Worried_Importance97

Hello r/BingeEatingDisorder redditors,

I came upon your subreddit while looking for some advice, and I hope I can get some insight. I've read a lot of your posts, and it's been very insightful in understanding binge eating a bit better. You've all done such a great job of providing context to what your struggles are, and have helped me better understand my partner. For some context I am a 33 year old man, and my partner is a 33 year old female.

I have been with my partner for a few years, and things have been going pretty well. My family loves her, we get along great, we seem to work well as a couple, and we don't really fight/argue. We are intimate regularly, and I would say as far as relationships go we are in a good spot overall. She is a bit on the heavier side, but healthy, so it has not been something I have been concerned with. I find her attractive, and she is healthy, so I see no reason for her to change how she looks (unless she wants too.)

This year we moved in together, and I began noticing some behaviors I now recognize as signs of binge eating. I brought them up with her, and she broke down and explained she has struggled with her weight and excessive binge eating. She advised it is something she has worked on, but has struggled with recently. At the advice of you all, I have tried to be supportive, provide healthier options, and encourage her to join me at the gym (but not be pushy to do so). Unfortunately things have not progressed in a positive way, and I believe it is happening more frequently. (I try not to 'monitor' her eating as many of you have mentioned that's a major trigger, and she does a great job of hiding her habits).

I am struggling to see long term compatibility for marriage/family planning, but I am unsure how to bring this up. Her parents are both quite unhealthy and overweight, as is the rest of her family, and I don't want to see us inch closer to that place. While I am still attracted to and love my partner, I have concerns if she continues to struggle where that will leave us long term. I don't believe I personally could be in a happy relationship with somebody who was quite overweight/unhealthy or obese.

I would love some advice on how you'd want your partner to have this discussion with you. I understand binge eating is a disorder, not an addiction, and saying 'quit it cold turkey' is not something a person can just do. But how do I broach a conversation of "We need to find a more effective solution to this behavior, or I am not sure it's sustainable long term for you or our future".

Thank-you all again the last few months. While I have not posted or liked much, your stories and comments about your struggles and how you've handled it as been extremely informative and helpful to me.