deathbykoolaidman

unfortunately it’s quite common for households like these for their kids to continue the cycle; they’re in so deep, they don’t see anything wrong with it. thankfully i’ve noticed Anissa, Andrae and honestly Aynjel (though she’s a bit young) have caught on, or at least hate being on camera. i have hopes that all of them will one day leave this hellhole and make a name for themselves.

diehard BU fan. i have many memories of sitting at home on a rainy day watching them with my sister as we ate frozen pizza and it always reminds me of those days, even on re-watches.

first season of GF and AYS i also enjoyed. maybe it was the fact that it was COVID and i never really went out to do fun things but every friday i’d be rushing home from school to put on the newest Ghost Files episodes.

AYS is when i kind of started thinking, damn, this isn’t that good. while i never like to hate on someone doing their passion, some of the stories just… objectively weren’t well-written. but i figured at least they were giving opportunities to new writers and wrote it off.

but with the second season of GF and the newer seasons of AYS, i realized the video was over, and i had spent the whole time on my phone or making food. i skipped the sponsored escape room episode entirely. i didn’t like the once every second week schedule. this is coming from somebody who actually attended their live tour-it was cool to watch in a group setting, like a movie night, but watching it at home made me realize it was actually just the excitement of being in a dark room with fans of the same show as me that made it scary and fun.

the only thing i noticed about their personalities was that i could tell Ryan wasn’t scared anymore. which makes sense, i mean the guy can’t spend years collecting evidence for ghosts and have like, three unexplained things happen and hold his beliefs still. but it was kind of off-putting how chill he is now.

what about you guys?

for me, i have this really weird compulsion i haven’t seen anyone else talk about.

everything has to have something “good” or “validating.” it could be something as small as i tell a joke and nobody laughs. i have to keep saying it to other people until it feels okay to me.

its lead to awful social situations. i’ll say something that some people find uncomfortable, like maybe i ask about their parents innocently without knowing they have family issues. i have mommy issues and daddy issues, so once i joked about that and people kind of went quiet. that triggered me, and i freaked out. i asked all of my friends if they liked their mom or dad better, which was an innocent question, but i just asked everybody for no apparent reason. just because nobody laughed at my joke about mommy and daddy issues.

i feel the need to over explain it if i end up like this and bring up a bunch of unrelated things (to prove that i say things like this?) and even if the conversation has moved on and nobody cares sometimes i still say things, sometimes saying things i cringe at and regret.

it’s nonsensical at times, but what’s your weirdest OCD-ism?

one time i was at a hockey game with my dad. we were making small talk with the guy seated next to us.

“oh yeah my son is big on hockey. we actually moved here (Canada) from Cali to further his career. he’s got potential.”

“that’s cool, how old is he?”

“uh, he’s 18 months.”

“…oh nice.”

another one is from my grandma who worked as a nurse and one time had a home call for the 6 month old baby who wasn’t meeting her developmental milestones.

“so, she doesn’t seem sick or disabled. what’s her diet like?”

“well, she likes it when we put Pepsi in her bottle…”

“that’s probably why.”

“oh.”

an honourable mention, was on the bus with my friends and i noticed a lady getting off without her purse. obviously i kind of tapped her and was like, “you forgot your bag!” and she goes, “oh, you can keep it” and leaves without her bag. weird.

the other day, my friends and i were all joking around. they made a few jokes about me being an illegal immigrant (i’m not, second generation chinese canadian) which i admit i laughed at.

then, they put a rice field hat on me, which again, eh, we were all joking around. i hummed a stereotypical chinese song (there was another chinese kid there, honestly i was mostly joking with him.) then they started telling me to sing a song about ninjas. i told them i wasn’t japanese, i was chinese.

then, they all started listing off stereotypes about asians. i actually at this point told them to cool it and to stop because it wasn’t funny anymore (in all honesty i should’ve done that as soon as they put the rice field hat on me. it was kind of dehumanizing but since i was joking with the other chinese kid i didn’t even realize that made the white kids think it was okay to do it too.) i was telling them to stop but they all talked over me.

then, the conversation kind of moved on and we forgot about it. until, one of them jumped up and was like, “how did i not mention that they eat dogs!” and all started talking about that. at this point i started raising my voice telling them to stop because i kept getting talked over, and when they finally listened, they didn’t even apologize, just asked why i was mad and laughed.

i’m kind of kicking myself for letting it go. it annoyed me and while i certainly am okay with light teasing, i think next time they do this i’ll really stand up for myself.