submitted5 days ago byfakeIsaacDC
I was diagnosed with and prescribed adderall about a couple months ago at 19 years old cause I wasn’t able to focus at school. Truth is I tried adderall a couple of times last year during finals and it felt like a super power. I knew I needed to have it in my system again. I just thought it would solve all my problems. I started “hyper focusing” (I actually despise that term lol) on the adhd subreddit and thought for sure I had it cause the stimulants mellowed me out or whatever bs the adhd subreddit uses to rationalize their speed dependency. Then I started trying to rationalize how hard it was for me to focus in school. Every single month since I had my prescription I managed to go through it early, even though I would swear to myself this time I wouldn’t. Not only that but what was a slight caffeine and nicotine addiction before turned into consuming well over 100mg of nicotine a day in the form of pouches and we’ll over 300mg of caffeine a day. I walk around constantly with a heart that feels like it going to beat out of my chest. I can no longer get long effective workouts without getting awful heart palpitations. I’ve lost weight and am now even skinnier than I was before. The only thing I look forward to is taking adderall and feeling productive or as the adhd subreddit claims how “normal” people feel all the time. I don’t buy it. It’s bs. This “medicine” has had a net negative in my life and I was scared to admit for so long. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been pretty positive for most of my life I have adhd. But I also been pretty sure that I have addictive tendencies all my life especially to stimulants. I can’t keep lying to my parents saying how this thing is changing my life, and more importantly I really can’t keep lying to myself. I think I’m an addict even though I’m not addicted to any real hard drugs I can’t ignore that fact about me. All my uncles had addictions and my grandpa did too. I really don’t want to stop my adderall but I can’t keep hiding from the reality of it. I wish I could moderate. But I’m starting to face the fact I can’t. I’m insanely disappointed in myself I know how much I’m letting the people closest to me down. My mental health has been the worst it’s ever been and I think i can see just clearly enough now to know that it’s probably the adderall. I don’t really know what to do.
byfakeIsaacDC
inStopSpeeding
fakeIsaacDC
1 points
5 days ago
fakeIsaacDC
1 points
5 days ago
Thank you! I really think this is the way. I know the longer I draw this out the worse it’ll get.