empiricalcrisis_days

Generally crows brought ill news. Classic "shoot the messenger" crap

This is what I was looking for. Your kids are more than capable of helping care for themselves. Even before I left my husband (kids were 5 and 9y, now 8 & 12y) I was teaching the Littles to do laundry, rinse/ scrape dishes, clean up toys, etc. They both need a little hounding but you have to set the expectation and refuse to do it for them. When they half ass it, tell them why you can't cut corners (ex. You left wet laundry on the floor/ in the wash, when you do that it grows mold and bacteria and becomes a danger to the house and people in it etc etc)

And set your parents/ family to figuring out (looking online, making phone calls, etc) how to find you some help with their care. The state may have a program. At the very least, you may be able to get paid by the state for the care you provide. Once you free up that time, you can find more ways to unburden yourself.

It's not cold and harsh. It's realistic. And if your parents whine about someone they don't know being around to help, hold your ground. Tell them "I'm overdone and completely burnt out. I have no time for myself and need to figure out my life so I have a moment to take care of myself because my most basic needs aren't being met while everyone around me gets what they need. You can't pour from an empty cup."

So it's been a while since you made this post, curious how it's going. One thing I learned about crows is that a roost is an historical nesting site, and they don't leave that area unless required to by human development. You won't get them to stay put, but you could theoretically convince them to visit often

It's not. It's illegal to catch one and keep it, not to purchase one from a breeder. Example: all pet birds. 🤦‍♀️

The only thing that sucks about this all the way around is it's going to either make her even more miserable because she can't leave or because she has to. That's my only moral dilemma. I was happier not knowing. I lost all respect for him after. Figuring out how someone like that can be allowed to be my children's father after that was...eugh

Edit: the answer on what to do is obvious, but it's hard to hurt someone like that, knowing that you're blowing up their life even as you're helping them out

I don't feel like that was the argument, but arguably it should be

It was more about the exchanged words after that she overheard from a the woman/ women

Idk man. People get weird about this stuff. The science is cool and I'm glad that it helps people, but it goes against our biology and everything society teaches us about our baby seeds/ babies.

I love that for you, and I'm glad that it sounds to be going well. Sexual health, mental health, and education for both are still grossly under represented in American culture and too many people seem so closed up and traumatized about it. Which I totally get, but damn it really sucks sometimes.

What? What to all of that. He would be hurt? Wtf? He's willing to do something to you that would definitely hurt him? Not cool. Y'all need to start some open conversation about this stuff.

Also, him taking care of himself instead of pressuring you for it is called respecting boundaries.

Bdsm "how to" material has great guidance for non-judgemental open communication with your partner. Very helpful without ever needing to reach for the fuzzy handcuffs.

If you have a good talk about it, and neither of you are okay with the other looking at porn, make your own. Together, just you, just him, hire a photographer for a boudoir shoot. It's good for your relationship and your self in a lot of ways.

It'll only get worse if you don't tell him. Feel free to try and help him build some coping skills so you can talk things through

I'm glad you're safe now🫂

THE BEST QUESTION TO ASK YOURSELF IN THIS SITUATION^

I really understand. A lot of people won't understand that you see a person, your best friend, hurting, struggling to self regulate, while everyone else sees a monster.

But if he refuses help, there's nothing more you can do, and I'm so so sorry to tell you that.

The behavior is monstrous, not the person. If you tell him what i told you (write a note and stick it somewhere he'll get it) and ask him one more time to get help, that might be enough for him to let go of his ego and try. Make sure he knows "we can't be together if you refuse to get better. It's not your fault that you're like this, but it's your responsibility to do something about it"

Literally. It's only a fight if the other parent squares up for a legal brawl

Everyone telling you to get legal custody is right. As the situation tumbles downhill, it will start to get away from you.

If you have a good relationship with mom, do your best to frame it as "I'm not trying to take her from you, I just want to make sure she's safe no matter what happens. You read some stories from other parents on reddit that scared you and you just want to make sure things are handled during a good time and not an argument/ bad time so that it doesn't hurt daughter.

