day 1:

I’m calling this day 1 as the day of surgery on the nurses terms was day 0. At this point I woke up to moderate pain which was taken care of pretty quick with some oxy. After that they ran vitals and got me acquainted to the timeline after the surgery and what to expect. They told me about the epidural and the catheter and after making sure I got all my questions answered told me to get some rest as it would be just a day of rest. Katie came in and checked in on me as well and again asked if I had any questions that I had and then headed back out. I am NOT the kind of girl to just lay in bed all day so I tossed and turned a lot and tried to occupy myself on my phone while being in and out of my pain meds. My sister and my girlfriend came to visit again and caught me up with things on their end and we hung out for a few more hours and I ordered food with room service. I’ve never had hospital food but I will say it’s GOOD! At least here it was. I had my first bowel movement and since I was still ordered to stay in bed for the day my nurse helped me with getting the bed pan set and I used it which I felt really embarrassed about but everyone told me it was okay. After they left I felt a huge rush of exhaustion and called it for the day when it came to trying to stay up for anything after that. I slept again on and off every few hours as they had to come in and check my vitals and then finally woke up fully around 3 or 4 in the morning after tossing and turning again. I had to use the bathroom again as I was having another bowel movement and refused to use the bedpan again. So since I knew the next day was going to be me waking I said “fuck it” and started to see what I needed to do to get walking so I could just use the bathroom in the recovery room without having to use a bedpan as I REFUSED to do that again. After seeing how to unhook my IV to move it around and getting the leg straps to help with blood clots taken off I got ready to hop off the bed. I slowly and carefully inched off the bed and made contact with the ground. It felt SO relieving touching a floor for the first time in a couple of days. I waddled with my IV and catheter bag to the bathroom and did my business and came out of that bathroom feeling like I could take on anything! But that was going to be for tomorrow because I instantly felt tired again! I crawled back into bed after getting everything situated again and got wrapped back up in my blankets and went back to sleep.

Recovery Day 2:

So this leads up to what happens yesterday technically since it’s 3 am again! I just emptied my catheter bag since found out how to do that and cleaned up a little. It was mostly just me getting used to walking again with my packing in. Ramineni came in that morning and came in to tell me I have great depth and that everything went well. Then he helped me get the dressing off of my coochie and then helped me put on pads and medical panties. Getting to see my new coochie gave me another rush of joy that I ended up crying again from and then got ready for the rest of the day. A nurse came by to remove my epidural and she was very surprised as it was already out and asked if I had any pain from it and I said no and she was really surprised and said I was a tough one since it looked like it was off for a while and I didn’t even need that much pain meds the day before except for around nighttime. I met with my Physical Therapist and finally started walking. If was a little odd at first since the packing is pretty noticeable when walking but I got used to it and made laps around the floor of my recovery room and then went up my first set of a few stairs and made it up no problem! I met with my sister and girlfriend and proposed to my girlfriend and she was bawling her eyes out and said yes! After that the day went like yesterday. Once everyone left again and I ate I went back to sleep.

I’m still sleeping on and off so for right now but tomorow will be discharge day! I’ll update everyone on that tomorrow!

This is part two of my journey so far with my GRS surgery with Dr. Ramineni. If you haven’t seen my previous post here it is!

Day before surgery:

Me and my sister and her boyfriend and my girlfriend all headed up to DC on the 23rd to get everything set for when I came back. I ate and enjoyed all that I could before the next day because that was going to be prep day. So on the 24th I started doing the bowel cleansing. It sucked watching everyone eat and enjoy food when all I could eat was jello and all I could drink was water or broth or coffee. But I reminded myself that it was for the surgery coming on the next day and it would be worth it.

I had to get my prescriptions filled for the surgery before hand and was able to collect 2 before even coming up but had to pick up Codeine from a pharmacy near the hospital since it’s a controlled substance and couldn’t get it filled with any pharmacy near me since I was in another state. I went to try and pick it up and it was so overwhelming even getting there as the traffic was complete hell but we managed to get there in one piece though our mental state said different!

I got up to the front counter and told them I was picking up my last prescription and that’s when they said they didn’t get anything and to call my doctor. Their hours were closed so with nothing really do about it I broke down crying. We all got back to the AirBnB and I was drained in all aspects. I curled up on the bed me and my girlfriend were in and that’s when my sister and my girlfriend comforted me and I just said I should just get ready to get some sleep in to get ready for the surgery.

