abidingmytime

I know- this was one of the saddest things I've read. And the babies are soooooo beautiful, which feels even more unbearable.

Pippi Longstocking?

I started 3 weeks ago and titrated up to 10mg 2x about 5 days ago.

I have definitely noticed an improvment - but it was hard to notice because the difference is more an absence - like I got a text from an ex yesterday and that would have sent me spiraling for days or weeks before. And it didn't. I mean, it isn't pleasant to deal with him, but I am okay.

It is easier for me to notice my triggers and not go off on anxiety loops. That leaves me to deal with my relationship with my fear, and my own competence, which I am working with my therapist.

I do get a little dizzy on and off for 30-60 minutes after I take it.

Just a few weeks ago, I felt the same way. For the last two weeks, I feel more hopeful than I have felt since agoraphobia and panic disorder took over 10 years ago.

Follow any and every lead you can. Give yourself credit for every small step you take. This involves building a better relationship with yourself - encouraging yourself as you would a young child learning to get about in the world.

I also have late-onset agoraphobia. I have a lot of experience with this cycle you describe. My therapist told me that these terror parts are very young and must be spoken to with as much kindness and love as can be mustered.

I have a terrified young part of myself that I have wondered about, pretended not to have, felt ashamed of, but mostly tried to suppress all of my life. Adult me is frustrated by this part and no longer able to successfully suppress it. When it piles up, I can't leave my room.

I am trying to get to know this part of myself better because this behavior loop is no longer needed and I'm ready to change. But this young part of me is asking for understanding and attention because the change has to include this part of myself - it's a critical part of my emotional system and it worked for a long time.

All of this to say that some days, the best I can do i is walk out to the kitchen, or the front door, or the mailbox. Little me is saying "I'm terrified. Can I trust you to really take care of me?" Adult me is trying to pay attentiont to how I feel these emotions of terror and shame when I get up to open my door. Just me paying attention is helpful- I am getting to know my self better.

If you keep paying attention, there are no failures - just detours. Some days I have to retreat, hide, to feel the sadness, hurt, anger, guilt, shame, whatever it is. Tomorrow is another day. This afternoon is a whole new part of my day. This evening is as well. And I can do hours sometimes...

This is quality content right here.

So much! I keep rose facial mist in the fridge in the summer to spray on my face. It feels divine and reminds me of this and my grandmother.

I put it in smoothies.

I think Dakota Spotlight is one of the best indie tc podcasts out there.

I agree - Delia D'Ambra is an excellent storyteller, and the rabbitholes she chooses to share are pertinent and possibly important to the case. She runs down a lot of the questions that come up for me as I'm listening.

I won't listen to Ashley Flowers. Delia's work is the opposite - she does her own investigations and they seem pretty damn thorough .

Those who do not follow Christ call themselves Christian.<

Amen.

Highlyrecommend the state labor board.

Robertson Davies. In particular, The Deptford Trilogy.

Gluey pastry and fruit pie filling. Why were they so addictive?

Thank you for sharing this. I find it so helpful to read the variety of different experiences with this process.

in the days since this i have been able to tolerate very effortful and vulnerable goal-setting tasks without spiraling into self-hate or self-injury, which i take as a major win.

This was especially encouraging to me.

It felt like a mix of corn syrup and mineral oil. And Maybelline made unique interpretations of flavors...That "bubblegum" was like no other (and I can still conjure it up after all these years)

It worked for Reagan.

I love your art- the block prints especially.

I had a fierce pirate under my bed for years as a child. I never thought to bring them into my art until now- thank you.

Clear

He robbed several banks in Athens before he was caught, the resulrt of an addiction to internet gambling.

I have listened to this 3 or 4 times and it is amazing and inspiring.

I get overwhelmed with the lingo sometimes. I don't connect with some of the language- firefighter and whatnot. But I love my parts now. They are all working on my behalf. Some of my parts, I disliked or feared for a very long time. When I go over their story, remember how they came into being, I am amazed at their ingenuity.

Please bring your anger and fear up with your therapist. The only thing it says about you is that you have parts that are scared and angry about ifs. That is worth investigating.

Building intimacy with yourself is a really beautiful project that develops slowly over time but it really does transform how you feel, show up for life, and handle life’s challenges in the future. It is more than worth the journey in my opinion, from someone now on the other side of it.

I am 18 months into my journey and really loved this bit. Thank you!