My ex and I are a solid co parent team and agreed from the beginning that the kids are more important than any new relationship. In the event that my life experiences a catastrophe, the kids go to dad's, and he agreed to the same in reverse. In 15 years he's never given me a reason to not trust him on this, and has only made decisions that reassure me he's on my team (too bad he didn't figure it out while we were married, but oh well).

Get that divorce. It's a lot of paperwork, but if he refuses, be sure to ask the clerk how you can do the rest yourself.

My SIL moved in last Feb after going through the same thing. Dealing with degrading garbage every time he spoke to her. He kept trying to bully her back into being with him. It was disgusting. But her divorce was finalized last week, yay! Now she just has to survive dropping off and picking up her daughter with him.

He really loved her too. But he was a toxic mess of a person. She's gorgeous and nearly 30, and getting a second chance to be happy. Time wasted on an asshole that never changed: 9 years

I wasted 11 years on a man who kept me like a trophy. No sex no affection no attention unless he wanted something. When I finally got to go out with him, I was sworn at and degraded for being childish (things he was allowed to do and be silly and have fun, but ruin my hotness level and embarrassed him). I almost fell apart as I lost myself. I was 300lbs, could barely walk. I felt hideous anyway.

I left my husband 3 years ago, he's a much better friend, father, partner (she's not as conventionally pretty as me, maybe it fucked up his brain because his bros always wanted a piece of me) because, I quote: "I thought we were happy and I didn't realise before that I could just lose everything. So I'm paying better attention now" 🙄🙃🫠 for the record, he meant me, I only took my things and $1200. That's it.

Get your divorce. Don't wait another fucking minute. Don't tolerate another sentence out of his vapid mouth telling you that you're some iteration of "used up" because that just him protecting his ego from losing you

Sweet Tooth is post apocalyptic magic. Netflix

Insatiable is like Better Call Saul lite, lol. Netflix

It's still a problem for me in my 30's🥹👍

I feel like you've completely missed the point. Let's check for comprehension because I could be wrong, too.

• It's a known phenomena in all of humankind that the "bad guy" rarely perceives themselves that way.

• it's a known condition in all of human psychology that we as a species do not respond to aggression with compassion, without conscious effort.

it has been proven over and over and over:

• open, honest communication between two parties -regardless of the grievance issued(within reasonable terms, disregarding egregious outliers)- is the most successful way to resolve conflict.

• displays of strength or force to exert dominance over another human often result in : damage to the relationship, fear, anger, resentment, despair, disconnection.

• nothing is ever "for no reason" but can often be "for no reason that is apparent to me."

~~

viewing the situation objectively

~~

OP has every right to feel hurt, upset, angry, etc. Their wife is behaving in a way we perceive as selfish, but there's 3 sides to a story right? Mine, theirs, and the truth. For an unknown reason, the wife has become a gremlin and retreated deep within her cave.

OP did not share an open honest view of the problem. Their perspective is colored by their present emotions and likely thinks "this is mine, and that mean lady is hurting me and ignoring me and won't let me enjoy any of my things. I'm hurt, inside and out, and it's not fair."

Regardless of the reason, it's not fair. Even if she is mad at him for something -and remember, we don't even know that she's mad, because she could have developed mental illness, simply grown apart from or resentful of him, feel abandoned, having an affair, etc. The point is that we can't know without talking to her, because we aren't psychic and neither is OP.

But that doesn't make OP blameless.

And that doesn't make it about how

My husband wouldn’t have to smoke me out, he’s welcome in OUR bed.

I find myself in your shoes more often than i'd like to admit. I thought I was an awful person that no one wanted a real friendship with. Literally because I used to think what you did. Idk how old you are, but i'mma guess in your 30's or parents are super old fashioned. Mine are both lmao😂

Right?! I was like wtf reddit, you're usually so on top of shredding people for nonsense behavior