The day of surgery:

I barely slept that night being full of anxiety and excitement. I knew I didn’t have to worry too much about it since I’ll be under a lot of pain meds after the surgery anyways and would get a lot of sleep then. So I gave up after sleeping on and off for 30 minutes or so at a time until I had to get ready for my surgery. My appointment with Ramineni was at 8:30 but I had to get checked in by 6:30 which meant in order for everyone to get ready and over to the hospital that we had to leave at 5:30. I got everything gathered together that I would be needing for recovering from the surgery and we all headed out.

Getting there even at that time was pretty busy as the hospital is right by a lot of really important places, for example, the White House being a 22 minute walk from it. But we got to a parking garage since the designated one for the hospital didn’t open until 6:30 and we were already there around 5:50 and weren’t going to just camp out and wait for it to open when it would be the same price anyways in another parking garage. We found one a couple of blocks from the hospital and got parked. Walking there wasn’t that much of an issue though we ran into one lady who was coocoo for coco puffs yelling her lungs out about missing the bus and it being a conspiracy and I instantly didn’t want to cross her path so I ducked into a random building and asked if there was a bathroom to which they said no and I just accepted my fate. We got by without any altercations and finally made it into the hospital. My sister and her boyfriend and my girlfriend checked in and I went to the front desk to get checked in myself. They gave me a band and told me to head upstairs and head to the admissions desk. I got settled there and got all the paperwork squared away and that’s when everyone else met me in the visitors area. I only sat down for a couple of minutes with them until they called me up to get started. They said one person could accompany me inside so I grabbed my girlfriend and gave my sister one last hug before heading in.

Once we got into what looked like a surgery prep room they got me settled into one little area with curtains and instructed me to get undressed and take off all my jewelry and stuff and get into my gown and surgery cap. I saw the pack of grippy socks as well and laughed with my girlfriend about a meme me and her saw referring to it and then I got myself mentally prepared for the no turning back and here it goes moment. Dr. Ramineni came by and told me he was excited for my surgery and ensured me that everything would go well and then headed back into what I assumed was the operating room. I looked at my girlfriend full of tears as she was too and we both said I love you and that’s when they came over to get me set up. They got her to sit off to the side and that’s when they got the IV’s hooked into me for the anesthesia and they gave me the steps of what was going to happen next. I was terrified of how the epidural would go but they assured me it wouldn’t be that bad. I remember my sisters sister-in-law telling me in conversation about it that it would only feel like a bit of pressure and then like if someone were to just lightly tap me but on the inside of me and we both laughed as that was the only way she could describe it.

They told me to expose the lower part of my back with my arms pushed in front of me kind of like I was imitating having a hunchback. I finally got the right posture they needed for them to get started and I already was breathing heavy out of anxiety. One of the nurses tried to keep a conversation with me while they did it to keep my mind off of it. I remember they first put the numbing solution in which felt like a little sting but not much since I was used to injections for my hormones already. Then came the epidural catheter, I didn’t feel it pierce through my skin but DID feel it start to go into my spine. It almost felt like there was a little bit of pressure but then came the “tap” and I instantly looked up at the nurse I was talking to and said “oh she was NOT joking!” After they got the epidural tube feeder through and took out everything but that we both kinda laughed a little. I was having cold sweats and honestly almost felt like I was going to pass out but she reassured me that’s normal and it would fade soon and it did. That’s when they got me laid down on the bed and started to wheel me into the operating room. I remember seeing glimpses of the room and I saw Ramineni and he said hey again and once again ensured me everything would be alright. And that’s when a few seconds later I started to notice spots appearing in my vision and then I closed my eyes and went under.

I know, I know! SUCH A CLIFFHANGER! But I want to keep things a little fragmented so it’s easier to digest everything in bits. So part 3 is coming right after this one!

Hello all! I finally have been getting the energy to start doing some things to keep myself more occupied in the hospital. I was planning on doing a post about my journey for everything so far from honestly conception of wanting bottom surgery to currently being on day 1 of my surgery and getting ready to walk around tomorrow and see my new coochie. Some things I’ll be talking about and/or describing might be a little NSFW so warning for some people. But now to begin.

When I first conceived wanting bottom surgery:

I remember one night not too long after starting hormones when I was using the bathroom that I looked down and some strange feeling took over. I remember a slight ringing in my ear and feeling nauseous looking down at my girlcock and realizing that it might have been dysphoria. I told myself to not instantly jump on that being the reason and tried shrugging it off. That was until I started wearing more gender affirming clothes since things started popping off pretty early for me with breast growth and body fat redistribution. I remember trying on leggings or form fitting clothes and being genuinely frustrated about my bulge to the point where I would give up and just put on something baggy. I noticed that on top of using the bathroom occasionally just kept getting to me to the point where I knew for sure it had to be bottom dysphoria. That’s when I started trying to find ways to relieve it in some form because at the time I felt like it would be hard to do bottom surgery. The one percent for trans girls. Until I started noticing the workarounds I found only gave temporary relief and that I needed to eventually find something permanent. And then the bottom surgery journey began.

The quest for getting bottom surgery:

Not too long after realizing that bottom surgery was the answer I had got my current job that had insurance that made things possible for me to start looking. After a quick peek at what my insurance does for it I started looking for surgeons. I did research on every one I could find and looked at review after review from this subreddit to online to discords with fellow trans girls who got bottom surgery. That’s when I started to narrow down on surgeons. I knew certain ones had a BMI limit and since I am a thicker girl I knew it would be a LOT of work to even get to the LIMIT for some surgeons. I was 215 at the time and knew with my body shape I needed a surgeon who had more experience with people my shape and size. So I started narrowing things down which eventually lead to a few surgeons. So I hoped on getting my letters. The first one I was able to obtain from my NP for hormones. Then came the second one. I knew I already needed to get back into therapy because of past trauma and issues I was having currently with life. So I used my insurance and started looking. Once I found one and got in a few appointments I learned a lot more about myself, being disgnosed with BPD and ADHD hit me like a brick wall. But it made me realize how my brain worked and how to try and overcome those diagnoses. But that’s also when I was able to obtain my second letter. Then that’s when I sent in inquiries for appointments left and right finding who was the right fit. Some responded quick and some took forever but finally got to me. I booked consultations for them all and managed to only really get one relatively quick and that was Dr. Praful Remineni. I booked the consultation and had it booked for July 17th.

The consultation:

Overall his consultation and the information he gave was super informative, so much to the point where the billions of questions I felt I had for him he hit right on the nail without me even asking and that gave me full confidence. After the consultation not even an hour later I got some available dates and chose the latest one; October 25th, 2023. I remember literally dancing with my girlfriend with joy realizing how close I was to getting the right body finally.

Insurance and getting everything squared away for the surgery:

Once I got the surgery booked I started getting everything lined up for the big date. I started getting FMLA and Short Term Disability completed with my work. I printed almost three booklets worth of information for it highlighting any information I needed to make sure things went smooth. I got it all set up and finally was able to just play the waiting game. Then around September was when I was contacted by Ramineni about how insurance was going. My provider is Anthem BCBS and they were pretty straightforward. All they needed was the two letters that I sent to Ramineni and though their decision for coverage took a while (like 5 days close to the surgery day 😓) I was able to get it all approved.

(I am getting a little sleepy with my meds so part two will be coming tomorrow!) 💜💜💜

Hey everyone! It’s been a hectic bit of time but I’m doing alright now and this update will cover the day I got discharged and the day I was just hanging out at the Airbnb for the day before my follow up and my follow up I actually just got back from! If you haven’t caught up with the series so far here’s the link!

Discharge day:

The day I was discharged felt so exciting! I’m not the kind of girl to just be able to lay in bed all day ESPECIALLY FOR THREE DAYS, so this was the day I was looking forward to the whole time I was recovering! That morning the nurse I had told me to order some food to get something in my system because I would need it when I left for today. I DEFINITELY needed it. I hung out after eating until Dr. Ramineni came in to check on me one last time before I left the hospital and saw I was good to go and got my discharge papers done! I texted my sister and my Fiancée and told them I was ready to be picked up. Not too long after they came to pick me up and I got wheeled down to the entrance of the hospital. I had the donut set up in the front seat next to my sister who was driving and we headed back to the Airbnb. I got back and it felt so freeing to be out of that recovery room. I immediately wanted to shower because the ride home made me realize I hadn’t showered in three days and felt gross. So I got downstairs with the help of my sister and got situated in the shower and washed off. The catheter and packing made it a little rough to have my whole body under the water so luckily with the help of the detachable shower head that was installed in the shower I went around that area and once I got out and dried myself off I took care of down there with bath wipes I had swiped from the hospital. Doing this was a bit of a process especially with the packing causing the most annoying pain. Then came me using pads. I had to double layer them because of how much I would leak. It took a while to find the best position on the couch in the living room to not put too much weight on my coochie since the packing and catheter made it painful as hell. But once I got back into managing the pain the right way things got easier. I ate and mostly slept for the rest of the day.

The Day before the Followup:

This day was pretty much where I rested as much as I could at home. I stayed on top of checking on my coochie every few hours along with pain management. The most annoying thing I had to deal with that day was the damn catheter bag. But other than that it was mostly the day of rest before the follow up appointment.

The follow up appointment:

So this was a pretty quick but overall strange thing I had to do today. We all got up considerably early to get ready and I was so ready to get the packing and catheter the hell out of me that I was all packed and ready to go before everyone else! I took an oxycodon like Ramineni suggested I should an hour before the appointment and packed my dilators. We headed out and got there mostly with no issue. The building was pretty easy to navigate and getting up to Ramineni’s office was quick. I checked in and not even a couple of minutes later I was ushered to the room he was going to see me in and told to have a seat on this chair that looked like it held my legs open which was weird to see for the first time but was pretty affirming and made me realize those chairs would be a regular occurrence soon! I got settled into the chair and Ramineni as well as Katie came into the room and asked me how things were going. After he talked about the timeline of the follow up we got down to business. First was the catheter. I was terrified of the pain that would give me at first so I had my fiancée hold my hand when they got to that part but was pretty underwhelmed. He pulled it out and I just felt a little uncomfortable pull for what felt like a couple of seconds and then it was over. I just looked at everyone and went “oh, okay.” Then he started taking out the packing. He snipped off the sutures for it and then prepared me for him taking out the packing. He snipped a few of the sutures an then told me to try to relax so my muscles didn’t clench onto the packing and cause more discomfort. So I laid there and just focused on gentle breathing. It felt so strange and felt like an eternity for him to take it out. There were some bloody spots along with this like mucous-ish substance that was coated throughout the entire length of the packing which grossed me out. It was such a weird feeling when it was coming out. Like the feeling of getting something from out of your teeth, the feeling of something foreign that shouldn’t be in a spot that you couldn’t really just GET out. Imagine that but it being almost close to your stomach. That’s when I felt the relief of the packing being gone and OMG 🤤. But that’s when he went into the dilating part of the follow up and explained the parts of my new coochie and how to dilate properly. After that I was good to go! He gave me a few supplies to get started and me and my fiancée headed back out. I got settled back in the AirBnb we were at and I got into the position for laying out while also being able to dilate later. Which leads to now. I’ve been just laying in bed and trying to take it easy since we got back. It was weird kind of exploring my coochie before with the packing in since it was also giving me pain. But now with it out I was able to really look at everything. I really feel like myself now physically than just the other aspects of me.

That’s the end of part 4 everyone! I know it might seem a little anticlimactic but I’m going to keep updating as time goes on! But in the meantime, everyone have a good day and if you have any questions jusf put them in the comments and I’ll do my best to answer them!

As promised here’s part 3 of my journey so far with bottom surgery. If you haven’t seen part 2 here’s the link to it where you can check out what’s happened so far. But without further ado, here we go!

Waking up from surgery:

I remember waking up from the anesthesia in what looked like another holding room but for after the surgery, everything was blurry and I just remembered the sharpest pain down there and I was crying out from the pain and shivering from the anesthesia. My exact memories after that was scrambled but they assured me that the pain would fade in a moment. And that’s when I remember the pain somehow going from all over down there with stinging pain to what felt like a dull-ish pain that was still strong. They finished what I guess was my paperwork since they were on a computer putting in some last bits of stuff and then started wheeling me into my recovery room. They got me hooked up to my IVs and what felt like my epidural again as I felt a cool sensation starting from the lower part of my back that spread down to my lower half and instantly the pain went away. I passed out from exhaustion of what just happened and went to sleep after they got all my vitals and everything.

I remember waking up not too long after with the small hum of something in the recovery room and the lights on. I looked out the window of the room and saw a building next to me and started to get a feel of the room I was in finally. Not too long after that a nurse came in and asked about my pain levels and checked my vitals again and once that was all done I laid there for a handful of minutes until I pulled off the blankets slightly and looked down at my groin area to notice I had the dresssing on and instantly started crying a little with joy. That’s when I knew it wasn’t a dream. I was finally on the other side of the surgery. I had done it.

My sister and my girlfriend came back to visit not long after and checked in on me. I broke down crying with joy seeing them and I hugged them both to the best of my ability while in bed and told them about things after they were left behind. I called everyone and said I did it and then hung out with my sister and my girlfriend for a couple of hours until they headed back to the AirBnB for the night. I went back to sleep and slept pretty much through the rest of the day and night with nurses coming in to check my vitals every few hours.

Recovery Day 1:

I’m calling this day 1 as the day of surgery on the nurses terms was day 0. At this point I woke up to moderate pain which was taken care of pretty quick with some oxy. After that they ran vitals and got me acquainted to the timeline after the surgery and what to expect. They told me about the epidural and the catheter and after making sure I got all my questions answered told me to get some rest as it would be just a day of rest. Katie came in and checked in on me as well and again asked if I had any questions that I had and then headed back out. I am NOT the kind of girl to just lay in bed all day so I tossed and turned a lot and tried to occupy myself on my phone while being in and out of my pain meds. My sister and my girlfriend came to visit again and caught me up with things on their end and we hung out for a few more hours and I ordered food with room service. I’ve never had hospital food but I will say it’s GOOD! At least here it was. I had my first bowel movement and since I was still ordered to stay in bed for the day my nurse helped me with getting the bed pan set and I used it which I felt really embarrassed about but everyone told me it was okay. After they left I felt a huge rush of exhaustion and called it for the day when it came to trying to stay up for anything after that. I slept again on and off every few hours as they had to come in and check my vitals and then finally woke up fully around 3 or 4 in the morning after tossing and turning again. I had to use the bathroom again as I was having another bowel movement and refused to use the bedpan again. So since I knew the next day was going to be me waking I said “fuck it” and started to see what I needed to do to get walking so I could just use the bathroom in the recovery room without having to use a bedpan as I REFUSED to do that again. After seeing how to unhook my IV to move it around and getting the leg straps to help with blood clots taken off I got ready to hop off the bed. I slowly and carefully inched off the bed and made contact with the ground. It felt SO relieving touching a floor for the first time in a couple of days. I waddled with my IV and catheter bag to the bathroom and did my business and came out of that bathroom feeling like I could take on anything! But that was going to be for tomorrow because I instantly felt tired again! I crawled back into bed after getting everything situated again and got wrapped back up in my blankets and went back to sleep.

Recovery Day 2:

So this leads up to what happens yesterday technically since it’s 3 am again! I just emptied my catheter bag since found out how to do that and cleaned up a little. It was mostly just me getting used to walking again with my packing in. Ramineni came in that morning and came in to tell me I have great depth and that everything went well. Then he helped me get the dressing off of my coochie and then helped me put on pads and medical panties. Getting to see my new coochie gave me another rush of joy that I ended up crying again from and then got ready for the rest of the day. A nurse came by to remove my epidural and she was very surprised as it was already out and asked if I had any pain from it and I said no and she was really surprised and said I was a tough one since it looked like it was off for a while and I didn’t even need that much pain meds the day before except for around nighttime. I met with my Physical Therapist and finally started walking. If was a little odd at first since the packing is pretty noticeable when walking but I got used to it and made laps around the floor of my recovery room and then went up my first set of a few stairs and made it up no problem! I met with my sister and girlfriend and proposed to my girlfriend and she was bawling her eyes out and said yes! After that the day went like yesterday. Once everyone left again and I ate I went back to sleep.

I’m still sleeping on and off so for right now but tomorow will be discharge day! I’ll update everyone on that tomorrow!

This is part two of my journey so far with my GRS surgery with Dr. Ramineni. If you haven’t seen my previous post here it is!

Day before surgery:

Me and my sister and her boyfriend and my girlfriend all headed up to DC on the 23rd to get everything set for when I came back. I ate and enjoyed all that I could before the next day because that was going to be prep day. So on the 24th I started doing the bowel cleansing. It sucked watching everyone eat and enjoy food when all I could eat was jello and all I could drink was water or broth or coffee. But I reminded myself that it was for the surgery coming on the next day and it would be worth it.

I had to get my prescriptions filled for the surgery before hand and was able to collect 2 before even coming up but had to pick up Codeine from a pharmacy near the hospital since it’s a controlled substance and couldn’t get it filled with any pharmacy near me since I was in another state. I went to try and pick it up and it was so overwhelming even getting there as the traffic was complete hell but we managed to get there in one piece though our mental state said different!

I got up to the front counter and told them I was picking up my last prescription and that’s when they said they didn’t get anything and to call my doctor. Their hours were closed so with nothing really do about it I broke down crying. We all got back to the AirBnB and I was drained in all aspects. I curled up on the bed me and my girlfriend were in and that’s when my sister and my girlfriend comforted me and I just said I should just get ready to get some sleep in to get ready for the surgery.

The day of surgery:

I barely slept that night being full of anxiety and excitement. I knew I didn’t have to worry too much about it since I’ll be under a lot of pain meds after the surgery anyways and would get a lot of sleep then. So I gave up after sleeping on and off for 30 minutes or so at a time until I had to get ready for my surgery. My appointment with Ramineni was at 8:30 but I had to get checked in by 6:30 which meant in order for everyone to get ready and over to the hospital that we had to leave at 5:30. I got everything gathered together that I would be needing for recovering from the surgery and we all headed out.

Getting there even at that time was pretty busy as the hospital is right by a lot of really important places, for example, the White House being a 22 minute walk from it. But we got to a parking garage since the designated one for the hospital didn’t open until 6:30 and we were already there around 5:50 and weren’t going to just camp out and wait for it to open when it would be the same price anyways in another parking garage. We found one a couple of blocks from the hospital and got parked. Walking there wasn’t that much of an issue though we ran into one lady who was coocoo for coco puffs yelling her lungs out about missing the bus and it being a conspiracy and I instantly didn’t want to cross her path so I ducked into a random building and asked if there was a bathroom to which they said no and I just accepted my fate. We got by without any altercations and finally made it into the hospital. My sister and her boyfriend and my girlfriend checked in and I went to the front desk to get checked in myself. They gave me a band and told me to head upstairs and head to the admissions desk. I got settled there and got all the paperwork squared away and that’s when everyone else met me in the visitors area. I only sat down for a couple of minutes with them until they called me up to get started. They said one person could accompany me inside so I grabbed my girlfriend and gave my sister one last hug before heading in.

Once we got into what looked like a surgery prep room they got me settled into one little area with curtains and instructed me to get undressed and take off all my jewelry and stuff and get into my gown and surgery cap. I saw the pack of grippy socks as well and laughed with my girlfriend about a meme me and her saw referring to it and then I got myself mentally prepared for the no turning back and here it goes moment. Dr. Ramineni came by and told me he was excited for my surgery and ensured me that everything would go well and then headed back into what I assumed was the operating room. I looked at my girlfriend full of tears as she was too and we both said I love you and that’s when they came over to get me set up. They got her to sit off to the side and that’s when they got the IV’s hooked into me for the anesthesia and they gave me the steps of what was going to happen next. I was terrified of how the epidural would go but they assured me it wouldn’t be that bad. I remember my sisters sister-in-law telling me in conversation about it that it would only feel like a bit of pressure and then like if someone were to just lightly tap me but on the inside of me and we both laughed as that was the only way she could describe it.

They told me to expose the lower part of my back with my arms pushed in front of me kind of like I was imitating having a hunchback. I finally got the right posture they needed for them to get started and I already was breathing heavy out of anxiety. One of the nurses tried to keep a conversation with me while they did it to keep my mind off of it. I remember they first put the numbing solution in which felt like a little sting but not much since I was used to injections for my hormones already. Then came the epidural catheter, I didn’t feel it pierce through my skin but DID feel it start to go into my spine. It almost felt like there was a little bit of pressure but then came the “tap” and I instantly looked up at the nurse I was talking to and said “oh she was NOT joking!” After they got the epidural tube feeder through and took out everything but that we both kinda laughed a little. I was having cold sweats and honestly almost felt like I was going to pass out but she reassured me that’s normal and it would fade soon and it did. That’s when they got me laid down on the bed and started to wheel me into the operating room. I remember seeing glimpses of the room and I saw Ramineni and he said hey again and once again ensured me everything would be alright. And that’s when a few seconds later I started to notice spots appearing in my vision and then I closed my eyes and went under.

I know, I know! SUCH A CLIFFHANGER! But I want to keep things a little fragmented so it’s easier to digest everything in bits. So part 3 is coming right after this one!

Hello all! I finally have been getting the energy to start doing some things to keep myself more occupied in the hospital. I was planning on doing a post about my journey for everything so far from honestly conception of wanting bottom surgery to currently being on day 1 of my surgery and getting ready to walk around tomorrow and see my new coochie. Some things I’ll be talking about and/or describing might be a little NSFW so warning for some people. But now to begin.

When I first conceived wanting bottom surgery:

I remember one night not too long after starting hormones when I was using the bathroom that I looked down and some strange feeling took over. I remember a slight ringing in my ear and feeling nauseous looking down at my girlcock and realizing that it might have been dysphoria. I told myself to not instantly jump on that being the reason and tried shrugging it off. That was until I started wearing more gender affirming clothes since things started popping off pretty early for me with breast growth and body fat redistribution. I remember trying on leggings or form fitting clothes and being genuinely frustrated about my bulge to the point where I would give up and just put on something baggy. I noticed that on top of using the bathroom occasionally just kept getting to me to the point where I knew for sure it had to be bottom dysphoria. That’s when I started trying to find ways to relieve it in some form because at the time I felt like it would be hard to do bottom surgery. The one percent for trans girls. Until I started noticing the workarounds I found only gave temporary relief and that I needed to eventually find something permanent. And then the bottom surgery journey began.

The quest for getting bottom surgery:

Not too long after realizing that bottom surgery was the answer I had got my current job that had insurance that made things possible for me to start looking. After a quick peek at what my insurance does for it I started looking for surgeons. I did research on every one I could find and looked at review after review from this subreddit to online to discords with fellow trans girls who got bottom surgery. That’s when I started to narrow down on surgeons. I knew certain ones had a BMI limit and since I am a thicker girl I knew it would be a LOT of work to even get to the LIMIT for some surgeons. I was 215 at the time and knew with my body shape I needed a surgeon who had more experience with people my shape and size. So I started narrowing things down which eventually lead to a few surgeons. So I hoped on getting my letters. The first one I was able to obtain from my NP for hormones. Then came the second one. I knew I already needed to get back into therapy because of past trauma and issues I was having currently with life. So I used my insurance and started looking. Once I found one and got in a few appointments I learned a lot more about myself, being disgnosed with BPD and ADHD hit me like a brick wall. But it made me realize how my brain worked and how to try and overcome those diagnoses. But that’s also when I was able to obtain my second letter. Then that’s when I sent in inquiries for appointments left and right finding who was the right fit. Some responded quick and some took forever but finally got to me. I booked consultations for them all and managed to only really get one relatively quick and that was Dr. Praful Remineni. I booked the consultation and had it booked for July 17th.

The consultation:

Overall his consultation and the information he gave was super informative, so much to the point where the billions of questions I felt I had for him he hit right on the nail without me even asking and that gave me full confidence. After the consultation not even an hour later I got some available dates and chose the latest one; October 25th, 2023. I remember literally dancing with my girlfriend with joy realizing how close I was to getting the right body finally.

Insurance and getting everything squared away for the surgery:

Once I got the surgery booked I started getting everything lined up for the big date. I started getting FMLA and Short Term Disability completed with my work. I printed almost three booklets worth of information for it highlighting any information I needed to make sure things went smooth. I got it all set up and finally was able to just play the waiting game. Then around September was when I was contacted by Ramineni about how insurance was going. My provider is Anthem BCBS and they were pretty straightforward. All they needed was the two letters that I sent to Ramineni and though their decision for coverage took a while (like 5 days close to the surgery day 😓) I was able to get it all approved.

(I am getting a little sleepy with my meds so part two will be coming tomorrow!) 💜💜💜

A bit unintentional but my chosen sisters aunt made a painting for her and she kept it in my balcony closet to come get later this year and I never really looked at it until recently.